The LORD examines both the righteous and the wicked. He hates those who love violence.
Psalm 11:5 The New Living Translation
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Unknown — As the minister stepped up to the pulpit…
As the minister stepped up to the pulpit he discovered to his chagrin that he had forgotten his sermon notes. As it was too late to send someone for them, he turned to the congregation and said, by way of apology, that this morning he should have to depend upon the Lord for what he might say, but that for the evening service, he would be better prepared.
Unknown
This Week’s Sermon- Taking A Full Swing
TAKING A FULL SWING
Joshua 1:9
by Eric Elder
http://www.theranch.org
If you’re like me, you might tend to second guess yourself at times, wondering if you’re doing the right thing or if you’ve heard right from God. I think each of us go through seasons of doubt about the decisions we’ve made, especially when life around us starts to look like it’s about to fall apart.
What do you do when you reach those critical moments and you have to decide if you’re going to keep moving forward, or if you need to regroup and retreat and perhaps go in a different direction entirely?
When I reach that point, it’s helpful for me to look at the words that God spoke to Joshua as he was about to enter into the Promised Land. God said:
“Have I not commanded you? Be strong and courageous. Do not be terrified; do not be discouraged, for the LORD your God will be with you wherever you go” (Joshua 1:9).
There are 3 aspects of these words that I find especially helpful. The first is to remind myself why I made the decision I did in the first place.
In Joshua’s case, God reminded him that He, God, was the one who had called Joshua to enter into the Promised Land. “Have I not commanded you?” God had actually called Joshua and his people to enter the Promised Land 40 years earlier, but they didn’t do it. When they reached the border the first time, they were afraid to go in, so they turned around and headed back into the desert for another 40 years.
Now, 40 years later, Joshua had reached the same crossroad again, and God reminded him: “Have I not commanded you?” Joshua, of course, would have remembered what God had said to him in the past, and the price that he and all the others had to pay for not doing what God had called them to do. They may have still been afraid to move forward, and the price of doing so might still be costly, but the price of turning back again would cost even more.
For me, it’s helpful to refresh my memory of why I decided to do what I did in the first place. If, after reviewing that initial decision, it still seems sound and reasonable, then I look at the second part of God’s words to Joshua: “Be strong and courageous. Do not be terrified; do not be discouraged…”
This part is helpful because we don’t usually know what really lies ahead, and venturing into the unknown often strikes fear in our hearts. The very fact that God had to tell Joshua to be strong and courageous indicates to me that there were very real fears that could have overtaken his heart, and that there was probably a good reason they needed to be strong and courageous. What they were about to face would require strength and courage; it would require internal fortitude and resolve.
God wouldn’t have needed to tell Joshua, “Do not be terrified; do not be discouraged” if, in fact, there was nothing to be terrified or discouraged about. The truth was, what they were about to face was terrifying and it could have discouraged them, just as it did 40 years earlier. Then why did God tell them this? If there were really and truly terrifying dangers ahead, why would God tell them not to be afraid or discouraged? Because of what he tells them next in the third part of this significant verse: “for the LORD your God will be with you wherever you go.”
I try to imagine walking through a mine field ahead of me. If I had to do it on my own, I know I couldn’t do it. I wouldn’t be able to see or even to guess where the mines might be. But if God was with me, walking with me every step of the way, and I held on tight to Him, I have no doubt that He would be able to walk me through that field of mines just fine. I would just need to make sure I was staying as close to Him as possible, and stepping only where He stepped.
When I look at these three things–why I made the decision I made in the first place, why I might need to be strong and courageous, and how God will be with me every step of the way–it helps me to make my next move. Many times that means I need to keep moving forward and finish what I started, no matter how difficult the circumstances might become as I do so.
I reached this point a few weeks ago with our “2nd Annual Ranch Retreat.” I put a stake in the ground 3 months ago by naming it our “2nd Annual” retreat, after having done our first the year before. But was I really ready to commit to doing this on an annual basis? And was I really ready to announce to the world that I should call it an annual event? I felt a little bit like George Lucas must have felt when he put the subtitle on his first Star Wars movie and called it “Episode IV.” The very name itself implied that there were someday going to be Episodes I, II and III, even though it would be another 20 years before he filmed the first of these “prequels.”
But I felt strongly enough about the retreat that I went ahead and named it the “2nd Annual Ranch Retreat” 3 months before it took place. But after we were 2 months into advertising and promoting it and we still didn’t have even one person signed up, I started to wonder if I had made the wrong decision. Even with just 2 weeks to go before the event took place, we had only a handful of people registered. I had to decide if we were going to cancel the whole event all together, ending our run of “annual” retreats before we even got to the 2nd one!
I don’t mind being wrong, but I don’t like to back out of something just because I’m afraid of how it might turn out–especially if God has called me to do it and He wants to accomplish something through it. So I called my friends who were putting it together with me and we talked it through again. We could have easily cancelled at that point, but I had to remind myself why we were doing it in the first place, and if God had really called us to do it.
About that time I was also reading a book with my son by Ted Dekker and he was talking about the process he went through in creating the book and getting it published. He pitched the idea to several publishers, all of whom turned it down. Years went by and he pitched it again and again, only to be turned down again and again. Publishers told him that nobody read this kind of story.
After years of having no success, Ted finally found someone, Allen Arnold, who believed in his idea enough to take a risk and publish his story. They found out that not only were people interested in reading this kind of story, but soon 50,000 soon joined in on the discussion of the book and its ideas at teddekker.com. The book, and the series it spawned, had struck a chord in the hearts of thousands who wanted to talk about everything that it had stirred up within them, including my own kids. Ted wrote this in the afterward of the book we were reading:
“I once told Allen that I was born to write these chronicles. Admittedly, their writing is only a small part of my life. But if I was born to write them, then in a small, small way, you may have been born to read them. We, like the stories themselves, find ourselves interconnected in this wonderful thing called the story of life. You are part of my history, and I am part of yours. And this, my friend, is what it means to come full circle” (Ted Dekker, Red, pg 385).
I decided to finish what I had started, and give it the best possible chance of success as I could. As I stood in front of the group last weekend at our “2nd Annual Ranch Retreat,” I couldn’t help but think of Ted’s words and the challenges he faced in order to do what he felt he should do. 40 people had gathered with me here in Illinois from all across the country, from places like California, Colorado, Michigan, Kansas, Indiana and Georgia. We sang and praised God, we opened His Word, and we opened our hearts and lives to Him and to each other.
As I looked around the room on the final night, I read Ted Dekker’s quote to those who had gathered, saying that if God had called me to do this, then perhaps, in a some small, small way, they were meant to be there, too.
And as you read these words today, if I was called to write them, then perhaps in some small, small way, you were meant to read them, too.
The decisions you make are important, and it’s important to make the best decisions that we can up front. Sometimes we need to regroup along the way or retreat and go in a different direction entirely, admitting that we’re fallible and that there are times when it’s best to cut our losses before they take us down completely. But many times we simply need to remind ourselves of why we decided to do what we’re doing in the first place, then going forward with full strength and courage to see it through to the end.
I was reading through a physics book with another son a few weeks ago as part of his schooling. We were studying momentum and read that the difference between good and bad baseball players is “follow through.” According to the laws of physics, there are two things that determine how far a ball will travel when its hit by a bat. The first is how hard the bat strikes the ball. But a second factor is also significant, and that’s how long the bat and the ball stay in contact with each other. The longer the connection, the stronger the momentum. That’s why batters need to take a “full” swing, following through with the swing that was started and not stopping the moment the bat hits the ball.
Sometimes we stop mid-swing when we hit an obstacle, stunned and wondering if we should have even stepped up to the plate. But if we’ve stepped up to the plate with God, and if we can remember why we’re doing what we’re doing in the first place, then we can take a full swing and knock the ball out of the park.
“Have I not commanded you? Be strong and courageous. Do not be terrified; do not be discouraged, for the LORD your God will be with you wherever you go” (Joshua 1:9).
Let’s pray…
Father, thank You for giving each of us a purpose here on earth and the gifts and resources to carry out those purposes. Help us to make wise decision not only at the start of a project, but all the way through it. Give us Your wisdom as we take each step, showing us where to walk, where not to walk, and how to keep moving forward despite the obstacles in front of us. Remind us of what You’ve called us to do and give us the strength and courage to do it. Help us to take a full swing, so we can fulfill our purposes, and perhaps in some small, small way, help others fulfill theirs, too. In Jesus’ name, Amen.
P.S. You can still watch all 3 sessions right now from the Ranch Retreat online at www.theranch.org/retreat
You can still help make Lana’s dreams come true. To learn more, visit www.LanasHope.com.
Francois Fenelon — It is only imperfection…
It is only imperfection that complains of what is imperfect. The more perfect we are, the more gentle and quiet we become toward the defect of others.
Francois Fenelon
This Day’s Thought from The Ranch- Friday
It is only imperfection that complains of what is imperfect. The more perfect we are, the more gentle and quiet we become toward the defect of others.
Francois Fenelon
be sure your sin will find you out.
Numbers 32:23
The King James Version
The world rings changes, it is never constant but in its disappointments. The world is but a great inn, where we are to stay a night or two, and be gone; what madness is it so to set our heart upon our inn, as to forget our home?
Thomas Watson
You can still help make Lana’s dreams come true. To learn more, visit www.LanasHope.com.
Numbers 32:23 — be sure your sin…
be sure your sin will find you out.
Numbers 32:23 The King James Version
Thomas Watson — The world rings changes…
The world rings changes, it is never constant but in its disappointments. The world is but a great inn, where we are to stay a night or two, and be gone; what madness is it so to set our heart upon our inn, as to forget our home?
Thomas Watson
This Day’s Thought from The Ranch- Thursday
I have found silence to be a powerful element in prayer. To learn to be alone with God even in the presence of others is something we Christians should try to do. There are innumerable times during the day when we can turn our thoughts, even for a moment, from business affairs and center them on God’s goodness, Christ’s love, our fellow man’s needs.
J. C. Penney
Incline my heart to your testimonies, and not to selfish gain! Turn my eyes from looking at worthless things; and give me life in your ways.
Psalm 119:36-37
The English Standard Version
You can still help make Lana’s dreams come true. To learn more, visit www.LanasHope.com.
J. C. Penney — I have found silence…
I have found silence to be a powerful element in prayer. To learn to be alone with God even in the presence of others is something we Christians should try to do. There are innumerable times during the day when we can turn our thoughts, even for a moment, from business affairs and center them on God’s goodness, Christ’s love, our fellow man’s needs.
J. C. Penney
Psalm 119:36-37 — Incline my heart to your testimonies…
Incline my heart to your testimonies, and not to selfish gain! Turn my eyes from looking at worthless things; and give me life in your ways.
Psalm 119:36-37 The English Standard Version
Phillips Brooks — The true Bible…
The true Bible is not the dead book, but the living reality, developed by the Spirit of God in the conscience of mankind. It is not a printed thing. The printed thing is the memorial of it, a souvenir of it, a mere chart; and a chart is not the ocean.
Phillips Brooks
James 1:26 — If you claim to be religious…
If you claim to be religious but don’t control your tongue, you are fooling yourself, and your religion is worthless.
James 1:26 The New Living Translation
Andrew Bonar — It is easy to follow a person’s footprints…
It is easy to follow a person’s footprints if we walk close behind him, but if we walk some distance back, we might fail to see them as clearly. Similarly, if we follow close after the Lord, we would easily see the footsteps along the way, but if we try to follow afar off, we would find it difficult to know the path of His will.
Andrew Bonar
This Day’s Thought from The Ranch- Wednesday
The true Bible is not the dead book, but the living reality, developed by the Spirit of God in the conscience of mankind. It is not a printed thing. The printed thing is the memorial of it, a souvenir of it, a mere chart; and a chart is not the ocean.
Phillips Brooks
If you claim to be religious but don’t control your tongue, you are fooling yourself, and your religion is worthless.
James 1:26
The New Living Translation
It is easy to follow a person’s footprints if we walk close behind him, but if we walk some distance back, we might fail to see them as clearly. Similarly, if we follow close after the Lord, we would easily see the footsteps along the way, but if we try to follow afar off, we would find it difficult to know the path of His will.
Andrew Bonar
You can still help make Lana’s dreams come true. To learn more, visit www.LanasHope.com.
This Day’s Thought from The Ranch- Tuesday
Special Reminder…We are excited to make available last weekend’s retreat, for all to enjoy, and you may view by clicking on this link: www.theranch.org/retreat
The best remedy for those who are afraid, lonely or unhappy is to go outside, somewhere where they can be quiet, alone with the heavens, nature and God. Because only then does one feel that all is as it should be and that God wishes to see people happy, amidst the simple beauty of nature. As long as this exists, and it certainly always will, I know that then there will always be comfort for every sorrow, whatever the circumstances may be. And I firmly believe that nature brings solace in all troubles.
Anne Frank
Enter not into the path of the wicked, and go not in the way of evil men. Avoid it, pass not by it, turn from it, and pass away.
Proverbs 4:14-15
The King James Version
You can still help make Lana’s dreams come true. To learn more, visit www.LanasHope.com.
Anne Frank — The best remedy for those who are afraid…
The best remedy for those who are afraid, lonely or unhappy is to go outside, somewhere where they can be quiet, alone with the heavens, nature and God. Because only then does one feel that all is as it should be and that God wishes to see people happy, amidst the simple beauty of nature. As long as this exists, and it certainly always will, I know that then there will always be comfort for every sorrow, whatever the circumstances may be. And I firmly believe that nature brings solace in all troubles.
Anne Frank
Proverbs 4:14-15 — Enter not into the path…
Enter not into the path of the wicked, and go not in the way of evil men. Avoid it, pass not by it, turn from it, and pass away.
Proverbs 4:14-15 The King James Version
Stormie Omartian — Every day you have another opportunity…
Every day you have another opportunity to affect your future with the words you speak to God.
Stormie Omartian
This Day’s Thought from The Ranch- Monday
Every day you have another opportunity to affect your future with the words you speak to God.
Stormie Omartian
“Behold, God is my salvation; I will trust, and will not be afraid; for the LORD GOD is my strength and my song, and he has become my salvation.”
Isaiah 12:2
The Revised Standard Version
The spirituality of my childhood is the one I would most like to have restored. It was pure and fresh and honest. I read God everywhere!
Macrina Wiederkehr
You can still help make Lana’s dreams come true. To learn more, visit www.LanasHope.com.
Isaiah 12:2 — Behold, God is my salvation…
“Behold, God is my salvation; I will trust, and will not be afraid; for the LORD GOD is my strength and my song, and he has become my salvation.”
Isaiah 12:2 The Revised Standard Version
Macrina Wiederkehr — The spirituality of my childhood…
The spirituality of my childhood is the one I would most like to have restored. It was pure and fresh and honest. I read God everywhere!
Macrina Wiederkehr
This Week’s Sermon- The Retreat
This Weekend’s Retreat
We wish to share this weekend’s retreat with you, to serve as our Sunday sermon, and pray that you will find comfort and peace, joy and thanksgiving in what has been shared here! You may access the two-day gathering by visiting:
www.theranch.org/retreat
This Day’s Thought from The Ranch- Watch The Ranch Retreat Live Online!
WATCH THE RANCH RETREAT LIVE ONLINE…
IT ALL STARTS IN JUST A FEW HOURS!
You can watch our 2nd Annual Ranch Retreat live online for free starting in just a few hours. We have special guests coming in from around the country and would love to have you drop in and join us online anytime during the weekend.
We’re talking about transitions in your life and how God can help you through them. We’ll have awesome worship, special messages and times of prayer and listening to the Holy Spirit.
If you’d like to join us, just visit this link, starting at 7:30 pm tonight Central Daylight Time (-5GMT), then again at 9:30 am tomorrow morning and 7:00 pm tomorrow night. Drop in and see what God has to say! Here’s the link:
Charles Haddon Spurgeon — Never try to save…
Never try to save out of God’s cause; such money will canker the rest. Giving to God is no loss; it is putting your substance in the best bank. Giving is true having.
Charles Haddon Spurgeon
This Day’s Thought from The Ranch- Friday
Never try to save out of God’s cause; such money will canker the rest. Giving to God is no loss; it is putting your substance in the best bank. Giving is true having.
Charles Haddon Spurgeon
But thanks be to God, who in Christ always leads us in triumphal procession, and through us spreads the fragrance of the knowledge of him everywhere.
2 Corinthians 2:14
The English Standard Version
Everyday happiness means getting up in the morning, and you can’t wait to finish your breakfast. You can’t wait to do your exercises. You can’t wait to put on your clothes. You can’t wait to get out- and you can’t wait to come home, because the soup is hot.
George Burns
You can still help make Lana’s dreams come true. To learn more, visit www.LanasHope.com.
2 Corinthians 2:14 — But thanks be to God…
But thanks be to God, who in Christ always leads us in triumphal procession, and through us spreads the fragrance of the knowledge of him everywhere.
2 Corinthians 2:14 The English Standard Version
George Burns — Everyday happiness…
Everyday happiness means getting up in the morning, and you can’t wait to finish your breakfast. You can’t wait to do your exercises. You can’t wait to put on your clothes. You can’t wait to get out- and you can’t wait to come home, because the soup is hot.
George Burns
Thomas Aquinas — Do not seek to plunge…
Do not seek to plunge into the sea of knowledge all at once, but go there by way of the many streams that flow into it, since it is wiser to reach the more difficult things by way of the less difficult… I charge you to be slow to speak and slow to frequent places where men talk. Embrace cleanness of conscience. Be constant in prayer. Love to dwell in your inner room if you would penetrate into the inner room of your Beloved. Be courteous to everyone. Do not look too deeply into the deeds of others. Do not be overly familiar with anyone, for too great a familiarity breeds contempt and offers an occasion for being distracted from study. Do not in any way wish to pry into the words and deeds of worldly people. Flee from useless conversations. Do not forget to imitate the ways of the saints and holy people. Do not feel obligated to listen to what everyone says, but commit to memory anything good that you might hear others say… By these steps you will bring forth useful branches and fruits in the vineyard of the Lord of Sabaoth while life is in you. If you walk this way, you may obtain all that you desire.
Thomas Aquinas
This Day’s Thought from The Ranch- Thursday
Do not seek to plunge into the sea of knowledge all at once, but go there by way of the many streams that flow into it, since it is wiser to reach the more difficult things by way of the less difficult… I charge you to be slow to speak and slow to frequent places where men talk. Embrace cleanness of conscience. Be constant in prayer. Love to dwell in your inner room if you would penetrate into the inner room of your Beloved. Be courteous to everyone. Do not look too deeply into the deeds of others. Do not be overly familiar with anyone, for too great a familiarity breeds contempt and offers an occasion for being distracted from study. Do not in any way wish to pry into the words and deeds of worldly people. Flee from useless conversations. Do not forget to imitate the ways of the saints and holy people. Do not feel obligated to listen to what everyone says, but commit to memory anything good that you might hear others say… By these steps you will bring forth useful branches and fruits in the vineyard of the Lord of Sabaoth while life is in you. If you walk this way, you may obtain all that you desire.
Thomas Aquinas
our gospel came to you not simply with words, but also with power, with the Holy Spirit and with deep conviction.
1 Thessalonians 1:5
The New International Version
You can still help make Lana’s dreams come true. To learn more, visit www.LanasHope.com.
1 Thessalonians 1:5 — our gospel came to you…
our gospel came to you not simply with words, but also with power, with the Holy Spirit and with deep conviction.
1 Thessalonians 1:5 The New International Version
Jill Briscoe — No one has any more time…
No one has any more time than you have. It is the discipline and stewardship of your time that is important. The management of time is the management of self; therefore if you manage time with God, He will be begin to manage you.
Jill Briscoe
Jeremiah 17:14 — Heal me, O Lord…
Heal me, O LORD, and I shall be healed; save me, and I shall be saved; for thou art my praise.
Jeremiah 17:14 The Revised Standard Version
Meister Eckhart — Every single creature…
Every single creature is full of God and is a book about God.
Meister Eckhart
This Day’s Thought from The Ranch- Wednesday
Special note from Eric and Greg: The Ranch Retreat is coming THIS WEEKEND! Although our online registration has closed, you can still join us, either in person or online. To join us in person, please reply to this email and we’ll send you the final details to meet us in Illinois. To join us online, either live or later, visit this link starting at 7:30 pm on Friday, Central Daylight Time (-5GMT): www.theranch.org/retreat
No one has any more time than you have. It is the discipline and stewardship of your time that is important. The management of time is the management of self; therefore if you manage time with God, He will be begin to manage you.
Jill Briscoe
Heal me, O LORD, and I shall be healed; save me, and I shall be saved; for thou art my praise.
Jeremiah 17:14
The Revised Standard Version
Every single creature is full of God and is a book about God.
Meister Eckhart
You can still help make Lana’s dreams come true. To learn more, visit www.LanasHope.com.
This Day’s Thought from The Ranch- Tuesday
It may be that for a long time you have had upon your mind some strong impression of duty; but you have held back, because you could not see what the next step would be. Hesitate no longer. Step out upon what seems to be the impalpable mist: you will find a solid rock beneath your feet; and every time you put your foot forward, you will find that God has prepared a stepping-stone, and the next, and the next- each as you come to it. The bread is by the day. The manna is new every morning. He does not give us all the directions at once lest we should get confused.
F. B. Meyer
So I say, live by the Spirit, and you will not gratify the desires of the sinful nature.
Galatians 5:16
The New International Version
You can still help make Lana’s dreams come true. To learn more, visit www.LanasHope.com.
F. B. Meyer — It may be that for a long time…
It may be that for a long time you have had upon your mind some strong impression of duty; but you have held back, because you could not see what the next step would be. Hesitate no longer. Step out upon what seems to be the impalpable mist: you will find a solid rock beneath your feet; and every time you put your foot forward, you will find that God has prepared a stepping-stone, and the next, and the next- each as you come to it. The bread is by the day. The manna is new every morning. He does not give us all the directions at once lest we should get confused.
F. B. Meyer
Galatians 5:16 — So I say, Live by the Spirit…
So I say, live by the Spirit, and you will not gratify the desires of the sinful nature.
Galatians 5:16 The New International Version
This Day’s Thought from The Ranch- Monday
God sends rain and fruitful seasons, but though they come, they never come in the same way in any one year, and I find that, as a rule, when I need anything, that it comes from a quarter that I never expected, and that from the quarter where it had come before it does not now. Thus God keeps the eye on Himself and not on the donor.
J. B. Stoney
People may be pure in their own eyes, but the LORD examines their motives.
Proverbs 16:2
The New Living Translation
You can never prove God; you can only find Him.
Kate Douglas Wiggin
You can still help make Lana’s dreams come true. To learn more, visit www.LanasHope.com.
J. B. Stoney — God sends rain and fruitful seasons…
God sends rain and fruitful seasons, but though they come, they never come in the same way in any one year, and I find that, as a rule, when I need anything, that it comes from a quarter that I never expected, and that from the quarter where it had come before it does not now. Thus God keeps the eye on Himself and not on the donor.
