MOVING FROM HERE TO THERE
(Part 6 of our series on “Transitions.”
Here are the link to Parts 1, 2, 3, 4 and 5.)

by Dan Okall
www.daladevelopment.org

Note from Eric:  Moving can be a hard transition no matter where you’re moving from or to.  But moving half-way around the world to do missions work adds an extra dimensions of both excitement and complexity.  This week, I’ve asked my friend Dan Okall to write about his current move from the US to Kenya and how God is helping him through it.  Dan grew up in Kenya, came to the US to study at the Moody Bible Institute in Chicago, and is now returning to the land of his birth, along with his wife and their two-year old daughter, to help grow and expand a ministry they started there several years ago, currently focusing on breast cancer education.  I hope you’ll enjoy Dan’s article, no matter what kind of transition you may be going through, and please be sure to read my footnote at the end about how their ministry has touched our family personally.

Transitions aren’t always easy. They’re not always wanted. For the past several years our life has been in a constant state of transition and what I can say I’ve learned from it, is that God is faithful.

Less than a year after we married, our plans to visit Kenya were halted by violence and the lease on our apartment expired so we had to move into a friend’s house. We founded Dala Development Programs shortly after moving in; our goal is to make disciples in my village in western Kenya using the avenue of community development. More than a year after our intended departure, we left for Kenya. Three months later, once we started to feel comfortable with our surroundings, we returned to the US. We both got jobs, but before we could get comfortable, several people told us they were going to Kenya with us the following year. We did not have plans to return to Kenya so soon, but made plans to accommodate them anyway. One year later, we were back in Kenya. Six months and 17 visitors later, we were back in the US. Emily got a job, but I could not find one.  The first three years of our ministry were really hard and when we were just about to give up, God transitioned the focus of our ministry to breast cancer education. Without any medical background we followed.

By now we had longed for anything stable. Job searching, getting a job, quitting a job, moving, moving back, and then starting the whole cycle over was exhausting. Every time our location or circumstances changed, we had to adjust, and sometimes that adjustment process was not quick or easy. I continued looking for work while running the ministry from home. A year later, an opportunity arose for us to return to Kenya for three months. It was a fulfilling three months that we both really enjoyed. Once we returned to the US, Emily resumed working at her previous job and a few months later I got a job in my field. It finally seemed that we were on a path towards stability. FINALLY!

We started making plans. We would find an apartment in St. Louis (all this time we had been staying in a spare room at Emily’s parents’ house). We would paint the walls, and we would buy a car. When Emily got pregnant, we planned to move out and be our own family, it was exciting! At the same time, the work in Kenya was growing in amazing ways. Story after story confirmed we were reaching people in very meaningful ways, physically and spiritually. Today we have 11 staff members who reach an average of 300 people a month and work alongside two medical facilities to offer screening and treatment. This year, we started Joanna House (partly named after Lana Elder), that offers room and board to low income patients undergoing treatment in the capital. Though things were going so well, neither of us really wanted to go back.  We had other plans, but we were open to a short visit sometime in the future to see the work.

In the midst of our planning, frustrations at my job began to really wear on me. Issues with uncooperative clients and disengaged co-workers made me want to quit. I prayed about it and then “told” God that I would stay put for one more year, make money to sustain my family, and then quit. Well, God has a funny way of doing things. One week later, just when we were narrowing down our apartment search, six coworkers and I lost our jobs because of federal spending cuts. None of our plans worked out. We were crushed. But God is faithful, and great is His faithfulness.

This was a wakeup call. Emily and I both knew we needed to go back to Kenya, but this time we needed to stay longer. Neither of us was really ready but that point marked the beginning of our transition to full-time ministry and plans to move to Kenya. That summer we started to pray about moving. There were discussions about employment opportunities, ministry opportunities, a growing need for good leadership, where we might live, and how things might go. None of these things genuinely thrilled me, but I knew, and I know, that God is faithful and that when we obey it usually leads to a pleasant surprise.

God started us on this journey by leading us to read through the book of Joshua. This is a great story of God calling Joshua to take on the enormous task of finally leading His people to the Promised Land. Over and over, God commanded Joshua, “Be courageous, be strong, do not fear.”  Since we know how the story ends, it’s easy to see why God instructed Joshua to be courageous—because there were battles ahead. Likewise, it’s clear why God said not to fear—because the battles belonged to the Lord and His faithfulness would carry them through. For Joshua, however, I’m sure he needed the reminders.

It is important to remember that when God calls you and you have to make a transition, whether big or small, short term or long term, urgent or slow, local or international, what matters most is knowing that you are in great hands. Be strong, be courageous, do not fear, God is in control.

Initially, we thought our transition was really big. Taking our 19-month old baby to a different country and to direct a growing ministry is a pretty big deal. But considering I was born in Kenya and lived there for over 24 years, our transition does not compare to the one Joshua was called to. First, God called him to be the president of a nation (that’s a lot of responsibility!). Second, He gave Joshua a few days notice (not one year) to move the whole nation into a foreign land to fight and settle in the Promised Land.

Here is a man that God called and put through TWO MAJOR transitions in the span of one week! The thing that made Joshua’s transition go well was that God had told him awhile earlier (as recorded in Deuteronomy 31) that he would become the leader. Then God filled him with His Spirit (Deuteronomy 34:9), and gave him the specific mission to accomplish (Joshua 1:1-5).

The part that gets rough for us in the process of transition is managing the details. We know as believers that we have the Spirit dwelling in us (1 Corinthians 3:16), and we know we have been called to go make disciples for the Kingdom (Matthew 28:20), but it can be very hard to know when to make a move and in what sequence. For us this has been the hardest part. Do I quit my job now and move, or should I wait until later on? For us, this aspect was the most stressful one. How are we going to finance our time of service in Kenya? Should I get another part-time job before we move? Should we put our child in day care so I can focus completely on the demands of the transition and ministry needs? Should I go to Kenya and scout out where we will stay or should we save that money?

Joshua did not know exactly when Moses would die. But when the time came God was clear with Joshua about how and when to move the nation into the new country. Sometimes we need to use the wisdom He has given us, like when Joshua sent spies to Jericho.  Yet God was very specific about how to go about conquering Jericho (read that amazing story in Joshua 5). The counsel of trusted believers is always valuable.

To move along our transition, it became common for us to go to bed late and rise up early in order to get a lot done. I would wake up early to get a jump start on the to-do list, but this made it very hard to step back and focus on God alone. We also got so busy that for three weeks we missed our small group Bible studies. When we finally made it back, the group was discussing the topic of solitude. God convicted me of the need to practice solitude during these busy periods. He also revealed to me how being busy was having a devastating effect on our spiritual and personal lives.  I was more stressed out, irritable, making mistakes, and missing out on opportunities.  As I practice solitude, I hear God more clearly, and get His perspective and priority for the days’ activities. Instead of dashing to check my email, or making calls, I am learning to surrender tasks and needs at the feet of Christ. We can learn from Joshua, who continuously sought God’s counsel, and Jesus, who, though busy, set the example for us by waking up early in the morning to pray (Mark 1:35). Set your alarm for early morning solitude; go for a long quite walk to spend time in prayer.

Lies from the devil can bring discouragement and make transitions very rough as well. Our ministry has been growing amazingly yet we have faced intense mental and emotional attacks. For example, we ask: If we are surely doing God’s work, how come funds are not pouring in? It can even manifest itself emotionally, asking why my spouse and I are not equally excited about entering this new phase. The toughest one has been comparing ourselves to our friends who are employed, with their extra income, vacations, and the size of their houses…. yet here we are struggling! In the midst of transitions, be aware that Satan, sin, or a lack of fellowship with God make you vulnerable and lose sight of God’s mission. Recruit a few close friends and an older couple who have faced transitions that are similar to yours and are willing to walk through it with you. Give them the liberty to ask hard questions, offer tangible ideas, and pray with you fervently.

External things have happened during our transition period that caused fear and took our eyes off the mission God has called us to. One morning I woke up worried about our daughter. She is less than two years old and being in a malaria zone is scary. About the same time a few passenger planes crashed, terrorists struck parts of Coastal Kenya, then the dreaded Ebola virus surfaced. Concerns about our health, safety, and future wellbeing started rolling. I remember praying during this time and wow, did God speak clearly into our situation! He led me into Psalms 121, telling me that God is our help, he watches over us (repeated five times), protects us from harm (repeated twice) and is with us as we go and come, always and forever. I would advise that you bring fears and concerns to the feet of Christ and then openly talk to your spouse, and/or accountability partners about them.

We do not know how it will all work out, but we have peace and passion, and are laying our burdens on Him. We hope our message will encourage you, cause you to approach transitions in a better manner, and above all experience God’s grace wherever you are on the journey. Remember that God is faithful even when we are not (2 Timothy 2). Keep running with perseverance the race set before you, fixing your eyes on Jesus and the throne (Hebrews 12:1-2).

“Therefore, since we are surrounded by such a great cloud of witnesses, let us throw off everything that hinders and the sin that so easily entangles, and let us run with perseverance the race marked out for us. Let us fix our eyes on Jesus, the author and perfecter of our faith, who for the joy set before him endured the cross, scorning its shame, and sat down at the right hand of the throne of God” (Hebrews 12:1-2).

Follow-up from Eric:  On a very personal note, it was because of Dan and Emily that my wife Lana and I discovered that Lana had breast cancer two years ago, on the very night after attending one of their talks here in the US about their breast cancer education in Kenya.  I have loved and respected Dan and Emily for many years, but I will be forever grateful and indebted to them for their ministry and their heart to follow God’s call on their lives.  God has led them very specifically and strategically in the past, just as He is leading them now.  Soon I’ll share more with you about Dan and Emily’s work, and how you can be involved with it, too!

If you need a boost in your faith, we hope you’ll join us for our 2nd Annual Ranch Retreat here in the heart of the Great Midwest on Columbus Day weekend, October 10-12.  We’ll have great food, great worship, great messages and great fellowship.  Why not get away and see what God has to say?  Click here to learn more or to register.

TRANSITIONING FROM THE DESERT
(Part 5 of our series on “Transitions.”  Here are the link to Parts 1, 2, 3 and 4.)

by Alan Lowry
Founder of Guitarists Into God (GIG),
a music ministry at Saddleback Church

Note from Eric: I’ve asked my friend and a member of our board of directors, Alan Lowry, to write this week’s message for you as part of our series on “Transitions.”  In today’s message, Al shares how God has helped him through his own “desert” times.  Al will also be leading us in worship at our 2nd Annual Ranch Retreat here in Illinois in October.  We hope you’ll join us, too!  You can learn more about the retreat by clicking here.  Here’s Al’s insightful message…

A little over a month ago, a group of soon to be friends engaged in a conference call to plan a fall retreat at Eric Elder’s midwestern ranch. Most of us had not personally met, but quickly into the call, we began to get excited about the project and an instant bond was made.

Sometimes, we would get off topic and chat about various problems we had faced or were facing. Topics like caregiving, illness, financial hindrances and other struggles were shared freely amongst our team.

By the end of our chat, we had discovered that unexpected change is manifest in all our lives and we elected “Transitions” as our theme for the retreat.  That being established, Eric challenged several of us to write our thoughts on this topic for some upcoming “This Week’s Sermon” presentations.

The last several weeks have produced excellent submissions from the others, and I began wondering why I was having such a hard time getting my own thoughts off the starting block.

At this time, I’d like to confess to you that I’ve been doing some desert walking lately; mostly metaphorically, but some of my wanderings have been in actual deserts.  Many picture California, where I live, as endless beaches with mountains in the backdrop.  We’re blessed with this, but our coast also contains some very diverse terrain, and yes, that would include deserts.

A few days ago, after much thought, reflection and a ride through the desert on my mountain bike, it hit me like a brick why I was currently struggling so hard with this topic.  While trying to identify some past event that has changed my course, I failed to realize that right now, today, my life is in flux, and it has been for a long while.

I resembled that biblical character in Luke 6:42 who was advised to remove the log from his own eye before trying to identify the speck in his friend’s.  Admittedly a loose comparison, but that’s all I got. :)  I don’t know what others’ formulas are for discovering and dealing with unplanned transition, but for me it often requires a physical change of environment to help usher in a new, more positive mental perspective.  Getting out of my familiar setting seems to be a first and very important step toward purposeful change.

Many of us have found the number 40 to hold great significance in the Bible. Well ironically, it occurred to me today that 40 years ago this October, I was introduced to my first desert, the Mohave, as I rode my bicycle from the Midwest to California on what turned out to be a one-way, life-changing transition.

I shouldn’t be so surprised, as historically, there are many instances where God has used deserts and other uncomfortable situations to realign men’s objectives; to transition them.

The first that comes to mind is the Israelite’s 40-year excursion in the Sinai wilderness; a bleak desert that had them reeling to return to slavery. This set the bar for future desert endeavors that included the likes of Jeremiah, Elijah, David, John the Baptist and Jesus.

Most of us have our lists of incidents that can cast us into confusion or even depression; a desert place. Sometimes, we become so weary, we can’t even identify what got us there. This was the case with me, but in my recent reflections, brought on by this writing challenge, I have identified some of the markers that have been affecting me.

I won’t elaborate on each one too much, but here are some adjectives that describe some hard hits over the last seven years:

• My sister and father-in-law’s deaths,
• financial loss,
• cancer (virtually all my family have the Bracha 2 breast cancer gene),
• ministry burnout,
• home displacement,
• and elderly caregiving, which ended last year with more death.  (Last November, my mother-in-law, for whom we’d been caregiving for several years, was admitted into the hospital and died. On the same day, my Michigan family notified me that my own mom had a stroke that morning. We made funeral arrangements here, and I flew back to be with mom for a few weeks before she passed away on January 1.)

You may have some like issues on your list, which may have resulted in mental or spiritual paralysis, hurling you to your own desert place.  If you are that rare individual without these personal setbacks, perhaps all that might be required would be to turn on the daily news.

How can anyone make it through situations like these?  I’d like to take a brief look at the lives of two of these biblical models, Elijah and Jesus mentioned prior, and how they handled their own desert experiences. Notice the different ways they dealt with them.

Regarding Elijah, here’s the desert place in which he found himself:

There he went into a cave and spent the night. And the word of the LORD came to him: “What are you doing here, Elijah?”

He replied, “I have been very zealous for the LORD God Almighty. The Israelites have rejected your covenant, torn down your altars, and put your prophets to death with the sword. I am the only one left, and now they are trying to kill me too” (1 Kings 19:9-10, NIV).

Regarding Jesus, here’s his desert place, which I’m paraphrasing from Matthew chapters 4 and 5:

After being baptized by John, Jesus spent 40 days of fasting and praying in the desert.  At this time, Satan came up to him and tried to trick him and tempt him 3 times.  Satan fails, and starting with chapter 5, Jesus begins his public ministry.

In these accounts, we see that:

Elijah, himself coming off a 40-day fast, and following several great victories, became fearful of his life from a single death threat from Jezebel.  The result, was him hiding in the desert and becoming virtually incapacitated. His comments reveal that he feels himself to be carrying the world’s burdens on his own shoulders.

This is not to discredit Elijah, a great prophet of God, but in his state of burnout, I notice at least 3 distinguishing factors that I relate to:

• He feels alone
• He is burnt out
• He is afraid

Although I’m not entirely certain what Elijah was up to during his fasting time, the Bible tells us Jesus was in constant prayer. He was preparing himself to serve by surrendering himself as a direct conduit to the Father’s will.

When Satan approached him, Jesus was wearing the full armor that he modeled for us to do battle. He was honed to fight; and win.  This would occur throughout the Gospels as Jesus would retreat to a quiet place to recharge his batteries.  Right up to the night before his crucifixion, Jesus separated from the world to spend one-on-one time with his father.

In these last few weeks, I have been making my own attempts at reflecting, rejuvenating and recharging. After all, I would like to be more like Jesus.

Some years ago, when I was going through a hard time, I asked my pastor, Rick Warren, the anecdote to burn out and depression.

Without batting an eye, he responded, “Worship.”

Rick said he would grab his guitar and worship one-on-one with the The Lord he loved.

The Warrens are no strangers to depression . Less than two years ago, their son, who grew up with my own daughter, Tessa, committed suicide. Throughout Matthew’s life, Matthew suffered from chronic depression.

One night, after spending joyful time with his parents, the burden of life became too much for him and he took his life.

The Warrens grieved long and hard privately, but publicly, they told us what brought them through this terrible desert; it was their strong relationship on an intimate level with Jesus Christ.

A few years back, Kay wrote a book called, “Choosing Joy,” based on what the Bible tells us to do in all circumstances.  Outside Matthew’s apartment, awaiting the bitter words that would come, and in the following months, that is just what they did: they chose joy.

Recently, I have recommitted myself to pursuing joy and these other Godly attributes described in the Bible:

“Finally, brothers and sisters, whatever is true, whatever is noble, whatever is right, whatever is pure, whatever is lovely, whatever is admirable–if anything is excellent or praiseworthy–think about such things” (Philippians 4:8, NIV).

One concrete step I’ve taken during this time has been to grab my guitar and visit a prayer room at my church on a regular basis, just for the quiet purpose of intimate praise with the Father.

I pray for you as well, that together as brothers and sisters in Christ, we can attain what God has created us for:  To have a relationship with him that will last forever.

I think I’ll close with one of my favorite Matt Redman songs, based on Job, who lost everything but chose to go on praising God.

You can read these words, but why not consider singing them?

“Blessed Be Your Name”
by Matt Redman

Blessed Be Your Name
In the land that is plentiful
Where Your streams of abundance flow
Blessed be Your name

Blessed Be Your name
When I’m found in the desert place
Though I walk through the wilderness
Blessed Be Your name

Every blessing You pour out
I’ll turn back to praise
When the darkness closes in, Lord
Still I will say
Blessed be the name of the Lord
Blessed be Your name
Blessed be the name of the Lord
Blessed be Your glorious name

Blessed be Your name
When the sun’s shining down on me
When the world’s ‘all as it should be’
Blessed be Your name

Blessed be Your name
On the road marked with suffering
Though there’s pain in the offering
Blessed be Your name

Every blessing You pour out
I’ll turn back to praise
When the darkness closes in, Lord
Still I will say
Blessed be the name of the Lord
Blessed be Your name
Blessed be the name of the Lord
Blessed be Your glorious name

Blessed be the name of the Lord
Blessed be Your name
Blessed be the name of the Lord
Blessed be Your glorious name

You give and take away
You give and take away
My heart will choose to say
Lord, blessed be Your name

Follow-up from Eric:  I thought you might be interested to hear how God worked in Al’s life after he first crossed the Mohave desert on his one-way bike ride to California.  Although it had been 18 years since he had attended church, in 1983 Al stepped into the auditorium of Trabuco Hills High School in Southern California (where Saddleback was meeting at the time) and began his walk with Christ.  For a year leading up to this, his 30-year-old friend, David, had been dying of lung cancer and Al’s distress led him into Saddleback Church which had only a couple hundred members at the time.  Like so many others, Al felt God was talking directly to him as the message that day was titled, “Handling Grief.”  David died that night.  But Rick Warren’s message of hope helped Al through this and many future struggles.  God never wastes a hurt.  If you’re going through your own struggle, consider surrendering your life to Jesus Christ, who is waiting for you with open arms. And as I mentioned earlier, Al will be leading worship at our retreat in October.  We hope you’ll join us!  Click the link below for more details or to sign-up.

If you need a boost in your faith, we hope you’ll join us for our 2nd Annual Ranch Retreat here in the heart of the Great Midwest on Columbus Day weekend, October 10-12.  We’ll have great food, great worship, great messages and great fellowship.  Why not get away and see what God has to say?  Click here to learn more or to register.

EVERYTHING I NEED COMES FROM HIM
(Part 4 of our series on “Transitions.”  Here are the links to Parts 1, 2, and 3)

by Eric Elder
www.theranch.org

Note from Eric:  Today I’m sharing with you Part 4 of our series on “Transitions” and how God can help you through the transitions you’re going through.  Today’s message is one I’ve never shared before about how God spoke to me on my 25th wedding anniversary this year after losing my wife, Lana, to cancer.  If you’d like to hear more about how God can help you through the transitions you’re facing, I hope you’ll join us for our 2nd Annual Ranch Retreat in October.  I’ll be there, along with several other writers of this series. You can find out more about the retreat at the link at the end of today’s message.

I was sending some texts back and forth with my daughter yesterday afternoon.  At one point I set my phone down on the desk and thought, “I haven’t heard from Lana yet today.  She’ll probably be texting soon, too.”  Then I remembered:  Lana’s not here anymore.  She’s gone and she won’t be coming back.  She won’t be texting today.  Or tomorrow.  Or ever again.  Ambushed by grief once again, I burst into tears.

It’s been over 20 months now since Lana passed away.  Overall, I think I’m doing pretty good.  But to be honest, I could still cry about 4 or 5 times a day.  I usually don’t, though, because there’s too much to do to stop and cry whenever I feel like it.  But sometimes, like yesterday, I just let it all out.  Then I blow my nose, wipe my tears and keep going forward.

How am I going to make it through this transition?  How can anyone make it through the transitions they’re going through, whether they’ve lost a spouse or a parent or a child or a friend, whether it’s through sickness or death or a simple miscommunication that resulted in a broken relationship?

It’s hard to do life alone.  But if you trust in God, it’s helpful to remember that you’re never really alone. He’s with you always.  As Jesus said to His disciples one day:

“You will leave me all alone.  Yet I am not alone, for my Father is with me” (John 16:32b, NIV).

I realized the truth of this again a few months ago when my wedding anniversary was coming up.  I knew it would be my anniversary in a few days and I remembered the grief books I read said it was helpful to plan something to do something on those special days so you don’t get ambushed by grief when they come up.

I tried to think of something I might do, but I didn’t think it was necessary.  Lana had been gone a year and a half and I’d already been through one anniversary without her.  I thought a little more about it and wondered how many years it would have been this year.  Then it hit me:  this would have been our 25th anniversary, a time when people take trips or do something a little more exotic than usual.  Suddenly I couldn’t imagine just staying home and trying to work, do school with the kids, and make breakfast, lunch and dinner as if it were just any other day.

But I didn’t know what else to do.  Everything I could think of seemed so disappointing.  I was afraid I was going to explode.  I had to get away, but to where?

I had just done a wedding for some friends and they went to Cancun on the northern coast of Mexico.  It looked and sounded so romantic and wonderful.  Then I remembered my sister had offered me a “buddy pass” on the airline where she worked a few months earlier.  Back when she asked me, I didn’t have anywhere special I needed to go.  But now I did. I called her and asked if she still had the pass and if I might use it to go to Cancun for my anniversary, just from Tuesday to Thursday of that week.

I had that conversation with my sister on Sunday, we booked the flight on Monday, and I was on a flight to Cancun on Tuesday.  For the first hour on the plane I thought I was crazy.  But then God began to speak to me, showing me that He was going with me the whole way.  He changed my attitude in a matter of minutes.

I had been wearing a suit and tie for the flight because to use the buddy pass you have to dress up.  But I didn’t plan to dress up this much.  It was just what I happened to find in the closet the morning of the trip.  I realized my mistake when I got on the plane to Cancun and saw that I was the only one on the whole plane in a suit and tie!

I was feeling uncomfortable and out of place, but then I realized that this was the exact same suit and tie and shirt that I had worn to attend a wedding with Lana a few years earlier which turned out to be one of my favorite memories, dancing and romancing the whole night with her.  It was also the same suit and tie and shirt that I had worn on the day I preached at her funeral, when I handed her over to her bridegroom forever, Jesus.  And it was the exact same suit and tie and shirt that I was now wearing here on our 25th wedding anniversary, going on a 3-way date with just God and me and my memories of Lana.

I realized it wasn’t a mistake that these were the clothes I happened to put on that morning.  This was the perfect outfit to wear for the occasion!   I smiled as I thought of how God was setting me up for the day, even when I arrived in the sweltering heat at the airport in Cancun, surrounded by people wearing nothing but Bermuda shorts and tank tops.  I was so happy to be dressed up for my anniversary!  God had changed my attitude in those few moments on the plane, and instead of dreading this day, I was already looking forward to it and to whatever else God had in mind for this trip.

I took a shuttle to the hotel, sat by the pool and got a hamburger.  Then I headed out to the beach to sit for awhile and read my Bible.  I opened it up to Psalm 63, a psalm that David wrote when he was out in the wilderness.  David said:

“God – You’re my God! I can’t get enough of You! I’ve worked up such hunger and thirst for God, traveling across dry and weary deserts. So here I am in the place of worship, eyes open, drinking in Your strength and glory.  In Your generous love I am really living at last! My lips brim praises like fountains.  I bless You every time I take a breath; My arms wave like banners of praise to You.  I eat my fill of prime rib and gravy; I smack my lips. It’s time to shout praises!“ (Psalm 63:1, MSG).

Here was David, out in the wilderness alone, yet he couldn’t stop praising God!  David couldn’t get enough of Him!  Just reading that phrase made me smile because it was the same thing another man said about his fiancé when I was doing their pre-marital counseling.  He was telling me about his love for her and said, “I love her so much, I can’t get enough of her!”  I knew what he meant.  I could see it in his eyes.  He loved being intimate with her.  And that was just what David said about being intimate with God.  “God – You’re my God, I can’t get enough of You!”

I flipped back a page and read Psalm 62.  Although I could have been heartbroken that I wasn’t with Lana on this trip, God reminded me that even though I wasn’t with her, I was with Him, the One who created Lana in the first place and gave her all the life and breath and beauty that I adored.  I wasn’t with her, but I was with the One who created her!  I had to say, like David said, “God – You’re my God, I can’t get enough of You!”  Here’s what I read in Psalm 62 that helped me see it in a new light:

“God, the one and only – I’ll wait as long as He says. Everything I need comes from Him, so why not?  He’s solid rock under my feet, breathing room for my soul, An impregnable castle: I’m set for life” (Psalm 62:1-2, MSG).

As I read those words I realized that everything I needed comes from God, just like Lana had come from God.  Now there I was with the One who created all that I’ve ever loved in life.  I could actually see how David could be in a desert yet still he could say, “I bless You every time I take a breath… I eat my fill of prime rib and gravy: I smack my lips.”

Some people might have been uncomfortable eating alone on their 25th anniversary trip.  But I decided to splurge as I knew I would have done if Lana were there.  One night I couldn’t decide between the filet mignon and the lobster, so I got both!  I had already saved some money by coming alone, so I made the most of it!  It turned out to be one of the best vacations I’ve ever had in my life and I’m so glad I went.

We can’t always run away to Cancun, but I wanted to tell you that story because I had a choice to make.  I could either stay home and cry and run away from God, or I could get out and live and run into God’s wide-open arms.  Being alone isn’t alone when you’re alone with God.

I’m discovering things in this time of being alone with God that are so precious to me.  I’m not just trying to make lemonade out of lemons; I’m trying to make lemonade and drink it fully until I’m truly satisfied.  Even though I could cry 4 or 5 times a day, I’ve found there’s a depth to my relationship with God during this time, and by extension my relationships with others, that goes deeper than ever before.

I know I’m not the only one to find such gems as I go deeper.  I’m reading Ann Voskamp’s book One Thousand Gifts and she quotes F. B. Meyer as saying the same thing:

“I used to think that God’s gifts were on shelves one above the other, and that the taller we grew in Christian character the easier we should reach them.  I find now that God’s gifts are on shelves one beneath the other, and that it is not a question of growing taller but of stooping lower, and that we have to go down, always down, to get His best gifts.” (p. 171).

Maybe you’re in the midst of a transition that was not of your choosing, one in which you’ve lost something or someone that made life so special for you.  Maybe you’re waiting for God to put things back together again, or at least waiting for Him to help you make sense of what you’ve been going through.

For me, God keeps reminding me that everything I need comes from Him, just like Lana came from Him.  I want to say, like David said:  “God, the one and only – I’ll wait as long as He says. Everything I need comes from Him, so why not?”

No, I won’t get a text from Lana today, but that doesn’t mean I won’t get to see her again.  No, I can’t be intimate with her like I was before, but that doesn’t mean I can’t be intimate with the One who created her, the One who spoke to me so clearly as I was sitting on a plane to Cancun in a suit and tie or as I read from His Word on a beach on my wedding anniversary.

I know God is working it all out, so I’ll just keep putting my trust and faith in Him. Everything I need comes from Him, so why not?

Will you pray with me?

Father, thank You for taking our horrible circumstances and turning them around for good.  Help us to keep waiting on You, trusting You with all things.  You’re our Creator and the One who loves us most in this world.  Help us to know that You’re working things out, that You’ll never leave us alone, and that everything we need really does come from You.  In Jesus’ name, Amen.

P.S.  I hope you’ll join us for our Ranch Retreat in October where we’ll be talking more about transitions and how God can help us through them.  I’ll be there, along with several other writers of this series!  Click here to learn more or to register.

If you’d like to get a paperback copy of Eric Elder’s recent series called “15 Tips for a Stronger Marriage” just click this link to visit The Ranch Bookstore and make a donation of any size OR click this link to visit Amazon.com and write a 1-2 sentence review of the series then email us your name, address and link to your review.  Either way we’ll send you a copy of the book anywhere in the world.  Your gifts and reviews help us to keep spreading God’s life-changing Word to people in 160 countries every day!

FROM COLLEGE TO “BEYOND”
Part 3 of our series on “Transitions”  
(You can still read Parts 1 and 2 here and here)

by Karis Elder
www.theranch.org

 
Note from Eric:  My daughter, Karis, has written a beautiful message for you this week about how God is helping her through the transition from college to what people tell her is the “real world.”  The life lessons she is learning apply to us all.  If you’re a college student, or know of someone who is, these words will be especially relevant, so please read them and forward them on to your family and friends!  Karis’ words—and God’s Word—may be just what you need to help you through any transition you’re going through in life.

I don’t know of many people who actually really love transition and change, yet it seems like most of our lives are spent in constant change and transition. We do a lot of waiting in our lifetime, waiting in line, waiting for a new season, waiting for the next thing.

Lately I’ve been going through the transition of graduating from college and living in what people told me was the “real world.” As well as graduating from college I was also transitioning out of our college ministry, and I never realized how hard it could be to transition out of these things into a new stage of life. When I finally graduated and no longer had homework, no longer called myself a student, no longer lived with all of my college friends, no longer had the routine of classes and events, I felt really lost. I realized that for basically my entire life I had been a “student” and that what had come to be a constant solid unchangeable thing in my life was suddenly gone. Most of my friends had recently graduated as well and left to go other places, and it was, and still is, really unsettling.

Transitioning out of our college ministry, which I had been a part of for over 3 years, was also difficult as I had spent so much time and energy pouring into students and loving and serving a campus in such an amazing way that when I didn’t have it anymore, I felt lost as well. I found that so much of the last few years of my life my identity had begun to be really found in being a student and in the things that I did while I was a student. These titles had become my identity and I didn’t even know it till I was stripped down. Bare. Bringing nothing but myself to the Lord. I didn’t realize how much of my identity had been found in what I did rather than who I was. I thought that what I did made me valuable; I thought the good grades I got and the hours I spent studying the Bible for class and the number of spiritual books I read in a month or the number of people I invited to our ministry made me valuable. And when I didn’t have those things any more, I was humbled to find that I’m still valuable and loved by God no matter what I do. My dear friend Kelsey reminded me that I am valuable to God just because I am His child, not because of how many things I ever will do for Him.

Transition is defined as “a change from one state or condition to another,” and when I read that definition, it kinda reminds me of my spiritual life with Christ. The Holy Spirit dwelling within all believers is constantly refining, purifying and transforming us to look like Christ. We are in a constant state of being changed from one condition to another. Paul writes in 2 Corinthians 3:18, “And we all, with unveiled face, beholding the glory of the Lord, are being transformed into the same image from one degree of glory to another.” Christians constantly live in the tension of what Bible scholars call the “now-but-not-yet” principle. Believers are new creations in Christ, and yet they are still being transformed into the likeness of Christ. The Kingdom of God is here in our midst, yet all creation is eagerly waiting for the day of final transformation when Jesus comes back. So while we know that both our everyday lives and our spiritual lives our constantly in transition and being changed, so often we just wish away the process and can’t wait to just “be there” already, and we miss the beauty of what God is doing in the process.

I’ve been reading this book called The Good and Beautiful God and just finished a chapter about transformation. At the end of each chapter, the author, James Smith, has a “soul training” exercise for the reader to practice to solidify the truths they read in the chapter, hoping they will continue to “train” with the exercises long after finishing the book.  The practice for this week was solitude, intentional time spent away from other people, where it’s just you and God. Smith quotes Dallas Willard and says “When we go into solitude and silence, we stop making demands on God. It is enough that God is God and we are his.” I’ve been realizing that the only thing that doesn’t change, no matter what transition I will ever go through, is God and my identity in relation to Him. Even though I am not a student, I am still a pupil of my Teacher. Even though I may not be a servant leader in a college ministry, I am still a servant leader in the Kingdom. I am still a child of God, even when one day I am married and have kids of my own. I am still the Beloved of the Lord, even when I am married and have a Beloved of my own. I am still delighted in by the Lord, regardless of how much I “do” in a given week. My job will always be to make disciples of all nations, regardless what my “job title” is. No matter what transition I ever go through, there are some truths that never change, though I will undoubtedly be changed in the transition.

Recently, after I had a really long and hard week, my boyfriend, Terry, and I were praying, and he reminded me about an analogy. He was praying and just encouraging me that even as a caterpillar needs to spend time in a cocoon before it can become a butterfly, that I also need to spend time in my “cocoon” with Jesus as He transforms me into His image. And it is the cocoon (or transition) stage between caterpillar and butterfly that most of us really don’t like—that place where we’re not quite at the place where we used to be, but we’re not quite where we are going yet. The cocoon is such a beautiful and amazing place where God literally takes one thing and turns it into another thing entirely. But so often I just want to be there that I forget the steps and the process it takes to get there. It is in the transition of the cocoon where we find healing, rest, and comfort. But I’ve realized as I’ve gone through many transitions in my life—moving around, changing churches, losing my Mom, getting a job, making new friends, getting a boyfriend, graduating college, transitioning to a new ministry—that sometimes it can also be a little dark, cramped, uncomfortable and painful. And then I remember that in a cocoon, one creature is becoming something entirely different. Some things need to just be changed or refined, and other things need to be totally done away with in the caterpillar’s life so that it can become a beautiful butterfly. So sometimes I don’t want to enter the cocoon. I’m scared of the darkness and the uncomfortableness of transformation. I have no control. I don’t know what’s happening.  But I can trust my Heavenly Father. I can trust that the other times I’ve entered the cocoon, the process was so worth the growth and the transformation that happened. I can trust Jesus as He says “Look, I am making everything new!” (Revelation 21:5). The line in the David Crowder song All This Glory is true, “In the middle of the mess, there is majesty.”

It is in the secret place as we rest in the cocoon and refuge of Jesus’ Presence that we find healing and joy in transition. In this transition particularly, I keep hearing Jesus calling like He called the disciples in Mark 6:30, “Come with me by yourselves to a quiet place and get some rest.” It is in that place of quietness and rest with the Lord that we find hope when it seems least likely to be found, when the transition seems like it’s never going to end, and what “is to come” is not coming fast enough. I love this passage in Lamentations, after the prophet Isaiah has been lamenting and in despair, he says:

“But this I call to mind, and therefore I have hope: The steadfast love of the Lord never ceases; his mercies never come to an end; they are new every morning; great is your faithfulness. ‘The Lord is my portion,’ says my soul, ‘therefore I will hope in him.’ The Lord is good to those who wait for him, to the soul who seeks him. It is good that one should wait quietly for the salvation of the Lord” (Lamentations 3:21-26).

The Lord is faithful and His love is steadfast and that gives me hope. No matter if you’re just entering into a transition, in the middle of a transition, or coming out of a transition, God’s love for you never changes. Jesus wants me—and He wants you—more than He wants the work that we could do for Him.  The first and highest call on a Christian’s life is just to be with Jesus.  So may you spend time with Him today.

Follow-up from Eric:  For our Ranch Retreat in October, we’re focusing specifically on the topic of “transitions” and how God can help us through them.  Karis will be there, along with some of her friends!  If you’d like to join us, we’d love to spend the weekend with you, too.  Click here to learn more or to register.

If you’d like to get a paperback copy of Eric Elder’s recent series called “15 Tips for a Stronger Marriage” just click this link to visit The Ranch Bookstore and make a donation of any size OR click this link to visit Amazon.com and write a 1-2 sentence review of the series then email us your name, address and link to your review.  Either way we’ll send you a copy of the book anywhere in the world.  Your gifts and reviews help us to keep spreading God’s life-changing Word to people in 160 countries every day!

CHANGE AND TRANSITIONS

by Shelly Busby
www.shellybusby.com

 
Note from Eric:  Over the next several weeks, we’re focusing our weekend messages on the topic of “TRANSITIONS,” the theme of our 2nd Annual Ranch Retreat this fall.   In today’s message, my friend Shelly Busby writes about a job transition she’s currently going through … and how God is helping her through it.

Whether you are going thru a time of change or just coming out of one, change is inevitable. Change challenges us to leave the comfort and security of the familiar.

Have you prayed for change?
Are you waiting for change?
Are you in the middle of change?
Are you in a season of change, finding it’s different then you envisioned it?
Are you wondering if you really heard God right?

Change doesn’t just happen. It’s usually a process.
As much as we hunger and cry out to God for it, when transition comes and change begins, it can be unsettling.

My brother always says, “Living things grow; growing things change.”
So we cry out for change.
And God answers.

Over the last several years I’ve prayed as a restlessness and hunger rose in me; a hunger for MORE. It appeared ‘illogical’ for me to consider leaving my work at our church as we saw God answering prayers better than we imagined. Serving on staff as Director of Adult Ministries, I should have been more eager than ever to remain in a place where God is moving in and thru people at an exponential rate.
I love the Pastors, the staff and all the people.
I love seeing the hand of God impacting new believers literally every day.
I had every reason NOT to leave.
And yet… I wanted more.

Two years ago during a time of church-wide prayer I had a dream that further fueled my hunger for MORE though I didn’t know what MORE looked like (see my post Step Into Your Dream).
Thru prayer and time and tears I began to take steps into change.

Surely I’m not the only one who finally surrendered to my new “assignment” only to be surprised that it would be a long, sometimes exhausting journey that could get lonely.  I didn’t expect I would have to work at it since I did agree, “Yes Lord.”
I’ve prayed for change for years. I’ve asked “When Lord?” and “How much longer Lord?”
I had a long distance view of the assignment He’s called me too.
I’m so ready to do what You’ve called me to do; be who You’ve called me to be…
Eventually I started listening more and speaking less.

I found that in my silence, I heard Him more. It wasn’t that He spoke more.  Rather, I became more aware of Him and less aware of myself.

I’m in a TRANSITION period. At first I fought it and begrudged being held back.  I wanted to expedite things. I wanted to GO.
I’m used to being in an environment of strong believers praying and strategizing and talking about what we can share about God this week. I miss weekly meetings reviewing what God did the week prior.

In March, I asked for the Pastors’ blessing to step out of my role to pursue writing.  It was scary as I have no writing “experience” or education.
I’ve been tempted to write and blog and post on Facebook telling what God is doing.
But God said, “No. Not yet.”
At first I felt naked. I love PEOPLE, especially my people. “What will they think?” God, this is very anti-social.
Then I felt lonely. “Does anyone even care that I’m not there?”
I realized how fond I had become of the role and title I wore. Now it’s just me, a few close friends. And God. Stripped down.

Here, in the waiting; it’s as if God is saying, “Child, just spend time with Me. Don’t be so quick to tell about Me, to show about Me. I want a season of just you and Me.”