J. B. Stoney
Proverbs 16:2 — People may be pure…
People may be pure in their own eyes, but the LORD examines their motives.
Proverbs 16:2 The New Living Translation
Kate Douglas Wiggin — You can never prove God…
You can never prove God; you can only find Him.
Kate Douglas Wiggin
This Week’s Sermon- Depression and Hope
DEPRESSION AND HOPE
Psalm 77
by Eric Elder
theranch.org
Note from Eric: I was asked to speak this week on the topic of depression for our Care Groups at our church, and I thought you’d like to hear the message too. We all face troubles and times when hope seems to elude us. Yet with God there’s always hope, and He can lead us to the help we need.
Click here to listen to my message: “Depression and Hope” (11-1/2 minutes), or read the transcript that follows.
(For those who are interested, I’ve also uploaded Part 2 of this message to our website, with a personal story of how God helped me through a time of trouble this past week. Click here to listen to Part 2, which is not included in the transcript below.)
Transcript:
I’m going to talk tonight about depression, so I thought I’d start with a cartoon if that’s OK. They go together, right?
This is a picture of a man in his car and he says: “Son, look at the back of the car and tell me if my turn signal is working.” The son sees the blinking light and says, “Yes, No, Yes, No, Yes.”
I sometimes feel that way when people ask me how I’m doing. “Up, Down, Up, Down, Up.” It really depends when you ask me and how things are going because of the things that have happened in the last couple years of my life. I think that’s a common thing for a lot of us, and yet as Christians, sometimes we think we should be “happy clappy” all the time, and if we’re not then something must be desperately wrong with us.
Depression has been called the common cold of emotional disorders. It really is something that happens. We have seasons where things get us down, where life is hard, where sometimes we experience incredible highs and then we plummet right after it. It’s just something that happens as part of life, as part of living, and it happened to Bible characters throughout history.
You can look through the Bible and look at someone like Moses. Here’s a quote from him:
“I cannot carry all these people by myself; the burden is too heavy for me. If this is how you are going to treat me, put me to death right now–if I have found favor in your eyes–and do not let me face my own ruin” (Numbers 11:14-15, NKJV).
Here Moses has been called by God and he’s doing what God called him to do. But he gets to the point where he says, in effect: “The burden’s just too much for me to take. I can’t do it; just take me now.”
Here’s King David after he had sinned with Bathsheba. In Psalm 38 he says:
“I am troubled, I am bowed down greatly; I go mourning all the day long. … I groan because of the turmoil of my heart” (Psalm 38:6, 8b, NKJV).
Here’s Elijah. He had just performed an incredible wonder for God. He had challenged 450 prophets of Baal to a duel to see whose God was going to come and burn a sacrifice that they had both put on an altar. It was just 1 of Elijah against 450 of these other guys who were worshipping Baal. Elijah won and all the other prophets were killed and slaughtered after that because God descended fire onto Elijah’s altar and did exactly what Elijah called on Him to do.
Yet Elijah ran from that scene. He ran and ran and ran until he was worn out. It says in the Bible:
“He came to a broom tree, sat down under it and prayed that he might die. ‘I have had enough, LORD,’ he said. ‘Take my life; I am no better than my ancestors.’ Then he lay down under the tree and fell asleep” (1 Kings 19:4b-5a, NIV).
I could just keep going through the Bible: Jeremiah and Jonah and even Jesus. On the cross, I don’t know if you would call this depression, but it was certainly anguish. When you’re being nailed to a cross and you’re hanging there dying and you’ve done nothing wrong and you cry out to God, as it says in Matthew that He did:
“My God, My God, why have You forsaken Me?” (Matthew 27:46).
So if you ever feel in anguish as a Christian, or you ever feel like the burden is too much for you, or you feel like you just want God to take your life, or you just don’t think that you can take it anymore, you’re in really good company.
I’m not saying it’s good to be there. I don’t think we should be there all the time. But God provides help to all of us as we need it. And so there’s a Psalm I want to read to you tonight, Psalm 77. It’s written by a man named Asaph. He was the choir director during King David’s time. He wrote a Psalm that’s sort of a classic Psalm on depression if you’d ever like to read it on your own. I’m going to read portions of it to you here.
Asaph was in a miserable state. It says, in Psalm 77, starting in verse 1:
“I cried out to God for help; I cried out to God to hear me. When I was in distress, I sought the Lord; at night I stretched out untiring hands and my soul refused to be comforted. I remembered you, O God, and I groaned; I mused, and my spirit grew faint. You kept my eyes from closing; I was too troubled to speak. I thought about the former days, the years of long ago; I remembered my songs in the night. My heart mused and my spirit inquired: “Will the Lord reject forever? Will he never show his favor again? Has his unfailing love vanished forever? Has his promise failed for all time? Has God forgotten to be merciful? Has he in anger withheld his compassion?” (Psalm 77:1-9).
That’s a pretty desperate cry to God. It’s nice that God records these things in the Bible. He doesn’t gloss over this in people’s lives. If that’s all I told you about the Bible you might say, “Man, that’s a whole bunch of depressed people. I don’t know if I want to read that Book!”
But God doesn’t leave people there.
For Moses, God sent an answer. He sent his father-in-law to give him a solution to how to deal with all the people, to divide them up into groups and to put leaders over them.
For King David, God provided an answer and showed him how to confess his sins out loud and to relieve all that guilt. You should see and read all the rest of of the Psalms that David wrote as he poured out that confession to God and God flooded him with love and forgiveness and peace.
He gave an answer to Elijah. God sent an angel to him and as he was sleeping there, the angel prepared some food for him. Elijah got up and ate, then the angel had him go back to sleep, then he got up and ate again. Just a little nourishment and he was on his way and up and going again.
I think if you read through these different stories, even about Jesus it says He was crying in anguish, but 3 days later He was raised gloriously and sat at the right hand of God, the Father. In all these situations, there wasn’t a “one size fits all” answer for how to get out of it, because they didn’t get into it in the same way. Sometimes it was sin, sometimes it was having a great victory in God, sometimes it was doing exactly what God wanted them to do. So the solutions are sort of different for everyone. But I want to encourage you that there is hope.
Chip Ingram, in his book that we’ve been studying this fall, Finding God When You Need Him Most, in this chapter called “When You’re Troubled and Depressed,” writes this:
“You see, God is a shepherd who cares for each person individually. Even though you might not be able to sort out all the contributing factors to your depression, God can still lead you out of it. He will lead you to the help you need. It may involve medicine, counseling, spiritual direction, relational aid, or all of the above. But God wants to meet you in the midst of your troubles and depression and lead you out” (Chip Ingram, Finding God When You Need Him Most, pg. 108).
You can get to the point where you say, “Man, I don’t know if God’s going to show up this time. I know He’s been faithful, but you know, I’m just getting worn out.” Yet God does show up and He leads us to a solution that we need. For a lot of you, this Care Groups tonight (or this message today), is part of that solution and God can provide the Bible verse that you need, or the person that you need, or the counseling that you need, or maybe a direction to the medical help that you need. God loves to provide what you need and He loves to give you hope. He loves to give you what you need.
I just want to encourage you in that, and my final encouragement to you today is to do what Asaph did in Psalm 77, if you read further. In verse 10, he changes his course. Instead of complaining to God he says:
“Then I thought, ‘To this I will appeal: the years of the right hand of the Most High.’ I will remember the deeds of the LORD; yes, I will remember your miracles of long ago. I will meditate on all your works and consider all your mighty deeds” (Psalm 77:10-12).
And then he goes on and he recounts how God led the Israelites through the desert out of Egypt and into the Promised Land and how he brought them through the sea where there was no way out and God provided a way. Doing this changed the whole course of Psalm 77. And by the end, Asaph is praising God again, after starting the Psalm with such despair.
It’s different for all of us, but his turning point was just saying, “God, I’m going to remember what You’ve done in the past.” I’ll close with this list of just a few of many things that Chip Ingram suggests, things that he does for himself, and maybe there are one or two things that you could do, when you find yourself in a depressed moment or season. You might think these are too simple, yet you’d be surprised.
- Get out your photo albums or slide projector and look at wedding pictures, remember good moments with shots of kids, reminisce with favorite vacation pictures, look at birthday pictures.
- Watch old videos you haven’t watched in years.
- Read your journal.
- Write down all your blessings.
- Relive the day you came to Christ.
- List the top 10 answers to prayer in your life.
- List 5 people who love you.
If there’s one of those you want to do, even this week, just list the top 10 answers to prayers in your life, relive the day you came to Christ, list 5 people who love you, read your journal, going back and remembering how God has worked in your life and saying, “God, You’ve been there for me in the past, and You’ve promised You’ll be there for me in the future. I’m going to trust You. Even though I don’t see a way out, I trust You that You’ll provide it, in Jesus’ name.”
Let’s pray…
Father, thank You that You can show us that it’s even normal to have days of trouble and days of depression, days when we can’t work things out on our own, days when it seems hopeless. Lord, thank You also for showing us that there’s a way out when we experience those days or months or years. Thank You that You love us so much that You do provide a way out, Lord. I pray You’d lead each of us to whatever solution You would have for us, God, whether it’s inviting people that we need to invite, whether it’s giving a call to someone, whether it’s taking someone out for dinner, whether it’s reading the Bible, a favorite passage, looking back at our journal, listing the things You’ve done in our lives, whether it’s seeking medical help or professional help or someone in church or just a listening ear. God, whatever answer, whatever solution, I pray You’d lead us to it. Thank You that You are a God of hope. I pray that You would give each one of us hope. In Jesus’ name, Amen.
P.S. For those who are interested, I’ve also uploaded a 2nd part of the message to our website, with a personal story of how God helped me through a time of trouble this past week. Click here to listen to Part 2, which is not included in the transcript above.
The Ranch Retreat is coming THIS WEEKEND! Even if you can’t join us in person, we hope to broadcast the main sessions live and later on our website. Technology permitting, you’ll be able to watch for free from any computer or mobile device. Please visit the link below for more details or to watch the retreat as we stream it live or later, starting Friday, October 10th. Click here to learn more or to watch The Ranch Retreat!
Vance Havner — The path of the Word…
The path of the Word and the path of the world do not run parallel.
Vance Havner
Proverbs 18:1 — A man who isolates himself…
A man who isolates himself seeks his own desire; He rages against all wise judgment.
Proverbs 18:1 The New King James Version
This Day’s Thought from The Ranch- Friday
The path of the Word and the path of the world do not run parallel.
Vance Havner
A man who isolates himself seeks his own desire; He rages against all wise judgment.
Proverbs 18:1
The New King James Version
Every person we ever meet is God’s opportunity.
Frank Laubach
You can still help make Lana’s dreams come true. To learn more, visit www.LanasHope.com.
Frank Laubach — Every person we ever meet…
Every person we ever meet is God’s opportunity.
Frank Laubach
This Day’s Thought from The Ranch- Thursday
Wisdom, the wisdom of God, is not something that is acquired by man, but something that is bestowed by God upon his elect. It is a divine endownment and not a human acquisition.
Spiros Zodhiates
Your beauty should not come from outward adornment, such as braided hair and the wearing of gold jewelry and fine clothes. Instead, it should be that of your inner self, the unfading beauty of a gentle and quiet spirit, which is of great worth in God’s sight.
1 Peter 3:3-4
The New International Version
You can still help make Lana’s dreams come true. To learn more, visit www.LanasHope.com.
Spiros Zodhiates — Wisdom, the wisdom of God…
Wisdom, the wisdom of God, is not something that is acquired by man, but something that is bestowed by God upon his elect. It is a divine endownment and not a human acquisition.
Spiros Zodhiates
1 Peter 3:3-4 — Your beauty should not come…
Your beauty should not come from outward adornment, such as braided hair and the wearing of gold jewelry and fine clothes. Instead, it should be that of your inner self, the unfading beauty of a gentle and quiet spirit, which is of great worth in God’s sight.
1 Peter 3:3-4 The New International Version
Corrie ten Boom — If a care is too small…
If a care is too small to be turned into a prayer it is too small to be made into a burden.
Corrie ten Boom
This Day’s Thought from The Ranch- Wednesday
If a care is too small to be turned into a prayer it is too small to be made into a burden.
Corrie ten Boom
This is what the LORD says: “Cursed is the one who trusts in man, who depends on flesh for his strength and whose heart turns away from the LORD.”
Jeremiah 17:5
The New International Version
Enemy-occupied territory- that is what the world is.
C. S. Lewis
You can still help make Lana’s dreams come true. To learn more, visit www.LanasHope.com.
Jeremiah 17:5 This is what the Lord says…
This is what the LORD says: “Cursed is the one who trusts in man, who depends on flesh for his strength and whose heart turns away from the LORD.”
Jeremiah 17:5 The New International Version
This Day’s Thought from The Ranch- Tuesday
If you will not worship God seven days a week, you do not worship him on one day a week.
A. W. Tozer
Be sober, be vigilant; because your adversary the devil, as a roaring lion, walketh about, seeking whom he may devour:
1 Peter 5:8
The King James Version
You can still help make Lana’s dreams come true. To learn more, visit www.LanasHope.com.
A. W. Tozer — If you will not worship God…
If you will not worship God seven days a week, you do not worship him on one day a week.
A. W. Tozer
1 Peter 5:8 — Be sober, be vigilant…
Be sober, be vigilant; because your adversary the devil, as a roaring lion, walketh about, seeking whom he may devour:
1 Peter 5:8 The King James Version
C. S. Lewis — Enemy-occupied territory…
Enemy-occupied territory- that is what the world is.
C. S. Lewis
Bernard Edinger — Inside the will of God…
Inside the will of God there is no failure. Outside the will of God there is no success.
Bernard Edinger
This Day’s Thought from The Ranch- Monday
Inside the will of God there is no failure. Outside the will of God there is no success.
Bernard Edinger
For God alone my soul waits in silence; from him comes my salvation. He only is my rock and my salvation, my fortress; I shall not be greatly shaken.
Psalm 62:1-2
The English Standard Version
The breathing I did yesterday will not keep me alive today- I must continue to breathe afresh every moment, or my life will cease. In like manner, yesterday’s grace and spiritual strength must be renewed, and the Holy Spirit must continue to breathe on my soul from moment to moment in order that I may continue to enjoy Him and to work the works He has assigned me.
Augustus Toplady
You can still help make Lana’s dreams come true. To learn more, visit www.LanasHope.com.
Psalm 62:1-2 — For God alone…
For God alone my soul waits in silence; from him comes my salvation. He only is my rock and my salvation, my fortress; I shall not be greatly shaken.
Psalm 62:1-2 The English Standard Version
Augustus Toplady — The breathing I did yesterday…
The breathing I did yesterday will not keep me alive today- I must continue to breathe afresh every moment, or my life will cease. In like manner, yesterday’s grace and spiritual strength must be renewed, and the Holy Spirit must continue to breathe on my soul from moment to moment in order that I may continue to enjoy Him and to work the works He has assigned me.
Augustus Toplady
This Week’s Sermon- No One Would Know
Note from Eric: If you haven’t signed up for our Ranch Retreat yet, the registration deadline is TOMORROW, SEPTEMBER 29th. Kent Sanders, today’s guest writer, will be there! We’d love to have you join us! Click here to sign up.
NO ONE WOULD KNOW
Part 8 of our series on “Transitions”
Here are the links to Parts 1, 2, 3, 4, 5, 6, and 7.
by Kent Sanders
www.kentsanders.net
“No one would know if we skipped church today.”
Those were the first words that crossed my mind when I woke up. It was a Sunday morning in February, 2004. My wife Melanie and I had just concluded a 7-year ministry in Streator, Illinois. I was a full-time worship leader, and she had been the children’s ministry director for several years before taking a position at a local preschool.
For a few months before that, I had been in contact with St. Louis Christian College in Florissant, Missouri. It was my alma mater, and they were interested in me coming as the Professor of Worship. It was the perfect opportunity to move closer to family and have a position of greater influence. I wouldn’t only be leading worship; I would get to train future worship leaders.
After accepting the position and resigning from the church, we moved to St. Louis to start our new lives. On our first Sunday in our new home, I woke up realizing that for the first time in over seven years, coordinating or leading a worship service was not my responsibility.
In many ways, it felt like a weight was lifted off my shoulders. I could go to church and be a “regular” person. But I was also scared because I had let go of a position where I was so comfortable. It was the first time since graduating from college that I was not a paid church staff member.
It was a transition that would shape me in many ways. I have had several part-time ministries since I left Streator, but it’s been ten years since I’ve worked full-time at a church. As I reflect on that transition and what I’ve learned about being a church member, I can boil it down to five key lessons that have helped strengthen my faith. I’ll also offer some questions for reflection after each lesson.
1. You must choose to get involved.
In ministry leadership circles, you often hear about the need to get people involved. At St. Louis Christian College, we even have a degree program in Discipleship & Involvement. One of the major concerns of the New Testament writers was that Christians have good relationships with one another. After all, we’re the body of Christ! And having good relationships means you must get involved.
Church leaders need to offer a variety of ways for people to get connected at church. But ultimately, church members must choose to get involved. That means you and I have to make a conscious choice to maintain relationships and be consistent in our church attendance. Is church attendance the only thing that matters? Of course not. But it’s hard to have deep relationships with people you never see.
Statistics tell us that the average church member attends services twice a month. What if I applied that same ratio to my marriage? If I decided I was only going to see my wife twice a week, things would go downhill pretty quickly. No one would maintain that you could maintain a vibrant, healthy marriage if you put time and effort into building that relationship.
Yet many times in the church, we will encounter people who aren’t happy with their church for various reasons. When you begin to dig a little, you will often find that they are not highly involved church members who are there to contribute.
When I stepped out of my role as a pastor, I had to reevaluate why I was involved at church. Up to that point, it was part of my job. But when that was no longer the case, I had the opportunity to get back to the basics of my faith and find a renewed commitment to the local church.
Question: Have you made a conscious choice to be a participating member of your local church? If so, what continues to motivate you? If not, what’s keeping you from being more involved?
2. You must distinguish between Ministry and ministry.
Yes, you read that correctly. There is a difference between “Ministry” (capitalized) and “ministry” (lowercase). Let me explain.
In the Bible, the word “ministry” literally means “service.” Specifically, it refers to service that’s done for others in the name of Christ. But your view of ministry can be very different depending on your vocation.
As a pastor, I tended to focus on the vocational side of ministry. I viewed my church staff position as a Ministry because I had dedicated my life to Christian service. It’s not that I didn’t believe people in other vocations weren’t doing ministry. It’s just that when you graduate with a ministry degree from a Christian college, it’s easy to view your church role as something sacred and special among vocations.
But what happens when you no longer have that position, that role of being in Ministry? This is the situation I faced when I became a church member instead of a paid pastor. I was no longer in a leadership role and had to rediscover what it meant to be “in ministry.”
When I began to look at vocational ministry as an outsider, I saw things in a new light. I discovered that being “in ministry” didn’t mean you received a paycheck from a church or had a special title. Being “in ministry” meant that you approached all of your work, no matter what type, as a service to Christ and to the world. It doesn’t mean that pastors are any less important; it means that we’re all of equal importance.
To be quite frank, I had serious workaholic tendencies in my twenties, when I worked at a church. My identity was completely wrapped up in my church position. This wasn’t because I was overworked or had unfair expectations; it was because I didn’t really understand who I was. I saw myself first and foremost as a Minister—a church staff member.
When I stepped away from that position, I had an identity crisis for about two years. I was so wrapped up in my church position that I often missed the bigger picture of what ministry is all about.
Pastors are important! They are of course doing ministry through their service to the church. But you have a ministry as well, in your work, in your family, and wherever you find yourself. You may not be leading or preaching, but if you’re a Christian, you are most definitely called to serve others in the name of Christ.
Question: Do you view your work as a ministry? How can you serve Christ and the world through your vocation?
3. You must develop a hunger for God.
As a pastor, it was my job to know and teach the Bible. I wasn’t preaching every Sunday, but I was definitely teaching the Word through worship songs, at rehearsals, through my writing, and other avenues. In a sense, it’s a pastor’s job to be “spiritual” because your life is focused on the church’s program.
But once I was out of that role, there was less external structure to ensure that I was interacting with God’s Word and involved at church. I was surprised to discover that it was much harder than I thought to maintain the discipline of “feeding myself” spiritually.
I have tried all kinds of things over the years to help me be disciplined with my Bible reading. (Bible reading is not the only element to your faith, of course, but it’s a key habit for growing in your faith, so I’ll focus on it here.) I’ve tried Bible reading plans. I’ve tried Bible apps on my phone. I’ve tried devotional books. I’ve tried study Bibles with all the notes, maps, bells and whistles you could want. I’ve tried Bibles that included only the text (no chapter and verse numbers). If they sell it in a Christian bookstore, I’ve probably tried it.
What I’ve learned is that tools can be very helpful, but they can’t make you hungry for God. I came to a place in my life where I didn’t want to continue trying to do life on my own. I was too proud to admit that I wasn’t smart enough or enough to figure things out by myself. I had to first be broken in order to be made whole.
If you are experiencing some kind of pain or loss in life, don’t let it drive you away from God. Let it drive you to him, to a place where you have utter dependency on his healing, wisdom and grace.
Question: On a scale of 1 to 10, how hungry are you for God’s work in your life? If you don’t feel much of a drive towards God these days, what might be the cause?
4. You must learn to follow, not just lead.
As a worship leader, I was used to being on stage nearly every Sunday, leading the congregation. It was exhausting, but also exhilarating. It’s a great feeling to know that the songs you’ve chosen, the volunteers in your ministry, and the organization you’ve put into church services have all come together to create something that changes lives.
But what happens when you’re not in charge anymore?
This is exactly the dilemma I found myself in when we became involved in our new church. I wasn’t a worship leader anymore; I was a volunteer in another person’s ministry. The worship leader and I were great friends, but as a musician in his ministry I sometimes thought, “Gee, that’s not the way I would do that,” or “That’s not the way you should arrange that song.”
It took a long time for me to get comfortable in the role of a follower when I had been a leader for so long. But over time I found a new role: not as a church staff person in charge of a ministry area, but as a volunteer who was a supporter and encourager to the church staff.
I had something few other people in the church had: I was a volunteer who knew what ministry was like. I knew it can be exhausting and emotionally draining. I accepted the fact that I wasn’t always on stage, but could play an important behind-the-scenes role at our church.
We talk a lot about leadership in the Christian community, but you seldom hear about “followership.” You must learn to follow before you can lead.
Question: Do you make it easier for your pastor to lead you, by being a good follower who is supportive and encouraging?
5. You must learn to live a balanced life.
One of the most surprising things I experienced after transitioning out of paid ministry was that I didn’t have to be involved in everything at church. As a staff member, my life basically revolved around the church calendar: hospital calls, staff meetings, planning sessions, worship rehearsals, Sunday services, and many other events. In many ways I assumed that all our church volunteers shared the same sentiment that church events take priority over nearly everything else.
But as a volunteer, I had the freedom to choose how much, and in what ways, to be involved. I quickly discovered that my life no longer revolved around the church schedule. I learned to say “no” to some things because I now had a different job and a growing family. I became more discerning about how I would spend my time.
This was a major shift in my thinking from when I worked at the church. I don’t want to give the impression that my former church asked too much of its staff; that wasn’t the case. In fact, the senior minister set a stellar example of going home at a reasonable hour and spending time with his family. But I was a workaholic who loved his job and thought about it night and day. I just assumed everyone else did the same.
Thankfully, I have changed a lot over the years, and have a much more sane view of ministry these days!
It can be difficult to say “no” sometimes and set boundaries, but you can only be involved in so many things. Find what you are passionate about and give your efforts to that area of ministry. Having a balanced life means that you are healthier and more productive, and your church enjoys the blessing of having a fully committed, energized you!
Question: Have you set healthy boundaries in your life regarding church involvement? If not, what can you do to help ensure that your life doesn’t become out of balance?
A word to pastors: Although this article was written for church members, I hope that you resonate with it as well. Whether you’ve been leading God’s people for a few years or a few decades, it’s important to take these lessons to heart. They apply equally to pastors as they do to church leaders . . . perhaps even more so since it’s so easy to allow church work to consume your life.
Life is full of transitions, but they can be so much better when we walk through them together. As the Bible says:
“Let us not give up meeting together, as some are in the habit of doing, but let us encourage one another–and all the more as you see the Day approaching” (Hebrews 10:25).
If you’re like me and sometimes think, “No one would know if I skipped church today,” I hope you’ll learn from what I’ve learned:
- Choose to get involved, because getting involved will build good relationships that are helpful both to you and to those with whom you interact;
- Distinguish between Ministry and ministry, serving others in the name of Christ regardless of where God has placed you;
- Develop a hunger for God, both by stoking the fire of your faith by reading his word, and by realizing your utter dependence on him;
- Learn to follow, not just lead, by encouraging those who lead you so they can lead even more effectively; and
- Learn to live a balanced life, setting boundaries and saying “no” to some things so you can say “yes” to others with your full energy and commitment.
Kent Sanders writes on art and creativity at kentsanders.net. He is also Professor of Worship at St. Louis Christian College in Florissant, MO. You can connect with him on Facebook or follow him on Twitter.
When you join the free email newsletter list at kentsanders.net, you get 6 free gifts, including the series “10 Keys to Creativity” and the eBooks “How to Make Time for Your Art” and “The Ultimate Resource Guide for Artpreneurs.”
Kent Sanders will be joining us from St. Louis for our 2nd Annual Ranch Retreat on October 10-12. We’d love to have you join us! Registration ends TOMORROW, SEPTEMBER 29th.
Click here to sign up!
This Day’s Thought from The Ranch- Friday
The 2nd Annual Ranch Retreat
Watch “The 2nd Annual Ranch Retreat,” recorded live on October 10 & 11, 2014.
Session 1: Friday Night, October 10, 2014, 8:00 pm – 10 pm “The price and payoff of stepping out in faith.”
Session 2: Saturday Morning, October 11, 2014, 10:0 am – 12 noon “The pain and practicality of going where you don’t want to go.”
Session 3: Saturday Night, October 11, 2014, 8:00 pm – 10 pm “The peace and power that comes through prayer.”
This Day’s Thought from The Ranch- Friday
Let us be as watchful after the victory as before the battle.
Andrew Bonar
“But the Sabbath was made to benefit man, and not man to benefit the Sabbath. And I, the Messiah, have authority even to decide what men can do on Sabbath days!”
Mark 2:27-28
The Living Bible
Good for the body is the work of the body, and good for the soul is the work of the soul, and good for either is the work of the other.
Henry David Thoreau
You can still help make Lana’s dreams come true. To learn more, visit www.LanasHope.com.
Andrew Bonar — Let us be as watchful…
Let us be as watchful after the victory as before the battle.
Andrew Bonar
Mark 2:27-28 — But the Sabbath…
“But the Sabbath was made to benefit man, and not man to benefit the Sabbath. And I, the Messiah, have authority even to decide what men can do on Sabbath days!”
Mark 2:27-28 The Living Bible
Henry David Thoreau — Good for the body…
Good for the body is the work of the body, and good for the soul is the work of the soul, and good for either is the work of the other.
Henry David Thoreau
This Day’s Thought from The Ranch- Thursday
The only ultimate disaster that can befall us, I have come to realize, is to feel ourselves at home here on earth.
Malcolm Muggeridge
For as the earth brings forth its shoots, and as a garden causes what is sown in it to spring up, so the Lord GOD will cause righteousness and praise to spring forth before all the nations.
Isaiah 61:11
The Revised Standard Version
You can still help make Lana’s dreams come true. To learn more, visit www.LanasHope.com.
Malcolm Muggeridge — The only ultimate disaster…
The only ultimate disaster that can befall us, I have come to realize, is to feel ourselves at home here on earth.
Malcolm Muggeridge
Isaiah 61:11 — For as the earth…
For as the earth brings forth its shoots, and as a garden causes what is sown in it to spring up, so the Lord GOD will cause righteousness and praise to spring forth before all the nations.
Isaiah 61:11 The Revised Standard Version
This Day’s Thought from The Ranch- Wednesday
There is no avoiding, and no substitute for, the somtimes long, arduous experience of discovering the will of God in our own lives.
Sinclair Ferguson
Repay no one evil for evil, but give thought to do what is honorable in the sight of all. If possible, so far as it depends on you, live peaceably with all. Beloved, never avenge yourselves, but leave it to the wrath of God, for it is written, “Vengeance is mine, I will repay, says the Lord.”
Romans 12:17-19
The English Standard Version
We are doing God next year. Please send all details and pamphlets.
Letter from a British schoolgirl to the Anglican Church Information Office
You can still help make Lana’s dreams come true. To learn more, visit www.LanasHope.com.
Sinclair Ferguson — There is no avoiding…
There is no avoiding, and no substitute for, the somtimes long, arduous experience of discovering the will of God in our own lives.
Sinclair Ferguson
Romans 12:17-19 — Repay no one evil for evil…
Repay no one evil for evil, but give thought to do what is honorable in the sight of all. If possible, so far as it depends on you, live peaceably with all. Beloved, never avenge yourselves, but leave it to the wrath of God, for it is written, “Vengeance is mine, I will repay, says the Lord.”
Romans 12:17-19 The English Standard Version
British schoolgirl — We are doing God next year…
We are doing God next year. Please send all details and pamphlets.
Letter from a British schoolgirl to the Anglican Church Information Office
This Day’s Thought from The Ranch- Tuesday
Get into the habit of dealing with God about everything. Unless in the first waking moment of the day you learn to fling the door wide back and let God in, you will work on a wrong level all day; but swing the door wide open and pray to your Father in secret, and every public thing will be stamped with the presence of God.
Oswald Chambers
“Then if my people who are called by my name will humble themselves and pray and seek my face and turn from their wicked ways, I will hear from heaven and will forgive their sins and restore their land.”
2 Chronicles 7:14
The New Living Translation
You can still help make Lana’s dreams come true. To learn more, visit www.LanasHope.com.
Oswald Chambers — Get into the habit…
Get into the habit of dealing with God about everything. Unless in the first waking moment of the day you learn to fling the door wide back and let God in, you will work on a wrong level all day; but swing the door wide open and pray to your Father in secret, and every public thing will be stamped with the presence of God.
Oswald Chambers
2 Chronicles 7:14 — Then if my people…
“Then if my people who are called by my name will humble themselves and pray and seek my face and turn from their wicked ways, I will hear from heaven and will forgive their sins and restore their land.”
2 Chronicles 7:14 The New Living Translation
This Day’s Thought from The Ranch- Monday
It is later than it has ever been before, and the smartest thing any man can do is to set his watch by God’s clock.
Vance Havner
“Beware lest you say in your heart, ‘My power and the might of my hand have gotten me this wealth.’ You shall remember the LORD your God, for it is he who gives you power to get wealth;”
Deuteronomy 8:17-18
The Revised Standard Version
A missionary told how she was once describing the loving character of God to a gathering of Chinese women. As she told of the Father’s love, compassion, and mercy with great enthusiasm, one of the Chinese women turned to her neighbor and said, “Haven’t I often told you that there ought to be a God like that?”
Unknown
You can still help make Lana’s dreams come true. To learn more, visit www.LanasHope.com.
Vance Havner — It is later…
It is later than it has ever been before, and the smartest thing any man can do is to set his watch by God’s clock.
Vance Havner
Deuteronomy 8:17-18 — Beware lest you say in your heart…
“Beware lest you say in your heart, ‘My power and the might of my hand have gotten me this wealth.’ You shall remember the LORD your God, for it is he who gives you power to get wealth;”
Deuteronomy 8:17-18 The Revised Standard Version
Unknown — A missionary told…
A missionary told how she was once describing the loving character of God to a gathering of Chinese women. As she told of the Father’s love, compassion, and mercy with great enthusiasm, one of the Chinese women turned to her neighbor and said, “Haven’t I often told you that there ought to be a God like that?”
Unknown
This Week’s Sermon- Who Do You Think You Are?
WHO DO YOU THINK YOU ARE?
Psalm 139
by Eric Elder
www.theranch.org
Note from Eric: I spoke this week at our church’s Care Groups and thought you’d enjoy the message. You can listen to it at the link below, or read the transcript that follows. I’d especially encourage you to watch the movie I recommend in the message called “Sing Over Me,” which you can watch online for free this week only at www.singovermemovie.com. I can’t recommend it highly enough! Click the link below to listen to today’s message or read the transcript that follows.
Click here to listen to “Who Do You Think You Are?” by Eric Elder (11 minutes)
TRANSCRIPT:
Good evening. My name’s Eric Elder and tonight we’re going to ask the question, “Who do you think you are?” I’d also like to highlight two movies for you this week. One you can watch online, right now, for free for just one more week, and the other is a movie from 1995 about a high school music teacher. Both of these will help answer the question, “Who do you think you are?” because our perceptions of ourselves don’t always match with reality.
Sometimes people ask, “Who do you think you are?” when talking about someone who thinks they’re better than everyone else. But for a lot of us–most of us really–the question is important because we really think too little of ourselves. We have rough days. We have bad weeks. We have failures in our life. We have disappointments. We aren’t at the place where we thought we’d be. Things didn’t work out quite the way we had planned, and we can sometimes get frustrated and we can get hurt and get confused and just say, “How did I end up here?”
So I want to remind you today what God thinks of you. Because what really matters most is what He thinks of you. He’s the one that created you, so He knows you inside and out, backwards and forwards. I’d like to speak some words over you tonight from Psalm 139. I’ll read to you most of the passage from Psalm 139.
For some of you, you may have heard these words a lot. I want to help you hear them in a fresh way. For some of you, you may have never heard these words before, about what God thinks about you. This is a Psalm of David, who became king, and he was writing to God just how amazing it was that God even considered him or thought of him at all. This is how God thinks of us all. Psalm 139, starting in verse 1, says:
“O LORD, you have searched me and You know me. You know when I sit and when I rise; You perceive my thoughts from afar. You discern my going out and my lying down; You are familiar with all my ways. Before a word is on my tongue You know it completely, O LORD” (Psalm 139:1-4).
I was over in Peoria yesterday with a guy who has sepsis. He’s recovering, but it’s going to be a really hard road for him. He’s got a breathing tube down his throat and his organs are all failing and they weren’t sure if he was going to make it just a week ago. I was reading this Psalm to him, and he’s not able to get words out. He can only point, and at least this week is starting to be able to write on a board. I thought of that phrase, “Before a word is on my tongue You know it completely, O Lord.” How amazing? When you can’t even get a word out, God already knows it. He knows what you’re thinking. Even if you don’t get a word out, God still knows it, and that’s a great comfort. Continuing in verse 5:
“You hem me in–behind and before; You have laid your hand upon me. Such knowledge is too wonderful for me, too lofty for me to attain. Where can I go from Your Spirit? Where can I flee from Your presence? If I go up to the heavens, You are there; if I make my bed in the depths, You are there. If I rise on the wings of the dawn, if I settle on the far side of the sea, even there Your hand will guide me, Your right hand will hold me fast” (Psalm 139: 5-10).
I love that. Some people might not like that, that God will never leave them alone. But the great truth is, He loves you so much that He will never leave you alone. He’s not coming after you with condemnation. He pursues you with love, and He will never leave you alone, even if you settle on the far side of the sea. His hand will guide you. His right hand will hold you fast.
Continuing in verse 11:
“If I say, ‘Surely the darkness will hide me and the light become night around me,’ even the darkness will not be dark to You; the night will shine like the day, for darkness is as light to You. For You created my inmost being; You knit me together in my mother’s womb. I praise You because I am fearfully and wonderfully made; Your works are wonderful, I know that full well. My frame was not hidden from You when I was made in the secret place. When I was woven together in the depths of the earth, Your eyes saw my unformed body. All the days ordained for me were written in Your book before one of them came to be. How precious to me are Your thoughts, O God! How vast is the sum of them! Were I to count them, they would outnumber the grains of sand. When I awake, I am still with You” (Psalm 139:11-18).
I just love that, too, how God is with you. He walks with you. He knows you. He’s ordained all the days of your life before one of them came to be.
Sometimes you feel like a nobody going nowhere. But the truth is, in God’s eyes, you are a somebody going somewhere.
The first movie I want to tell you about is called “Sing Over Me.” It’s about the life of Dennis Jernigan. Dennis is a singer, songwriter and worship leader, among many other things. He’s also a personal friend of mine. He’s written songs that are sung in churches all over the world, songs like “You Are My All In All” and “We Will Worship the Lamb of Glory.” But he didn’t always have chart-topping songs on his resume. In fact, when he applied to music school in college, he was rejected when the head of the music department said, “We have only a few positions in this department, and we reserve them for people we see potential in. We simply do not see any such potential in you.”
Yet Dennis loved to play the piano and to sing and worship and write songs. He could have given up on life. In fact, he tried to. He tried to take his own life, turning on the gas stove in his room and laying down on the floor to die. But then a drastic thought occurred to him: was he really ready to face death and whatever may or may not be waiting for him afterward? Frightened, he quickly got up and turned off the gas before he was overcome by the fumes.
Soon after, he was at a Christian concert, and when the invitation was given to surrender his life fully to God’s plan for his life, and to reject Satan’s plan of death and destruction, he committed his life to Christ. Overwhelmed that night by God’s love for him, Dennis walked away from years of sexually destructive behavior and self-condemnation, and began a new walk of life, eventually marrying his college sweetheart, having a family of nine kids and writing hundreds of worship songs affecting millions.
Dennis says that the most significant step in his story was realizing his true identity–what God had planned and purposed in his life–and who he was in God’s eyes. His life verse has become one from Zephaniah 3:17. It says that “the Lord rejoices over you with singing.” Dennis was so struck by that, that God loves him so much, that God would even sing over him. And God sings over each one of you. That’s just a crazy thought, not just that you sing to God, but that God rejoices over you and sings over you! That could help you sleep at night, knowing that God is singing over you!
So this movie that they’ve made about Dennis’s life is called, “Sing Over Me,” and you can watch it at www.singovermemovie.com. It’s free online for just one more week. I encourage you to watch it!
The second movie that I want to talk about tonight is one called, “Mr. Holland’s Opus.” Maybe you’ve heard about this. Chip Ingram talks about it in this book that we’re studying this fall in Care Groups called “Finding God When You Need Him Most.” Mr. Holland, who’s played by Richard Dreyfus, wanted to write a magnificent symphony. This was his goal in life. Then he got involved in teaching high school music. That was all in the meantime, and he did that for years and years and years, and he never got around to writing his symphony.
At one point the school lost their funding and they had to cut his position. Mr. Holland lost his job. He felt like his life had been wasted, for he had never fulfilled his dreams. But to his surprise, as he was feeling his lowest, his former students gathered to honor him with a tribute. They all came together in a room to surprise him, and one of them had become the governor of the state. She got up to speak, and here’s what she says:
“Mr. Holland had a profound influence on my life, on a lot of lives I know. And yet I get the feeling that he considers a great part of his own life misspent. Rumor had it he was always working on this symphony of his. And this was going to make him famous, rich, probably both. But Mr. Holland isn’t rich and he isn’t famous, at least not outside of our little town. It might be easy for him to think himself a failure. And he would be wrong; because I think he’s achieved a success far beyond riches and fame.” Then she said to him, “Look around you. There is not a life in this room that you have not touched. And each one of us is a better person because of you. We are your symphony, Mr. Holland. We are the melodies and the notes of your opus, and we are the music of your life.”
Chip Ingram adds:
“Not many of us will have such a tribute. But we can learn something from Mr. Holland’s experience. Like him, most of us draw conclusions about ourselves in the dim light of the daily grind. We assume that we don’t matter, don’t make a significant difference; but God says that is not true. Whenever you are inclined to underestimate your value, I urge you to resist that urge. Open the Bible to Psalm 139 and confront your feelings with what God says about you” (Chip Ingram, “Finding God When You Need Him Most,” p. 85).
Who do you think you are? If you ever wonder, read–and reread–Psalm 139 and remember what God thinks about you. Believe it or not, as Zephaniah says, God really does “rejoice over you with singing.”
Let’s pray…
Father, thank You for this day. Thank You for Your healing and redeeming us and chasing after us. God, I pray that each of us would hear from You in a special way, a unique way; that You would even sing over us, God, in a way that we could hear. Just like Zephaniah 3:17 says, God, that You rejoice over us with singing. Lord, let it be so in our lives. In Jesus’ name, Amen.
P.S. I do encourage you to watch Dennis Jernigan’s story. The movie is called “Sing Over Me.” It’s brand new and it’s free for this week, through the end of September. Here’s the link to watch:
http://www.singovermemovie.com
And here the link to Dennis’ book on Amazon. It’s also called “Sing Over Me,” and goes into even more detail:
http://amzn.to/1v0Zyzw
This is the LAST WEEK TO SIGN UP FOR THE RANCH RETREAT! Please let us know as soon as possible if you plan to come (or by Monday, September 29th at the latest). We’re so looking forward to it… and hope you’ll join us!
Click here to learn more or to register.
Augustine of Hippo — Beware of despairing about yourself…
Beware of despairing about yourself; you are commanded to put your trust in God, and not in yourself.
Augustine of Hippo
Psalm 50:14-15 — Offer to God a sacrifice…
“Offer to God a sacrifice of thanksgiving, and perform your vows to the Most High, and call upon me in the day of trouble; I will deliver you, and you shall glorify me.”
Psalm 50:14-15 The English Standard Version
Maltbie D. Babcock — Life is what we are alive to…
Life is what we are alive to. It is not length but breadth…Be alive to…goodness, kindness, purity, love, history, poetry, music, flowers, stars, God, and eternal hope.
Maltbie D. Babcock
This Day’s Thought from The Ranch- Friday
Beware of despairing about yourself; you are commanded to put your trust in God, and not in yourself.
Augustine of Hippo
“Offer to God a sacrifice of thanksgiving, and perform your vows to the Most High, and call upon me in the day of trouble; I will deliver you, and you shall glorify me.”
Psalm 50:14-15
The English Standard Version
Life is what we are alive to. It is not length but breadth…Be alive to…goodness, kindness, purity, love, history, poetry, music, flowers, stars, God, and eternal hope.
Maltbie D. Babcock
You can still help make Lana’s dreams come true. To learn more, visit www.LanasHope.com.
This Day’s Thought from The Ranch- Thursday
If it happens that you are well off, in your heart be tranquil about it- if you can be just as glad and willing for the opposite condition. So let it be with food, friends, kindred, or anything else that God gives or takes away.
Meister Eckhart
“‘Not by might, nor by power, but by my Spirit, says the Lord of Hosts- you will succeed because of my Spirit, though you are few and weak.’”
Zechariah 4:6
The Living Bible
You can still help make Lana’s dreams come true. To learn more, visit www.LanasHope.com.
Meister Eckhart — If it happens that you are well off…
If it happens that you are well off, in your heart be tranquil about it- if you can be just as glad and willing for the opposite condition. So let it be with food, friends, kindred, or anything else that God gives or takes away.
Meister Eckhart
Zechariah 4:6 — Not by might nor by power…
“‘Not by might, nor by power, but by my Spirit, says the Lord of Hosts- you will succeed because of my Spirit, though you are few and weak.’”
Zechariah 4:6 The Living Bible
This Day’s Thought from The Ranch- Wednesday
Unless you have found God in your own soul, the whole world will seem meaningless to you.
Rabindranath Tagore
Better one handful with tranquillity than two handfuls with toil and chasing after the wind.
Ecclesiastes 4:6
The New International Version
The beauty seen is partly in him who sees it.
Christian Bovee
You can still help make Lana’s dreams come true. To learn more, visit www.LanasHope.com.
Rabindranath Tagore — Unless you have found God…
Unless you have found God in your own soul, the whole world will seem meaningless to you.
Rabindranath Tagore
Ecclesiastes 4:6 — Better one handful with tranquillity…
Better one handful with tranquillity than two handfuls with toil and chasing after the wind.
Ecclesiastes 4:6 The New International Version
Christian Bovee — The beauty seen…
The beauty seen is partly in him who sees it.
Christian Bovee
This Day’s Thought from The Ranch- Tuesday
Much as we wish, not one of us can bring back yesterday or shape tomorrow. Only today is ours, and it will not be ours for long, and once it is gone it will never in all time be ours again. Thou only knowest what it holds in store for us, yet even we know someting of what it will hold. The chance to speak the truth, to show mercy, to ease another’s burden. The chance to resist evil, to remember all the good times and good people of our past, to be brave, to be strong, to be glad.
Frederick Buechner
The saying is trustworthy, for: If we have died with him, we will also live with him; if we endure, we will also reign with him; if we deny him, he also will deny us; if we are faithless, he remains faithful- for he cannot deny himself.
2 Timothy 2:11-13
The English Standard Version
You can still help make Lana’s dreams come true. To learn more, visit www.LanasHope.com.
Frederick Buechner — Much as we wish…
Much as we wish, not one of us can bring back yesterday or shape tomorrow. Only today is ours, and it will not be ours for long, and once it is gone it will never in all time be ours again. Thou only knowest what it holds in store for us, yet even we know someting of what it will hold. The chance to speak the truth, to show mercy, to ease another’s burden. The chance to resist evil, to remember all the good times and good people of our past, to be brave, to be strong, to be glad.
Frederick Buechner
2 Timothy 2:11-13 — The saying is trustworthy for…
The saying is trustworthy, for: If we have died with him, we will also live with him; if we endure, we will also reign with him; if we deny him, he also will deny us; if we are faithless, he remains faithful- for he cannot deny himself.
2 Timothy 2:11-13 The English Standard Version
This Day’s Thought from The Ranch- Monday
Life passes, riches fly away, popularity is fickle, the senses decay, the world changes. One alone is true to us; One alone can be all things to us; One alone can supply our need.