The other day I was spending time with Him.
Me:  “I love this time. I could stay here forever, but I still don’t get it Lord. It’s counter to my desire to serve others. That’s what YOU want, isn’t it? What Jesus taught?”
Lord:  “What’s a wedding?”
Me:  “A ceremony where two people who love each other come together marking the commitment to share their lives together as one.”
Lord:  “Who comes?”
Me:  “Usually friends, family, photographers, musicians. Lots of people.”
Lord:  “And what happens?”
Me:  “The public exchange of vows and usually a big celebration.”
Lord:  “And then where do all the people go?”
Me:  “They go home.”
Lord:  “Why don’t they go with the bride and groom?”

He’s not condescending in these questions. I understand He always has a point.

Me:  “That time is special.  It’s set aside for the bride and groom.”
Lord:  “No one goes with them?”  

I know He knows. I’m searching for what He wants me to see.

Me:  “No.  This is their time. To share each other. No one else Lord.”
Lord: “Yes. Their time. A special time. They begin as one.”

Then, with “Follow Me,” He left me with this impression:  “No one else is there when the groom carries the bride over the threshold.”

I can tell you right now: God is interested in your attention.
The only thing that matters is His presence.
WHAT HE WANTS FROM YOU more than ANY thing you can do or be is for you to spend time resting in His presence.

Have you found satisfaction simply being alone in His presence?

“You will seek Me and find Me when you seek Me with all your heart” (Jeremiah 29:13)

All that we DO is additional to what He seeks from us. If we do not first find peace and satisfaction in God’s Presence, then what we do will not be from Him, but only for Him and of our own works.

Being fulfilled in His presence changes how we see and approach that which He’s called us to. This is how we gain Kingdom perspective, and it is foundational to all we do are who we are.

Maybe you are taking steps to walk out the unique purpose God has called you to.
That’s great! You’re right on track. That’s part of what He created you for and how He reaches others.

If you are discouraged or frustrated or confused, or uncomfortable or overwhelmed or downright SCARED –I can totally identify with you!

I’m glad God is not having me move forward yet.  It’s as if I’m in a spiritual pause. This is transition. And I’m loving it.
In this neutral place I am realizing that all those negatives I just mentioned are circumstantial.  And here’s the good news; we are not defined by our circumstances. Rather we are defined by whose we are.

Whatever God has planned for me, I am so grateful that He drew me out to strip me down from the “good” identity I’d grown to love. I had become fond of my role. What I did was my identity.
Leaving has reminded me that there is no higher call than to live simply as a child of God.

Sometimes we need extended states of “pause” to really grasp the bigger picture.  God is God, and we are His.  And He’s concerned with having our full attention.

As you process thru growing in whatever season you are in, remember to first and continuously to find God’s view.

Spend time with Him. Alone.
This is where:
– He strips us down. The grime of earthly perspective is washed off the eyes of our hearts and we gain clarity of vision.
-We become accustomed to His voice in the quiet and recognize Him in the noise of the worldliness. He wants each of us to hear directly from Him!
-Our thoughts are made new as we receive a download from God Himself. We access the mind of Christ!

Practically speaking:
Get in the Word. God speaks thru it.
Gather and worship with other believers. Something just happens when we do this.
But more than anything; take time alone with God daily.
If Jesus did this then how much more should we?

I find it helpful listening to worship to get my mind and body in tune with the spirit. After a song or two and some time in a devotional I take time to listen.
Practice being or becoming AWARE of His presence. He has much to say to you.

“My sheep listen to My voice; I know them, and they follow Me” (John 10:27).

God has plans for you.  You don’t have to figure it all out, you need only show up and take Him at His word. Enjoy being with Him. Everything else will follow. Savor this time of transition, and look forward to what He can do with an expectant heart!

“Do not call to mind the former things,
Or ponder things of the past.
“Behold, I will do something new,
     Now it will spring forth;
     Will you not be aware of it?
     I will even make a roadway in the wilderness,
     Rivers in the desert” (Isaiah 43:18-19).

Follow-up from Eric:  If you’re going through a time of transition in your own life, I hope you’ll join us this October for our 2nd Annual Ranch Retreat.  We’ll be focusing on the topic of “transitions” and how God can help you through them, too.  Shelly and her husband will be joining us from Texas!  I hope you will, too!   Click here to learn more.

If you’d like to get a paperback copy of Eric Elder’s recent series called “15 Tips for a Stronger Marriage” just click this link to visit The Ranch Bookstore and make a donation of any size OR click this link to visit Amazon.com and write a 1-2 sentence review of the series then email us your name, address and link to your review.  Either way we’ll send you a copy of the book anywhere in the world.  Your gifts and reviews help us to keep spreading God’s life-changing Word to people in 160 countries every day!

CHANGE, THOUGHTFULNESS, AND HOPEFULNESS
Part 1 of our series on “Transitions”

by Kelly Albrecht

 
Note from Eric:  Today’s message is by Kelly Albrecht, a friend of Greg’s and mine.  If you were one of our subscribers 10 years ago, you may remember Kelly was the wife of Kirk Albrecht, another friend and our best technical support for The Ranch website.  Sadly for all of us, Kirk passed away 10 years ago at the age of 36 on July 14, 2004.  When we mentioned Kirk’s passing on our website, hundreds wrote in to offer Kelly their prayers and condolences from around the world.  Kelly asked recently if she could write a note of thanks and a message of encouragement to you here on the 10th anniversary of Kirk’s passing, which Greg and I are happy to pass along to you in the message below.  Thanks for blessing her all those years ago, and I pray her message blesses you in return.  Eric

Change, Thoughtfulness, and Hopefulness

By Kelly Albrecht

As I sat to write this, I decided that I wanted to share some of my story but to also write a note of appreciation. My story is about change, thoughtfulness, and hopefulness.

I’m a person of contradictions; I don’t like change or surprises but sometimes I want things to change and love some surprises. I like good changes, good surprises; things that you hope for and want, but didn’t think will ever come. These are the hopes and dreams that make the perfect day, if you were to describe it. When they come, you rejoice. This is hearing a friend or family member has accepted Christ as their Savior, a job promotion, the blooming of a flower, the first words of a child, finding out after years of trying that you are pregnant again, a surprise birthday celebration, finding something you lost, the phone call from a friend you haven’t heard from in years, the “I love you” from a loved one, receiving a postcard or letter from a friend, and the list goes on and on. These are the good changes and surprises. They are the things you can see yourself living with; things you relish coming, things you desire and dream of happening in your life. They are the things that make you smile and feed your soul. They are things that would be considered “happy times” and “sunshine moments.” Then there are changes and surprises that you dread, you pray never happen; ones that bring sadness to your life if they were to come.

Sadly, life is not only the “good times,” the cherished and dreamed about changes and surprises. Those hard times come; they also show no respecter of person, happening to people without warning even. The good thing about the unexpected changes and surprises are: God is still there. He’s guiding and protecting us, in the good times and the bad times. Adversity makes it harder to see God’s guidance and grace but, if we look hard enough, it is there. Sometimes a person sees it, but their friends and family don’t believe that God is still there when adversity strikes. Hopefully you are like me, you may have a few distractors (people that don’t encourage you or see that God is there) but for the most part, you are surrounded by people that through life adversities they are showing you love and encouragement that can only be from God. These are not only people you know personally, but may be a complete stranger; a fellow Christian, or just a person who you happen to cross paths with for a short time. A person God has placed there for that time in your life; to encourage you and to help show you God’s love at a time you really need it. That isn’t saying that these have to be one time encouragers, nor that people will have to stay a stranger; new friends can be born out of adversity. These people may encourage a person in a way that, years later, well, they look back fondly and remember the strength and uplifting these encouraging people brought to their life.

This happened to me 10 years ago tomorrow. That was the day that changed my life, changed the way I lived my comfortable life and I never saw coming. That day left me needing encouragement and support like never before. You see, I was one of those girls you hear about that dreamed as long as she could remember of growing up to become a wife and a mother. I would play house, dress up, and plan my wedding, dream about what kind of man I would marry. When I finally met and married the man of my dreams, I was so excited that God gave me such a wonderful man. Kirk (my beloved) and I were married in 1989 and at that point ten years ago, we had been married just over 15 years and 4 months. We were raising three wonderful children (two girls and a boy) in addition to foster/adopting a boy, and had found out a couple of weeks before this point that I was pregnant with baby number four (a girl). We couldn’t have been happier and had recently moved into our first house. If you had asked us, life was good and we were expecting it to get better and better with each passing day.

One of Kirk’s favorite sayings was: “nothing is more consistent than change.” Remember, I am not a big fan of change or of surprises so; this was quoted to me often when I would voice my displeasure over an unexpected change or news. Also, early on in our marriage we coined the catch phrase, “life is a journey and I can’t wait to see where God takes us next.” Both of those phrases would hit home in a way that I wasn’t prepared for, ways that shook me to my core on July 14, 2004 by one short phone call. Nothing but God could have prepared me for the changes that happened 10 years ago tomorrow. That was the day that my precious Kirk died unexpectedly of a heart attack while at work. Life was good for us; things were going in the right direction, Kirk had a great job, I was homeschooling our children, we were planning on adopting, we were also having another biological child, we had just bought a house and moved in earlier that spring, we were happy. As a couple we were great, the children were healthy, I was healthy, and Kirk was responding well to medicines to treat a long term heart condition. Things seemed to only be going better. We had plans for our future; vacation plans, plans for the children’s future, plans to see our children attend college, graduate, date, get married, have children. We were going to grow old together and all the while grow more and more in love. We were going to go on more mission trips and vacations together. Our plans were all about happiness and being together as a family. Our plans though; there was nothing wrong with our plans in the broader sense, but they were not God’s plans.

When I got home that morning from running errands I was surprised to see there were so many messages on my answering machine. The first one alerted me that something was wrong with Kirk and I was to call his friend and co-worker back. I first heard of Kirk’s heart attack from him. He went to the hospital with my husband and it was from a phone call with him that the doctor took over the phone to talk to me and tell me my husband had died. I was crushed, to say the least. This was the biggest surprise (and very unwanted) that I had ever had in my life. This also would bring about much change I knew.

After hearing that my husband died and arranging a ride to the hospital, I called Eric, a friend of us both and leader of The Ranch. My support started flowing in from not just Eric that day but this whole list at that time. Eric was nice enough to notify Greg of This Day’s Thought (back before the two ministries merged) to notify him that Kirk had died. Kirk was helping Greg with his website at this time. Greg then notified his list of Kirk’s death and asked you all to pray for me and the children. I was very blessed and surprised by the outpouring of love and support many of you gave through email. It really touched my heart to know people cared that much; most of you who had never even met Kirk once in your life. Many of the messages were forwarded to me and I saved them. Eric later kept all the messages and made a nice file of them and printed them out for me. I read and reread them many times over the first few months and even over the years, including this week (the link is here at theranch.org under “About Us” and “A Tribute to Kirk N. Albrecht” if you want to read them). The kind words reminded me that there are many thoughtful people in this world. I do not think I ever took the time to properly thank all you who wrote to me and prayed for the children and me. Thank you so very much and I hope you felt that your well wishes and prayers were appreciated, even though I had never thanked you before now. I am sorry it took so long but I am glad I have the opportunity to today.

Ten years ago doesn’t seem like that long ago, but in some ways it seems a lifetime ago. . Many changes have come to my household in these past ten years and my children are now 24, 22, 12, and 9. Changes from—two learning to drive, different stages of teaching them to cook, vacations, high school graduation, college graduations, first breaths, first smiles, many pictures, talks of life dreams and goals, picnics, watching them make decisions for Christ, many conversations about Kirk, and the list goes on and on. The one thing that hasn’t changed is teaching my children about God’s love and protection and his salvation. Each child is a blessing and is making their mark on the world. Life has changed, but life is still good because God is still in control.

Looking back I am reminded that I never dreamed that I would be a widow at such a young age. The day Kirk died it threw me into a club that I never would have willingly joined. Being a widow, or widower for that matter, is being forced into a club that no one wants to join but, if it is asked of you, there is nothing you can do to stop it. The last ten years was not what I had dreamed my life would be like when as a child I was playing house and dreaming of my future. Through my married life, I never dreamed that I would be a young widow. I wanted to grow old together with Kirk, to have a life full of times together, but in life I have learned that my plans are not always as God has planned. I have also learned that God is using my experiences to help others that are going through the same situation. I went on to finish college, even getting a master’s degree in marriage and family therapy and currently a dissertation away from having a doctoral degree focusing on using one’s faith in counseling, especially while grieving. I miss Kirk every day and thank God for the time we had together, but I know that I have hope for my future because God is there and he will take my life story and use it for his kingdom. Thank all of you for being a part of my life by praying for me all those years ago, prayers that my children and I would know God’s guidance and protection and I am glad to report that God has meet our needs every time.

These last 10 years have brought about much change, but I am so thankful for the outpouring of love and support from everyone and that has left me hopeful that there are still caring people in this world that are willing to pray for and encourage each other. As I look to the future I am reminded for my family that: “life is a journey and I can’t wait to see where God takes us next.” May your life journey also take you to places where you know God’s love, encouragement and blessing and you are surrounded by friends and family in the kingdom of God. In closing I hope you find encouragement from one of my favorite Bible verses that reminds me that God is on this journey with us: “For I know the plans I have for you says the Lord…to give you a future and a hope” (Jeremiah 29:11).

Follow-up from Eric: Thanks for reading Kelly’s message today.  If you’re going through a transition in your own life, I hope you’ll join us this fall for our Ranch Retreat where we’ll be focusing on the topic of “transitions” and how God can help us through them.  We’d love for your to join us.  Click here to learn more.

If you’d like to get a paperback copy of Eric Elder’s recent series called “15 Tips for a Stronger Marriage” just click this link to visit The Ranch Bookstore and make a donation of any size OR click this link to visit Amazon.com and write a 1-2 sentence review of the series then email us your name, address and link to your review.  Either way we’ll send you a copy of the book anywhere in the world.  Your gifts and reviews help us to keep spreading God’s life-changing Word to people in 160 countries every day!

(This morning, we are blessed by a sermon from a “visiting” pastor.)

An Attitude Of Gratitude

Michael Belcher

Two men were walking through a field one day when they spotted an enraged bull. Instantly they darted toward the nearest fence. The storming bull followed in hot pursuit, and it was soon apparent they wouldn’t make it. Terrified, the one shouted to the other, “Put up a prayer, John. We’re in for it!” John answered, “I can’t. I’ve never made a public prayer in my life.” “But you must!” implored his companion. “The bull is catching up to us.” “All right,” panted John, “I’ll say the only prayer I know, the one my father used to repeat at the table: ’O Lord, for what we are about to receive, make us truly thankful.’”

If there is one sin that most prevalent today, it is the sin of ingratitude. God does so much for us. Our indebtedness to him is enormous and yet we rarely or at least infrequently offer thanks for what he has done. In fact, most professing Christians don’t even offer thanks over their meals much less offer thanks over all that God does in their lives. We are much like the little boy who was given an orange by a man. The boy’s mother asked, “What do you say to the nice man?” The little boy thought and handed the orange back and said, “Peel it.”

For a child of God thankfulness is not confined to a day or a season, it is an attitude that we should have everyday and every hour.

To magnify this point I want us to examine the account of the ten lepers in Luke’s Gospel and see some important truths concerning an attitude of gratitude.

Message:

I. The Position Of All!

Look at verses 11 and 12. “And it came to pass, as he went to Jerusalem, that he passed through the midst of Samaria and Galilee. And as he entered into a certain village, there met him ten men that were lepers, which stood afar off:”

We see here the position of the lepers. Firstly,

· They Were In An Awful Position- Luke says here they stood afar off. The disease of lepercy was a painful disease but the physical pain was not the most terrible part of the disorder. Lepers were separated. They were shut out and cast off. It seems here that these lepers were shut out to an area away from everyone else. They were shut out from their Family. No one knows how long it had been since they had felt the touch of their wife or the kiss of their children. They were shut out from their Friends. Friends no longer came over or invited them to go somewhere with them. They were shut out from Fellowship of the church. Notice that Jesus on his way to Jerusalem entered into a certain village and there met the lepers. The religious crowd had no room for these leprous men. But most awful, they were shut out from the Father. Here is Jesus, the only way to the Father, and they stood afar off from him. Sinners are not near God, they are afar off. And they cannot and will not draw near on their own. Do you know what kept them at a distance? The Law. The law shut them out. The law set forth the conduct of lepers. The law said when you pass one, pass on the other side and cry out Unclean! Unclean! Sin puts us in an awful position. And they were all in this awful position.

· They Were In An Approachable Position- Here are these men living shut out lives. But I am grateful this morning that where the law says man cannot go, Jesus goes. What the law declares off limits, Jesus barges in. When the law passes on the other side, Jesus makes it a point to make contact. Oh, listen, Jesus came to save sinners. He went this way on purpose because even in the awful position sin puts us in, Jesus is able to reach us and to save us. My family can’t help me, my friends can’t help me, the church can’t help me, but Jesus can. And while we stand afar off from him, he does not stand afar off from us. When they could not get to Jesus, Jesus got to them. When they could not come to him, he came to them.

But they were all in the same position!

II. The Prayer Of All!

Now look at verses 13 and 14. “And they lifted up their voices, and said, Jesus, Master, have mercy on us. And when he saw them, he said unto them, Go shew yourselves unto the priests. And it came to pass, that, as they went, they were cleansed.”

All ten utter the same prayer. Notice two things here quickly.

· Their Observation- They saw and they sensed their need. You don’t pray and call out for help unless you feel your need. The reason sinners don’t come to Christ for salvation is that they don’t sense their need. But the loneliness and the pain of this disease were evident to these ten lepers. They knew they needed help and there was none to be found except maybe in this one called Jesus, whom they heard healed the sick. There is no doubt they need help, so they cry out for mercy.

· Their Obedience- Prayer without obedience is useless. Jesus tells them to go to the priest. Now the priests had no power to cure but he had the authority to declare the one cured clean. And to issue the certificate of cleanliness so that all would be sure of his healing. But do notice that they were not healed immediately but they were healed as they went. As they obeyed the command of the Lord they were healed. So not only did all pray to Jesus but Jesus healed also all physically.

III. The Praise Of One!

Verses 15-19, “And one of them, when he saw that he was healed, turned back, and with a loud voice glorified God, And fell down on his face at his feet, giving him thanks: and he was a Samaritan. And Jesus answering said, Were there not ten cleansed? but where are the nine? There are not found that returned to give glory to God, save this stranger. And he said unto him, Arise, go thy way: thy faith hath made thee whole.”

Here is the key to the whole issue. All were in the same awful position. All prayed and all were healed. Yet only one of the ten returned to offer thanksgiving. Notice:

· The Opportunity Of Praise- And one of them, when he saw that he was healed, turned back. He saw a reason to praise. He saw a difference Jesus had made. He saw a change wrought by Christ. He saw an opportunity to praise God. Many see their need to pray but don’t see their need to praise. I don’t know how it happened, we are not told here. But maybe as they walked toward the priest’s house. He began to notice his skin loosing that scaling white appearance. Or maybe they passed by some people and he expected that they would run to the other side and yell, Unclean! Unclean! But it never came. I don’t know how he came to the conclusion but when he saw that he was healed he stopped going the one direction and made a bee-line to Jesus Christ. He had reason to praise God. They all had reason to praise God, but only one saw it.

· The Object Of Praise- Where are the other nine? I have no doubt that after they were declared clean by the priest they made their way to be with their family and their friends. To hug and kiss the wife and the children. To visit with Mom and Dad. To talk with friends. Their minds were occupied on all that the blessing brought to their lives. But one. One loved his wife and children just as much as the others. One wanted to hug and kiss his wife and children just as much as the others. One wanted to spend time with his friends just as much as the others. One wanted to enjoy the blessing just as much as the others. But one had his priorities in order. One did not get so wrapped up in the blessing that he forgot the blesser. One put family, friends and fellowship on hold so that he could worship the one that made his being with his family and friends possible.

Notice that with a loud voice he glorified God. With the same loudness and intensity he cried for mercy, he glorified God. Many times we cry loud for help and low with praise. But with the same zeal we sought help we should praise him. And he fell down on his face at his feet, giving him thanks; and he was a Samaritan. Oh he was not a Jew, he was not worthy of this healing. He was not worthy to receive God’s help. But by grace he was healed and he comes to worship the one who unconditionally healed him. And he got more than the others did. They received physical healing from a distance. But this one not only received physical healing but he got close to God and worshipped him as Lord and received spiritual healing. God may chose to physically heal a man from a distance but spiritual healing comes only when we fall prostrate before the feet of Jesus Christ and worship him as Savior and Lord. His faith did not save him but it connected him to the one who could save him.

Close:
There was a father and mother of a young man killed in the military in a little church. One day they came to the pastor and told him the wanted to give a monetary gift as a memory to our son who died in battle. The pastor said, “That’s a wonderful gesture on your part. He asked if it was ok to tell the congregation and they said that it was. So the next Sunday he told the congregation of the gift given in memory of the dead son.
On the way home from church, another couple were driving down the highway when the father said to his wife, “Why don’t we give a gift because of our son?” And his wife said, “But our son didn’t die in any conflict! Our son is still alive!” Her husband replied, “That’s exactly my point! That’s all the more reason we ought to give in thanks to God.”

If you’d like to get a paperback copy of Eric Elder’s recent series called “15 Tips for a Stronger Marriage” just click this link to visit The Ranch Bookstore and make a donation of any size OR click this link to visit Amazon.com and write a 1-2 sentence review of the series then email us your name, address and link to your review.  Either way we’ll send you a copy of the book anywhere in the world.  Your gifts and reviews help us to keep spreading God’s life-changing Word to people in 160 countries every day!

15 TIPS FOR A STRONGER MARRIAGE
(Part 6-Conclusion.  Click here for Part 1, Part 2, Part 3, Part 4 and Part 5.)

by Eric Elder
www.theranch.org

My Friends’ Wedding (photo by Dani Ford)

Believe it or not, all the tips I’ve shared with you up till now were just the preface, the introduction, to what I’d like to share with you today about how to have a stronger marriage.

When my friends asked me to talk about marriage at their wedding, and what made my marriage to Lana so special, I began to think through all the tips I’ve shared with you up to this point.

But as important as each of these tips are, I felt like the most important thought I could share with them was the one I’m going to share with you today, and it focuses on just 3 words that tie all the other tips together.  (And the 3 words aren’t “I love you,” “I was wrong,” “I am sorry,” “I forgive you,” or, as one reader suggested, “You’re right, dear!” as helpful and important as all those words can be!)

You can read below what I shared with my friends on their wedding day.  You can also watch their wedding online if you’d like at the link below.  It was a beautiful outdoor ceremony, complete with birds chirping and bales of hay on which the guests sat (plus the ceremony is only about 30 minutes long, so feel free to take a look!)

https://theranch.org/?attachment_id=17583

Here’s the text of what I shared with them that day…

When I met with Korey and Makayla a few months ago to talk about their wedding, Makayla asked me to share some thoughts about what marriage means and what made my marriage to Lana work so well.  She said she looked up to us and just wanted to hear from my heart.

So I’m going to tell you three short highlights, three little snippets from my life and my marriage that I hope will be helpful to you.  Really it’s summed up in 3 words; 3 words that I hope you’ll remember today; 3 words that I hope you’ll be able to put into practice.

You might think those 3 words are “I love you,” but they’re not.  They’re these:

“And be thankful.”

There’s a passage in the Bible that says many things about loving and caring for others.  The passage talks about all the things that we associate with love, such as:

“…clothe yourselves with compassion, kindness, humility, gentleness and patience. Bear with each other and forgive whatever grievances you may have against one another. Forgive as the Lord forgave you. And over all these virtues put on love, which binds them all together in perfect unity” (Colossians 3:12b-14).  

These are all wonderful things.  But then Paul goes on and adds these 3 words to all the rest, words that seem to go beyond even just loving each other.  Paul says,

“And be thankful” (Colossians 3:15b).

Then he says it again in a lengthier way at the end of the passage:

“And whatever you do, whether in word or deed, do it all in the name of the Lord Jesus, giving thanks to God the Father” (Colossians 3:17).

I just want to tell you 3 little snapshots from my life about giving thanks to God for my wife.

On our wedding day, Lana and I wrote our own vows, like you’ve written your own vows.  In my vows, I said to Lana:  “Lana, you are a gift from God to me, and I plan to treat you as a gift.”  From that day on that’s what I tried to do.  That day was the most amazing day to me, to be able to receive this gift from God and to be able to unwrap it over and over and over again, discovering layers of her that I had no idea about.

On our wedding day I said, “Thank You, Lord, and thank You, Lana, for saying ‘Yes!’ to marrying me.”

Then I just kept saying that throughout my whole 23 years.  When I would see how she raised our children, I would say, “Thank You, Lord, for this incredible mother of our children and thank you, Lana, for being a godly mother and wife.”  When I would see how she cooked meals for us, took care of us, edited my manuscripts for my ministry, I’d say, “Thank You, Lord, and thank you, Lana.”  Lana was a gift from God, and I was so thankful for her.

There was another snapshot I’d like to share with you.  Our wedding day was one, but there was another snapshot, and you, Makayla, were actually in the vicinity.  We were in Israel and Makayla and Jeanette had come with a few of us in our family to Israel and we were in the hotel at the Dead Sea.  We had just had a beautiful worship night, worshipping God in our room with our whole team.  After everyone had left, Lana and I went out on the balcony on a beautiful night, and we had a wonderful, romantic, intimate night together.  In the midst of that precious night, I just looked up to heaven and I said, “Thank You, Lord, and thank you, Lana.”  I can’t count how many wonderful nights I’ve had like that with her, so often saying in the midst of them, “Thank You, Lord, and thank you, Lana.”

A third moment I’d like to share with you, a little snapshot, was just a few years ago.  We were in the car at Walmart, sitting in the parking lot after shopping.  We were having a really hard conversation; one of those where you say, “Wow, this is hard.”  We didn’t have many of those, but that night we were both feeling very passionate about what we felt and what we believed, and we just weren’t on the same page.

The conversation had to do with what kind of treatment plan we were going to do for her cancer.  I had one idea.  She had another.  And it just got heated and more passionate.  The doctors had told us no matter which one we chose, it wouldn’t make any difference in the outcome.

We were at the peak of that conversation when I had to stop and just say to myself, “Lana is a gift from God to me; she is not the problem here.”  Rather than face each other and think that we were each other’s problem, we had to turn shoulder to shoulder and put the problem to one side and work on it together.

I just had to back up and say, “Lana, you are a gift from God to me, and the reason I feel so passionate about this is because I just don’t want to lose you.  I want to do anything I can to keep you.  And I want to remind you, in this conversation, in this heated moment, the only reason I feel so passionate about this is because I love you, so, so much.”

And that eased the tension.  It changed the dynamics.

In the end, it turned out the doctors were right and it wouldn’t have mattered which plan we chose.  Lana died a few months later.

But I am so thankful that in those heated moments in the parking lot, I decided not to keep arguing over it, but rather to give thanks in all things and say, “Thank You, Lord, and thank you, Lana.”

With all the other wonderful things you can do for your marriage, remember these 3 words because they can carry you through your whole life:

“And be thankful.”  

You understand what it means to forgive.  You understand what it means to make a lifelong commitment.  You understand love and graciousness and kindness and humility and being second and all those things.

I think you understand this, too, but I just want to highlight and emphasize, even beyond just loving each other, which is incredible, to be thankful.

“And be thankful.”

“And be thankful.”

“And be thankful.”

And with those words, I married my friends to each other and I prayed that they, like you, would have a long, wonderful and thankful life together!

Will you pray with me?

Father, thank You for Your wisdom, which You’ve given to us through Your word to help us to love one another in the best ways possible.  Help us to apply these words to all of our relationships so that we can love one other more fully and be more thankful in all that we do.  Fill us with Your Spirit to do everything You’ve put on our hearts to do today and every day, from this day forward.  We pray all this in the strong name of Jesus, who has the power to make all our relationships stronger, too.  Amen.

P.S.  Thank you for reading these marriage tips and this conclusion today.  Several people have asked if I would put this series together into a small book for either for themselves or for their family and friends who are getting married, newly married or could just use a boost in their marriage no matter how long they’ve been married.  So I’m putting together that book now and will let you know when it’s ready.  I’m glad to hear so many of you have enjoyed this series, and I pray that it will help many, many more people in the years to come as well.  Sincerely, Eric Elder

As a thank you for your donation of any size to our ministry, we’d be glad to send you a paperback copy of another book I’ve written on marriage that focuses specifically on intimacy.  If you’d like a copy, just visit The Ranch Bookstore online to make a donation of any size, and we’ll ship a copy to you anywhere in the world.  Your gifts help us to keep sharing about Christ with others, and we’re happy to send you a gift in return!

15 TIPS FOR A STRONGER MARRIAGE
(Part 5.  Click here for Part 1, Part 2, Part 3 and Part 4)

by Eric Elder
www.theranch.org

My Friends’ Wedding (photo by Dani Ford)

Today I’m sharing the final 2 of these 15 tips for a stronger marriage.  Next week I’ll conclude with 3 words that will tie all the other tips together.

Before we get started today, though, I wanted to let you know that Tip #15 is perhaps the most significant tip I ever received before getting married, but it’s also one of the most delicate to talk about because it has to do with physical intimacy.

For the sake of modesty, and for the sake of getting this message through any spam filters that might try to block it from getting to you, I’ve simply used the phrase “physical intimacy” to describe the physical union between a husband and wife, and I’ve used the term “self pleasure” to describe the act of touching yourself in a way that brings you physical pleasure when you are alone.  (Now you can see why this tip is so delicate!  But I assure you, what you’re going to read today could significantly alter the way you interact with your spouse from this day forward!)

With that preface in mind, here are Tips #14 and #15.

14) Commit to doing something to delight your spouse on a regular basis.  Before I married Lana, I promised to give her a back rub every night, which was something that she absolutely loved.  It worked out well for both of us, because she loved being touched, and I loved touching her!  For 23 years I kept that commitment, and it was one of the best things I ever promised to do, both for her and for myself.

Those back rubs also led to other kinds of intimacy, setting the tone for our bedtime conversations and often culminating in physical passion.  By blessing Lana in this one way, I received all kinds of blessings back.

I also committed to making her breakfast every morning, something which she loved at the time we got married, too.  But as time and the changing seasons of life moved on, she began to prefer other things instead, like sleeping in a little longer while I made breakfast for the kids after she had spent the night nursing a baby!  I say this to say that some of our commitments may change over time, but the point is to intentionally commit to doing something to delight your spouse on a regular basis.  It smooths out the ebbs and flows of life and ensures there’s joy in the midst of anything else that might be going on.

For her part, Lana made a commitment before we got married, too, but one that she didn’t tell me about until many years into our marriage.  She just did it.  She committed to herself that she would go to bed every night at the same time that I went to bed.  She had watched other couples live their lives in separate bedrooms for years, and she saw the devastating effects that this had on their relationships.  So she told herself she was going to do whatever she could to try to ensure this didn’t happen in her marriage.

Of course, this ensured she got her nightly back rub!  But even more, it meant that we had time to talk and pray together every night; it meant that we were available for physical intimacy on a regular basis; and it definitely increased the likelihood of having a big family like she always wanted!

You and your spouse may have a different set of things you could do to delight one other.  If you’re not sure what would delight them, just ask them!  Then make a commitment to doing something to delight them in the way they’d love to be delighted on a regular basis.  As the Bible says:

“…love one another deeply, from the heart” (1 Peter 1:22b).

15) Make physical intimacy with your spouse the best that it can be.  After I was engaged to Lana, I set up an appointment to meet with a man who had counseled many, many people through marital issues regarding their physical intimacy.  I met with him specifically because I wanted to ensure that I did everything possible to safeguard our physical relationship and to make it the best that it could possibly be.

One of the most important tips he shared with me was to consider making a commitment to myself and to Lana that I would not engage in self pleasure, but that I would only experience physical pleasure when I was with her.  Many men, he said, go into marriage thinking that they’ll be able to be intimate with their wife any time they want.  But the reality is that it just doesn’t work that way!  And because of that, many spouses decide to simply please themselves whenever they want.

This man told me that he had met with numerous groups of women to discuss issues like this, and asked them what they would think if they knew their husbands were pleasing themselves when they weren’t together.  Nearly every woman in every group said they would feel hurt by this, or they would wonder what they were doing wrong that their husbands would do this, or they would wonder what else their husbands might be doing physically when they weren’t together.

Then this man went on to tell me about the blessings couples experienced who had committed to enjoying physical pleasure only when they were together.  He said it wasn’t necessary that they engage in full physical intimacy every time, but that they were at least to be with each other and enjoy the closeness of their bodies.  Couples who made this commitment built up trust, lowered barriers to intimacy and brought about a lifetime of fulfillment for each other, both inside and outside of the bedroom.

Since I had never even considered how this might play out in marriage, I didn’t know what to think.  But this man had thrown down a gauntlet, a challenge, and I had to decide whether or not I was going to pick it up.  After talking some more about this with another friend and then with Lana, I decided it was worth a try.  So before Lana and I were married, I committed to her that I would not engage in self pleasure, but reserve all physical pleasure only for when I was with her.  If for any reason I fell down in this commitment, I committed to confessing it to her before the day was out.

I can attest to the fact that this one tip alone helped me perhaps more than any of the others.  Why?  Because each of these tips are interrelated and physical intimacy is at the core of what makes marriage unique among all other relationships.  So when there’s a breakdown in one area of our relationship, it often affects our physical intimacy as well.  In order to ensure I would be able to enjoy the physical pleasures of marriage, I knew I would have to nurture the other areas of my marriage, too.  As the saying goes:

“The grass ain’t always greener on the other side; it’s greener where you water it.”

Here’s how some of the tips I’ve mentioned already helped to water our physical intimacy.   For instance, by putting our TV in the closet for our first year, it freed up all kinds of time to have meaningful conversations and enjoy soothing back rubs, which often led to physical intimacy.  By going to bed every night at the same time as each other and by praying together before we fell asleep, we were able to draw closer spiritually and that drew us closer physically.  By confessing our sins quickly to each other, we built up trust between us and kept guilt and shame at bay.  By inviting Jesus to use our hands and eyes and words as if they were His very own, we were able to keep our touches and kisses as tender and life-giving as possible.

This isn’t to say that it was easy for me to keep this challenge.  Even though my physical intimacy with Lana was incredible from day one, there were still a few times in our first year of marriage when I fell back into old habits of pleasing myself when I was alone or away from home.  It seemed like a quick and easy way to release some of the tension in other areas of my life.

Yet I still wanted to give this idea an honest try, and because of my promise to Lana, I followed through with the rest of it and confessed it to Lana each time before the day was out.  The first time I had to confess it to her it was more difficult and embarrassing than I imagined.  The second time was even more difficult.  So after just a few confessions like this, I was able to break the habit and keep my commitment for the rest of our 23 years of marriage.

I’m not telling you this out of some kind of prudish purity, but simply to let you know that it’s possible!  And believe me, my passions and temptations are just as strong as any other man’s!  But until my conversation with this marriage counselor, I had never even thought about the idea.

I also tell you this because I can’t describe the multitude of ways this one commitment helped our marriage.  Here are just a few:

1) This gave us both confidence that I had control over my body, rather than my body having control over me.  This helped Lana to trust me to not cross the line of having physical pleasure with someone else, because I wouldn’t even cross it with myself.

2) This kept me from turning on the TV in a hotel room when I was away from home, or from buying a magazine that I shouldn’t have bought, or from downloading a video that I shouldn’t have downloaded.  Even though these things certainly crossed my mind and were ever-present opportunities, there was never any point to engaging in these activities since I knew that they would never culminate in physical pleasure.

3) This ensured that the physical side of our marital relationship was fully alive and vibrant throughout our entire marriage.  Roger Staubach was a famous quarterback who was once asked how he felt when one of his teammates always seemed to have a different woman on his arm every night.  Roger said, “I’m sure I’m just as sexually active as he is. The difference is that all of mine is with one woman.”  Touchdown, Roger!  The joy of my physical intimacy with Lana, and the trust that we built into our relationship because of this one commitment, was worth anything it might have cost me in terms of giving up fleeting pleasures on my own.

While I can’t say if this commitment is something that you should make, or that it will have the same impact on your marriage, I do want to encourage you to do whatever you can to nurture this aspect of your marriage.

As I mentioned in my book What God Says About Sex, physical intimacy with Lana was the most consistently exhilarating, off-the-charts experience of my life!  So whether or not you choose to follow the path I chose, I pray you’ll make a commitment to do something to protect your physical intimacy, keeping it alive and active as long as you both shall live.  As the Bible says:

“Marriage should be honored by all, and the marriage bed kept pure…” (Hebrews 13:4a)

Honor your marriage and keep your marriage bed pure.  Don’t look for other ways to find physical pleasure.  Look to your spouse, and then do whatever you can to nurture your relationship with them.

Next week, I’ll conclude this series with 3 words that will tie all the other tips together!

As a thank you for your donation of any size to our ministry, we’d be glad to send you a paperback copy of another book I’ve written on marriage that focuses specifically on intimacy.  If you’d like a copy, just visit The Ranch Bookstore online to make a donation of any size, and we’ll ship a copy to you anywhere in the world.  Your gifts help us to keep sharing about Christ with others, and we’re happy to send you a gift in return!

15 TIPS FOR A STRONGER MARRIAGE
(Part 4.  Click here for Part 1, Part 2 and Part 3)

by Eric Elder
www.theranch.org

My Friends’ Wedding (photo by Dani Ford)

I was going to call today’s tip “How to have a fair fight,” which captures the essence of this message well, but the idea behind this tip isn’t to help you fight better; the idea is to help you express your feelings better so you and your spouse can truly hear what each other is saying and then do something about it before it becomes a fight.

Even if you’re not married, I think you’ll find this tip applies to any of your relationships, so I hope you’ll keep reading no matter what season of life you’re in.  In fact, I heard from a single woman 2 weeks ago who wrote to tell me how surprised she was that God was speaking to her through these marriage tips, even though she’s not married.  She wrote:

“I was hesitant at first to read this devotional as I’m not married. I was just scrolling through and saw a part about Lana and yourself getting a car and about marriage being a calling. So I decided to start from the top for I believed God wanted me to learn a thing or two and also to be encouraged as I was feeling a bit down and questioning my future. I enjoyed it and it made me laugh how God worked out your differences, even your breaking up and eventually getting married. That gave me hope since I’m single and struggling relationship wise. My concern about my future especially is that I really want to change my car and I laughed with tears coming to my eyes when you said about Lana’s desires for a car and how you reassured her about God working and providing for you and He will do the same for her. I like the part too about your partner understanding your purpose & dreams and how God can use you to help each other reach their potential and how God can use each other to bring about change & transformation. I have always believed that. Thanks for sharing your testimony. I must read the 7 points from earlier and see what else God wants me to know. God bless!”

So whether you’re single, married or thinking about getting married, I hope you’ll read today’s tip and let God speak to your heart, too.  With that, here’s tip #13 for how to have a stronger marriage.

13) Watch your timing, tone and words.  Lana and I didn’t fight often, and when we did, we tried to do so in private.  This may have given others the impression that we never fought, but that’s not true.  I will say, though, that we were able to avoid many of the all-out fights that others experience simply by following some advice that we learned during pre-marital counseling and some other wisdom that we learned for ourselves from the Bible.

This tip involves 3 aspects of how you express your feelings to each other:  your timing, your tone and your words.

First, watch your timing.  It’s important, of course, to share your feelings and not to stuff them down inside.  We all have feelings and we want others to respect our feelings.  But it’s also important to consider the timing of when to share those feelings.  Even Jesus didn’t say everything that was on His heart to His disciples, but took into account when they would best receive what He had to say.  Jesus said:

“I have much more to say to you, more than you can now bear” (John 16:12).

Jesus eventually did share everything on His heart, and He told the disciples that He would send His Holy Spirit later to remind them of everything He said.  But He did so at a time when He knew they could best receive it.