John Henry Newman
O LORD my God, in thee do I put my trust: save me from all them that persecute me, and deliver me:
Psalm 7:1
The King James Version
President Lincoln once said a few kind words about the Confederates. A woman retorted that she wondered how the president could speak kindly of his enemies, when he should rather wish them destroyed. “But ma’am,” Lincoln replied. “Do I not destroy them when I make them my friends?”
Unknown
You can still help make Lana’s dreams come true. To learn more, visit www.LanasHope.com.
John Henry Newman — Life passes…
Life passes, riches fly away, popularity is fickle, the senses decay, the world changes. One alone is true to us; One alone can be all things to us; One alone can supply our need.
John Henry Newman
Psalm 7:1 — O Lord my God…
O LORD my God, in thee do I put my trust: save me from all them that persecute me, and deliver me:
Psalm 7:1 The King James Version
Unknown — President Lincoln once said…
President Lincoln once said a few kind words about the Confederates. A woman retorted that she wondered how the president could speak kindly of his enemies, when he should rather wish them destroyed. “But ma’am,” Lincoln replied. “Do I not destroy them when I make them my friends?”
Unknown
This Week’s Sermon- Getting Away and Getting with God
GETTING AWAY AND GETTING WITH GOD
Mark 6:30-31
by Eric Elder
www.theranch.org
Note from Eric: We’re just 4 weeks away from our 2nd Annual Ranch Retreat! I hope you’ll join us here in person, but if you can’t, I hope you’ll watch our broadcast live that weekend or later on the website. I’ve recorded a special invitation this week to tell you more about the retreat that I hope you’ll watch below. I’ve also written a message to encourage you to take some time to get away and get with God to hear what He might have to say to you, whether you’re able to come to our retreat or you take one yourself wherever you live. God has so much He wants to share with you, and it’s so much easier to hear Him speak when you intentionally take some time to get away and be with Him. Here’s my video invitation to our retreat, followed by a message on getting away and getting with God.

Click here to watch Eric’s video invitation:
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Have you ever been so busy you don’t even have time to eat? If so, you’re not alone. Even Jesus and His disciples found themselves inundated by the needs around them.
Thankfully, Jesus has a solution. Listen to what He said to His disciples after a super-busy time of super-charged ministry:
“The apostles gathered around Jesus and reported to him all they had done and taught. Then, because so many people were coming and going that they did not even have a chance to eat, He said to them, ‘Come with Me by yourselves to a quiet place and get some rest’” (Mark 6:30-31).
You might think that by simply working harder or working longer you’ll be able to get more done. But the truth is, we all need times of rest and renewal so we can get charged up again to do all that God has called us to do. If Jesus needed to get away for times of rest and renewal, as He often did, how much more do we need to get away, too?
One of my favorite memories as a kid was going on our annual church retreat with our family and friends to “Woods Camp,” a nearby retreat center. Even though it was only 20 minutes away from home, going out into the woods for the weekend was somehow magical. We explored the woods, ate pancakes together in the lodge, sang songs of worship and listened to encouraging messages.
At night, we’d cook marshmallows over a bonfire, make s’mores and play a game called 4-square with a rubber ball and 4-squares of chalk drawn on the cement on the front porch of the lodge. I especially remember singing a 3-part round of “Love, love, love, love, Christians this is your call” in the chapel in the woods on Sunday mornings.
As an adult, I found a new love for retreats. I discovered they were not just for fun and games, but a way I could hear from God more clearly. When I moved to Texas to take a job after college, I went to a retreat in Grapevine, Texas, with a group of young adults. It was there that I first opened up to a small group of people and told them that I really wasn’t sure what I believed about Jesus. Even though I had been in church all my life, I still didn’t know for sure if Jesus was real, and if He was, what difference it would make in my life. One of the guys in that small group invited me to come study the Bible with him and a few others guys each week so I could learn more and find out for myself. By the time the retreat came around the next year, I was a brand-new Christian, having heard God speak personally to me. I put my faith in Jesus that year and have been loving Him and following Him ever since.
What makes getting away and getting with God so special? I think it has to do with simply “turning aside” to see what God is up to, as Moses did when he turned aside to look at a bush that was burning–but didn’t burn up–in the desert. God used the bush to get Moses’ attention, and when God saw that Moses turned aside to look, God spoke to him. The Bible says:
“Moses saw that though the bush was on fire it did not burn up. So Moses thought, ‘I will go over and see this strange sight–why the bush does not burn up.’ When the LORD saw that he had gone over to look, God called to him from within the bush, ‘Moses! Moses!’ And Moses said, ‘Here I am’” (Exodus 3:2a-4).
That simple act of turning aside changed the course of the rest of Moses’ life.
You might think that this message is simply leading up to a shameless plug for the fall retreat we’re hosting here in Illinois next month, and I guess in part you’d be right! But believe me, I’m not promoting this retreat for my own sake, but for yours. I simply know the power of getting away and getting with God, and my desire is to help you experience that power in your life, too.
I also know that you may not be able to come to Illinois and join us in person, but thanks to the Internet, you don’t have to! We’re planning to broadcast the retreat on the Internet so you can watch it wherever you, both live on the weekend of the retreat and stored on our website to watch later. Whether you join us in person, or join us online, I hope you’ll take some time to “turn aside” and see what God is up to. Our prayer is that the weekend will increase your faith in Jesus and help you walk out your faith with more strength and confidence than ever before.
If you are coming in person, we need to hear from you as soon as possible, as the deadline for registering is just 2 weeks away, Monday, September 29th. You can use the link below to learn more and to register. And even though you’ll see a price listed for the retreat, we don’t want cost to keep anyone from coming who wants to come. Just send us a note by replying to this message, and we’’ll send you some information for how you can register at low cost or no cost at all. We simply ask that if you do register, you do come, as we’ll have a place reserved for you and meals for the weekend, (plus a gift bag my 11-year-old daughter is putting together for you, and we don’t want you to miss any of it!)
For those of you who can’t come but want to watch online, we’ll be sending you more instructions for how to do that as we get closer to the retreat. You can always check for updates at http://www.theranch.org.
To learn more about the retreat or to register, please visit this link!
https://www.eventbrite.com/e/the-2nd-annual-ranch-retreat-tickets-11784019319
As a final note, I’d like to encourage you that you don’t have to wait for a retreat to get away and get alone with God. You can get away by taking a walk, or going to church or finding a friend with whom you can talk or pray or read a chapter of the Bible together (if you don’t know what else to read, try reading John chapter 14 as a great place to start).
When John Wesley’s mother, Susanna, needed to get alone and get with God, she would simply sit in a chair, pull her apron over her head, and that was enough to let her numerous children know that she was spending some quiet time with God! Whatever it takes, I encourage you to get alone and get with God, too. As Jesus said:
“Come with Me by yourselves to a quiet place and get some rest” (Mark 6:31b).
Have a blessed week, and hope to hear from you soon about the retrea!
Eric Elder
Why not get away and see what God has to say? Click here to learn more or to register.
This Day’s Thought from The Ranch- Friday
The best reason to pray is that God is really there. In praying our unbelief starts to melt. God moves smack into the middle of even an ordinary day.
Emily Griffin
But glory, honour, and peace, to every man that worketh good,
Romans 2:10
The King James Version
The closer we are to God, the closer we are to those who are close to him.
Thomas Merton
You can still help make Lana’s dreams come true. To learn more, visit www.LanasHope.com.
Emily Griffin — The best reason to pray…
The best reason to pray is that God is really there. In praying our unbelief starts to melt. God moves smack into the middle of even an ordinary day.
Emily Griffin
Romans 2:10 — But glory, honour, and peace…
But glory, honour, and peace, to every man that worketh good,
Romans 2:10 The King James Version
Thomas Merton — The closer we are to God…
The closer we are to God, the closer we are to those who are close to him.
Thomas Merton
Epictetus — I am always content with what happens…
I am always content with what happens, for I know that what God chooses is better than what I choose.
Epictetus
This Day’s Thought from The Ranch- Thursday
I am always content with what happens, for I know that what God chooses is better than what I choose.
Epictetus
And the Lord’s servant must not be quarrelsome but kind to everyone, able to teach, patiently enduring evil, correcting his opponents with gentleness.
2 Timothy 2:24-25
The English Standard Version
You can still help make Lana’s dreams come true. To learn more, visit www.LanasHope.com.
2 Timothy 2:24-25 — And the Lord’s servant…
And the Lord’s servant must not be quarrelsome but kind to everyone, able to teach, patiently enduring evil, correcting his opponents with gentleness.
2 Timothy 2:24-25 The English Standard Version
This Day’s Thought from The Ranch- Wednesday
Find out what your temptations are and you will find out largely what you are yourself.
Henry Ward Beecher
Learn to do good; Seek justice, Rebuke the oppressor; Defend the fatherless, Plead for the widow.
Isaiah 1:17
The New King James Version
It helps to write down half a dozen things which are worrying me. Two of them, say, disappear; about two nothing can be done, so it’s no use worrying; and two perhaps can be settled.
Winston Churchill
You can still help make Lana’s dreams come true. To learn more, visit www.LanasHope.com.
Henry Ward Beecher — Find out what your temptations are…
Find out what your temptations are and you will find out largely what you are yourself.
Henry Ward Beecher
Isaiah 1:17 — Learn to do good…
Learn to do good; Seek justice, Rebuke the oppressor; Defend the fatherless, Plead for the widow.
Isaiah 1:17 The New King James Version
Winston Churchill — I helps to write down…
It helps to write down half a dozen things which are worrying me. Two of them, say, disappear; about two nothing can be done, so it’s no use worrying; and two perhaps can be settled.
Winston Churchill
This Day’s Thought from The Ranch- Tuesday
Note from Eric: We received another $680 this week in honor of my wife, Lana, to go directly to Dan and Emily Okall’s work of breast cancer education and care in Kenya. That brings our total for them up to $3,998.39! I would love to add another $6,000 that amount by the time they move back to Kenya at the end of the month. If you would like to help us to help them, please use the link below. We’ll send you a “Lana’s Hope is My Hope” reminder band as our way of saying thanks.
www.LanasHope.com
Somehow, somewhere, I know that God loves me, even though I do not feel that love as I can feel a human embrace, even though I do not hear a voice as I hear human words…God is greater than my senses, greater than my thoughts, greater than my heart. I do believe that He touches me in places that are unknown even to myself.
Henri J. M. Nouwen
I tell you, now is the time of God’s favor, now is the day of salvation.
2 Corinthians 6:2
The New International Version
You can still help make Lana’s dreams come true. To learn more, visit www.LanasHope.com.
Henri J. M. Nouwen — Somehow, somewhere, I know…
Somehow, somewhere, I know that God loves me, even though I do not feel that love as I can feel a human embrace, even though I do not hear a voice as I hear human words…God is greater than my senses, greater than my thoughts, greater than my heart. I do believe that He touches me in places that are unknown even to myself.
Henri J. M. Nouwen
2 Corinthians 6:2 — I tell you…
I tell you, now is the time of God’s favor, now is the day of salvation.
2 Corinthians 6:2 The New International Version
This Day’s Thought from The Ranch- Monday
How hard is it for God to get your attention? Do you regularly practice turning aside in your day? That is, taking a moment to listen to God- because God, through the Holy Spirit, really is speaking, because we know, every place is filled with the presence of God. There is not an inch of space, not a moment of time, that God does not inhabit.
John Ortberg
“‘Now if you obey me fully and keep my covenant, then out of all nations you will be my treasured possession. Although the whole earth is mine, you will be for me a kingdom of priests and a holy nation.’”
Exodus 19:5-6
The New International Version
A converted Hindu who had been given a Bible and a clock said, “The clock will tell me how time goes, and the Bible will tell me how to spend it.”
Unknown
You can still help make Lana’s dreams come true. To learn more, visit www.LanasHope.com.
John Ortberg — How hard is it for God to get your attention…
How hard is it for God to get your attention? Do you regularly practice turning aside in your day? That is, taking a moment to listen to God- because God, through the Holy Spirit, really is speaking, because we know, every place is filled with the presence of God. There is not an inch of space, not a moment of time, that God does not inhabit.
John Ortberg
Exodus 19:5-6 — Now if you obey me fully…
“‘Now if you obey me fully and keep my covenant, then out of all nations you will be my treasured possession. Although the whole earth is mine, you will be for me a kingdom of priests and a holy nation.’”
Exodus 19:5-6 The New International Version
Unknown — A converted Hindu who had been given a Bible…
A converted Hindu who had been given a Bible and a clock said, “The clock will tell me how time goes, and the Bible will tell me how to spend it.”
Unknown
This Week’s Sermon- Expectancy
EXPECTANCY
Psalm 73
by Eric Elder
www.theranch.org
Note from Eric: I shared a message this week at our church that I thought you might like to hear on the topic of “Expectancy,” being expectant that God will show up, especially when you feel like He might be farthest away. You can listen to the 20 minute message at the link below, or read the transcript that follows. Also, if you’re thinking about coming to our Ranch Retreat next month, will you send me a quick note? I have some special instructions for you, plus a way to attend at no cost or a lower cost if that will help you. Just reply to this email. Thanks!
Click here to listen to Eric’s message: “Expectancy”
TRANSCRIPT
ERIC: Thanks, Will. Great worship. A nice transition from busy days or whatever you’ve been doing today, just to come into the presence of God.
My name is Eric Elder, and I’ve been part of Care Groups for a few years, helping leading care groups and being in care groups. I know what it’s like to come on Thursday nights and sometimes it’s really a hard thing to get here, and other times it’s what you’re looking forward to and can’t wait to get to all week. Regardless, I’m just glad you’re here. I’m glad you made it.
I want to talk to you tonight about “Expectancy,” just really expecting that God will show up and speak to you tonight, that He will really give you what you need, that He’ll help answer the questions that are on your heart. I think a lot of what Care Groups is about is giving you that hope, hope that God will continue to walk with you through whatever you’re going through.
I’m not here to compare my struggles with your struggles and I don’t want to get into that kind of battle, but I can say that I’ve had enough, enough to know that sometimes you lose hope and you just wonder, “Is God going to really be here for me today, and tomorrow and next week?” And I want to tell you He is, and He will be.
I want to look with you at Psalm 73 tonight and look at this man named Asaph who got really ticked at God; and how God met him. If you have your Bible you can read along. Psalm 73, starting in verse 1:
“Surely God is good to Israel, to those who are pure in heart. But as for me, my feet had almost slipped; I had nearly lost my foothold. For I envied the arrogant when I saw the prosperity of the wicked. They have no struggles; their bodies are healthy and strong. They are free from the burdens common to man; they are not plagued by human ills. Therefore pride is their necklace; they clothe themselves with violence. From their callous hearts comes iniquity; the evil conceits of their minds know no limits. They scoff, and speak with malice; in their arrogance they threaten oppression. Their mouths lay claim to heaven, and their tongues take possession of the earth. Therefore their people turn to them and drink up waters in abundance. They say, “How can God know? Does the Most High have knowledge?” This is what the wicked are like– always carefree, they increase in wealth. Surely in vain have I kept my heart pure; in vain have I washed my hands in innocence. All day long I have been plagued; I have been punished every morning. If I had said, “I will speak thus,” I would have betrayed your children. When I tried to understand all this, it was oppressive to me…” (Psalm 73:1-16).
I’m going to stop there. I’ve had a chance to look through this and to get a feeling for what Asaph was feeling and he was pretty ticked. He was saying, “Look at all the people who aren’t following God and how they seem to be prospering. They seem to be doing fine. They’re getting promotions. They’re getting everything. They’re increasing in wealth and all kinds of things and here I’ve tried to keep myself pure. I’ve tried to do what’s right, and all these terrible things are happening to me.”
In verse 2 he sort of gives away how he’s feeling. He said: “As for me, my feet had almost slipped. I had nearly lost my foothold, for I envied the arrogant, when I saw the prosperity of the wicked.”
He said he almost lost it. He almost lost his grip on life, his grip on God, because he didn’t think that things were working out fair for him.
As Jason’s introduced to you last week, we’re going to be going through this fall this book on Psalms. It’s by Chip Ingram, it’s called, “Finding God When You Need Him Most.” So on Thursday nights we’re going to be talking to you about it before you go to your smaller care groups. Tonight, the Psalm that Chip Ingram talks about is Psalm 73, and how God met him and spoke to him through this Psalm. This is part of the expectancy that I’d love to instill in you tonight, too.
Chip was at a point where he was about ready to give up on God. He had been a new Christian, a fairly new believer, when he was in high school. He had been dating a girl for two years. He thought this was the woman he was going to marry. He had done everything right. He had met with her parents. He had stayed physically pure. He had done everything he could in those two years.
But as he saw the relationship developing, he saw that his “future wife” was wanting to stay at home and live across the street from her parents and never move away. He on the other hand, knew that he was being called to be a missionary, to move far away, to do all kinds of traveling around the world. He just kept feeling like God was not matching them up, that it just wasn’t right. So he did the hardest thing in his life and he finally broke up with her, not because there was any incompatibility in their relationship, but because he saw they were going in different directions.
He said it was so hard for him, so difficult, and the next year of his life was terrible. He talks about how hard that was, but he thought, maybe it would be like Abraham and Isaac: he was going to sacrifice her, give her up, and then he’ll get her back. God would see how pure and honorable he had been and he’ll get her back. So I’ll just read you this passage from the book, as he was thinking this. He said:
Surely God will reward my faithfulness, I reasoned. Instead, God did the unthinkable.
It was late and I was tired. I played basketball on my college team, and a humiliating home game had just ended. I was emotionally down, physically fatigued, and spiritually frustrated as I trudged up two flights of stairs from the locker room to the exit. With my hair still wet and my jacket over my shoulder, I looked up to see a sight I hadn’t seen in months. Standing at the top of the stairs was my former girlfriend. She was waiting in our spot, next to the railing where she always used to meet me after home games. I could hardly believe my eyes! Instantly I thought, “God has answered my prayers! She is standing there waiting for me, just like the good old days.” As the adrenaline and joy surged through me, I started making plans. We’d go get a bite to eat, and she’d tell me how God had changed her mind about our future.
As the distance between us shortened and my eyes met hers, I sensed something was different. There was no warm smile, no step toward me, no arm around my waist–only an uncomfortable, “Hi, Chip.” Before I could fully grasp what was happening, another player on our team bounced up the stairs, brushed past me, and grabbed her hand. The cold air rushed through the open doors and rolled over my wet hair and numb mind. I watched in stony silence as she put her arm in his, and they walked across campus into the night. Then it hit me: She wasn’t waiting for me. She was waiting for someone else. As the glass doors slowly closed behind them, I felt frozen in time.
A wave of anger swelled up from within the depths of my soul. The emotions shot through me, like pinballs bouncing indiscriminately off every object in sight. But they soon found their target. How could God let this happen to me after the great sacrifice I’d made for him? And of all the players on the team, how could God let her get hooked up with him? I knew what this guy was like. I knew his intentions with girls because of how he bragged about all his former conquests. And God had just let him walk out the door with the girl I loved?
I was livid. Worst of all, I felt betrayed. As I stood motionless in that doorway, I had a mental conversation with God: “Let’s go over this one more time, God. Because of my commitment to you, I broke up with the beautiful girl I love, the girl I want to marry; and that snake is with her right now! You took her away from me and let her go off with him? Our relationship was the best thing you ever gave me, but I can’t have it? Instead, he gets to be with her? And where is her mind? What is she doing? I don’t get it!”
He goes on and on, fuming, livid, feeling like a beast. He was about ready to give up on God and everything that has to do with God. But he had been reading his Bible, reading through the book of Psalms, and he said, essentially, God, I’m going to give you three or four chapters to speak to me and if I don’t hear from you, I’m done. I’m done with You.
So he picked up the Bible where he left off, about Psalm 70, and he read a chapter. Nothing happened. He read another chapter. Nothing. He read another chapter, and his mind was wandering into all kinds of other things. And then he got to Psalm 73. He said it was like a script of what he was going through right at that moment. The Bible said: “Surely God is good to Israel, to those who are pure in heart. But as for me, my feet almost slipped. I nearly lost my foothold. I envied the arrogant… I envied these people with their bodies so strong… with pride as their necklace.” And he went on.
Even in the middle of the Psalm, Asaph said:
“I was senseless and ignorant, I was a brute beast before You.” (Psalm 73:21-22).
Chip says those were the very words he was using to describe himself as he was walking across campus: “I’m like a beast.” He didn’t know what was wrong with him. Then he continued reading the Psalm. And here’s what Asaph learned, in the middle of the Psalm. In verse 16 he said:
“When I tried to understand all this, it was oppressive to me till I entered the sanctuary of God; then I understood their final destiny. Surely you place them on slippery ground; you cast them down to ruin. How suddenly are they destroyed, completely swept away by terrors! As a dream when one awakes, so when you arise, O Lord, you will despise them as fantasies. When my heart was grieved and my spirit embittered, I was senseless and ignorant; I was a brute beast before you. Yet I am always with you; you hold me by my right hand. You guide me with your counsel, and afterward you will take me into glory. Whom have I in heaven but you? And earth has nothing I desire besides you. My flesh and my heart may fail, but God is the strength of my heart and my portion forever. Those who are far from you will perish; you destroy all who are unfaithful to you. But as for me, it is good to be near God. I have made the Sovereign LORD my refuge; I will tell of all your deeds” (Psalm 73:16-28).
He said that turned him around. He felt like God was speaking directly to him. And he said it was going to impact a lot of people. He had a Bible study of six guys that he was leading; he had led several of them to Christ. And he had tried to think what would happen to them when I walk away from God? They might all walk away too. He tried to think of all the different influences this was going to have.
But God did show up and He did speak to him.
I’ve had this happen to me so many times, and especially in the book of Psalms. I’ve heard other people say this, that the Psalms run such a range of emotions. When you’re most excited, that’s what some of the Psalms are. They’re songs, so there are songs of excitement, there are songs of anger, there are songs of frustration, there are songs of victory. There’s so much in there. If you’ll just start flipping through the Psalms, and I encourage you to do that this week, if you’d at a point where you’re not sure what to do, just start reading through the Psalms. Flip through a few: 4, 5, 6, 7, I don’t know how many, but there will be a point where you’ll say, “Wow, I can really identify with this.” Whether it’s David going through the struggles of dealing with the sin in his own life, things he’s done to himself. Or someone else who’s been beat or hurt by others and mistreated in the wrong way. Or someone else who is just ecstatic because something great has just happened to them.
If you’ll just read through the Psalms, you’ll be amazed that you’ll find something that you can latch onto.
And typically the Psalms end on a high note. Even as angry as people are when they come and pour forth their stuff to God, by the end of the Psalm, on most occasions, people come back and say, “OK God, I’ve had it out with You, I’ve vented, and now, come and speak to me and help me through the next day.”
This particular passage spoke to me, even a few years ago. That very first sentence spoke to me about how God speaks to us in our moment of need.
I was asked to preach a sermon at a church where I was living up in Gridley, Illinois. I was down in St. Louis at the time. I was driving back that same morning and was going to pick up my wife and my kids and run them over to the church where I was going to speak.