Lana and I found that if we had something important to share with each other, especially if it was potentially explosive, that it was best to talk about it when we were both fresh and alert and able to talk about it rationally.  We seemed to have our worst conversations when one or both of us were tired and worn out or when we had pressing deadlines that had to be met.  It was better if we could realize the timing was bad and set a time to talk later when we could truly listen to each other.

Second, it’s important to watch your tone.  It’s easy to jump to conclusions and blame your spouse for things they didn’t even know were wrong.  In America, we love the idea of being “innocent until proven guilty.”  But in marriage, we often jump to the conclusion that our spouse is guilty and we start an argument based on that assumed guilt rather than simply explaining what we’re feeling.  The Bible talks about the importance of tone when it says:

“A gentle answer turns away wrath, but a harsh word stirs up anger” (Proverbs 15:1).

When I came to Lana with gentleness, simply sharing something that I was feeling, I was usually met with a gentle response in return.  But when I came to her with a harsh or accusatory tone, it stirred up a harsh or angry response.  This is a simple law of nature and it’s a simple law of communication:  “For every action there is an equal and opposite reaction.”

Instead of looking straight at your spouse and assuming they are the problem, it’s better to turn shoulder to shoulder and address the problem together.  It might even help to remind yourself and your spouse, “I know you’re not my enemy.  I’m fighting for you, not against you.”  By simply reminding yourselves of this truth, you can often diffuse the bomb that might otherwise explode.

I remember being called to a friend’s house late one night.  She and her husband were  in the middle of an argument–and it was bad.  In fact, when I walked in, I wondered if she should have called the police instead of me.

But as I sat down with both of them listened to what they were arguing about, it turned out that the husband was trying to tell his wife that he wished he could spend more time with her, because she was often out helping other people in need.  They were talking past each other, though, because they were talking about 2 different things.  The truth was that they both wanted to do something good; they just needed to work on how to achieve those good things together.

Here the wife thought her husband hated her for wanting to help others, when the truth was that he loved her so much he wanted to spend more time with her!  And he loved that she wanted to help other people, but he just wished she would spend more of that energy on him, rather than depleting it all before she got home.  By talking through both of their desires, without accusation or harsh words, they were able to find a way to move forward and help meet each of their desires more fully.

This story leads to the third aspect of how to have a fair fight, which is to watch the words you choose.  Here’s a simple phrase you can memorize and, if you start using it today, you’ll find your conversations will go much smoother immediately.  The phrase is:

“I feel … when …  because … ”

 This focuses the issue on you and your thoughts and feelings rather than on the other person.

In the story I shared above about the couple fighting, the husband started with an accusatory tone by saying “You’re always out helping other people!”  To which his wife immediately reacted by saying, “What’s wrong with helping other people?!?”  Then she started listing all the good and godly reasons to help others.  She was also stung by the word “always” and said, “I’m not always out helping other people!!!” and she began to recall how many the times she stayed home to help him or their family.  (It’s better just to drop using the words “you always” or “you never” from arguments, because the other person can usually think of at least a few times when they did or did not do what they’re being accused of doing).

But because of the husband’s wording (and probably his timing and tone, based on the lateness and intensity of the conversation), he had inadvertently derailed the conversation immediately and they began squabbling over side issues.  Rather than starting the sentence with the accusatory statement “You always…,” consider if he had started with the words, “I feel…,” and then filled in the blanks that followed:

“I feel hurt when you go out to help others because I’d like to spend more time with you myself.”  

That’s really what the husband was trying to say, but it came out as anger and jealousy rather than love and affection.  By blaming her for wanting to help others, he put her on the defensive from the start, rather than simply expressing what he really wanted, which was to spend more time with her.

Using the words “I feel … when … because…” changes the tenor of your conversations immediately and helps you get closer to meeting your own needs sooner than if you get sidetracked on secondary conversations.  You may still need to have those secondary conversations, but you’ll realize that they are just that:  secondary.  The main thing is to be able to express what you’re feeling, without blame or accusation, by describing how feel when the other person does or does not do certain things.

Your choice of words can make all the difference, not only for yourself, but also for the other person.  The Bible says:

“A word fitly spoken is like apples of gold in settings of silver” (Proverbs 25:11, NKJV).

Which means they are well placed are beautiful to behold.

As an exercise to help you think through your words the next time you need to express something you’re feeling, imagine a conversation that you may be currently having with your spouse (or co-worker or friend), whether it’s a conversation you’ve been having out loud or if it’s still just in your head, and try to rephrase what you’re feeling using the words “I feel… when… because.”

Think hard about what you’re really feeling and why.  Rather than accusing the other person in your head, imagine that you’re truly just trying to express your feelings and what triggers those feelings.

I feel lonely
I feel frustrated
I feel hurt
I feel unappreciated

when you come home late
when you move my piles
when you forget to do what I ask
when you correct me

because I want to go to bed with you
because I don’t know where things are when I need them
because I want to know that you care about me
because I’m trying hard to do the right thing

You can see how each of these statements could lead to further discussion and exploration of why the person feels what they feel and finding a solution that is beneficial for both people.

You might be thinking, “That sounds like a lot of work,” and you’d be right!  It is!  But the payoff is worth it.

In woodworking there’s a saying, “Measure twice; cut once.”  When you carefully take the time to measure a piece of wood twice and then cut it only once, you save yourself a whole lot of time patching things up later.  The same could be said of your words:  “Think twice; speak once.”  As the Bible says:

“Everyone should be quick to listen, slow to speak and slow to become angry” (James 1:19b). 

Although it takes extra time and effort to think through your timing, your tone and your words, you’ll save yourself a whole lot of time and effort in patching things up later!

Next week, tip #14!

As a thank you for your donation of any size to our ministry, we’d be glad to send you a paperback copy of another book I’ve written on marriage that focuses specifically on intimacy.  If you’d like a copy, just visit The Ranch Bookstore online to make a donation of any size, and we’ll ship a copy to you anywhere in the world.  Your gifts help us to keep sharing about Christ with others, and we’re happy to send you a gift in return!

15 TIPS FOR A STRONGER MARRIAGE
(Part 3.  Here are the links to Part 1 and Part 2)

by Eric Elder
www.theranch.org

My Friends’ Wedding (photo by Dani Ford)

One of the questions I’m asked most about marriage is “How did you know that Lana was ‘the one’ for you?”  Today I’ll share that answer with you in Tip #12 for how to have a stronger marriage.

But don’t think that today’s tip is only for those who are considering marriage.  Even if you’ve been married a long, long time, today’s tip can help to re-energize your marriage as you remember why you chose your spouse in the first place.

With that in mind, here’s today’s tip for how to have a stronger marriage.

12) Choose well (and remember why you chose the one you did).  Next to your decision to follow Christ, choosing who to marry is the 2nd most important decision you’ll ever make in your life.  It’s a decision that will affect you for the rest of your life, and it’s a decision that will affect generations of people long after you’re gone.

I read a book before I got married that scared me, and for good reason:  I wasn’t ready to get married.  Even though I loved Lana deeply, this book helped me see the enormity of the decision to get married and how it would affect my life from that moment on.  The book was called The Mystery of Marriage by Mike Mason.  Mike said:

“A marriage, or a marriage partner, may be compared to a great tree growing right up through the center of one’s living room.  It is something that is just there, and it is huge, and everything has been built around it, and wherever one happens to be going–to the fridge, to bed, to the bathroom, or out the front door–the tree has to be taken into account.  It cannot be gone through; it must respectfully be gone around.  It is somehow bigger and stronger than oneself.  True, it could be chopped down, but not without tearing the house apart.  And certainly it is beautiful, unique, exotic: but also, let’s face it, it is at times an enormous inconvenience.  

“So there are many things that can be said about one’s life’s mate, but finally, irrevocably, the one definite thing that needs to be said is that he or she is always there.  And that, while it may be common enough in the world of trees, is among us human beings a rather remarkable state of affairs” (Mike Mason, The Mystery of Marriage, p. 39).

The book went on to describe how nothing in life does more to expose our pride, failings and weaknesses than being married.  Our selfishness is exposed at every turn.  As the Bible says:

“As iron sharpens iron, so one person sharpens another” (Proverbs 27:17).  

As helpful as it is for us to be sharpened, the process of chipping away at the ugly and unsightly things in our lives can be painful.  And I just wasn’t ready.  I remember going to my brother and sister-in-law’s wedding, watching them take their vows for a lifetime and thinking, “I can’t do this!  I just can’t do it!”  It wasn’t that I didn’t love Lana, but that I couldn’t imagine giving up the idea of just living my life for myself.

In the months that followed, however, God began to show me all that I would gain by being married.  I had recently put my faith in Christ, and I was already seeing the fruit of having invited Him into my life and taking His thoughts into account before acting on my own.  I was eventually convinced that marriage could be worth giving up whatever independence I had before.  The question then became, “Who does God want me to marry?”

Although the Bible gives us certain baseline criteria for choosing our spouse, such as believers marrying other believers (2 Corinthians 6:14a and 1 Kings 11:2b), not marrying close relatives (Leviticus 18:6-19), and marrying someone who can help God fulfill His recreative design for the world (Leviticus 18:22-23 and Romans 1:26-27), it doesn’t tell us which person, specifically, who God wants us to marry.  At least I didn’t think so.  For that, I knew I would have to rely on God’s Holy Spirit.  And I’ve found that He is more than happy to help us–as long as we’re willing to listen.

So how did I know that Lana was “the one”?  For me, my answer came after months of asking God to speak to me clearly if she was the one that He wanted me to marry.  I had already come to the conclusion that I wanted to marry her, but I needed to know for sure what God wanted, because I knew that He knew both of us better than we knew ourselves.

One morning I sat down in my bedroom to read my Bible, but didn’t know what to read.  I had just finished reading my Bible from cover to cover a few days earlier for the first time in my life, and I wasn’t sure where to start reading again.  So I decided to start over at the beginning.

Lana had come to visit me that morning, and we had already been out to watch a friend run a race in downtown Houston.  We decided to take some time to pray on our own before going on with the day, so she sat on the couch in the living room with her Bible, and I went to the bedroom with mine.  This was a refreshingly new practice for both of us in that past year.

I opened up my Bible to the first page again and began to read about how God created the world, and how God created Adam, the first man on earth.  God put him in a beautiful garden and asked him to take care of it.  But God saw that even in the midst of this beautiful setting, surrounded by all kinds of spectacular things, Adam was still alone:

“The LORD God said, ‘It is not good for the man to be alone. I will make a helper suitable for him’” (Genesis 2:18).

So God created Eve and brought her to Adam.

Even though I had heard this story since I was a kid, this was the first time I had seen it from God’s perspective.  As I read about Adam being alone in the garden, my heart fell as God’s must have fallen, when He saw how lonely Adam was.  Then my heart rose again, as God’s must have risen, when God created Eve and brought her to Adam.  I imagined the smile on Adam’s face must have about a mile wide!

As I pictured this scene in my mind, I suddenly had an intense awareness that God was looking down at me just as He had looked at Adam.  There I was, surrounded by all kinds of spectacular things, but I was still alone.  In that moment, God spoke to my heart.  The words seemed to leap off the page, and I felt that God had done the same for me:  He had created a woman just for me, and He had brought her to me.  She was sitting in the very next room.  After months of praying, I knew that I knew that God really did want to fulfill the desires of my heart.  He really did want me to marry Lana.

I got up off the floor and ran down the hall.  I didn’t stop to look in the mirror as I ran, but I’m sure if I did, the smile on my face must have been about a mile wide.  I told Lana what God was telling me through the story of Adam and Eve.  We talked and we cried and I asked her to marry me right on the spot.  To my delight, she said, “Yes!” and we spent the rest of that incredible day together walking and talking and riding paddle boats in the rain at Miller Park.

My eyes still water as I think about it again, even 25 years later.  Even though I didn’t have a ring, and we didn’t have a candlelight dinner, I had something that was even more precious to me:  I had a word from God that Lana was “the one.”  I can’t tell you how many times I’ve come back to that story over the years, both in good times and in hard times, and how it has re-energized my love for and commitment to Lana.

For Lana, the story was much simpler:  she said she knew from the day she met me that God wanted her to marry me.  She said that as soon as we met, there on the 2nd floor of David Kinley Hall at the University of Illinois, that these words immediately popped into her mind:  “That’s the man you’re going to marry.”

She said it was the wording that made her realize it was from God, and the way that they came into her mind.  She said the words seemed to come into her mind out of the blue, and they were spoken in the 3rd person:  “That’s the man you’re going to marry.”  She said that if it was her own thought, she would have said to herself, “That’s the man I’m going to marry!”  But she didn’t, and the words were clear:  “That’s the man you’re going to marry.”  She was so convinced that she went home that night and called one of her best friends to tell her she had just met the man she was going to marry.  And she was right!

I tell you these stories not because I think God will speak to you in the exact same way, but to give you confidence that God can speak to you, if you’re willing to listen to Him.  God’s Holy Spirit really is alive and active. And, believe it or not, God wants you to know who to marry even more than you want to know it.  He has a bigger stake in the outcome of your life than you do, and He knows you and every other person on the planet even better than you know yourself.

I had been diligently seeking God for months for His answer (after dating Lana for years before finally coming to the place of asking God what He wanted for our relationship).  And Lana had been praying ever since she was a child for a man to marry who would be like Jesus to her, not that I was ever close to that, but in her eyes at least, she felt that I was the answer to all those prayers.

Once I knew that Lana was the one for me, I knew there was never any going back.  I was committed to planting that tree of marriage right in the center of my living room, and I was happier about it than I can possibly tell you.  I never used the D word (Divorce) because I knew that wasn’t an option.  I knew that for better or worse, neither of us were going away, and we were going to have to work through anything that came our way together.  And I couldn’t have been happier about it.

Just like the words “God will never leave you alone” can be either a blessing or a curse depending on how you look at it, the idea of being with another person 24/7 for the rest of your life can be a blessing or a curse, too, depending on how you look at it.  That’s why it’s so important to remember why you chose the one you did in the first place, because it can help restore the way you look at your marriage, not as a curse of always having someone else around, but as a blessing of always having someone else around.

If you’re still considering who to marry, I want to encourage you to choose well.  No decision, other than your decision to follow Christ, is as important.  And no decision this important is one that God wants you to take lightly.  He would love to help you know who to marry, for He has a vested interest in the outcome of both of your lives.

For those of you who have already made your choice of who to marry and who are now living out that choice, perhaps even wondering if you made the right choice or not, I’d like to encourage you to look back and remember why you made that choice in the first place.

What was it that drew you to your spouse?  What made him or her so special to you when you first met or when you first started dating?  What did God speak to you about him or her along the way?  What feelings or emotions stirred within you that made you want to make this commitment to be together forever?  Choosing well is important, but remembering can be just as important to helping you stay committed to your choice.  As Nehemiah said about the Israelites who went back on some of their earlier choices:

“They refused to listen and failed to remember the miracles You performed among them” (Nehemiah 9:17).

They didn’t listen to God, and they failed to remember the miracles He performed among them.  Don’t be like that!  Listen to God, and then remember what God has told you.

I’m not saying it’s easy to choose who to marry or to stay married after you’ve made that choice, and I’m not saying that people won’t surprise you down the road with actions and decisions that catch us totally off guard.  In fact, I’m saying just the opposite.  I’m saying that none of us really know what we’re getting into when we commit to living with another person for the rest of our lives.  None of us really know what’s in the hearts of other people living on the planet, let alone what’s in our own hearts.  But God knows.

God knows what’s in our hearts, and He knows how to guide and direct us if we’re willing to listen.  God also knows how to redeem ANY situation and ANY decision we ever make, even the bad ones.  In fact, that’s why He sent Jesus to die: to redeem us from the poor choices we make, the sins we’ve committed along the way, so that we can live a new and abundant life, both here on earth and in heaven forever.  No matter how you’ve arrived at the place you’re in right now, you can trust Him to redeem and restore it and to help make it right.

But if you’re not married yet, do yourself and everyone else around you a huge favor:  Choose well! Listen to God, then remember the miracles He’s done among you.

As a thank you for your donation of any size to our ministry, we’d be glad to send you a paperback copy of another book I’ve written on marriage that focuses specifically on intimacy.  If you’d like a copy, just visit The Ranch Bookstore online to make a donation of any size, and we’ll ship a copy to you anywhere in the world.  Your gifts help us to keep sharing about Christ with others, and we’re happy to send you a gift in return!

15 TIPS FOR A STRONGER MARRIAGE
(Part 2)

by Eric Elder
www.theranch.org

My Friends’ Wedding (photo by Dani Ford)

Last week I shared 7 tips with you for how to have a stronger marriage.  This week I was going to share 7 more, but have decided to give you just 4 today, because I want to be sure you have time to read and consider deeply how you might apply each of them to your own life.  Then at the end of the series I’ll share 1 final tip of just 3 words that can serve as the glue to hold all of the other tips together.

Again, if you know of others who are newly married, nearly married or would like a boost in their marriage no matter how long they’ve been married, I hope you’ll pass these tips along to them.  (You can still read Part 1 with the first 7 tips at this link.)

With that in mind, here are tips 8 through 11 for how to have a stronger marriage.

8) Be willing to live for your spouse.  I spoke to a man who was divorcing his wife.  She wanted to move to another state to fulfill some of her dreams, but he didn’t want to.  They were at a stalemate and this was the last straw.  I asked him, “If someone threatened to kill your wife, would you be willing to die for her?”  “Yes, of course,” he replied.  Then I asked, “If you would be willing to die for her, would you be willing to live for her?”  We talked again shortly thereafter and he put his faith in Christ.  He reconciled with his wife and they moved across the country.  As Jesus told His disciples:

“Greater love has no one than this, that he lay down his life for his friends” (John 15:13).  

Then Jesus proved His love for His friends by laying down His life for them.

Surprisingly, “laying down your life” doesn’t always mean giving up your own dreams and plans, too.  For Jesus also said,

“For whoever wants to save his life will lose it, but whoever loses his life for Me will find it” (Matthew 16:25).

Sometimes it’s by living your life to help your spouse achieve their dreams that you’ll be able to fulfill your own dreams even better.  If God is the one who has put particular dreams and desires within both you and your spouse, then He’ll find a way to accomplish those dreams and desires for both of you, too.

9) Help your spouse achieve their goals.  This may sound like the previous tip, but the difference is that sometimes you’ll have to take the initiative to help your spouse achieve their goals.  It just may be that God has put you in their life just for this purpose, because He knew they would need your unique help.  After God created Adam, He said:

“It’s not good for the Man to be alone; I’ll make him a helper, a companion” (Genesis 2:18, MSG). 

One of the main purposes for marriage, according to God, is so we won’t have to do life alone; that we’ll have a helper and a companion along the way.

Lana was both of those things to me:  a wonderful companion and a terrific helper.  She helped me do things I could never have done on my own, whether it was building a family or launching a ministry or giving me regular feedback and encouragement on my writing and speaking and planning and dreaming.  At the same time, I was able to help her achieve some of her goals.  Over the years, however, I realized that she still had other dreams and desires for her life which would never be realized if I didn’t step in to give her a boost.  She wanted to do missions work in Africa, visit the Holy Land and make a movie about the life of St. Nicholas.

But with all of her other responsibilities, those dreams seemed either distant or impossible.  So I sat down with her and began to pray about each one, asking God how I could help her achieve her dreams.  By the end of her life, I was able to help her take a missions trip to Africa, visit the Holy Land twice and write out the story of the life of St. Nicholas, which we planned to use as the basis for a movie someday.  When we found out that Lana had cancer, I can’t tell you how thankful I was that I had stepped in to help her fulfill those dreams while she was still able to do them–and I’d encourage you to do the same.

10) Remember your marriage is a calling, too.   I think a word of caution is in order here, too.  Be careful when considering giving up one type of “calling” to follow another.  I shared my story with a group one day about quitting my job and going into full-time ministry.  A woman came up to me afterwards to tell me how excited she was because God was calling her to do the same thing.  After congratulating her for being willing to take this step of faith, I asked her what kept her from doing it before.  She said, “Well, my husband won’t like it because I’m going to have to move and leave him behind.”  “As in divorce?” I asked.  “Yes,” she said, and she looked at the floor.  I said.  “Don’t forsake one type of calling (her marriage) to fulfill another.  If this is from God, He’ll help you to do both.”