It had been sort of a chaotic time. I had flown to Israel. I had been praying for a lady in Houston who was dying of cancer. I had been doing a lot of things and ended up in St. Louis, then I had to get back to this church to preach by 9 o’clock that morning.
So I was up early and I got in the car and I had no idea what I was going to say at the church. But God just kept saying, “Don’t worry about it. I will give you the words to speak.” But that’s not the way I am! I usually write it out word for word. It was like a very scripted thing for me because I just felt more confident that way and I think God honors that as well.
But there was another church in Gridley where they actually don’t prepare the messages. They’re lay people and they get up and do the messages; they’re not paid staff. And they get up, they open the Bible, and whatever page it lands on, they read the scripture and they preach from that. And I just thought, “All right, I will try that this morning.” There are other godly people in the world who do that, and I’m going to do that.
So I walked into my house about five minutes before it’s time to be at the church. My wife was not exactly happy with me, but this was what we were doing. I drove across town and she said, “What are you going to talk about?” and I said, “You know, I really don’t know. I’m going to open my Bible and see what it says.”
So I stood up there. I had never done this before. I opened the Bible and it landed on Psalm 73. Now I told you I had just been to Israel; I had just been praying for this woman who was dying of cancer. I actually happened to pray for her on Valentine’s Day and it turned out to be a lot of heart issues, so I was praying for her heart, and prayed that God would heal her heart on Valentine’s Day.
And I opened up to Psalm 73 and the first line said: “Surely God is good to Israel, to those who are pure in heart.” And I had just been thinking the whole time about my trip to Israel. I had been thinking about this woman’s heart. And there were “Israel” and “heart.” I just said, “All right, I’ll talk about Israel and I’ll talk about this woman’s heart.” I spoke for about 25 minutes and God said, “That’s it. Stop.” I hadn’t even finished all the stories. But I said, “All right, that’s what You want me to do.” And I sat down. It was one of the most powerful messages that I had ever given, with people’s responses and what they had to say about that.
It was incredible, how God can speak to you, in the moment, when you need Him.
I just want to give you that hope and expectancy, that God really can meet you.
One last story before I go, even this week. Some of you that know me from before, my wife passed away of cancer two years ago this November. I’ve got six kids and I still homeschool the three younger ones. My wife homeschooled all of them and so I’ve taken over that duty. She wanted me to do that as long as I could.
So I’ve gotten out all the books the last couple of weeks. She had them all nice in boxes for all their grades, so we’ve got books from past years, but you always have to buy workbooks and other things to fill in what’s missing. And yet they update the books all the time, so the old workbooks don’t go with the new curriculum, and it’s always a little bit of a hassle.
So I had the books and we’ve been going through with the kids this week starting school and my eighth grade curriculum, the whole thing, I was missing workbooks for all of the lessons. I was starting to add them to my shopping cart on the website where you buy the books. But they were the wrong edition so they weren’t going to match with all my solution keys and test keys and teacher’s keys. It’s like $600 to buy the whole thing for a year and I really wasn’t looking forward to spending that. But I’ve got this child and I’ve got another one that’s in sixth grade that’s going to be in eighth grade soon.
So last night I was adding all these books to the cart and saying, “God, help me. Lana, help me. I don’t know what to do.”
This morning, I got an email. I had even searched on the Internet to see if I could find this “Fourth Edition, A Beka, Grammar and Composition II,” and I couldn’t find it. But this morning and email came through the Bloomington homeschool list and a lady said she was selling all of her A Beka Eighth Grade curriculum. The kids hardly went through any of it. She thought it was going to work but it didn’t work out for them. So I called her up and asked, “Now what edition is it?” She said, “I’m not sure. It’s an older one.” And I said, “As long as they all match, I don’t care! The teacher keys and the answers and everything, as long as they match!”
So I stopped by her house tonight on the way over here. Not only did she had the curriculum, but she had twins, and so she had two workbooks of everything, so it will be enough for my kids. It’s the Fourth Edition, just what I was needing this week. And she had two workbooks, so I’ll have one for this child and another for in two years for my other child, with the same edition.
It’s just things like that, you could just say, “Oh, wow, that’s amazing that that worked.”
Or you could say, “Oh, God! You’re more incredible than I could imagine. I need You so bad. I don’t know how I’m going to make it through this year. I don’t know how I can do it without my wife. But God, You know what I need. And You know that this woman lived in Bloomington. And You did it on this day, this morning, Thursday morning, after I had been adding hundreds of dollars worth of stuff to my shopping cart that I didn’t want to spend. And I just say, God, thank You.”
It’s not about money, it’s not about saying, when things work out, you say, “Praise God!” It’s about being expectant and saying, “God, I can’t go forward without You.” It’s like Chip Ingram saying, “God, I’m going to give you three more chapters, then I’m done.” (I’m not sure that’s the right approach all the time, just keep going, it may take six or seven! Don’t give up after three!)
But God is there. He works. He’s alive. He’s active.
Let’s pray:
“Lord, thank You. Thank You for people like Asaph who lived how many thousand years ago and he was frustrated. He was ticked. He was hurt. And yet You met him. Thank You for people like Chip Ingram, who didn’t give up on God in college and now touches thousand of people all over the world. Thank You God for speaking to me a few years ago when I was giving a sermon and didn’t know what to preach on. Thank You God for speaking to me this morning and even tonight, just the double blessing that there are two workbooks of every lesson. God, I thank You how you care for us. I pray You’d give hope, give inspiration to the people in this room and the people listening later, that You’re real and that You love us. In Jesus’ name, Amen.”
We’re just one month away from our 2nd Annual Ranch Retreat! If you plan to come, sign up now! It all starts on Columbus Day weekend, October 10-12. Also, if you’re still thinking about coming but haven’t let us know, will you send me a quick note? I have some special instructions for you, plus a way to attend at no cost or a lower cost if that will help you. Just reply to this email. Thanks! Click here to learn more or to register.
This Day’s Thought from The Ranch- Friday
The man who is elated by success and cast down by failure is still a carnal man. At best his fruit will have a worm in it.
A. W. Tozer
Therefore if the Son makes you free, you shall be free indeed.
John 8:36
The New King James Version
We are the most appealing to others, and happiest within, when we are completely ourselves.
Luci Swindoll
You can still help make Lana’s dreams come true. To learn more, visit www.LanasHope.com.
A. W. Tozer — The man who is elated by success…
The man who is elated by success and cast down by failure is still a carnal man. At best his fruit will have a worm in it.
A. W. Tozer
John 8:36 — Therefore if the Son makes you free…
Therefore if the Son makes you free, you shall be free indeed.
John 8:36 The New King James Version
Luci Swindoll — We are the most appealing…
We are the most appealing to others, and happiest within, when we are completely ourselves.
Luci Swindoll
This Day’s Thought from The Ranch- Thursday
God is bigger than all of us, beyond all of us. When I pray, I don’t really pray for anything, I just try to understand God’s will and do the best I can.
Harry Connick, Jr.
The heavens are the LORD’S heavens, but the earth he has given to the children of man.
Psalm 115:16
The English Standard Version
You can still help make Lana’s dreams come true. To learn more, visit www.LanasHope.com.
Harry Connick, Jr. — God is bigger than all of us…
God is bigger than all of us, beyond all of us. When I pray, I don’t really pray for anything, I just try to understand God’s will and do the best I can.
Harry Connick, Jr.
Psalm 115:16 — The heavens…
The heavens are the LORD’S heavens, but the earth he has given to the children of man.
Psalm 115:16 The English Standard Version
Josh McDowell — Forgiveness is the oil…
Forgiveness is the oil of relationships.
Josh McDowell
Matthew 6:24 — No one can serve two masters…
“No one can serve two masters. For you will hate one and love the other; you will be devoted to one and despise the other. You cannot serve both God and money.”
Matthew 6:24 The New Living Translation
Henry Ward Beecher — Every tomorrow has two handles…
Every tomorrow has two handles. We can take hold of it with the handle of anxiety or the handle of faith.
Henry Ward Beecher
This Day’s Thought from The Ranch- Wednesday
Forgiveness is the oil of relationships.
Josh McDowell
“No one can serve two masters. For you will hate one and love the other; you will be devoted to one and despise the other. You cannot serve both God and money.”
Matthew 6:24
The New Living Translation
Every tomorrow has two handles. We can take hold of it with the handle of anxiety or the handle of faith.
Henry Ward Beecher
You can still help make Lana’s dreams come true. To learn more, visit www.LanasHope.com.
This Day’s Thought from The Ranch- Tuesday
Note from Eric: I was happy to be able to give Dan and Emily Okall a check this weekend for $3,318.39 for their work of breast cancer education and care in Kenya, thanks to many of you who made a donation in honor of my wife, Lana. I would love to triple this amount for them by September 25th when they will be moving to Kenya to continue their work there full-time. If you would still like to donate, please visit www.LanasHope.com. We’ll be glad to send you a “Lana’s Hope is My Hope” reminder band, anywhere in the world, as our way of saying thanks for joining your heart with ours for this project. Thank you!
Where the soul is full of peace and joy, outward surroundings and circumstances are of comparatively little account.
Hannah Witall Smith
Mercy and truth have met together; Righteousness and peace have kissed.
Psalm 85:10
The New King James Version
You can still help make Lana’s dreams come true. To learn more, visit www.LanasHope.com.
Hannah Witall Smith — Where the soul is full of peace and joy…
Where the soul is full of peace and joy, outward surroundings and circumstances are of comparatively little account.
Hannah Witall Smith
Psalm 85:10 — Mercy and truth have met together…
Mercy and truth have met together; Righteousness and peace have kissed.
Psalm 85:10 The New King James Version
This Day’s Thought from The Ranch- Monday
Tears are part of existence on this earth. They have flowed from Eden right down through history to the present day.
Wayne Detzler
A patient man has great understanding, but a quick-tempered man displays folly.
Proverbs 14:29
The New International Version
If ever you are tempted to say, “I wish someone were to die and leave me something in his will,” allow me to tell you, “Someone has!”
David Shepherd
You can still help make Lana’s dreams come true. To learn more, visit www.LanasHope.com.
Wayne Detzler — Tears are part of existence…
Tears are part of existence on this earth. They have flowed from Eden right down through history to the present day.
Wayne Detzler
Proverbs 14:29 — A patient man…
A patient man has great understanding, but a quick-tempered man displays folly.
Proverbs 14:29 The New International Version
David Shepherd — If ever you are tempted to say…
If ever you are tempted to say, “I wish someone were to die and leave me something in his will,” allow me to tell you, “Someone has!”
David Shepherd
This Week’s Sermon- Transitions That Get You Somewhere
TRANSITIONS THAT GET YOU SOMEWHERE
Part 7 of our series on “Transitions.”
Here are the links to Parts 1, 2, 3, 4, 5 and 6.
by Candice Irion
candiceirion.blogspot.com
Note from Eric: If you happened to watch the link I posted last week to the video “Lana’s Hope,” you’ll already know the heart of our writer this week. Candice Irion is a writer, director and photographer who helped to capture and tell the story of “Lana’s Hope,” both for us and for the encouragement of others going through tough situations in their lives. Candice has gone through her own as well, and in this week’s post she shares how God has used the “crucible” of a recent transition to help transform her more into His image. (By the way, thanks to those who donated last week to our project for “Lana’s Hope is My Hope.” So far we’ve raised over $3,300. If you’d still like to donate and help our friends Dan and Emily Okall as they move to Kenya to continue their work of breast cancer education and care, click here.) Here’s Candice’s story…
“We… are being transformed into His likeness with ever-increasing glory” (2 Corinthians 3:18)
I’ll come right out with it. There is nothing easy about transitions. They all incur choices, considerations and possibly some of the biggest trials you’ll go through. To me, seasons of transitions have been like walking through storms: lightning, heat, fire, gushes of water, you name it. It is there.
My most recent transition was a move. I’m still dealing with it. When I found out my husband and I were moving, I thought I was going into some sort of exile. Quite literally and sorry to admit. But, yes, I did.
With earlier transitions I’d tell you I went on several round trips to hell with no frequent flyer miles to boot. I suffered losses of the worst kind and believe me, I never want to go back. Hell is well… hell. What can I say?
So transitions and me? I’d say we are tight, but I don’t like them that much. We aren’t friends, nor do I really care to offer that kind of amiable middle ground to transition. We won’t be Facebook friends any time soon.
But transitions are in my life and in yours too. Yours might be the same as mine or different. Either way, transitions are there for better or worse, good or bad, in sickness and in health… basically, for the long haul.
God has used transitions in my life for many reasons, and if hindsight is really 20/20, I have to say that counter to my disdain of going through transitions, the end results have been quite fruitful.
God has used transitions in my life to transform me into His likeness.
Granted, I haven’t always liked the transition God has used and I have kicked and screamed my way through, but over time, I’ve learned to trust God’s choice in transition and not battled back so hard the more times I’ve gone through them. (BTW, not battling so hard does make the transition a bit easier. Ask me how I know). (:
So, let’s roll up our sleeves and do some dirty work. Someone’s got to right? It might as well be you and me considering we are the principal players in our lives.
Let’s gain some understanding about transitions on a general level. For starters, transition is defined in two ways: a noun and a verb. (Starting out difficult already, eh?)
According to our friend Webster, a transition in noun form is: the process or a period of changing from one state or condition to another.
As a verb, transition is: to undergo or cause to undergo a process or period of transition.
Another fun fact is that the term transition seems to have been used more after the year 2010 than in the 1800’s. Interesting sign of the times, isn’t it?
But boiling it down, being in transition is like being in a metamorphic state. There are many feelings of movement and one doesn’t come out the same as when they started the process.
Being in transitions is like a form of material being in a crucible. A crucible is a vessel that can withstand temperatures hotter than we can pronounce (like a gabillion degrees). Many times crucibles were made out of clay, but many times materials like silver and gold were put into crucibles to be refined.
In the screenwriting world, Hal Croasmun of ScreenwritingU, instructs writers to put their characters in a “crucible” of some sort, heat up the pressure and allow the characters to react true to their nature. Some of the most fiery scenes have come from this technique. It’s a great method of character development.
In a similar fashion, transition has been a crucible in my life. It has been an agent of refining, of boiling out impurities, of overturning perceptions, of shifting my fleshly ways to spiritual ones.
We’ll use my recent move as an example. I mentioned I felt like I was going into exile. And how did I react to the news? Many times, I was a royal pain! It’s true. I was. I didn’t want to move. My business, my life, my everything was where I was and I wanted to stay. Wouldn’t you?
But when I got to my new place, I began to witness what God was up to and subsequently calmed down. He wrestled out issues that had seeded themselves deep within me. He changed the focus of my business. He put me in a place where it is quiet and I could do that. Then He surged up more deep issues. He weeded out other relationships that needed to go. He brought back pottery into my life. Through the process of throwing bowls, He got me back on the horse with some business perceptions I struggled through. He deepened my marriage. Ultimately, God has used this move, this transition, as His crucible to boil out the bad, heal the hurt parts and replace it with the good. It has been one of the most active catalysts in my life.
Now when I see a transition, I realize what it is: a crucible with experiences both good and difficult. What is your perception of transition?
Furthermore, how will you react when God brings transition into your life? Will you trust or will you fight? Will you kick, scream and battle your way or will you commit to persevering through?
Before you answer that, let’s read a bit from Jim Reimann, who illustrates a comforting purpose in transition and crucibles.
“For a jeweler sits as he refines precious metals, such as silver. He puts the silver in the crucible, puts the fire to it, but does not then walk away, leaving it on its own. No, he sits and watches it, being careful not to set the fire too hot, which may ruin the metal, nor set it too low, which will not allow the heat to do its work to burn away the dross and impurities. He sits carefully watching the metal, all the while adjusting the fire to exactly the right temperature. And when does he know it is perfectly pure? When the jeweler can see his face in the metal, for it reflects his likeness.”
Jim’s next words are inspiring. “In the same way, the Lord sends the heat of the suffering into our lives to burn away our impurities and to conform us “to the likeness of His Son,’” (Rom. 8:29).
I can 100% attest that through my transition, God has never left my side. Not for a second. Not even in my worst moments. God has even drawn nearer.
So take comfort. If you are experiencing transition on any scale, know that He won’t leave your side, not for a second. He will be with you in the loneliest of times to the most joyful, whatever the temperature is.
Also know that the transition isn’t the end of the world, but instead, is a crucible to get you to where you need to go. Ironically, I never went into exile like I thought I was, but instead, far from it. Instead, God brought me into freedom.
Lastly, there is a purpose in this transition and if there is ever a time to trust, this is it. Hold back on the kicking and screaming and try to be led “beside the quiet waters,” allowing Him to restore your soul (see Ps. 23).
Granted, you may too think you are going into exile and wonder why God has sent you on a tour through hell. I’ve been there and get that. But, the second you transfix your eyes away from your situation and onto God and His promises to carry you through, is the moment you transition beyond; no longer just staring helplessly at the crucible but now staring hopefully at the One crucified. For He, part of the Triune Godhead, (the Father, Son and Holy Spirit) understand our hearts more than ourselves.
“In the same way the Spirit also helps our weakness; for we do not know how to pray as we should, but the Spirit Himself intercedes for us with groanings too deep for words,” (Romans 8:26).
Another comfort is to remember that the intense time of hurt, sorrow and grief will only be for a season. The rage of difficulty will pass like the violent summer storms. The heat the silver experienced inside the crucible was just momentary.
“Therefore we do not lose heart, but though our outer man is decaying, yet our inner man is being renewed day by day. For momentary, light affliction is producing for us an eternal weight of glory far beyond all comparison, while we look not at the things which are seen, but at the things which are not seen; for the things which are seen are temporal, but the things which are not seen are eternal,” (2 Corinthians 4:16-18).
And then the day those clouds part, the hour the silver comes out of the fire, the time the clay bowl finally cools and the moment the crucible is removed, what is left shines so brightly, for it has been transformed into His image. He will look into His precious one, into you, into me, and see His reflection.
God will use your transition to transform you.
Going through it will be tough and potentially unwanted, but as you transfix your eyes upon Him, you will see what He sees and you can trust Him to carry you through.
Here are some verses of encouragement as you walk through your season of transition:
“I consider that our present sufferings are not worth comparing with the glory that will be revealed in us,” (Romans. 8:18).
“…Let us also lay aside every encumbrance and the sin which so easily entangles us, and let us run with endurance the race that is set before us, fixing our eyes on Jesus, the author and perfecter of faith, who for the joy set before Him endured the cross, despising the shame, and has sat down at the right hand of the throne of God,” (Hebrews 12:2).
“Those who sow in tears will reap with songs of joy,” (Psalm. 126:6).
“And we who with unveiled faces all reflect the Lord’s glory, are being transformed into His likeness with ever-increasing glory, which comes from the Lord, who is the Spirit,” (2 Corinthians. 3:18).
Follow-up from Eric: To read more from Candice, I hope you’ll check out her blog at candiceirion.blogspot.com. And if you’re going through a transition of your own and need to know that God can use it for good, I hope you’ll join us for our fall retreat in October. Our theme is “transitions” and you’ll get a chance to hear more stories, in person, of how God can walk you through whatever transition you’re going through. Follow this link to learn more or to register! Lastly, you can still donate to “Lana’s Hope” and get a colorful reminder band as our way of saying thanks. Just visit “Lana’s Hope is My Hope” to donate.
Copy © Candice Irion. All Rights Reserved.
Scripture passages are from the NASB and NIV Bibles.
Reimann, J., ed. Morning By Morning: The Devotions of Charles Spurgeon. Grand Rapids, MI: Zondervan, 2008. Print.
You can still help make Lana’s dreams come true. To learn more, visit www.LanasHope.com.
This Day’s Thought from The Ranch- Friday
A deep and sober daily concern to please God is the rarest of rarities.
Vance Havner
And walk in love, as Christ loved us and gave himself up for us, a fragrant offering and sacrifice to God.
Ephesians 5:2
The English Standard Version
Kind words are the music of the world.
Frederick W. Faber
You can still help make Lana’s dreams come true. To learn more, visit www.LanasHope.com.
Vance Havner — A deep and sober daily concern…
A deep and sober daily concern to please God is the rarest of rarities.
Vance Havner
Ephesians 5:2 — And walk in love…
And walk in love, as Christ loved us and gave himself up for us, a fragrant offering and sacrifice to God.
Ephesians 5:2 The English Standard Version
Frederick W. Faber — Kind words…
Kind words are the music of the world.
Frederick W. Faber
Jonathan Edwards — To pretend to describe the excellence…
To pretend to describe the excellence, the greatness of duration of the happiness of heaven by the most artful composition of words would be but to darken and cloud it; to talk of raptures and ecstasies, joy and singing, is but to set forth very low shadows of the reality.
Jonathan Edwards
Hebrews 6:10 — For God is not unrighteous…
For God is not unrighteous to forget your work and labour of love, which ye have shown toward his name, in that ye have ministered to the saints, and do minister.
Hebrews 6:10 The King James Version
This Day’s Thought from The Ranch- Thursday
To pretend to describe the excellence, the greatness of duration of the happiness of heaven by the most artful composition of words would be but to darken and cloud it; to talk of raptures and ecstasies, joy and singing, is but to set forth very low shadows of the reality.
Jonathan Edwards
For God is not unrighteous to forget your work and labour of love, which ye have shown toward his name, in that ye have ministered to the saints, and do minister.
Hebrews 6:10
The King James Version
You can still help make Lana’s dreams come true. To learn more, visit www.LanasHope.com.
This Day’s Thought from The Ranch- Wednesday
It is one thing for sin to live in us; it is another for us to live in sin.
John Murray
“I will be a Father to you, and you will be my sons and daughters, says the Lord Almighty.”
2 Corninthians 6:18
The New International Version
We are all healers who can reach out and offer health, and we are all patients in constant need of help.
Henri Nouwen
You can still help make Lana’s dreams come true. To learn more, visit www.LanasHope.com.
John Murray — It is one thing for sin to live in us…
It is one thing for sin to live in us; it is another for us to live in sin.
John Murray
2 Corninthians 6:18 — I will be a Father to you…
“I will be a Father to you, and you will be my sons and daughters, says the Lord Almighty.”
2 Corninthians 6:18 The New International Version
Henri Nouwen — We are all healers…
We are all healers who can reach out and offer health, and we are all patients in constant need of help.
Henri Nouwen
This Day’s Thought from The Ranch- Tuesday
Special Reminder…If you missed Eric’s very special sermon of this last Sunday, “Lana’s Hope Is My Hope,” we have provided the link below so that you might still enjoy.
https://theranch.org/this-weeks-sermon-lanas-hope-is-my-hope/
The life I touch for good or ill will touch another life, and in turn another, until who knows where the trembling stops or in what far place my touch will be felt.
Frederick Buechner
“Judge not, that you be not judged. For with what judgment you judge, you will be judged; and with the measure you use, it will be measured back to you.”
Matthew 7:1-2
The New King James Version
You can still help make Lana’s dreams come true. To learn more, visit www.LanasHope.com.