Your marriage is a calling just as much as any other kind of “calling.”  When I quit my job and went into full-time ministry, I knew for me that meant living on faith for all of our financial provision (we all live on faith, actually; it’s just that sometimes we’re more acutely aware of it than at others).  But I also knew I was called to my marriage with Lana as well.  So I wrote Lana a letter so she could hold onto it and remind me if necessary, telling her that even though I felt called by God to do this ministry, I also felt called by God to marry her and to take care of her as best I could.  I committed to her, right at the beginning of our ministry, that if ever she felt she wasn’t being cared for because of the ministry that I was doing, then I would quit doing ministry or find another way to do it so that I could care for her better.

I didn’t want to shortchange one calling to fulfill another.  As the Bible says rather forcefully:

“Anyone who does not provide for their relatives, and especially for their own household, has denied the faith and is worse than an unbeliever” (1 Timothy 5:8).  

Lana never had to exercise her right to pull me out of ministry, although she came close to it a few times.  And when she did, we prayed and I filled out applications for other jobs.  God always made a way for me to fulfill both callings, however, so I could keep loving her well and keep doing ministry well.  I knew that if God had called me to both, He would help me to find a way to do both.  But I also knew that if I had to neglect one calling to fulfill another, then I was probably doing something wrong.

11) Remember that God is the provider for you both.  If you haven’t noticed, each of these tips builds on the others.  While there’s a lot that you can do for your spouse, you can’t do everything!  There are some things only God can do.  Ultimately, He’s the one who provides for you both.  As the Bible says,

“The earth is the LORD’s, and everything in it…” (Psalm 24:1a).

When I was first dating Lana, we relied on each other for everything: our conversation, our intimacy, our affirmation, our affection.  But when God broke us up for a period, we learned to rely on Him as the ultimate source of everything in our lives, including each other.  When we finally came back together and eventually got married, we had a new awareness that God was the source of all we needed, even if He used one or the other of us to meet that need.  He was the source of it all.

I was reminded of how much God loved Lana one morning after we had had a funny conversation the day before.  Her car had broken down and we needed to get another, but there was no way we could afford it.  She told me the kind of car she really wanted to get.  She had never cared about makes or models before, just whatever would get her from Point A to Point B.  When I looked at the prices of used models online, I thought, “Good luck with that!”  A friend of ours told us when he sent his daughter off to college, the only thing he had to help her out were his prayers and these words:  “The same God who takes care of me will take care of you.”  God did His part, my friend did his part and my friend’s daughter did her part. 4 years later she had a college degree.  So that night as I prayed for Lana and the car she wanted, I said at the end, rather jokingly, “Well, you’ve got my prayers!  The same God who takes care of me will take care of you!”  Then I rolled over and fell asleep.

The joke was on me, though, when the very next morning I pulled into the parking lot for a men’s group at church and a man pulled in right after me–driving the very same car that Lana had told me she wanted.  He had never visited the group before and I had never seen another car like this around town before.  It was the exact same make, model and color Lana had wanted!  I told him my wife was talking about getting a car just like that, and he said he was actually thinking of selling it!  I had to shake my head and confess to God that I had forgotten how much He loved Lana–even more than I did–and that He was the one who provided for her, just like He provided for me.  Although we didn’t buy that man’s car, God made a way for us to buy another one, the same model, make and color, within just a few months of my prayers.  God really does love our spouse even more than we love them, and He loves to surprise and delight them, just as He loves to surprise and delight us.

Sometimes we make the mistake of trying too hard to please our spouse, only to fall short again and again, when what we really need to do is to trust God that He will provide for them, even when we can’t.  So do your best, and trust God with the rest.

That’s it for today, and probably more than enough “home work” for this week!  Next week, I’ll share more tips with you, then wrap it all up with 3 words to tie all the other tips together.

(P.S. Last week I noted a prayer of blessing in the Bible that Lana regularly prayed for me and the kids, but I referenced the wrong book of the Bible.  The prayer is found in Numbers 6:24-26, not Deuteronomy 6:24-26, just in case you’re looking for that prayer!)

As a thank you for your donation of any size to our ministry, we’d be glad to send you a paperback copy of another book I’ve written on marriage that focuses specifically on intimacy.  If you’d like a copy, just visit The Ranch Bookstore online to make a donation of any size, and we’ll ship a copy to you anywhere in the world.  Your gifts help us to keep sharing about Christ with others, and we’re happy to send you a gift in return!

15 TIPS FOR A STRONGER MARRIAGE
(Part 1)

by Eric Elder
www.theranch.org

My Friends’ Wedding (photo by Dani Ford)

Last month I performed a wedding for some friends of our family.  The bride said she really admired my marriage with Lana and wondered if I would share with them any thoughts I had about what made our marriage so successful.  She said she wanted to get the best possible start for her new lifetime commitment of her own.

Although it would be hard to summarize 23 years of thoughts on marriage into just a few short tips, I began to write out some of the things that really did help to make our marriage work as well as it did.

I wish I could say that if you just put each of these 15 tips into practice in your own marriage that you would be guaranteed a successful marriage, but relationships just don’t work like that.  Each of us is unique, and the way we relate to each other is unique.  Yet, I’ll explain along the way how each tip helped to strengthen our marriage, and hopefully that will help you to adapt them and apply them to your own situation.

This week I’ll share the first 7 tips and I’ll share the rest of the tips over the weeks that follow.  Then I’ll wrap it all up with  a final tip that can serve as the glue that holds all the others together, and which can be summed up in 3 short words (and the 3 words are not “I love you” or “I am sorry,” as helpful and important as those are!)

Since there are 7 tips in today’s message, you might want to save or print this message and read 1 tip a day for the next 7 days so you can really consider how to apply each tip to your own marriage.  And if you know someone who is getting married or who is newly married, or even someone who’s been married awhile but might like to strengthen their own marriage, you might want to share this message with them, too.  It just may be the boost they need to make their marriage not just good, but great!

With that as background, here are the first 7 tips for how to have the strongest marriage possible.

1) Pray with each other daily.  Before Lana and I got married, I heard someone say that he prayed every night with his wife before they went to bed.  He said this assured them of 2 things every day.  1- This assured them that each of them was being prayed for every single day of their lives.  Since I believe in the power of prayer, I was so eager to try this even before I got married that I tried it with my roommate at the time.  It turned out to be so powerful, and we saw so many answers to our prayers, that I was convinced to do it when I entered into marriage as well.  2- This assured them that each of them would have a chance to express some of their deepest needs that they may never have shared otherwise.  Often I would go through a whole day with Lana, talking and doing life together, and think that I knew what she probably wanted prayer for by the end of the day.  But there were often times when I asked her how I could pray for her and she would surprise me with something that I would have never guessed on my own.

No matter how late it was at night or what kind of mood we were in, we kept this commitment daily, even if it was just praying a blessing over each other in Jesus’ name.  One of Lana’s favorite prayers to pray for me and for the kids was this one from the Bible:

“The LORD bless you and keep you; the LORD make His face shine upon you and be gracious to you; the LORD turn His face toward you and give you peace” (Numbers 6:24-26).

I shared this tip with the couple I married and a few days into their honeymoon they posted this on their Facebook page:  “A man filled with great wisdom told us before we got married that every night we should pray together before we fall asleep.  So far in our short marriage we have done that.  There is nothing more intimate.”  I agree!

2) Take out the TV.  Lack of communication is the #1 cause of divorce.  It’s amazing how even having a TV in the room can impact the communication with your spouse.  It’s always easier to turn on the TV than to talk to someone else.  The TV doesn’t talk back; you don’t have to listen if you don’t want to.  You can be delighted and entertained for hours on end without doing any of the heavy lifting of a relationship.  Having a TV in the room is like always having a third person in your marriage, even when it’s off, because the temptation to turn it on is still there.

Lana and I read a book before marriage called, “The First Years of Forever” by Ed and Gaye Wheat, which argued convincingly that the patterns you set in the first 2 years of your marriage will set the tone for the patterns you’ll have in your 7th year and 14th year and so on.  So to set the patterns right from the start, make communication a #1 goal.  Lana and I put our TV in the back of the closet for the first year of our marriage.  The only time we got it out was when we heard that the Berlin Wall was being torn down live on television, 1 of the most significant news events of that year.  Then back into the closet it went.

I can’t tell you the joy that Lana and I had that first year, just the two of us in our 1-bedroom apartment in Houston, Texas.  It freed us up to spend all kinds of time together, whether it was cooking dinner, playing games, cleaning dishes, going out or making love.  Someone had given us money to buy a new TV as a wedding present, which we saved for when our first year was over.  But we enjoyed our life without a TV so much that we kept it that way for several years, until we eventually bought a new one to watch movies or to teach the kids.  23 years later, we still watched very little TV, nor did our kids, because we never developed the a habit.  (And when we did start watching TV again, we were shocked at how much more negative the content on TV seemed to have turned in just those few short years.)

Let me add here again that these are suggestions that you’ll have to adapt to your own situation, be it limiting time on the Internet or social media, or watching only a set number of shows or sporting events per month, or whatever it takes to give you the best shot at increasing your time to communicate.  As the Apostle Paul reminded the Corinthians:

“Everything is permissible”–but not everything is beneficial. “Everything is permissible”–but not everything is constructive (1 Corinthians 10:23).

3) Combine your bank accounts.  Communication is the #1 cause for divorce, but finances are a close second.  Lana and I were encouraged at the beginning of our marriage to combine our bank accounts and share a checkbook.  This meant that we had to talk about our purchases with each other so there were no surprises.  This also kept us in check from making whimsical or unnecessary purchases.  By combining our bank accounts we were also able to better save our money and make a priority of helping to fulfill each other’s dreams, whether it was a special trip for an anniversary or a missions trip to another country or a new vehicle when we needed one.

Because we had to make our decisions together, we simply made wiser decisions.  Although it was harder at first because we had to work together, it kept us from having the mentality that “this is my money” and “this is your money.”  We realized early on that  “this is God’s money” and we wanted to spend it in the best way possible.  As King David said in the Bible:

“Everything comes from You, and we have given You only what comes from Your hand” (1 Chronicles 29:14b).

This may not apply to every situation or every stage of life, but it’s important to do something to make sure your finances enhance your marriage and not take away from it.  For instance, I noticed that Lana was supportive whenever I was asked to speak anywhere special, but that doing so cost her in terms of my time and energy.  So I began giving her any money I received from these extra speaking engagements, rather than using it for our every day bills.  It was a simple way to make sure the money we received was working for our marriage, not against it.

4) Never use the “D” word: Divorce.  There’s a funny line in the movie, It’s a Wonderful Life, when the house maid Annie gives some money to George Bailey when he’s in dire straights.  Annie says, “I’ve been saving this money for a divorce, if ever I got a husband!”  It’s a funny line for a movie, but it’s a terrible line for real life.  Sometimes we’re tempted to hold things back from our spouse “just in case things don’t work out.”  But those very things that you’re holding back could be the pathway to greater intimacy if they were shared, whether it’s money or secrets or simply giving yourself as fully as possible to your spouse.

If you’re committed to marriage for life, which God certainly is, never use the word “divorce,” especially as a threat.  Some people hold onto that option and use it as a weapon in an argument.  But it’s not a weapon.  Jesus said that Moses allowed for divorce only because of the hardness of people’s hearts, but that it wasn’t always that way from the beginning (see Matthew 19:8).

If you’re having problems in your marriage, keep your hearts soft and tender by looking for other ways to deal with your problems, whether you look to God, the Bible, prayer, counselors, friends, or perhaps even time away.  But not divorce.  “I hate divorce,” God says in the Bible (Malachi 2:16), and anyone who’s been through one knows why.

When I’ve counseled couples for marriage, I’ve sometimes told them that I’m glad to bless their marriage, but on one condition:  that if they ever consider a divorce, that they have to come back to me first and get my blessing for that, too.  Then I let them know that in all my years of counseling people through even some of the most intense situations, I’ve never blessed a divorce.  I’ve always felt that God can work through even the most intense situations, especially if both people are willing to do so.

5) Confess your sins quickly.  I heard about a man who walked across America.  He said his toughest moments weren’t when he was walking through the rain or snow or to the top of a tall mountain.  He said his toughest times were when he got tiny grains of sand in his shoes.  Unless he stopped to regularly dump out the sand, those tiny grains would rub against his feet until blisters formed and then it would be days or weeks of extreme pain until his feet healed.

I heard this story in a sermon about marriage one Sunday morning, in the context of confessing even those small sins in our lives to our spouse, dumping them out before they rubbed enough to cause more severe pain.  I immediately thought of a particular friendship I had with someone that I enjoyed, perhaps a little too much.  There was nothing sinful going on, but the fact that this friendship came to mind as I heard this story made me wonder if maybe I should confess it to Lana and ask her what to do about it.  I didn’t want to mention it though, because I was afraid the best solution would be to step back from this friendship all together, and I didn’t want to lose the friendship, too.

But after a few days of praying, I realized that even though this issue seemed like a tiny deal, as small as a grain of sand, I knew I’d rather dump it out now than to let it possibly endanger my marriage down the road.  I confessed it to Lana and we agreed it would be best for me to politely back off from the friendship.  Even though it was a good friendship in my life, I felt so much freer after that, and it never caused another problem again.  Confess any sins right away, even if they’re as small as a grain of sand.  As the Bible says,

“Therefore confess your sins to each other and pray for each other so that you may be healed” (James 5:16).

6) Love your way through any “irreconcilable differences.”  I once heard about an interviewer who asked several couples who had gotten a divorce how many “irreconcilable differences” they had in their marriage, things that they were simply never able to agree upon.  The average answer was 5 or 6 “irreconcilable differences.”  The interviewer then asked the same question of several couples who were still together after 40, 50 and 60 years.  Their average answer?  5 or 6!  It wasn’t the number of irreconcilable differences that made the difference in whether the couples stayed together or not, but their commitment to love each other through them.

We’re all unique.  We all have different backgrounds and life experiences.  It’s no surprise that we think differently on various topics as well.  It’s part of life, and it’s all part of what makes being married work so much better than being alone for so many people, because they can each bring their best ideas to table.  But invariably this means that many other ideas have to be left on the table, even good ones.  Lana and I agreed on a lot of things, but there were probably 5 or 6 that we never did agree on in all our years together.

We’re all like porcupines, with our various differences and sins poking out of us all the time.  And when we get close enough to someone else, there’s a good chance we’ll get poked.  Yet even porcupines find a way to have baby porcupines.  How do they do it?  Very carefully!

Don’t let your sins and differences cause you to lose your commitment to a lifetime of marriage no matter what.  Love your way through them instead.  As the Bible says:

“Above all, love each other deeply, because love covers over a multitude of sins” (John 15:13). 

7) Invite and allow Jesus to love your spouse through you.  When I married Lana, I knew without a doubt that she was a gift from God to me.  But I also realized that if she was a gift from God to me, then perhaps I was a gift from God to her, too.  As such, I often wondered what Jesus would want me to do for her if He were here on earth, for the Bible says that we are the body of Christ and He wants to live His life through us to touch others (see 1 Corinthians 12).

So when Lana would lay in bed at night, exhausted from a long day of taking care of everyone else around her, I would think, “What Would Jesus Do?”  If He were here, what would He want to say to her?  What would He want to do for her?  How would He minister to those deepest needs of her heart right now?  Then I would try to let Jesus use me to love her, using my words to speak to her, my hands to stroke her head, my ears to listen to what she’d been going through during the day.

WWJD (What Would Jesus Do) might seem like a trite acronym to put on a bracelet or a bumper sticker, but it’s only trite if we make it so.  If we take it seriously–and realize it’s exactly what God wants us to ask at all times and in all situations, especially with our spouse–it can change the dynamics of every relationship that we have.

As I was writing this message to you today, I happened to hear from the wife of a couple I had married several years ago.  She shared with me that that this was the single most important tip she learned back then, and that it was the #1 thing that was getting her through the mess they were in right now, inviting and allowing Jesus to love her spouse through her.

Just as God has placed your spouse in your life as a gift to you, He has placed you in your spouse’s life as a gift to them.  Invite and allow Jesus to love your spouse through you.  As the Bible says:

“Now you are the body of Christ, and each one of you is a part of it” (1 Corinthians 12:27).

That’s enough tips for this week (it’s enough for a lifetime, really!)  But next week I’ll share some more tips that can be just as significant as these.  Then I’ll wrap it all up with 3 simple words that serve as the glue to hold all the other tips together.

If you’d like to hear more thoughts on marriage, I’ve posted more details about what I’ve learned from God in a book that you can read for free anytime day or night on my website at this link.   Or if you’d like a paperback or ebook version, just click the link below to get a copy from our bookstore for a donation of any size to our ministry.  Your gifts help us to keep sharing about Christ with others, and we’re happy to send you a gift in return!

THE POWER OF LEARNING FROM OTHERS
by Eric Elder
www.theranch.org

Lana (2nd from right) and her 3 college grads, taken 6 years ago this week when Karis (right), Lucas (2nd from left) and Makari (left) were still in high school

I’ve just been to the last of 3 college graduations in the past 5 months, and I’m so thankful not only to the kids for all of their hard work, but to Lana, for being the incredible mother and teacher that she was. Lana homeschooled Karis, Lucas and Makari from kindergarten through high school, so today I just wanted to honor her for the incredible job she did.  At the same time, I’d like to let you in on one of her secrets of success:  learning from others.  As Paul encouraged  the Philippians:

“Whatever you have learned or received or heard from me, or seen in me–put it into practice” (Philippians 4:9a).

Believe it or not, when I first started dating Lana 30 years ago, one of the questions I had about marrying her was what kind of mother she would be. And to be honest, she had the same question!

She said that college had prepared her for a job in business or computers, but it hadn’t prepared her for one of her most important jobs: mothering. She knew how to do accounting, computer programming and business writing, but she wished she had taken classes in cooking, sewing, nursing or child psychology.

There was so much to learn and she had to do it all on-the-job. I remember the first time she tried making spaghetti for the 2 of us. Having come from a family with 9 kids, she had no idea how to make various-sized portions, so she just put the whole box of spaghetti into the boiling water. We had spaghetti for a week!

But Lana spent the next 23 years learning everything she could to become the incredible wife and mother that she was. When someone made a meal that she liked, she asked them for the recipe and tips on how to make it. When she found an older woman who knew how to quilt, she asked her for lessons and ended up making many beautiful quilts over the years. When she had questions about child-raising, she read books on parenting. When the kids were sick and she had no idea what to do, she looked up answers in a big medical book my mom gave us when we first got married.

From the time Karis was born, Lana wanted to homeschool our kids. Homeschooling was still pretty new at the time, and neither of us knew anything about it. But Lana said the reason she wanted to have the kids in the first place was because she wanted to spend time with them, and homeschooling seemed to be a great way to do that.

So even before Karis was old enough to go to school, Lana started going to homeschooling conventions, asking other homeschoolers how they did what they did and researching the best curricula and lesson plans she could find.

Karis (center, waving) graduating from Liberty on May 10, 2014

We heard from other homeschooling parents to just take it a year at a time and decide each year if we thought this was still the best plan for the kids and ourselves. So we started that 1st year with just 1 year in mind. Then every spring, we’d re-evaluate if it was going to work again for another year. 1 year turned into 2, and 2 years turned into 3. Eventually Lana was teaching 6 different kids, with 6 different learning styles, in 6 different grade levels.

Lucas graduating from Hillsong on Dec 2, 2013

She headed up the local homeschooling group and coordinated various field trips and reading programs. To anyone who met her at that time, they would have thought she was just a natural supermom. But she would be the first to say that she wasn’t. She had worked as long and as hard as the kids to become the incredible mother that she was. When Karis graduated from high school, I was so proud of Karis, but I was also so proud of Lana. I gave her a note saying that she should get a certificate, too, for being such a great mother and teacher.