Frederick Buechner — The life I touch for good or ill…
The life I touch for good or ill will touch another life, and in turn another, until who knows where the trembling stops or in what far place my touch will be felt.
Frederick Buechner
Matthew 7:1-2 — Judge not…
“Judge not, that you be not judged. For with what judgment you judge, you will be judged; and with the measure you use, it will be measured back to you.”
Matthew 7:1-2 The New King James Version
This Day’s Thought from The Ranch- Monday
There are such things as consecrated griefs, sorrows that may be common to everyone but which take on a special character when accepted intelligently and offered to God in loving submission.
A. W. Tozer
Dear friends, don’t be bewildered or surprised when you go through the fiery trials ahead, for this is no strange, unusual thing that is going to happen to you. Instead, be really glad—because these trials will make you partners with Christ in his suffering, and afterwards you will have the wonderful joy of sharing his glory in that coming day when it will be displayed.
1 Peter 4:12-13
The Living Bible
There are many people who can do big things, but there are very few people who will do the small things.
Mother Teresa
You can still help make Lana’s dreams come true. To learn more, visit www.LanasHope.com.
About Eric Elder And The Ranch
Eric Elder is an author, speaker and contemporary pianist with a passion for sharing Christ with others.
Eric is also an ordained pastor and a technology expert, having worked as a technology researcher for a Fortune 10 corporation for nine years prior to going into full-time ministry in 1995. This unique combination of skills led USA Today to call him “a new breed of evangelist,” referring to his groundbreaking work of sharing Christ over the Internet with thousands of people every day in over 160 countries. (You can read USA Today’s excellent summary here).
Eric has written for numerous publications, including Billy Graham’s Decision Magazine, (you can read the Decision Magazine article here) and has spoken internationally at conferences such as the Exodus International Freedom Conference. He has also produced a wealth of books and music for his own ministry (you can browse through The Ranch Bookstore here).
Eric was married to Lana (Olivero) Elder for 23 years and has six children. Lana was an active part of the ministry until she passed away in 2012 after a nine-month battle with cancer. (You can read more about Lana’s faith and hope through it all at lanaelder.wordpress.com.)
If you’d like to join us in this work, whether helping to support it financially or volunteering your talents in other ways, please use the links below:
– Make a Donation
– Become a Ministry Volunteer
– Learn More about Eric Elder Ministries
Eric Elder Ministries is recognized by the IRS as a 501(c)(3) non-profit organization. All gifts are tax deductible to the fullest extent allowed by law.
A. W. Tozer — There are such things…
There are such things as consecrated griefs, sorrows that may be common to everyone but which take on a special character when accepted intelligently and offered to God in loving submission.
A. W. Tozer
1 Peter 4:12-13 — Dear friends…
Dear friends, don’t be bewildered or surprised when you go through the fiery trials ahead, for this is no strange, unusual thing that is going to happen to you. Instead, be really glad—because these trials will make you partners with Christ in his suffering, and afterwards you will have the wonderful joy of sharing his glory in that coming day when it will be displayed.
1 Peter 4:12-13 The Living Bible
Mother Teresa — There are many people…
There are many people who can do big things, but there are very few people who will do the small things.
Mother Teresa
This Week’s Sermon- Lana’s Hope Is My Hope
LANA’S HOPE IS MY HOPE
(Follow-up to Part 6 of our series on “Transitions.”
Here are the link to Parts 1, 2, 3, 4, 5 and 6.)
by Eric Elder
www.theranch.org
Note from Eric: Last week my friend Dan Okall shared about his upcoming move from the US to Kenya, and how God is helping him and his family through the transition. This week I’d like to do something to help him, too, by for your prayers and financial support of their work. Since my wife, Lana, died of breast cancer 21 months ago, I’ve wanted to do something special in memory of her. So today I’m announcing the creation of a fund called “Lana’s Hope.” My hope is that “Lana’s Hope” will help to fund projects that are in keeping with Lana’s heart for helping others in practical ways and encouraging them to put their hope in Christ for everything in their lives. I hope you’ll read this special message, and consider making a donation to “Lana’s Hope.” We’ll send you a special thank-you gift to help you remember that “Lana’s Hope” can be your hope as well. Read on to learn more…
A few weeks ago I woke up in a sweat in the middle of the night saying, “I can’t do it! I can’t do it!” It wasn’t a dream that caused my middle-of-the-night panic, but reality.
Unfortunately, my sister, Marilyn Byrnes, was recently diagnosed with breast cancer. Thankfully, it’s not the type or stage of breast cancer that my wife, Lana, battled and which eventually took her life. But after surgery my sister needed a place to stay while she underwent radiation treatments. They didn’t have a big cancer center where she lives, so she was trying to find a place to do it. I offered for her to come live with us for the 6-8 weeks it might take, as I wanted to help if I could.
As the time got closer, my sister asked if my family and I were really up for having a guest in their house for possibly 2 months, going through treatments and all that goes along with it. That’s when I went to bed one night and later woke up in a sweat thinking “I can’t do it!” As much as I wanted to help, it just started to feel overwhelming, having just gone through all we went through with Lana, plus all that I’m trying to do with my work and my kids and my new life as a single parent.
As I lay there in my bed, I suddenly remembered a project my friends Dan and Emily Okall told me a few months earlier that they were starting in Kenya (Dan wrote last week’s article on transitions and how God is helping him and his family as they prepare to move back to Kenya in a few weeks). Over lasagna and laughter with our families at our dining room table, they told me they had secured a home near the capital of Kenya where women from remote villages could stay while undergoing radiation treatments at a big hospital nearby.
Dan and Emily also told me they had decided to name the house “Joanna’s House” in honor of two special women they knew named Jodi and Lana (my wife), so they came up with the name “Joanna.” It was a touching moment to me to know that they would honor Lana in this way. They said they wanted to include write-up about Lana that they could frame and put on the wall at Joanna’s House about Lana and her faith in Christ, as their hope is not only to minister to the physical needs of these women, but their spiritual needs as well. I told them I’d be glad to do a write-up, but more than that, I wanted to help with their project in other ways if I could.
I wanted to help because Dan and Emily were not just friends who wanted to honor my wife’s memory, but I wanted to help because it was through their work that we first discovered that Lana had breast cancer at all. Lana and I had just attended a talk here in the US one afternoon day where Dan and Emily were sharing about their work doing breast cancer education in rural Kenya; that night Lana and I discovered a lump in her breast. It was only 11 months later Lana had passed from this life to the next.
Although we all wished our outcome would have been different, those 11 months became some of the most precious months of our entire lives. Even though the doctors gave us no hope, but God gave us tremendous hope, having shown us what was wrong and giving us time to say an extended goodbye, at least for now.
So having been so personally touched by Dan and Emily’s work in Kenya, even here in the US, I wanted to help them in their work if I could. But it wasn’t until I woke up in a sweat in the middle of the night saying, “I can’t do it,” feeling overwhelmed about the idea of helping my sister through her treatments, that I realized the impact Dan and Emily’s work would have on the people in their remote village back in Kenya.
For here I was in the US, now facing the question of whether I could house my own sister who needed a place to stay while she underwent radiation treatments for possibly 2 months. As much as I wanted to help, I found the idea overwhelming. I thought: If it’s this overwhelming to work out the details for this kind of treatment here in the US, what must it be like in Kenya? I lay there stunned in my bed. God had just given me a wake-up in the middle of the night about His heart for Dan and Emily’s project.
After talking it through with my sister, she worked out an arrangement with her company to do her treatments in a different city. She starts her daily radiation treatments tomorrow, Monday, August 25th, and we’re all praying for her health and strength and peace. (If you’d like to send her a note, you can reach her at marilyn@1piano.com. I know she’d love to hear your encouragement, even though she may not be able to reply right now. Marilyn’s beautiful piano music has been a regular feature of The Ranch website from the beginning, and you can listen to it here.)
So my heart is with Dan and Emily on multiple levels, from believing in them as people who love the Lord and are directed by Him, to believing in the work they are doing as Lana and I were so personally touched by it already, to believing in what they’re trying to do with “Joanna’s House.”
When Lana died, I wanted to do something to honor her life and memory and the hope that she had. I know many of you have wanted to do the same. In that light, I’ve created a new fund within our ministry called “Lana’s Hope.” My hope is that God will use this fund to help finance projects that would help others in practical ways and help them put their hope in Christ for everything in their lives, just as Lana put her hope in Him. As Lana said in one of her blog posts, quoting from Psalm 25:
“No one whose hope is in You will ever be put to shame…” (Psalm 25:3).
Lana’s hope was in God, before cancer, after cancer and now in heaven with Him forever. I know if she could say anything to you, she would want you to put your hope in Him for everything in your life, too, knowing that He loves you so very much. No matter what you’re going through, know that God hasn’t left you. He hasn’t walked away from you. He hasn’t forsaken you. You can’t go wrong putting your hope in Him.
Having said all of that, now you know more about why I’ve started this special fund called “Lana’s Hope.” The first project I’d like to help fund is Dan and Emily’s ministry for breast cancer education and care in Kenya. If you’d like to join me, I’d be glad to send you a special thank-you gift as a reminder that Lana’s Hope can be your hope, too.

About 10 years ago, when Lana and I were raising money to travel to Africa to help with another ministry project, we offered supporters some simple rubber reminder bands that they could wear on their wrists to pray for our trip. So in honor of Lana, and in remembering her first trip to Africa, I’ve ordered 200 reminder bands for this project, too. The reminder bands simply say, “Lana’s Hope is My Hope.” It’s a simple way to honor Lana and join your heart with hers in saying that your hope is in Christ, too.
I’ve included links below where you can make a tax-deductible donation to our ministry, and we’ll pass your gifts along directly to Dan and Emily’s ministry, Dala Development. When we receive your gift, we’ll send you a reminder-band, anywhere in the world, as our collective way of saying thanks.
I’ve also included some links below where you can learn more about “Lana’s Hope” in her own words, from the beautiful blog post she wrote on the topic just a month before she passed away, to a short video that a film team team made called “Lana’s Hope” just two weeks before passed away.
To make a donation to this special fund, just choose a colorful reminder band from the links below (we even have one that glows in the dark!), then enter the amount of your donation on the following screen. We only have a limited number of each color, so order soon to get the color you want!
Before you click, though, can I encourage you to take a moment to pray and ask God how much He would want you to give to this project? The Okalls are trying to raise $3,400 a month over the next two years, and are currently at about 50% of that goal in monthly commitments. Their initial expenses, such as flights, vaccines and the first month’s rent have already been raised, so they are preparing to leave next month; but there is still an urgency to raise that remaining 50%.
$3,400 a month may seem like a lot, but you might be surprised that this amount will cover the salary for their 11 staff members (who are currently reaching over 300 people a month through their outreaches on a part-time basis), their office, the rent and needs of Joanna’s House, and their operational and personal expenses while in Kenya! So whether you donate $10, $100, $1,000 or more, know that your gift will be used practically and effectively for the work of Christ and His kingdom. (And if you’d like to make your donation a monthly one, just use the same links below, then check the box that says “make this recurring (monthly)” on the following page. Either one-time or recurring gifts will be a blessing!)
Thanks for hearing my heart for this project, and thanks for your love and support, both now and over the years. I truly appreciate it!
To make a donation by credit card or PayPal, and get a colorful reminder band as our way of saying thanks, just choose a color from the links below:
- Donate and get a “Black and Glow-In-The-Dark” reminder band
- Donate and get a “Purple and White” reminder band
- Donate and get a “Teal and White” reminder band
- Donate and get a “Royal Blue and White” reminder band
- Donate and get a “Cardinal Red and White” reminder band
- Donate and get a “Black and Lime Green” reminder band
- Donate and get a “Royal Blue and Lime Green” reminder band
- Donate and get an “Aqua and Hot Pink” reminder band
Your gifts may also be sent by mail to:
Eric Elder Ministries (write “Lana’s Hope” in the memo line, and let us know which color reminder band you’d like)
25615 E 3000 North Rd
Chenoa, IL 61726
Your donation will be processed through Eric Elder Ministries, a fully-recognized, tax-exempt religious organization here in the US.
To learn more about Dala Development, click here.
To read Lana’s beautiful blog post “Lana’s Hope,” click here.
To watch the inspiring video “Lana’s Hope,” which was filmed just two weeks before Lana passed away, click here.
P.S. Next week, we’ll continue with our series on transitions as my friend Candice Irion (who put together the touching short film “Lana’s Hope”) will share how God is helping her through a transition in her own life. If you’d like to hear more, in person, about how God can help you through whatever transition you may be going through right now, join us here in Illinois in October for our fall retreat where our topic will be “Transitions.” Click here to learn more or to register.
If you need a boost in your faith, we hope you’ll join us for our 2nd Annual Ranch Retreat here in the heart of the Great Midwest on Columbus Day weekend, October 10-12. We’ll have great food, great worship, great messages and great fellowship. Why not get away and see what God has to say? Click here to learn more or to register.
About Greg Potzer And This Day’s Thought
This Day’s Thought was started in January of 2000 with its mission being to offer Christian encouragement and inspiration to those in need. The ministry is administered by Greg Potzer & Eric Elder with the significant help from many volunteers.
The seeds for this ministry were planted some 40 years ago, when Greg, as an avid reader, started to save helpful thoughts and quotations on 3×5 cards per his mother’s suggestion. This collection now serves as the foundation from which that segment of each day’s message prayerfully begins.
This Day’s Thought, This Day’s Verse (from varying Bible versions) and an occasional This Day’s Smile are all contained in one e-mail that we deliver, Monday through Friday. On Sunday, we send This Week’s Sermon, shared by Eric Elder of The Ranch Fellowship.
In September of 2012, This Day’s Thought merged with The Ranch Fellowship, to become unified in their joint mission of serving the Lord. Afer working so well together for so many years, Eric Elder and Greg Potzer decided they could function even more effectively joining their ministries and now serve under the umbrella of The Ranch Fellowship (a ministry of Eric Elder Ministries). Both This Day’s Thought and The Ranch Fellowship are registered 501(c)(3) nonprofit organizations, and all gifts are tax-deductible to the fullest extent allowed by law.
Lana’s Hope
About a month before my wife, Lana, died of breast cancer, she wrote a beautiful blog post called “Lana’s Hope.” In it she talked about the hope she had in God, regardless of the outcome of her situation. She wrote:
“Being in a situation like this, where death could happen at any time, I have no worries for myself if that happens. I’ve spent so much time with Jesus already that it’ll be like going home to see my friend.”
Lana believed God could do anything, absolutely anything, and she believed God could heal her at any moment. But she also trusted Him completely with everything in her life, saying:
“I have great hope that God can heal me, but my hope is in Him completely no matter what. I know I can’t go wrong by putting my hope in Him. As Psalm 25:3 says: ‘No one whose hope is in You will ever be put to shame…’”
Lana’s hope was in God, before cancer, after cancer, and now in heaven with Him forever. I know if she could say anything to you, she would want you to put your hope in Him for everything in your life, too, knowing that He loves you so very much.
No matter what you’re going through, know that God hasn’t left you. He hasn’t walked away from you. He hasn’t forsaken you. You can’t go wrong putting your hope in Him. As Lana said in quoting Psalm 25:3, “No one whose hope is in You will ever be put to shame…”
When Lana died, I wanted to do something to honor her life and the hope that she had, and I know many of you have wanted to do the same. In that light, I’ve created a fund within our ministry called “Lana’s Hope.” My hope is that God will use this fund to help finance projects that would help others in practical ways as well as to put their hope in God, just as she had put her hope in Him.
The first project we’d like to help fund is a ministry for breast cancer education in rural Kenya run by our friends Dan and Emily Okall. It was because of a talk Lana and I attended here in the US where Dan and Emily were talking about their breast cancer education program in Kenya that Lana and I discovered the lump in Lana’s breast later that night. 11 months later, Lana was gone. Had we not heard that talk, we may not have known until the very end that Lana was even sick, as her health was perfect in every other way up to that point.
Although we all wished Lana’s outcome would have been different, those 11 months became some of the most precious in our lives. Lana’s cancer was already so advanced that the doctors gave us no hope, but God gave us tremendous hope! Through Dan and Emily’s ministry, we were able to get a heads-up about this disease that was about to take Lana’s life, and have a chance to say a long good-bye, at least for now. I can’t wait to see her again fully alive and cancer free in heaven!
But until that time, I’d love to help further the work that has touched us so much. If you’d like to join me, I’d be glad to send you a special thank-you gift as a reminder that Lana’s Hope can be your hope, too. About 10 years ago, when Lana and I were raising money to travel to Africa to help with another ministry project there, we offered supporters some simple rubber reminder bands that they could wear on their wrists to pray for our trip. So in honor of Lana and remembering that first trip to Africa, I’ve ordered 200 reminder bands for this project. The bands simply say, “Lana’s Hope is My Hope.” It’s a simple way to honor Lana and to say along with her that your hope is in God, too.
To make a tax-deductible donation, just click a link below to choose the color of reminder band you’d like, then enter your donation amount on the next screen. We’ll pass your gifts along directly to Dan and Emily ‘s ministry, Dala Development, and we’ll send you a reminder-band anywhere in the world as our collective way of saying thanks. We have a limited number of each color, so order soon! (And to make a monthly donation to this project, just click “make recurring” on the following page.)
- Donate and get a “Black and Glow-In-The-Dark” reminder band
- Donate and get a “Purple and White” reminder band
- Donate and get a “Teal and White” reminder band
- Donate and get a “Royal Blue and White” reminder band
- Donate and get a “Cardinal Red and White” reminder band
- Donate and get a “Black and Lime Green” reminder band
- Donate and get a “Royal Blue and Lime Green” reminder band
- Donate and get an “Aqua and Hot Pink” reminder band
Your donation will be processed through Eric Elder Ministries, a fully-recognized, tax-exempt religious organization.
To read more from Lana’s beautiful blog post “Lana’s Hope,” click here.
To learn more about Dala Development, click here.
To watch the video “Lana’s Hope,” which was filmed just two weeks before Lana died, click here.
And to watch a celebration of Lana’s life, given by her family and friends, click here.
Thanks for your love and support through the years, and thanks for your love and support for this project, too!
Love,
Eric Elder
Francis de Sales — Do not lose your inward peace…
Do not lose your inward peace for anything whatsoever, even if your whole world seems upset. Commend all to God, and then lie still and be at rest in His bosom. Whatever happens, abide steadfast in a determination to cling simply to God, trusting to His eternal love for you.
Francis de Sales
This Day’s Thought from The Ranch- Friday
Do not lose your inward peace for anything whatsoever, even if your whole world seems upset. Commend all to God, and then lie still and be at rest in His bosom. Whatever happens, abide steadfast in a determination to cling simply to God, trusting to His eternal love for you.
Francis de Sales
But who may abide the day of his coming? and who shall stand when he appeareth? for he is like a refiner’s fire, and like fullers’ soap.
Malachi 3:2
The King James Version
Why wait until the fourth Thursday in November? Why wait until the morning of December twenty-fifth? Thanksgiving to God should be an everyday affair. The time to be thankful is now!
Jim Gallery
If you need a boost in your faith, we hope you’ll join us for our 2nd Annual Ranch Retreat here in the heart of the Great Midwest on Columbus Day weekend, October 10-12. We’ll have great food, great worship, great messages and great fellowship. Why not get away and see what God has to say? Click here to learn more or to register.
Malachi 3:2 — But who may abide the day of his coming…
But who may abide the day of his coming? and who shall stand when he appeareth? for he is like a refiner’s fire, and like fullers’ soap.
Malachi 3:2 The King James Version
Jim Gallery — Why wait…
Why wait until the fourth Thursday in November? Why wait until the morning of December twenty-fifth? Thanksgiving to God should be an everyday affair. The time to be thankful is now!
Jim Gallery
This Day’s Thought from The Ranch- Thursday
A priest ought to be in no place where his Master would not go, nor employed in anything which his Master would not do.
Henry Edward Manning
Be not among drunkards or among gluttonous eaters of meat, for the drunkard aan the glutton will come in poverty, and slumber will clothe them with rags.
Proverbs 23:20-21
The English Standard Version
If you need a boost in your faith, we hope you’ll join us for our 2nd Annual Ranch Retreat here in the heart of the Great Midwest on Columbus Day weekend, October 10-12. We’ll have great food, great worship, great messages and great fellowship. Why not get away and see what God has to say? Click here to learn more or to register.
Henry Edward Manning — A priest ought to be in no place…
A priest ought to be in no place where his Master would not go, nor employed in anything which his Master would not do.
Henry Edward Manning
Proverbs 23:20-21 — Be not among drunkards…
Be not among drunkards or among gluttonous eaters of meat, for the drunkard aan the glutton will come in poverty, and slumber will clothe them with rags.
Proverbs 23:20-21 The English Standard Version
Jack Abramoff — God sent me 1,000 hints…
God sent me 1,000 hints that he didn’t want me to keep doing what I was doing. But I didn’t listen, so he set off a nuclear bomb.
Jack Abramoff
1 Peter 3:18 — Christ suffered for our sins…
Christ suffered for our sins once for all time. He never sinned, but he died for sinners to bring you safely home to God. He suffered physical death, but he was raised to life in the Spirit.
1 Peter 3:18 The New Living Translation
James A. Pike — We put ourselves there…
We put ourselves there. The door to hell is locked from the inside.
James A. Pike
This Day’s Thought from The Ranch- Wednesday
God sent me 1,000 hints that he didn’t want me to keep doing what I was doing. But I didn’t listen, so he set off a nuclear bomb.
Jack Abramoff
Christ suffered for our sins once for all time. He never sinned, but he died for sinners to bring you safely home to God. He suffered physical death, but he was raised to life in the Spirit.
1 Peter 3:18
The New Living Translation
We put ourselves there. The door to hell is locked from the inside.
James A. Pike
If you need a boost in your faith, we hope you’ll join us for our 2nd Annual Ranch Retreat here in the heart of the Great Midwest on Columbus Day weekend, October 10-12. We’ll have great food, great worship, great messages and great fellowship. Why not get away and see what God has to say? Click here to learn more or to register.
This Day’s Thought from The Ranch- Tuesday
I believe praise is a powerful weapon against the enemy. Breakthroughs happen as we praise God. He can work a miracle in whatever situation we face regarding our health, finances, family, or career.
Arah Wehrli
A double minded man is unstable in all his ways.
James 1:8
The King James Version
If you need a boost in your faith, we hope you’ll join us for our 2nd Annual Ranch Retreat here in the heart of the Great Midwest on Columbus Day weekend, October 10-12. We’ll have great food, great worship, great messages and great fellowship. Why not get away and see what God has to say? Click here to learn more or to register.
Arah Wehrli — I believe praise is a powerful weapon…
I believe praise is a powerful weapon against the enemy. Breakthroughs happen as we praise God. He can work a miracle in whatever situation we face regarding our health, finances, family, or career.
Arah Wehrli
James 1:8 — A double minded man…
A double minded man is unstable in all his ways.