Makari graduating from Bethel on May 8, 2014

As I watched each of the kids walk across their respective stages this year to receive their college diplomas (Karis with a 4-year degree in biblical studies from Liberty in Lynchburg, Virginia; Lucas with a 3-year diploma in worship and leadership from Hillsong in Sydney, Australia; and Makari with a 2-year certificate in transformational ministry from Bethel in Redding, California), I couldn’t help but look to heaven, too, and say to Lana, “Well done, Mama! Well done!” I wished she was there in person to see each of them graduate, but I couldn’t help but be thankful for her investment of time, love and attention into each of the kids’ lives. I could see the fruit of all her efforts right before my eyes.

I can’t believe Lana’s been gone now, as of this week, for a year and a half. She was only sick for 9 months, and she’s been gone now for 18, twice as long as she was sick. Time just keeps flying by. But as I think about her life and her investment in the kids, I also think about one of her favorite stories that encouraged her to make the most of the life that she had.

It was a story about a women who had a neighbor with a beautiful flower garden. Every time this woman complimented her neighbor on something in her garden, her neighbor would dig up part of the plant and give it to her to plant in her own yard. Over the years, this woman had been given countless starts for countless plants, yet her own garden remained bare. She thought she’d never be able to have a beautiful garden like her neighbor, so she never even bothered to put the plants in the ground. She ended up jealous and dejected, with nothing to show for all that she had been given.

Lana didn’t want to be like this woman with the bare garden at the end of her life. So whenever she saw something beautiful in someone else’s life, or something that someone else was doing that she liked, Lana would ask how to do it, how to make it work in her own life, then she’d give it a try and see if she could do it, too. Although Lana and I both wondered at the beginning of our life together what kind of mother she would be, she turned out to produce one of the most beautiful gardens I’ve ever seen, all because she kept learning from others as much as she could, then putting what she learned into practice in her life.

If Lana were here I know she would encourage you to do the same. If you see something in life that you like in others, or something that others do well that you’d like to do, too, ask them how to do it. Learn from them all you can. Then plant what you’re given and watch what blooms. It’s never too late to start!

Lana, I love you. I’m proud of you. You continue to encourage me and the kids and so many others to be the best that we can be, too. CONGRATULATIONS! You have so much to be proud of!

As a thank you for your donation of any size to our ministry or for writing a 1-2 sentence review of our latest CD on Amazon,  we’ll send you a copy of the CD in the mail, anywhere in the world!  It’s a 100% Pure Piano CD called Tenderly by Marilyn Byrnes.  You can listen to the whole CD online for free anytime by visiting this link.  But to get a complimentary CD instead, just make a donation of any size to The Ranch at this link OR write a 1-2 sentence review on Amazon at this link.  Your reviews help us spread the word about this music and help to multiply the blessings all around!   Thank you!

LISTEN TO ONE ANOTHER
Part 3 in the “One Another” Series. Click here to read Part 1 and Part 2

by Kent Sanders
ArtistsSuitcase.com

One evening a few months ago, I was sitting on the couch with my laptop when my wife Melanie came home from work. She sat down and I asked how her day was. She proceeded to share some events from her day while I continued to write and listen to her at the same time.

She talked for about 10 minutes, and there was a slight pause. Then the conversation went something like this:

Me: “So, you had a pretty good day?”

Melanie: “What? No, I didn’t have a good day! I just spent several minutes telling you how bad it was!”

Busted!

The truth is that I hadn’t been listening at all. I heard her talking but was completely disengaged from the conversation.

It seems increasingly harder for us to listen to one another. We are constantly distracted by our phones, computers, and the chaos of the world around us. But technology and media can never replace authentic human relationships. One of the most important ways to express the value of those relationships is by listening to others.

Listen to this simple and direct teaching from James:

Know this, my beloved brothers: let every person be quick to hear, slow to speak, slow to anger; for the anger of man does not produce the righteousness of God. [James 1.19-20, ESV]

These verses may be simple to understand but they’re hard to put into practice. Here are 10 tips to help you be “quick to hear, slow to speak” in your conversations:

1. Be genuinely interested in the other person. Every person is inherently interesting, and everyone has a story to share. There is something to learn from everyone.

2. Be fully present, mentally and emotionally. It’s easy to fake being interested while half-heartedly paying attention. Put down your phone, look the other person in the eye, and focus completely on what they’re saying.

3. Empathize with the other person. When you empathize, you are not only listening to facts, you’re trying to put yourself in their shoes and see things from their perspective.

4. Restate what the other person is saying in your own words. This helps them know you’re paying attention and affirms that you’re listening.

5. Don’t try to offer solutions (unless they ask for one). As a man, I am often guilty of this since guys always want to “fix things.” But most people don’t want a solution; they want someone to listen and empathize with their feelings and perspective.

6. Take the time to listen. Slow down enough to be fully engaged in the conversation. Don’t think about all the things you have to do, or your next appointment. If you don’t have time to listen attentively, set another time when you can be fully present.

7. Assume you can learn something from the other person. It’s easy to categorize others into those whom we enjoy being around, and those whom we perceive as burdens on our time. But in most conversations, you can learn something or take away a new insight if you are searching for it.

8. Don’t project the conversation in your head. Have you ever been talking to someone and played the entire conversation out in your head before it’s done? This is a surefire way to kill a genuine connection with someone.

9. Make a game out of it. This may sound silly, but it can be a fun way to improve your listening skills. Challenge yourself to pay attention and to fully engage in the conversation. See how long you can go without thinking about something else.

10. Have a servant attitude. Above all, listening is a way to serve others and show the compassion and love of Christ. When you look at prayer from the perspective of God listening to us, the least we can do is return the favor by listening to His children!

Today you will likely have a conversation with someone. (That is, unless you’re a hermit and never talk to anyone.) Challenge yourself to be truly present in your next conversation. It’s a great opportunity to practice your listening skills, which is one of the powerful ways to build relationships and let people know you care.

Kent Sanders writes on art and creativity at ArtistsSuitcase.com. He is also Professor of Worship at St. Louis Christian College in Florissant, MO. You can connect with him on Facebook or follow him on Twitter.  When you subscribe to the Artist’s Suitcase you will receive a free Artist’s Manifesto, a study guide and an EP of 5 songs!

As a thank you for your donation of any size to our ministry or for writing a 1-2 sentence review of our latest CD on Amazon,  we’ll send you a copy of the CD in the mail, anywhere in the world!  It’s a 100% Pure Piano CD called Tenderly by Marilyn Byrnes.  You can listen to the whole CD online for free anytime by visiting this link.  But to get a complimentary CD instead, just make a donation of any size to The Ranch at this link OR write a 1-2 sentence review on Amazon at this link.  Your reviews help us spread the word about this music and help to multiply the blessings all around!   Thank you!

ENCOURAGE ONE ANOTHER
Part 2 in the “One Another” Series. Click here to read Part 1, Forgive One Another.

by Kent Sanders
ArtistsSuitcase.com

About ten years ago I was on a train heading back home to Illinois, where I lived at the time. At one of the stops a complete stranger got up and gave a handwritten note to me. He was a young man with a backpack and I only caught a glimpse of him as the train pulled away. He must have overheard a phone conversation I had about some discouraging things I was facing.

The note said, “Do not be discouraged. Keep running the race that God has set for you. Do the work that God has planned for your life and trust Him to take care of the rest. Don’t get down when things aren’t running smoothly. Just trust God to take care of them. Keep your chin up (Hebrews 3.13).”

I still have that note. It was a simple yet incredible reminder of the power of encouragement. It’s a power that you and I possess but don’t use nearly enough.

Everyone needs encouragement. To see this firsthand, all you have to do is look in the eyes of the people you meet each day. It’s not hard to see the despair, anxiety, stress and hopelessness that in their eyes. Most people are starving for words of hope and affirmation.

This need is so deep, and so universal, that God commands us to encourage others with our words and actions. Listen to Paul’s instruction from 1 Thessalonians:

We ask you, brothers, to respect those who labor among you and are over you in the Lord and admonish you, and to esteem them very highly in love because of their work. Be at peace among yourselves. And we urge you, brothers, admonish the idle, encourage the fainthearted, help the weak, be patient with them all. See that no one repays anyone evil for evil, but always seek to do good to one another and to everyone. Rejoice always, pray without ceasing, give thanks in all circumstances; for this is the will of God in Christ Jesus for you. Do not quench the Spirit. Do not despise prophecies, but test everything; hold fast what is good. Abstain from every form of evil. [1 Thessalonians 5.12-22, ESV]

These verses are packed with practical ideas about how you can encourage others. Let’s look at five of them:

1. You encourage others by respecting their authority. Paul commands us to respect our spiritual leaders. It would easy to perceive this as a burden, but it’s actually a joy because you have the opportunity to encourage those who are responsible for caring for your soul. It’s a win-win for everyone!

2. You encourage others by being compassionate. The idle, the fainthearted, the weak…they all need help and support. It’s easy to judge others who aren’t living up to your standards, but the truth is that none of us live up to God’s standards. It’s much more effective to help and serve then condemn and judge.

3. You encourage others by your ethical behavior. Did you notice Paul’s two commands concerning evil? We shouldn’t repay anyone evil for evil, and we should stay away from every form of evil. The virtue, character and integrity you demonstrate is a form of encouragement all by itself.

4. You encourage others by maintaining good relationships. Rejoicing, giving thanks and being at peace with others are all ways to build great relationships. Anyone can be a powerful encourager if he or she invests in healthy relationships with others.

5.  You encourage others by being intentional about it. Admonishing, being patient and helping are intentional actions. You can’t really help others by accident, and you certainly can’t be patient with others by accident! Encouraging others involves being mindful of the opportunities around us to be a positive force in the people’s lives, and then taking action.

You don’t need to be a superhero or possess amazing talents to be an encourager. You just need to be intentional about it. You can make a tremendous difference in people’s lives when you notice their needs and do something about it.

Who in your life could use some encouragement?

Maybe it’s a widow in your neighborhood who could use an encouraging word.

Maybe it’s your boss who is struggling under the weight of his or her responsibilities.

Maybe it’s your pastor who is dealing with unfair criticism from church members.

Maybe it’s the retail clerk who rang you up at the store, and you couldn’t help but notice despair and hopelessness in her eyes.

Maybe it’s your son or daughter who is struggling in school.

Or maybe it’s your husband or wife who has gained a few pounds and desperately needs to know you love and accept them unconditionally.

We live in a time of abundance. There is an abundance of technology, food, entertainment, and knowledge. But ironically, there is a critical lack of love and affirmation. Everywhere you look, people are thirsting for encouragement.

The ancient philosopher Plato said, “Be kind, for everyone you meet is fighting a hard battle.” Sometimes people will put on a happy face for everyone, but you can be assured that everyone you meet is going through a trial of some kind and could use a little encouragement.

And you, my friend, have the amazing opportunity to bring hope and healing through your words and actions. Whom will you encourage today?

Kent Sanders writes on art and creativity at ArtistsSuitcase.com. He is also Professor of Worship at St. Louis Christian College in Florissant, MO. You can connect with him on Facebook or follow him on Twitter.  When you subscribe to the Artist’s Suitcase you will receive a free Artist’s Manifesto, a study guide and an EP of 5 songs! 

As a thank you for your donation of any size to our ministry or for writing a 1-2 sentence review of our latest CD on Amazon,  we’ll send you a copy of the CD in the mail, anywhere in the world!  It’s a 100% Pure Piano CD called Tenderly by Marilyn Byrnes.  You can listen to the whole CD online for free anytime by visiting this link.  But to get a complimentary CD instead, just make a donation of any size to The Ranch at this link OR write a 1-2 sentence review on Amazon at this link.  Your reviews help us spread the word about this music and help to multiply the blessings all around!   Thank you!

Note from Eric Elder:  I’ve asked my good friend Kent Sanders to share a series of messages with you over the next few weeks.  He’ll be writing about practical ways to build better relationships, starting this week with forgiveness.  I hope you enjoy learning from Kent as much as I do.  You can learn more about Kent from the links at the end of today’s message.

FORGIVE ONE ANOTHER
Part 1 of the “One Another” Series
by Kent Sanders

I don’t cook very often (for good reason), but I admit that I can make a pretty good peach pie. A few months ago, my Dad gave me a large bag of sliced peaches he had picked from a peach tree in his back yard. I decided I would try to make a pie. I gathered all the ingredients for my special recipe, mixed them up, poured it over a crust and added another crust on top, and baked it.

When I took it out of the oven and let it cool off for a while, I couldn’t wait to taste it. I took a big bite and something didn’t taste right. In fact, it tasted pretty terrible. I couldn’t quite put my finger on it until my wife asked, “Did you add sugar?”

Then it hit me: In my quest to bake a perfect pie, I left out a key ingredient. The result was a bitterness that ruined the whole thing.

A bitter pie is something that can easily be replaced. But a bitter heart is a much more serious problem.

It’s easy to become bitter and angry when you’ve been hurt by someone. But when you carry around the emotional baggage from the past, it only hurts yourself and those you love. I have known people in their thirties who still held grudges toward people who had hurt them in high school. I have met others who kept a mental list of everyone who had ever wronged them.

Have you ever met someone like this, or perhaps even been that person? If so, these words from the Apostle Paul are for you:

“Put on then, as  God’s chosen ones, holy and beloved,  compassionate hearts,  kindness,  humility, meekness, and patience,  bearing with one another and,  if one has a complaint against another,  forgiving each other;  as the Lord has forgiven you, so you also must forgive.  And above all these put on  love, which  binds everything together in  perfect harmony.  And let  the peace of Christ rule in your hearts, to which indeed you were called  in one body. And  be thankful.”  [Colossions 3.12-15, ESV]

Paul’s instruction in these verses is easy to understand, but difficult to put into practice. Forgiveness is never easy, but it’s possible with God’s help.

Let’s look at a few practical observations about forgiveness from this passage:

1. Forgiveness is a choice. Paul speaks about forgiveness in terms of a command, not an option. When you think of how others have hurt you in the past, your first thought is probably not, “I feel like forgiving them!” But forgiveness doesn’t come from your emotions. There is never a time when you feel like forgiving others. It’s a choice or a decision to let go of your anger and hatred toward someone.

2. Jesus is the model for forgiveness. We are to forgive others just as Christ has forgiven us. Those are tough words! When you consider the offenses you have committed against God, the often petty complaints we have against others don’t seem so important. But even if someone has committed a serious offense against you, Jesus continues to be the model for forgiving others completely.

3. Love is the driving force behind forgiveness. Love is the binding agent of all relationships. In the simplest terms, love means doing what is best for someone else. Forgiveness is always the best option. Hatred and anger never results in good. Love is always the best option, even though it is not always easy.

4. The result of forgiveness is peace. Did you notice the connection in these verses between forgiving others and peace? When you let go of your anger, you experience a peace like never before. The person who hurt you no longer has hold of your mind and emotions. You are free to experience all that life has to offer when you let go of your anger and bitterness.

No one said forgiveness was easy. But when God commands something, we know it’s possible when we rely on his strength to help us accomplish it.

Is there someone you need to forgive? Only you can answer that question. Search your heart: Are you angry or bitter at someone because they have hurt you?

Regardless of the offense, forgiveness is possible. It may take time, and even professional help of some kind, but it’s possible. Ask God to give you wisdom so you can begin the healing process in your life.

Kent Sanders writes on art and creativity at ArtistsSuitcase.com, which you can subscribe to at this link. He is also Professor of Worship at St. Louis Christian College in Florissant, MO. You can connect with him on Facebook or follow him on Twitter.

As a thank you for your donation of any size to our ministry or for writing a 1-2 sentence review of our latest CD on Amazon,  we’ll send you a copy of the CD in the mail, anywhere in the world!  It’s a 100% Pure Piano CD called Tenderly by Marilyn Byrnes.  You can listen to the whole CD online for free anytime by visiting this link.  But to get a complimentary CD instead, just make a donation of any size to The Ranch at this link OR write a 1-2 sentence review on Amazon at this link.  Your reviews help us spread the word about this music and help to multiply the blessings all around!   Thank you!

PAYDAY’S HERE! 3 STORIES FOR EASTER
Part 3 of 3. Click to read Part 1 and Part 2

by Eric Elder
www.theranch.org

For the last two weeks I’ve been telling you, “Payday’s Coming!  Payday’s Coming!”  But today, I can tell you “Payday’s HERE!”  There are times when you have to wait and wait and wait for the promise of some kind of payday to come in your life.  But I’m here to tell you that the day WILL come when YOUR payday will arrive, too!

Yesterday I officiated at the wedding of a family friend who I’ve known for over 15 years and for whom I’ve prayed many times like I’ve prayed for my own kids.  After all those years of praying and waiting for a man who will be the perfect match for her, her payday finally came! As I watched these two come together during the wedding ceremony, I was reminded that for all those years of waiting and praying, payday does eventually come.

Easter holds the same promise for all of us who believe in Jesus.  We can wait and wait and wait for God to move in our lives, sometimes going through the hardest of times along the way, only to see God work in ways that go beyond anything we can imagine.  Jesus went through betrayal, beatings and death, only to rise again from the dead in the greatest payday story of all time:  paying for the sins of all humanity, and rising from the dead to give assurance to each of us who believe in Him that we will be raised from the dead one day, too.  As Christian painter Ron DeCianni has said:

“The resurrection of Jesus Christ is the single act in history that separates Christianity from every other religion, every other philosophy and every other belief system.”  

It’s true.  While other spiritual leaders may have had good teachings, it’s what Jesus did for me by His death and resurrection that makes me want to follow Him for the rest of my life and on into heaven forever.  The resurrection of Jesus Christ is the greatest payday story of all time.

My hope today is that you will KNOW that paydays do come.  God does not give us hope just to string us along for the rest of our lives, never fulfilling our dreams along the way.  Yes, we may go through hard times.  Yes, we may have to wait and wait and wait until what we’re praying for comes true.  Yes, we may have some stretching and learning and growing to do along the way.  But the day WILL finally come when our waiting will all be over and we’ll see our dreams come true, both here on earth and in heaven forever.

I’ve told you 2 of the 3 stories I promised to tell you for Easter from my trip to Dallas a few weeks ago.  I’ve told you about how God spoke to me through a romance novel, how God spoke through me to deliver a powerful sermon, and today I want to tell you about how God reached down and touched me through a white handkerchief.  Believe me, I’ve saved the best story for last, for this Easter Sunday.

As I mentioned last week, I went to Dallas for a 20-year reunion of the church where I was ordained.  I was just planning to hang out with friends from many years ago.  But on Saturday night, the senior pastor texted to ask me if I’d be willing to share my testimony at the 4th service at their church the following day, the service I told him I would be attending.  I texted back saying, “I’m willing,” but I really wasn’t prepared or ready to speak for the whole service.

The senior pastor then texted back and said not to worry, that it was their least attended service, and I could just share from my heart.  I was relieved and said I’d be glad to do it.  So I wrote down 3 things I wanted to share with them from my heart, just 3 simple lines of a few words each:

• Affirm them in their love
• Remind them of the truth
• Identify with their struggle

That’s it!  Just so you know, I usually write out my entire messages in full, preparing my thoughts as fully as possible.  But with no time to prepare, that’s all I was able to write down before I drove off to the church.  By the time I arrived, I was already getting texts from my friends who had attended the earlier services saying they couldn’t wait to hear me speak at the 4th service.

I walked in a little early and heard part of the 3rd service.  The senior pastor was giving an impassioned plug for everyone to attend the 4th service, telling them about his friend who was coming to share his powerful testimony, and to stay if they possibly could!  I looked down at my 3 short lines of notes in my journal in my hands and started to panic!  And when I walked back in to attend the 4th service where I was supposed to share (the service that was supposed to be the “least attended” service of the day) the church was packed from front to back, with people waiting to hear what I had to share!

Now I was more nervous than ever.  As I stood in the front row, singing worship songs, I knew I just had to trust God, but I was still pretty nervous.  Let me add that I’m also a pretty emotional speaker.  When I speak, I often get so passionate about what God has put on my heart that I usually end up in tears at some point.  My wife, Lana, would often hand me a Kleenex just before I got up to speak, because I usually forget and then I would have to ask someone to bring one to me during the message.  But Lana wasn’t there anymore, having died a little more than a year earlier, so I was standing there without her in the front row.  Of course, I had forgotten to bring a Kleenex again, too, and I wasn’t even thinking about it.  I was just panicking about the message I was supposed to give in just a few minutes.