James 1:8 The King James Version
This Day’s Thought from The Ranch- Monday
People who make decisions based merely on what seems most advisable to them will inevitably choose something inferior to God’s best. Jesus, the ultimate model for the Christian life, did not rely on His own best thinking, but depended completely on His heavenly Father for wisdom in everything.
Henry Blackaby
LORD, thou hast heard the desire of the humble: thou wilt prepare their heart, thou wilt cause thine ear to hear:
Psalm 10:17
The King James Version
Love is an act of endless forgiveness, a tender look which becomes a habit.
Peter Ustinov
If you need a boost in your faith, we hope you’ll join us for our 2nd Annual Ranch Retreat here in the heart of the Great Midwest on Columbus Day weekend, October 10-12. We’ll have great food, great worship, great messages and great fellowship. Why not get away and see what God has to say? Click here to learn more or to register.
Henry Blackaby — People who make decisions…
People who make decisions based merely on what seems most advisable to them will inevitably choose something inferior to God’s best. Jesus, the ultimate model for the Christian life, did not rely on His own best thinking, but depended completely on His heavenly Father for wisdom in everything.
Henry Blackaby
Psalm 10:17 — Lord, thou has heard…
LORD, thou hast heard the desire of the humble: thou wilt prepare their heart, thou wilt cause thine ear to hear:
Psalm 10:17 The King James Version
Peter Ustinov — Love is an act of endless forgiveness…
Love is an act of endless forgiveness, a tender look which becomes a habit.
Peter Ustinov
This Week’s Sermon- Moving From Here To There
MOVING FROM HERE TO THERE
(Part 6 of our series on “Transitions.”
Here are the link to Parts 1, 2, 3, 4 and 5.)
by Dan Okall
www.daladevelopment.org
Note from Eric: Moving can be a hard transition no matter where you’re moving from or to. But moving half-way around the world to do missions work adds an extra dimensions of both excitement and complexity. This week, I’ve asked my friend Dan Okall to write about his current move from the US to Kenya and how God is helping him through it. Dan grew up in Kenya, came to the US to study at the Moody Bible Institute in Chicago, and is now returning to the land of his birth, along with his wife and their two-year old daughter, to help grow and expand a ministry they started there several years ago, currently focusing on breast cancer education. I hope you’ll enjoy Dan’s article, no matter what kind of transition you may be going through, and please be sure to read my footnote at the end about how their ministry has touched our family personally.
Transitions aren’t always easy. They’re not always wanted. For the past several years our life has been in a constant state of transition and what I can say I’ve learned from it, is that God is faithful.
Less than a year after we married, our plans to visit Kenya were halted by violence and the lease on our apartment expired so we had to move into a friend’s house. We founded Dala Development Programs shortly after moving in; our goal is to make disciples in my village in western Kenya using the avenue of community development. More than a year after our intended departure, we left for Kenya. Three months later, once we started to feel comfortable with our surroundings, we returned to the US. We both got jobs, but before we could get comfortable, several people told us they were going to Kenya with us the following year. We did not have plans to return to Kenya so soon, but made plans to accommodate them anyway. One year later, we were back in Kenya. Six months and 17 visitors later, we were back in the US. Emily got a job, but I could not find one. The first three years of our ministry were really hard and when we were just about to give up, God transitioned the focus of our ministry to breast cancer education. Without any medical background we followed.
By now we had longed for anything stable. Job searching, getting a job, quitting a job, moving, moving back, and then starting the whole cycle over was exhausting. Every time our location or circumstances changed, we had to adjust, and sometimes that adjustment process was not quick or easy. I continued looking for work while running the ministry from home. A year later, an opportunity arose for us to return to Kenya for three months. It was a fulfilling three months that we both really enjoyed. Once we returned to the US, Emily resumed working at her previous job and a few months later I got a job in my field. It finally seemed that we were on a path towards stability. FINALLY!
We started making plans. We would find an apartment in St. Louis (all this time we had been staying in a spare room at Emily’s parents’ house). We would paint the walls, and we would buy a car. When Emily got pregnant, we planned to move out and be our own family, it was exciting! At the same time, the work in Kenya was growing in amazing ways. Story after story confirmed we were reaching people in very meaningful ways, physically and spiritually. Today we have 11 staff members who reach an average of 300 people a month and work alongside two medical facilities to offer screening and treatment. This year, we started Joanna House (partly named after Lana Elder), that offers room and board to low income patients undergoing treatment in the capital. Though things were going so well, neither of us really wanted to go back. We had other plans, but we were open to a short visit sometime in the future to see the work.
In the midst of our planning, frustrations at my job began to really wear on me. Issues with uncooperative clients and disengaged co-workers made me want to quit. I prayed about it and then “told” God that I would stay put for one more year, make money to sustain my family, and then quit. Well, God has a funny way of doing things. One week later, just when we were narrowing down our apartment search, six coworkers and I lost our jobs because of federal spending cuts. None of our plans worked out. We were crushed. But God is faithful, and great is His faithfulness.
This was a wakeup call. Emily and I both knew we needed to go back to Kenya, but this time we needed to stay longer. Neither of us was really ready but that point marked the beginning of our transition to full-time ministry and plans to move to Kenya. That summer we started to pray about moving. There were discussions about employment opportunities, ministry opportunities, a growing need for good leadership, where we might live, and how things might go. None of these things genuinely thrilled me, but I knew, and I know, that God is faithful and that when we obey it usually leads to a pleasant surprise.
God started us on this journey by leading us to read through the book of Joshua. This is a great story of God calling Joshua to take on the enormous task of finally leading His people to the Promised Land. Over and over, God commanded Joshua, “Be courageous, be strong, do not fear.” Since we know how the story ends, it’s easy to see why God instructed Joshua to be courageous—because there were battles ahead. Likewise, it’s clear why God said not to fear—because the battles belonged to the Lord and His faithfulness would carry them through. For Joshua, however, I’m sure he needed the reminders.
It is important to remember that when God calls you and you have to make a transition, whether big or small, short term or long term, urgent or slow, local or international, what matters most is knowing that you are in great hands. Be strong, be courageous, do not fear, God is in control.
Initially, we thought our transition was really big. Taking our 19-month old baby to a different country and to direct a growing ministry is a pretty big deal. But considering I was born in Kenya and lived there for over 24 years, our transition does not compare to the one Joshua was called to. First, God called him to be the president of a nation (that’s a lot of responsibility!). Second, He gave Joshua a few days notice (not one year) to move the whole nation into a foreign land to fight and settle in the Promised Land.
Here is a man that God called and put through TWO MAJOR transitions in the span of one week! The thing that made Joshua’s transition go well was that God had told him awhile earlier (as recorded in Deuteronomy 31) that he would become the leader. Then God filled him with His Spirit (Deuteronomy 34:9), and gave him the specific mission to accomplish (Joshua 1:1-5).
The part that gets rough for us in the process of transition is managing the details. We know as believers that we have the Spirit dwelling in us (1 Corinthians 3:16), and we know we have been called to go make disciples for the Kingdom (Matthew 28:20), but it can be very hard to know when to make a move and in what sequence. For us this has been the hardest part. Do I quit my job now and move, or should I wait until later on? For us, this aspect was the most stressful one. How are we going to finance our time of service in Kenya? Should I get another part-time job before we move? Should we put our child in day care so I can focus completely on the demands of the transition and ministry needs? Should I go to Kenya and scout out where we will stay or should we save that money?
Joshua did not know exactly when Moses would die. But when the time came God was clear with Joshua about how and when to move the nation into the new country. Sometimes we need to use the wisdom He has given us, like when Joshua sent spies to Jericho. Yet God was very specific about how to go about conquering Jericho (read that amazing story in Joshua 5). The counsel of trusted believers is always valuable.
To move along our transition, it became common for us to go to bed late and rise up early in order to get a lot done. I would wake up early to get a jump start on the to-do list, but this made it very hard to step back and focus on God alone. We also got so busy that for three weeks we missed our small group Bible studies. When we finally made it back, the group was discussing the topic of solitude. God convicted me of the need to practice solitude during these busy periods. He also revealed to me how being busy was having a devastating effect on our spiritual and personal lives. I was more stressed out, irritable, making mistakes, and missing out on opportunities. As I practice solitude, I hear God more clearly, and get His perspective and priority for the days’ activities. Instead of dashing to check my email, or making calls, I am learning to surrender tasks and needs at the feet of Christ. We can learn from Joshua, who continuously sought God’s counsel, and Jesus, who, though busy, set the example for us by waking up early in the morning to pray (Mark 1:35). Set your alarm for early morning solitude; go for a long quite walk to spend time in prayer.
Lies from the devil can bring discouragement and make transitions very rough as well. Our ministry has been growing amazingly yet we have faced intense mental and emotional attacks. For example, we ask: If we are surely doing God’s work, how come funds are not pouring in? It can even manifest itself emotionally, asking why my spouse and I are not equally excited about entering this new phase. The toughest one has been comparing ourselves to our friends who are employed, with their extra income, vacations, and the size of their houses…. yet here we are struggling! In the midst of transitions, be aware that Satan, sin, or a lack of fellowship with God make you vulnerable and lose sight of God’s mission. Recruit a few close friends and an older couple who have faced transitions that are similar to yours and are willing to walk through it with you. Give them the liberty to ask hard questions, offer tangible ideas, and pray with you fervently.
External things have happened during our transition period that caused fear and took our eyes off the mission God has called us to. One morning I woke up worried about our daughter. She is less than two years old and being in a malaria zone is scary. About the same time a few passenger planes crashed, terrorists struck parts of Coastal Kenya, then the dreaded Ebola virus surfaced. Concerns about our health, safety, and future wellbeing started rolling. I remember praying during this time and wow, did God speak clearly into our situation! He led me into Psalms 121, telling me that God is our help, he watches over us (repeated five times), protects us from harm (repeated twice) and is with us as we go and come, always and forever. I would advise that you bring fears and concerns to the feet of Christ and then openly talk to your spouse, and/or accountability partners about them.
We do not know how it will all work out, but we have peace and passion, and are laying our burdens on Him. We hope our message will encourage you, cause you to approach transitions in a better manner, and above all experience God’s grace wherever you are on the journey. Remember that God is faithful even when we are not (2 Timothy 2). Keep running with perseverance the race set before you, fixing your eyes on Jesus and the throne (Hebrews 12:1-2).
“Therefore, since we are surrounded by such a great cloud of witnesses, let us throw off everything that hinders and the sin that so easily entangles, and let us run with perseverance the race marked out for us. Let us fix our eyes on Jesus, the author and perfecter of our faith, who for the joy set before him endured the cross, scorning its shame, and sat down at the right hand of the throne of God” (Hebrews 12:1-2).
Follow-up from Eric: On a very personal note, it was because of Dan and Emily that my wife Lana and I discovered that Lana had breast cancer two years ago, on the very night after attending one of their talks here in the US about their breast cancer education in Kenya. I have loved and respected Dan and Emily for many years, but I will be forever grateful and indebted to them for their ministry and their heart to follow God’s call on their lives. God has led them very specifically and strategically in the past, just as He is leading them now. Soon I’ll share more with you about Dan and Emily’s work, and how you can be involved with it, too!
If you need a boost in your faith, we hope you’ll join us for our 2nd Annual Ranch Retreat here in the heart of the Great Midwest on Columbus Day weekend, October 10-12. We’ll have great food, great worship, great messages and great fellowship. Why not get away and see what God has to say? Click here to learn more or to register.
E. M. Bounds — Bread for today…
Bread for today is bread enough.
E. M. Bounds
Exodus 23:9 — Also you shall not oppress a stranger…
“Also you shall not oppress a stranger, for you know the heart of a stranger, because you were strangers in the land of Egypt.”
Exodus 23:9 The New King James Version
This Day’s Thought from The Ranch- Friday
Bread for today is bread enough.
E. M. Bounds
“Also you shall not oppress a stranger, for you know the heart of a stranger, because you were strangers in the land of Egypt.”
Exodus 23:9
The New King James Version
Once upon a time a man whose ax was missing suspected his neighbor’s son. The boy walked like a thief, looked like a thief, and spoke like a thief. But the man found his ax while digging in the valley, and the next time he saw his neighbor’s son, the boy walked, looked, and spoke like any other child.
Lao Tzu
If you need a boost in your faith, we hope you’ll join us for our 2nd Annual Ranch Retreat here in the heart of the Great Midwest on Columbus Day weekend, October 10-12. We’ll have great food, great worship, great messages and great fellowship. Why not get away and see what God has to say? Click here to learn more or to register.
Mary Albert Darling — Whenever our desire to be right…
Whenever our desire to be right overshadows our desire for another person’s well-being, we are not living for Kingdom purposes.
Mary Albert Darling
This Day’s Thought from The Ranch- Thursday
We’re 2 months away from our 2nd Annual Ranch Retreat and we’d love for you to join us! You might think, “Is this really for me, even if I live far away?” Yes, it is! Over the years we’ve heard from people from all over the world asking if they could visit us here in Illinois–and many have! Now we have a special event where you can join us for a whole weekend and get a boost in your faith in person. Our theme this year is “Transitions,” so if you find yourself in a time of transition and want to hear how God can help you through it, come join us on Columbus Day Weekend, October 10-12th. The deadline to register is just 6 weeks away, so make your plans to visit us today! Click here to learn more or to register.
Whenever our desire to be right overshadows our desire for another person’s well-being, we are not living for Kingdom purposes.
Mary Albert Darling
Behold, the eye of the LORD is upon them that fear him, upon them that hope in his mercy;
Psalm 33:18
The King James Version
If you need a boost in your faith, we hope you’ll join us for our 2nd Annual Ranch Retreat here in the heart of the Great Midwest on Columbus Day weekend, October 10-12. We’ll have great food, great worship, great messages and great fellowship. Why not get away and see what God has to say? Click here to learn more or to register.
Psalm 33:18 — Behold, the eye of the Lord…
Behold, the eye of the LORD is upon them that fear him, upon them that hope in his mercy;
Psalm 33:18 The King James Version
Abraham Joshua Heschel — The higher goal of spiritual living…
The higher goal of spiritual living is not to amass a wealth of information, but to face sacred moments.
Abraham Joshua Heschel
This Day’s Thought from The Ranch- Wednesday
The higher goal of spiritual living is not to amass a wealth of information, but to face sacred moments.
Abraham Joshua Heschel
“For it is not you who speak, but the Spirit of your Father speaking through you.”
Matthew 10:20
The English Standard Version
Don’t let so much reality into your life that there’s no room left for dreamin’.
Texas Bix Bender
If you need a boost in your faith, we hope you’ll join us for our 2nd Annual Ranch Retreat here in the heart of the Great Midwest on Columbus Day weekend, October 10-12. We’ll have great food, great worship, great messages and great fellowship. Why not get away and see what God has to say? Click here to learn more or to register.
Matthew 10:20 — For it is not you who speak…
“For it is not you who speak, but the Spirit of your Father speaking through you.”
Matthew 10:20 The English Standard Version
James Carroll — We spend most of our time and energy…
We spend most of our time and energy in a kind of horizontal thinking. We move along the surface of things going from one quick base to another, often with a frenzy that wears us out. We collect data, things, people, ideas, “profound experiences,” never penetrating any of them…But there are other times. There are times when we stop. We sit still. We lose ourselves in a pile of leaves or its memory. We listen and breezes from a whole other world begin to whisper. Then we begin our “going down.”
James Carroll
This Day’s Thought from The Ranch- Tuesday
We spend most of our time and energy in a kind of horizontal thinking. We move along the surface of things going from one quick base to another, often with a frenzy that wears us out. We collect data, things, people, ideas, “profound experiences,” never penetrating any of them…But there are other times. There are times when we stop. We sit still. We lose ourselves in a pile of leaves or its memory. We listen and breezes from a whole other world begin to whisper. Then we begin our “going down.”
James Carroll
For you are a holy people to the LORD your God, and the LORD has chosen you to be a people for Himself, a special treasure above all the peoples who are on the face of the earth.
Deuteronomy 14:2
The New King James Version
If you need a boost in your faith, we hope you’ll join us for our 2nd Annual Ranch Retreat here in the heart of the Great Midwest on Columbus Day weekend, October 10-12. We’ll have great food, great worship, great messages and great fellowship. Why not get away and see what God has to say? Click here to learn more or to register.
Deuteronomy 14:2 — For you are a holy people…
For you are a holy people to the LORD your God, and the LORD has chosen you to be a people for Himself, a special treasure above all the peoples who are on the face of the earth.
Deuteronomy 14:2 The New King James Version
This Day’s Thought from The Ranch- Monday
Blind as we are, we hinder God, and stop the current of His graces. But when He finds a soul penetrated with a lively faith, He pours into it His graces and favors plentifully.
Brother Lawrence
“But cowards who turn back from followng me, and those who are unfaithful to me, and the corrupt, and murderers, and the immoral, and those conversing with demons, and idol worshipers and all liars- their doom is in the Lake that burns with fire and sulphur. This is the Second Death.”
Revelation 21:8
The Living Bible
Every Sunday the ducks waddle out of their houses and waddle down Main Street to their church. They waddle into the sanctuary and squat in their proper pews. The duck choir waddles in and takes its place, then the duck minister comes forward and opens the duck Bible. He reads to them: “Ducks! God has given you wings! With wings you can fly! With wings you can mount up and soar like eagles. No walls can confine you! No fences can hold you! You have wings. God has given you wings and you can fly like birds!” All the ducks shouted, “Amen!” And they all waddled home.
Soren Kierkegaard
If you need a boost in your faith, we hope you’ll join us for our 2nd Annual Ranch Retreat here in the heart of the Great Midwest on Columbus Day weekend, October 10-12. We’ll have great food, great worship, great messages and great fellowship. Why not get away and see what God has to say? Click here to learn more or to register.
Brother Lawrence — Blind as we are…
Blind as we are, we hinder God, and stop the current of His graces. But when He finds a soul penetrated with a lively faith, He pours into it His graces and favors plentifully.
Brother Lawrence
Revelation 21:8 — But cowards who turn back from following me…
“But cowards who turn back from followng me, and those who are unfaithful to me, and the corrupt, and murderers, and the immoral, and those conversing with demons, and idol worshipers and all liars- their doom is in the Lake that burns with fire and sulphur. This is the Second Death.”
Revelation 21:8 The Living Bible
Soren Kierkegaard — Every Sunday…
Every Sunday the ducks waddle out of their houses and waddle down Main Street to their church. They waddle into the sanctuary and squat in their proper pews. The duck choir waddles in and takes its place, then the duck minister comes forward and opens the duck Bible. He reads to them: “Ducks! God has given you wings! With wings you can fly! With wings you can mount up and soar like eagles. No walls can confine you! No fences can hold you! You have wings. God has given you wings and you can fly like birds!” All the ducks shouted, “Amen!” And they all waddled home.
Soren Kierkegaard
This Week’s Sermon- Transitioning From The Desert
TRANSITIONING FROM THE DESERT
(Part 5 of our series on “Transitions.” Here are the link to Parts 1, 2, 3 and 4.)
by Alan Lowry
Founder of Guitarists Into God (GIG),
a music ministry at Saddleback Church
Note from Eric: I’ve asked my friend and a member of our board of directors, Alan Lowry, to write this week’s message for you as part of our series on “Transitions.” In today’s message, Al shares how God has helped him through his own “desert” times. Al will also be leading us in worship at our 2nd Annual Ranch Retreat here in Illinois in October. We hope you’ll join us, too! You can learn more about the retreat by clicking here. Here’s Al’s insightful message…
A little over a month ago, a group of soon to be friends engaged in a conference call to plan a fall retreat at Eric Elder’s midwestern ranch. Most of us had not personally met, but quickly into the call, we began to get excited about the project and an instant bond was made.
Sometimes, we would get off topic and chat about various problems we had faced or were facing. Topics like caregiving, illness, financial hindrances and other struggles were shared freely amongst our team.
By the end of our chat, we had discovered that unexpected change is manifest in all our lives and we elected “Transitions” as our theme for the retreat. That being established, Eric challenged several of us to write our thoughts on this topic for some upcoming “This Week’s Sermon” presentations.
The last several weeks have produced excellent submissions from the others, and I began wondering why I was having such a hard time getting my own thoughts off the starting block.
At this time, I’d like to confess to you that I’ve been doing some desert walking lately; mostly metaphorically, but some of my wanderings have been in actual deserts. Many picture California, where I live, as endless beaches with mountains in the backdrop. We’re blessed with this, but our coast also contains some very diverse terrain, and yes, that would include deserts.
A few days ago, after much thought, reflection and a ride through the desert on my mountain bike, it hit me like a brick why I was currently struggling so hard with this topic. While trying to identify some past event that has changed my course, I failed to realize that right now, today, my life is in flux, and it has been for a long while.
I resembled that biblical character in Luke 6:42 who was advised to remove the log from his own eye before trying to identify the speck in his friend’s. Admittedly a loose comparison, but that’s all I got. :) I don’t know what others’ formulas are for discovering and dealing with unplanned transition, but for me it often requires a physical change of environment to help usher in a new, more positive mental perspective. Getting out of my familiar setting seems to be a first and very important step toward purposeful change.
Many of us have found the number 40 to hold great significance in the Bible. Well ironically, it occurred to me today that 40 years ago this October, I was introduced to my first desert, the Mohave, as I rode my bicycle from the Midwest to California on what turned out to be a one-way, life-changing transition.
I shouldn’t be so surprised, as historically, there are many instances where God has used deserts and other uncomfortable situations to realign men’s objectives; to transition them.
The first that comes to mind is the Israelite’s 40-year excursion in the Sinai wilderness; a bleak desert that had them reeling to return to slavery. This set the bar for future desert endeavors that included the likes of Jeremiah, Elijah, David, John the Baptist and Jesus.
Most of us have our lists of incidents that can cast us into confusion or even depression; a desert place. Sometimes, we become so weary, we can’t even identify what got us there. This was the case with me, but in my recent reflections, brought on by this writing challenge, I have identified some of the markers that have been affecting me.
I won’t elaborate on each one too much, but here are some adjectives that describe some hard hits over the last seven years:
- My sister and father-in-law’s deaths,
- financial loss,
- cancer (virtually all my family have the Bracha 2 breast cancer gene),
- ministry burnout,
- home displacement,
- and elderly caregiving, which ended last year with more death. (Last November, my mother-in-law, for whom we’d been caregiving for several years, was admitted into the hospital and died. On the same day, my Michigan family notified me that my own mom had a stroke that morning. We made funeral arrangements here, and I flew back to be with mom for a few weeks before she passed away on January 1.)
You may have some like issues on your list, which may have resulted in mental or spiritual paralysis, hurling you to your own desert place. If you are that rare individual without these personal setbacks, perhaps all that might be required would be to turn on the daily news.
How can anyone make it through situations like these? I’d like to take a brief look at the lives of two of these biblical models, Elijah and Jesus mentioned prior, and how they handled their own desert experiences. Notice the different ways they dealt with them.
Regarding Elijah, here’s the desert place in which he found himself:
There he went into a cave and spent the night. And the word of the LORD came to him: “What are you doing here, Elijah?”