In those final moments of panic, I raised my right hand during worship and called out to heaven, “Lana, help me!”  Just at that moment, a friend of mine from 17 years ago tapped me on the shoulder and put a white handkerchief in my outstretched hand.  I looked at him and looked at the handkerchief, then looked back up to heaven and said, “Thank you!”  God had answered my prayer for help within moments of asking Him!  My panicky heart was instantly calmed, and the panic was replaced with confidence, confidence that God was with me and would walk me through this difficult time, too.

The senior pastor introduced me and I stepped up onto the stage, white handkerchief in hand, and delivered perhaps the most powerful message I’ve ever shared in my life (you can still listen to it here).  Those 3 short notes on my page turned into a full-length message of life and healing and power for all who heard it, including me, and for those who stayed an additional 2 hours after the service for prayer and ministry.

But the story wasn’t over yet.  I took the handkerchief home with me, as my friend who had given it to me had left the church by the time I was ready to go.  I offered to mail it back to him, but after telling him the story of how God had touched me through it, he told me to definitely keep it.

One week later, on a Saturday morning, my 21-year old son woke up and said he wanted to go see Lana’s mom.  She had been sick and was staying at a hospital 2 hours away in Chicago, but he really felt he should go to see her, so I gave him directions and sent him on his way.

The rest of the kids and I thought we’d try to run up there a few days later.  But when my son arrived at the hospital, he found out that the family had called for someone to pray a final prayer with their mom, as they knew she couldn’t hold on to her life here much longer.

Lana’s mom had prayed throughout her life, but like many people, she was still afraid of dying.  Lana tried various times to reassure her mom that by faith in Christ, we can have confidence that God will take us home to be with Him in heaven when we die, as Christ had promised:

“In my Father’s house are many rooms; if it were not so, I would have told you. I am going there to prepare a place for you” (John 14:2).

After Lana’s death, her mom had asked me from time to time if I’d had any signs from Lana in heaven, and I had shared several stories with her about times when I sensed very clearly that Lana was fully alive in heaven as Jesus had promised for all who believe in Him.  I had also sent the white handkerchief with my son as he headed to the hospital that day so he could share the story with Lana’s mom if the chance arose.

When my son arrived at the hospital and realized there might not be much more time, he called us to see if the kids and I wanted to talk on video with Lana’s mom directly.  We called a few minutes later and after saying our hello’s, I began to tell Lana’s mom the story of the white handkerchief, and how my friend had put it in my hand just after I reached up to heaven and called out, “Lana, help me!”

I told her that my son had the handkerchief there with him at the hospital.  He pulled it out of his pocket and touched it to her face.  Instantly her face seemed to totally change, as she looked like she had been touched by the hand of God Himself.  She looked at us through the phone and was truly touched.  I reminded Lana’s mom that Jesus is real, heaven is real, and even though we didn’t want her to go anytime soon, if this was her time, that she could know that by faith in Jesus, she could be assured of joining Jesus and Lana in heaven, too.

All of Lana’s 8 brothers and sisters were in the room with their mom, and were also touched by the story, and were thankful for this reminder that their sister was in heaven with Jesus, too.  We said our goodbyes and our final “I love you’s.”  The following day, we got the call that Lana’s mom had passed peacefully from this life to the next.

I felt like God was still answering our prayers after all these years, even sending a white handkerchief to Lana’s mom to relieve her from her fears of death, just as He had used it to relieve me from my fears of speaking the week before.

While the circumstances were different, I couldn’t help but think of the story in the Bible where God used a handkerchief to display His power through the Apostle Paul:

“God did extraordinary miracles through Paul, so that even handkerchiefs and aprons that had touched him were taken to the sick, and their illnesses were cured and the evil spirits left them” (Acts 19:11-12).

I’m amazed that God is so eager to get His message of love to people that He’ll even use things like handkerchiefs to deliver it!

If you’re worried about life, worried about your future, worried about how things will turn out in the end, take confidence from this:  God really will work all things for good for those who love Him and who are called according to His purpose.  As the great evangelist Billy Graham has said:

“I try not to worry about life too much because I read the last page of THE book and it all turns out all right.” 

Keep putting your faith and trust in Jesus, both for your life here on earth, and for your life with Him forever in heaven.  You won’t have to wait for payday forever.  Whether it’s a long-awaited wedding, or preaching a powerful message at a church after 17 years of being away, or getting a message from God at just the right time, even in the form of a white handkerchief.

Payday WILL come for all of us, as Easter so powerfully reminds us.   Keep putting your faith in Jesus!  He’ll work all things out for you in the end, as He does for all who love Him, who have been called according to His purpose.

Happy Easter!

With Love,
Eric Elder

As a thank you for your donation of any size to our ministry or for writing a 1-2 sentence review of our latest CD on Amazon,  we’ll send you a copy of the CD in the mail, anywhere in the world!  It’s a 100% Pure Piano CD called Tenderly by Marilyn Byrnes.  You can listen to the whole CD online for free anytime by visiting this link.  But to get a complimentary CD instead, just make a donation of any size to The Ranch at this link OR write a 1-2 sentence review on Amazon at this link.  Your reviews help us spread the word about this music and help to multiply the blessings all around!   Thank you!

PAYDAY’S COMING: 3 STORIES FOR EASTER
(Part 2 of 3 – You can read Part 1 here)

by Eric Elder
www.theranch.org

We had a fire here at our farm yesterday, one that almost took out our whole house and garage!  A neighbor had started a small fire in a field about 1/4 mile away and across the road when the wind picked up and carried some burning ashes across the road.  Within minutes the dried cornstalks from last year’s harvest were in full flame and the fire was rushing across the field and heading for our house in the shape of a perfect wedge.  (You can see the wedge leading up to our house in the trail of burnt cornstalks in the picture below.)

By the time I dialed 911, got the kids out of the house and the cars out of the garage, the flames were as high as my head and just 50 feet away.  Then just as suddenly as the flames came up to our house, they miraculously died out as they hit the dirt and the grass all along the edge of our property, blazing right along past us and jumping another road and into another field.  Four fire trucks and a couple of hours later, the last of the fires in the fields were put out.

Thankfully, no one was hurt and our house and garage and everything in them were spared.

You just can’t avoid disasters in life.  You don’t even have to go looking for them; sometimes they just come right up to your doorstep.  And while not every disaster has a good outcome like we had yesterday, you can trust that in all things God really can and will work things out “for the good of those who love Him, who have been called according to His purpose” (Romans 8:28).

As we approach Holy Week this week, I’d like to tell you a story of a disaster my wife and I went through almost 17 years ago which seemed tragic at the time, but which God worked out for our good in the end, even culminating in one of the most powerful messages I’ve ever preached just a few weeks ago.  I’ll also share a bit from the life of David.  My goal is to help you see that you can keep trusting in God no matter what you’re going through, knowing that it will all be worth it in the end.

Our disaster started with a blessing about 18 years ago when a start-up church in Texas called to see if I’d like to come down for a month or so and minister alongside their senior pastor.  They had heard about me through a mutual friend, and thought it might be a powerful mix of gifts.  It turned out it was.

During those weeks I spent in Texas, I saw God work in and through me in some powerful ways, ministering alongside people who shared my vision for seeing people healed, restored and set free in Jesus’ name from anything that was hindering them in their lives.

But near the end of my stay, I got a call from my wife back home in Illinois saying that the she was afraid she might be starting to miscarry our recently conceived baby.

I jumped on the next plane out of Dallas, flew home and walked in the house to find my wife in tears.  She had just miscarried the tiny baby, not more than 8 weeks along in its little life.  As I held that tiny baby in my hands, the tiniest I’d ever seen with my own eyes, I looked in amazement at its precious little hands and feet and sweet dark eyes.  Although the baby would never get to take a breath, it was still one of the most precious of God’s creations that I’ve ever held in my hands.

We named that little baby “Valor,” which means courage or bravery, “strength of mind in the face of danger.”  We had no idea that God was going to use those qualities to build up our own faith in the months ahead, taking what looked like utter defeat and working it out for good in the end.

The church in Texas called again a few months later, this time asking if we’d consider moving to the Dallas area and serving with them full time.  They couldn’t pay us much, they said, but they’d take care of us if we moved there.

So we had sold our house, loaded up our 3 kids and everything we owned, and made the move.

Again, we saw God work in powerful ways.  But at the same time, my wife, Lana, had another miscarriage.  Then more ministry, then another miscarriage.  Then more ministry, and yet another miscarriage.  Four times in that year Lana had gone through the excitement of a pregnancy and the grief of a loss.  Then about a year into our stay, we got another piece of crushing news.  Some of the strongest supporters in our new church had recently lost their jobs, and the church could no longer afford to support a 2nd pastor.  They could pay me for one more month, but after that, I’d have to find something else to do.

I was devastated.  I was shocked, disappointed and confused.  We had already sold our house back in Illinois and had bought another house in Texas.  We had planned to stay there for many years, putting down roots with our growing family.  Now those fresh roots were being pulled up overnight, and Lana had now lost more children (4) than she had delivered (3).

I don’t want to belabor the point, but it was hard.  It was painful.  And to be honest, I felt hurt, rejected and betrayed by those who invited me to come and who said they’d take care of me if I moved there.  I didn’t feel particularly cared for, and after serving so successfully together during the entire year, it broke our hearts to have to say goodbye.

The week after being let go from the church, God spoke to my heart to move back to Illinois and start our Internet ministry at theranch.org full time.  So we packed up the kids again and everything we owned and moved back to Illinois, staying at a house my in-laws said we could use, and starting all over again.

Within a few months, we started to see how God was beginning to work through us in new ways.  When I spoke at the church in Texas, my words went to about 100 people.  But when I spoke on the Internet, my words went to about 100 countries! Lana conceived again, and this time the pregnancy lasted!  Within 5 years we had added another 3 kids to our family.

I could see God at work in so many ways, but the hurt and pain of having to leave Texas so abruptly lingered.  I knew that our work and our friends there were significant, but it was hard to keep up with the friendships without the hurt and pain getting in the way.  As is often the case, it was because of the great love we had shared that the hurt ran so deep.

Over the years, however, I visited the church again from time to time when we were in Texas.  I felt God still had a plan and a purpose in it all, and I needed to keep His goals in mind.  It was hard at first, but I felt it was the right thing to do.  Throughout the process, I had some tremendous conversations with the leaders and the people that did much to restore our friendships again.

Looking back, and with much more age and experience under our belts, we all realize we could have and should have handled things differently.   And while it’s taken time and effort to restore some of those damaged relationships, it has been effort that was well spent.

A few months ago, I was invited to attend a reunion at the church celebrating 20 years of ministry.  And that’s why I began my 14-hour drive to Dallas which I mentioned to you last week, when I listened to a romance novel that blew me away, and how God spoke to me through the book about the recent loss of my own sweet wife.

On Saturday night in Dallas, I got a text from the senior pastor asking if I’d be willing to share my testimony at one of the services the following day.  I hadn’t planned to speak, as I was just planning to hang out with some of my friends from all those years ago.  I said I was willing, though, and he said that would be great.

When I stood up to speak the next day, the power of God came on me in an incredible way, which I’ll share with you in more detail next week.  But the bottom line was that the message I shared was perhaps the most powerful message I’ve ever shared in my life.  We prayed for and ministered to people for another 2 hours after the service ended, even in the midst of a rare Texas ice storm.  (You can still listen to My Testimony here.)

What I thought was going to be a simple trip to a church reunion in Texas turned out to be a powerful time of healing, reconciliation and deliverance for many people–including me.

I was reminded again that God is able to work through anything, even some of our biggest disappointments and losses in life.  It didn’t happen overnight, but it did happen.  And I was glad to be able to publicly thank and honor the church and its leadership for taking the risk on my so many years ago and bringing me onto their staff.

Sometimes you can avoid the fires of life, like we did on the farm yesterday.  But sometimes you just have to keep walking through them.

I was reminded of this as I read part of King David’s story again a few weeks ago.  Even though he was anointed king over all of Israel when he was just a young shepherd on the hills of Bethlehem, he didn’t finally take over the kingdom until he was 30 years old.  Even then he still had a lot of battles left to fight to regain the whole kingdom over which he was anointed to rule!

I was reading just a few paragraphs of his story in the book of 1st Samuel and it says:

“David defeated the Philistines…David also defeated the Moabites…David fought Hadadezer…And David became famous after he returned from striking down eighteen thousand Edomites in the Valley of Salt.” (from 1 Samuel 8:1-14).

And this was just a few paragraphs out of 23 chapters that describe his life up to that point!  Sometimes we get lulled into thinking that if we have battles to fight, or people to forgive or tough times to walk through, that maybe we’re not walking in the will of God.  But sometimes those battles and people and tough times are the very things that God will use to complete the victory!  After all that he went through, “Payday” finally came for David, and it can come for you, too.

If you need encouragement that God can work all things for good, take a look at the life of David, as found in the Bible in the books of 1st and 2nd Samuel, starting with 1st Samuel, chapter 16.  You’ll see how God can bring good out of any situation, even if it looks impossible at the time.

God really can and will work through any situation, whether it’s trouble at home or trouble in the field, trouble at work or trouble at church, trouble with your kids or trouble having kids.  Remember in ALL THINGS, God can works for the good of those who love Him.  As the Bible says:

“And we know that in all things God works for the good of those who love Him, who have been called according to His purpose” (Romans 8:28).

I pray you have a great Palm Sunday today and Holy Week this week.  Next week we’ll look at one more story from my trip to Dallas, a story about a white handkerchief, plus the biggest payday of all time–the resurrection of Jesus Christ.

As a thank you for your donation of any size to our ministry or for writing a 1-2 sentence review of our latest CD on Amazon,  we’ll send you a copy of the CD in the mail, anywhere in the world!  It’s a 100% Pure Piano CD called Tenderly by Marilyn Byrnes.  You can listen to the whole CD online for free anytime by visiting this link.  But to get a complimentary CD instead, just make a donation of any size to The Ranch at this link OR write a 1-2 sentence review on Amazon at this link.  Your reviews help us spread the word about this music and help to multiply the blessings all around!   Thank you!

8 WAYS TO ENJOY OUR MUSIC
by Eric Elder
www.theranch.org

From time to time, I like to share with you things on The Ranch you might not see otherwise on your own. Today, I’d like to share with you 8 ways you can enjoy the music we’ve created here at The Ranch.

I know this isn’t a typical Sunday Sermon, but I believe music is a huge part of our life of faith and can sometimes speak as powerfully as any sermon. So I hope you’ll listen to our music whatever way you can and enjoy your time with God.

Please known this isn’t a “sales pitch” for our music, as you can listen to it for free anytime day or night on our website. We simply want to help you know how you can access it, whether on our website or on your favorite music players and apps.

I’ve highlighted our most recent CD that we’ve created as an example of how to listen to our music. The CD is called Tenderly and features 100% pure piano versions of 13 beautiful and inspiring songs, all performed by my sister, Marilyn Byrnes.

Here are a few comments that have come in already this week about this CD:

“Beautifully done – very relaxing and calming!” Sue

“I just came across this music and it is awesome!!! It really lifted my spirits and gave me peace…definitely would be listening to it forever :)” Zinta

“I gave this CD a 5-star rating, because not only is it beautifully played, it was inspiring and complete listening pleasure. I would definitely recommend it for anyone.” Lydia

And here’s a link to one of the songs from the CD, “The Prayer,” which you can click and play in another window while you read the rest of today’s message. This is just one of more than a dozen CDs and 150 songs we feature on The Ranch that you can listen to for free anytime. With that in mind, here are 8 ways you can enjoy our music.

1) Listen for free on The Ranch website anytime. Click the “Listen to Music” tab on The Ranch website to see a list and to listen to all the CDs we offer. Many are instrumental so you can just enjoy the music as you relax, pray, meditate or work without words to get in the way of what you’re doing or what you’re hearing from God. Other CDs feature popular worship songs and hymns played in a fresh and contemporary way. And still others include scriptures reading by my late wife, Lana, read to inspirational music. Here’s the direct link to all the CDs:
 https://theranch.org/listen-to-music/

2) Listen on Pandora. Pandora is an Internet Radio service that lets you listen to customized radio stations that you create. Just go to Pandora.com and create a radio station featuring “Marilyn Byrnes” (my sister) or “Eric Elder” (myself), and you’ll hear one of our songs, followed by a few songs from similar artists, then another one of our songs, an so on. Pandora offers both free and paid subscriptions. Here’s a link that will create a radio station automatically based on Marilyn’s music (and you’ll hear mine, too, as it’s similar!): Marilyn Byrnes on Pandora.

3) Listen on iTunes Radio. iTunes Radio is another Internet Radio service like Pandora, offered for free within iTunes. Just go to your Music Library in iTunes on your computer, or tap the Radio icon in the lower left of the iTunes Music app on your phone or music player, and then type one of our names to create a station based on our music (Eric Elder, Marilyn Byrnes, or Lana Elder, to hear Lana’s scripture CD). Once created, you can click our station anytime in iTunes to heard our songs, along with a mix of songs from other artists. Here’s a link to a station I created with all 3 of our names already entered: Eric Elder Radio.

4) Download from iTunes. You can also download any of our single songs or entire albums from iTunes easily and inexpensively and take our music with you to listen to anytime on your favorite music player. Just visit the iTunes store and search for Eric Elder, Marilyn Byrnes or Lana Elder to find all of our music. Here’s a direct link to Tenderly on iTunes: Tenderly on iTunes.

5) Listen on Spotify. Spotify offers free and paid subscriptions to listen to entire CDs of any of our music. Like many of these services, the only difference between the free and paid subscriptions is whether they display ads or not. But either way you choose, you can listen to our music by simply typing in our names or the names of any of our albums. Here’s a link that will take you directly to the Tenderly CD on Spotify where you can listen to the whole thing. Tenderly on Spotify.

6) Listen on Beats Music. Beats Music is a mobile app for playing all kinds of music instantly. One of the things I like about listening to our music on Beats Music is that you can listen to an entire collection of one artist at a time, without other artists in between and without having to click on a different album when one album is finished. For instance, when I click the search bar in the top left corner of the app, I can search for “Marilyn Byrnes,” then choose her name, then click “See All” and swipe to the right to see All Songs. I click shuffle and I can listen to a mix of 87 of her songs, nonstop for as long as I like! You can download the app from beatsmusic.com.

7) Buy CDs or mp3 downloads from Amazon. If you’d rather have physical CDs for your car, your stereo or just to have in your collection, you can get all of our music from Amazon.com. You can also listen to samples and download all of our music in mp3 format as well. Here’s a link to Tenderly on Amazon.

8) Get a CD from The Ranch! Besides offering all of our music to you 24/7 for free from The Ranch website, we also offer all of our music on CD in 2 other ways: 1) Make a donation of any size to our ministry and we’ll send you a CD as our way of saying thanks, or 2) Listen to our music first on our website, then write a 1-2 sentence review of the CD you’d like on Amazon or iTunes and we’ll send you a complimentary copy of the CD to say thank you. Your donations and your reviews help us to create more music and get the word out to others, thereby multiplying the blessing to even more people. Visit our online bookstore to make a donation or follow the links from the bookstore to the CD on Amazon or iTunes where you can write a review. Just be sure to send us your name, mailing address and a link to your review and we’ll ship out a CD to you anywhere in the world. Thanks for helping us to spread the music God has given us!

I hope this has been helpful to you, as I know that music is a big part of many of your lives. Music has been around since the creation of the world, and has always been a backdrop for life on earth. As God said to Job in the Bible:

“Where were you when I laid the earth’s foundation? Tell me, if you understand. Who marked off its dimensions? Surely you know! Who stretched a measuring line across it? On what were its footings set, or who laid its cornerstone–while the morning stars sang together and all the angels shouted for joy?” (Job 38:4-7).

I pray our music brings you pleasure and joy today as well.

P.S. Last week I wrote an article on how you can upload your own music to various music services like we do here at The Ranch so you can share your song with the world. In case you missed it, here’s the link:
Sharing Your Song With The World