He replied, “I have been very zealous for the LORD God Almighty. The Israelites have rejected your covenant, torn down your altars, and put your prophets to death with the sword. I am the only one left, and now they are trying to kill me too” (1 Kings 19:9-10, NIV).
Regarding Jesus, here’s his desert place, which I’m paraphrasing from Matthew chapters 4 and 5:
After being baptized by John, Jesus spent 40 days of fasting and praying in the desert. At this time, Satan came up to him and tried to trick him and tempt him 3 times. Satan fails, and starting with chapter 5, Jesus begins his public ministry.
In these accounts, we see that:
Elijah, himself coming off a 40-day fast, and following several great victories, became fearful of his life from a single death threat from Jezebel. The result, was him hiding in the desert and becoming virtually incapacitated. His comments reveal that he feels himself to be carrying the world’s burdens on his own shoulders.
This is not to discredit Elijah, a great prophet of God, but in his state of burnout, I notice at least 3 distinguishing factors that I relate to:
- He feels alone
- He is burnt out
- He is afraid
Although I’m not entirely certain what Elijah was up to during his fasting time, the Bible tells us Jesus was in constant prayer. He was preparing himself to serve by surrendering himself as a direct conduit to the Father’s will.
When Satan approached him, Jesus was wearing the full armor that he modeled for us to do battle. He was honed to fight; and win. This would occur throughout the Gospels as Jesus would retreat to a quiet place to recharge his batteries. Right up to the night before his crucifixion, Jesus separated from the world to spend one-on-one time with his father.
In these last few weeks, I have been making my own attempts at reflecting, rejuvenating and recharging. After all, I would like to be more like Jesus.
Some years ago, when I was going through a hard time, I asked my pastor, Rick Warren, the anecdote to burn out and depression.
Without batting an eye, he responded, “Worship.”
Rick said he would grab his guitar and worship one-on-one with the The Lord he loved.
The Warrens are no strangers to depression . Less than two years ago, their son, who grew up with my own daughter, Tessa, committed suicide. Throughout Matthew’s life, Matthew suffered from chronic depression.
One night, after spending joyful time with his parents, the burden of life became too much for him and he took his life.
The Warrens grieved long and hard privately, but publicly, they told us what brought them through this terrible desert; it was their strong relationship on an intimate level with Jesus Christ.
A few years back, Kay wrote a book called, “Choosing Joy,” based on what the Bible tells us to do in all circumstances. Outside Matthew’s apartment, awaiting the bitter words that would come, and in the following months, that is just what they did: they chose joy.
Recently, I have recommitted myself to pursuing joy and these other Godly attributes described in the Bible:
“Finally, brothers and sisters, whatever is true, whatever is noble, whatever is right, whatever is pure, whatever is lovely, whatever is admirable–if anything is excellent or praiseworthy–think about such things” (Philippians 4:8, NIV).
One concrete step I’ve taken during this time has been to grab my guitar and visit a prayer room at my church on a regular basis, just for the quiet purpose of intimate praise with the Father.
I pray for you as well, that together as brothers and sisters in Christ, we can attain what God has created us for: To have a relationship with him that will last forever.
I think I’ll close with one of my favorite Matt Redman songs, based on Job, who lost everything but chose to go on praising God.
You can read these words, but why not consider singing them?
“Blessed Be Your Name”
by Matt Redman
Blessed Be Your Name
In the land that is plentiful
Where Your streams of abundance flow
Blessed be Your name
Blessed Be Your name
When I’m found in the desert place
Though I walk through the wilderness
Blessed Be Your name
Every blessing You pour out
I’ll turn back to praise
When the darkness closes in, Lord
Still I will say
Blessed be the name of the Lord
Blessed be Your name
Blessed be the name of the Lord
Blessed be Your glorious name
Blessed be Your name
When the sun’s shining down on me
When the world’s ‘all as it should be’
Blessed be Your name
Blessed be Your name
On the road marked with suffering
Though there’s pain in the offering
Blessed be Your name
Every blessing You pour out
I’ll turn back to praise
When the darkness closes in, Lord
Still I will say
Blessed be the name of the Lord
Blessed be Your name
Blessed be the name of the Lord
Blessed be Your glorious name
Blessed be the name of the Lord
Blessed be Your name
Blessed be the name of the Lord
Blessed be Your glorious name
You give and take away
You give and take away
My heart will choose to say
Lord, blessed be Your name
Follow-up from Eric: I thought you might be interested to hear how God worked in Al’s life after he first crossed the Mohave desert on his one-way bike ride to California. Although it had been 18 years since he had attended church, in 1983 Al stepped into the auditorium of Trabuco Hills High School in Southern California (where Saddleback was meeting at the time) and began his walk with Christ. For a year leading up to this, his 30-year-old friend, David, had been dying of lung cancer and Al’s distress led him into Saddleback Church which had only a couple hundred members at the time. Like so many others, Al felt God was talking directly to him as the message that day was titled, “Handling Grief.” David died that night. But Rick Warren’s message of hope helped Al through this and many future struggles. God never wastes a hurt. If you’re going through your own struggle, consider surrendering your life to Jesus Christ, who is waiting for you with open arms. And as I mentioned earlier, Al will be leading worship at our retreat in October. We hope you’ll join us! Click the link below for more details or to sign-up.
If you need a boost in your faith, we hope you’ll join us for our 2nd Annual Ranch Retreat here in the heart of the Great Midwest on Columbus Day weekend, October 10-12. We’ll have great food, great worship, great messages and great fellowship. Why not get away and see what God has to say? Click here to learn more or to register.
This Day’s Thought from The Ranch- Friday
Worry less about offending the people and more about offending the Gospel.
William Brosend
that you would walk worthy of God who calls you into His own kingdom and glory.
1 Thessalonians 2:12
The New King James Version
The whole world is nothing more than a singing and a dancing before the Holy One, blessed be He. Every Jew is a singer before Him, and every letter in the Torah is a musical note.
Nathan Naphtali
If you’d like to get a paperback copy of Eric Elder’s recent series called “15 Tips for a Stronger Marriage” just click this link to visit The Ranch Bookstore and make a donation of any size OR click this link to visit Amazon.com and write a 1-2 sentence review of the series then email us your name, address and link to your review. Either way we’ll send you a copy of the book anywhere in the world. Your gifts and reviews help us to keep spreading God’s life-changing Word to people in 160 countries every day!
William Brosend — Worry less about offending the people…
Worry less about offending the people and more about offending the Gospel.
William Brosend
1 Thessalonians 2:12 — that you would walk worthy of God…
that you would walk worthy of God who calls you into His own kingdom and glory.
1 Thessalonians 2:12 The New King James Version
Nathan Naphtali — The whole world is nothing more…
The whole world is nothing more than a singing and a dancing before the Holy One, blessed be He. Every Jew is a singer before Him, and every letter in the Torah is a musical note.
Nathan Naphtali
This Day’s Thought from The Ranch- Thursday
The story is told of a church that secured a new preacher, and the word spread around town about how well he preached. The church members were abuzz about what an improvement he was over their former preacher, and how much more attention they gave to his sermons. When the town cynic asked what made this new preacher so much better than his predecessor, he was told, “The old preacher told us that we’re all sinners, and that if we didn’t repent, we’d burn in hell forever!” This cynic then asked, “And what does this new one say?” The answer was, “That we’re all sinners, and that if we don’t repent, we’ll burn in hell forever!” When the cynic responded that he didn’t see any difference between the two of them, he was told, “This new preacher says it with tears in his eyes.”
Tony Campolo
Now when the sun was setting, all those who had any who were sick with various diseases brought them to him, and he laid his hands on every one of them and healed them.
Luke 4:40
The English Standard Version
If you’d like to get a paperback copy of Eric Elder’s recent series called “15 Tips for a Stronger Marriage” just click this link to visit The Ranch Bookstore and make a donation of any size OR click this link to visit Amazon.com and write a 1-2 sentence review of the series then email us your name, address and link to your review. Either way we’ll send you a copy of the book anywhere in the world. Your gifts and reviews help us to keep spreading God’s life-changing Word to people in 160 countries every day!
Tony Campolo — The story is told of a church…
The story is told of a church that secured a new preacher, and the word spread around town about how well he preached. The church members were abuzz about what an improvement he was over their former preacher, and how much more attention they gave to his sermons. When the town cynic asked what made this new preacher so much better than his predecessor, he was told, “The old preacher told us that we’re all sinners, and that if we didn’t repent, we’d burn in hell forever!” This cynic then asked, “And what does this new one say?” The answer was, “That we’re all sinners, and that if we don’t repent, we’ll burn in hell forever!” When the cynic responded that he didn’t see any difference between the two of them, he was told, “This new preacher says it with tears in his eyes.”
Tony Campolo
Luke 4:40 — Now when the sun was setting…
Now when the sun was setting, all those who had any who were sick with various diseases brought them to him, and he laid his hands on every one of them and healed them.
Luke 4:40 The English Standard Version
This Day’s Thought from The Ranch- Wednesday
The only certainties that don’t break down are those acquired in prayer.
Reinhold Schneider
For if you forgive men when they sin against you, your heavenly Father will also forgive you. But if you do not forgive men their sins, your Father will not forgive your sins.
Matthew 6:14-15
The New International Version
The Will of God will never take you to where the Grace of God will not protect you.
Unknown
If you’d like to get a paperback copy of Eric Elder’s recent series called “15 Tips for a Stronger Marriage” just click this link to visit The Ranch Bookstore and make a donation of any size OR click this link to visit Amazon.com and write a 1-2 sentence review of the series then email us your name, address and link to your review. Either way we’ll send you a copy of the book anywhere in the world. Your gifts and reviews help us to keep spreading God’s life-changing Word to people in 160 countries every day!
Reinhold Schneider — The only certainties…
The only certainties that don’t break down are those acquired in prayer.
Reinhold Schneider
Matthew 6:14-15 — For if you forgive men…
For if you forgive men when they sin against you, your heavenly Father will also forgive you. But if you do not forgive men their sins, your Father will not forgive your sins.
Matthew 6:14-15 The New International Version
Unknown — The Will of God will never take you…
The Will of God will never take you to where the Grace of God will not protect you.
Unknown
This Day’s Thought from The Ranch- Tuesday
Creation had been given to men as a clean window through which the light of God could shine into men’s souls. Sun and moon, night and day, rain, the sea, the crops, the flowering tree, all these things were transparent. They spoke to man not of themselves only but of Him who made them. Nature was symbolic. But the progressive degradation of man after the fall led the Gentiles further and further from this truth. Nature became opaque.
Thomas Merton
I delight to do thy will, O my God: yea, thy law is within my heart.
Psalm 40:8
The King James Version
If you’d like to get a paperback copy of Eric Elder’s recent series called “15 Tips for a Stronger Marriage” just click this link to visit The Ranch Bookstore and make a donation of any size OR click this link to visit Amazon.com and write a 1-2 sentence review of the series then email us your name, address and link to your review. Either way we’ll send you a copy of the book anywhere in the world. Your gifts and reviews help us to keep spreading God’s life-changing Word to people in 160 countries every day!
Thomas Merton — Creation had been given to men…
Creation had been given to men as a clean window through which the light of God could shine into men’s souls. Sun and moon, night and day, rain, the sea, the crops, the flowering tree, all these things were transparent. They spoke to man not of themselves only but of Him who made them. Nature was symbolic. But the progressive degradation of man after the fall led the Gentiles further and further from this truth. Nature became opaque.
Thomas Merton
Psalm 40:8 — I delight to do thy will…
I delight to do thy will, O my God: yea, thy law is within my heart.
Psalm 40:8 The King James Version
This Day’s Thought from The Ranch- Monday
Will God ever ask you to do something you are not able to do? The answer is yes- all the time! It must be that way, for God’s glory and kingdom. If we function according to our ability alone, we get the glory; if we function according to the power of the Spirit within us, God gets the glory. He wants to reveal Himself to a watching world.
Henry Blackaby
But if we walk in the light as He is in the light, we have fellowship with one another, and the blood of Jesus Christ His Son cleanses us from all sin.
1 John 1:7
The New King James Version
I live the perfect imperfect life.
Paul Lore
If you’d like to get a paperback copy of Eric Elder’s recent series called “15 Tips for a Stronger Marriage” just click this link to visit The Ranch Bookstore and make a donation of any size OR click this link to visit Amazon.com and write a 1-2 sentence review of the series then email us your name, address and link to your review. Either way we’ll send you a copy of the book anywhere in the world. Your gifts and reviews help us to keep spreading God’s life-changing Word to people in 160 countries every day!
Henry Blackaby — Will God ever ask you to do something…
Will God ever ask you to do something you are not able to do? The answer is yes- all the time! It must be that way, for God’s glory and kingdom. If we function according to our ability alone, we get the glory; if we function according to the power of the Spirit within us, God gets the glory. He wants to reveal Himself to a watching world.
Henry Blackaby
1 John 1:7 — But if we walk in the light…
But if we walk in the light as He is in the light, we have fellowship with one another, and the blood of Jesus Christ His Son cleanses us from all sin.
1 John 1:7 The New King James Version
Paul Lore — I live the perfect…
I live the perfect imperfect life.
Paul Lore
This Week’s Sermon- Everything I Need Comes From Him
EVERYTHING I NEED COMES FROM HIM
(Part 4 of our series on “Transitions.” Here are the links to Parts 1, 2, and 3)
by Eric Elder
www.theranch.org
Note from Eric: Today I’m sharing with you Part 4 of our series on “Transitions” and how God can help you through the transitions you’re going through. Today’s message is one I’ve never shared before about how God spoke to me on my 25th wedding anniversary this year after losing my wife, Lana, to cancer. If you’d like to hear more about how God can help you through the transitions you’re facing, I hope you’ll join us for our 2nd Annual Ranch Retreat in October. I’ll be there, along with several other writers of this series. You can find out more about the retreat at the link at the end of today’s message.
I was sending some texts back and forth with my daughter yesterday afternoon. At one point I set my phone down on the desk and thought, “I haven’t heard from Lana yet today. She’ll probably be texting soon, too.” Then I remembered: Lana’s not here anymore. She’s gone and she won’t be coming back. She won’t be texting today. Or tomorrow. Or ever again. Ambushed by grief once again, I burst into tears.
It’s been over 20 months now since Lana passed away. Overall, I think I’m doing pretty good. But to be honest, I could still cry about 4 or 5 times a day. I usually don’t, though, because there’s too much to do to stop and cry whenever I feel like it. But sometimes, like yesterday, I just let it all out. Then I blow my nose, wipe my tears and keep going forward.
How am I going to make it through this transition? How can anyone make it through the transitions they’re going through, whether they’ve lost a spouse or a parent or a child or a friend, whether it’s through sickness or death or a simple miscommunication that resulted in a broken relationship?
It’s hard to do life alone. But if you trust in God, it’s helpful to remember that you’re never really alone. He’s with you always. As Jesus said to His disciples one day:
“You will leave me all alone. Yet I am not alone, for my Father is with me” (John 16:32b, NIV).
I realized the truth of this again a few months ago when my wedding anniversary was coming up. I knew it would be my anniversary in a few days and I remembered the grief books I read said it was helpful to plan something to do something on those special days so you don’t get ambushed by grief when they come up.
I tried to think of something I might do, but I didn’t think it was necessary. Lana had been gone a year and a half and I’d already been through one anniversary without her. I thought a little more about it and wondered how many years it would have been this year. Then it hit me: this would have been our 25th anniversary, a time when people take trips or do something a little more exotic than usual. Suddenly I couldn’t imagine just staying home and trying to work, do school with the kids, and make breakfast, lunch and dinner as if it were just any other day.
But I didn’t know what else to do. Everything I could think of seemed so disappointing. I was afraid I was going to explode. I had to get away, but to where?
I had just done a wedding for some friends and they went to Cancun on the northern coast of Mexico. It looked and sounded so romantic and wonderful. Then I remembered my sister had offered me a “buddy pass” on the airline where she worked a few months earlier. Back when she asked me, I didn’t have anywhere special I needed to go. But now I did. I called her and asked if she still had the pass and if I might use it to go to Cancun for my anniversary, just from Tuesday to Thursday of that week.
I had that conversation with my sister on Sunday, we booked the flight on Monday, and I was on a flight to Cancun on Tuesday. For the first hour on the plane I thought I was crazy. But then God began to speak to me, showing me that He was going with me the whole way. He changed my attitude in a matter of minutes.
I had been wearing a suit and tie for the flight because to use the buddy pass you have to dress up. But I didn’t plan to dress up this much. It was just what I happened to find in the closet the morning of the trip. I realized my mistake when I got on the plane to Cancun and saw that I was the only one on the whole plane in a suit and tie!
I was feeling uncomfortable and out of place, but then I realized that this was the exact same suit and tie and shirt that I had worn to attend a wedding with Lana a few years earlier which turned out to be one of my favorite memories, dancing and romancing the whole night with her. It was also the same suit and tie and shirt that I had worn on the day I preached at her funeral, when I handed her over to her bridegroom forever, Jesus. And it was the exact same suit and tie and shirt that I was now wearing here on our 25th wedding anniversary, going on a 3-way date with just God and me and my memories of Lana.
I realized it wasn’t a mistake that these were the clothes I happened to put on that morning. This was the perfect outfit to wear for the occasion! I smiled as I thought of how God was setting me up for the day, even when I arrived in the sweltering heat at the airport in Cancun, surrounded by people wearing nothing but Bermuda shorts and tank tops. I was so happy to be dressed up for my anniversary! God had changed my attitude in those few moments on the plane, and instead of dreading this day, I was already looking forward to it and to whatever else God had in mind for this trip.
I took a shuttle to the hotel, sat by the pool and got a hamburger. Then I headed out to the beach to sit for awhile and read my Bible. I opened it up to Psalm 63, a psalm that David wrote when he was out in the wilderness. David said:
“God – You’re my God! I can’t get enough of You! I’ve worked up such hunger and thirst for God, traveling across dry and weary deserts. So here I am in the place of worship, eyes open, drinking in Your strength and glory. In Your generous love I am really living at last! My lips brim praises like fountains. I bless You every time I take a breath; My arms wave like banners of praise to You. I eat my fill of prime rib and gravy; I smack my lips. It’s time to shout praises!“ (Psalm 63:1, MSG).
Here was David, out in the wilderness alone, yet he couldn’t stop praising God! David couldn’t get enough of Him! Just reading that phrase made me smile because it was the same thing another man said about his fiancé when I was doing their pre-marital counseling. He was telling me about his love for her and said, “I love her so much, I can’t get enough of her!” I knew what he meant. I could see it in his eyes. He loved being intimate with her. And that was just what David said about being intimate with God. “God – You’re my God, I can’t get enough of You!”
I flipped back a page and read Psalm 62. Although I could have been heartbroken that I wasn’t with Lana on this trip, God reminded me that even though I wasn’t with her, I was with Him, the One who created Lana in the first place and gave her all the life and breath and beauty that I adored. I wasn’t with her, but I was with the One who created her! I had to say, like David said, “God – You’re my God, I can’t get enough of You!” Here’s what I read in Psalm 62 that helped me see it in a new light:
“God, the one and only – I’ll wait as long as He says. Everything I need comes from Him, so why not? He’s solid rock under my feet, breathing room for my soul, An impregnable castle: I’m set for life” (Psalm 62:1-2, MSG).
As I read those words I realized that everything I needed comes from God, just like Lana had come from God. Now there I was with the One who created all that I’ve ever loved in life. I could actually see how David could be in a desert yet still he could say, “I bless You every time I take a breath… I eat my fill of prime rib and gravy: I smack my lips.”
Some people might have been uncomfortable eating alone on their 25th anniversary trip. But I decided to splurge as I knew I would have done if Lana were there. One night I couldn’t decide between the filet mignon and the lobster, so I got both! I had already saved some money by coming alone, so I made the most of it! It turned out to be one of the best vacations I’ve ever had in my life and I’m so glad I went.
We can’t always run away to Cancun, but I wanted to tell you that story because I had a choice to make. I could either stay home and cry and run away from God, or I could get out and live and run into God’s wide-open arms. Being alone isn’t alone when you’re alone with God.
I’m discovering things in this time of being alone with God that are so precious to me. I’m not just trying to make lemonade out of lemons; I’m trying to make lemonade and drink it fully until I’m truly satisfied. Even though I could cry 4 or 5 times a day, I’ve found there’s a depth to my relationship with God during this time, and by extension my relationships with others, that goes deeper than ever before.
I know I’m not the only one to find such gems as I go deeper. I’m reading Ann Voskamp’s book One Thousand Gifts and she quotes F. B. Meyer as saying the same thing:
“I used to think that God’s gifts were on shelves one above the other, and that the taller we grew in Christian character the easier we should reach them. I find now that God’s gifts are on shelves one beneath the other, and that it is not a question of growing taller but of stooping lower, and that we have to go down, always down, to get His best gifts.” (p. 171).
Maybe you’re in the midst of a transition that was not of your choosing, one in which you’ve lost something or someone that made life so special for you. Maybe you’re waiting for God to put things back together again, or at least waiting for Him to help you make sense of what you’ve been going through.
For me, God keeps reminding me that everything I need comes from Him, just like Lana came from Him. I want to say, like David said: “God, the one and only – I’ll wait as long as He says. Everything I need comes from Him, so why not?”
No, I won’t get a text from Lana today, but that doesn’t mean I won’t get to see her again. No, I can’t be intimate with her like I was before, but that doesn’t mean I can’t be intimate with the One who created her, the One who spoke to me so clearly as I was sitting on a plane to Cancun in a suit and tie or as I read from His Word on a beach on my wedding anniversary.
I know God is working it all out, so I’ll just keep putting my trust and faith in Him. Everything I need comes from Him, so why not?
Will you pray with me?
Father, thank You for taking our horrible circumstances and turning them around for good. Help us to keep waiting on You, trusting You with all things. You’re our Creator and the One who loves us most in this world. Help us to know that You’re working things out, that You’ll never leave us alone, and that everything we need really does come from You. In Jesus’ name, Amen.
P.S. I hope you’ll join us for our Ranch Retreat in October where we’ll be talking more about transitions and how God can help us through them. I’ll be there, along with several other writers of this series! Click here to learn more or to register.
If you’d like to get a paperback copy of Eric Elder’s recent series called “15 Tips for a Stronger Marriage” just click this link to visit The Ranch Bookstore and make a donation of any size OR click this link to visit Amazon.com and write a 1-2 sentence review of the series then email us your name, address and link to your review. Either way we’ll send you a copy of the book anywhere in the world. Your gifts and reviews help us to keep spreading God’s life-changing Word to people in 160 countries every day!
This Day’s Thought from The Ranch- Friday
It does not take great men to do great things; it only takes consecrated men.
Phillips Brooks
Give thanks to the LORD, for he is good; his love endures forever.
1 Chronicles 16:34
The New International Version
Prayer is the slender nerve that moves the muscle of Omnipotence.
J. Edwin Hartill
If you’d like to get a paperback copy of Eric Elder’s recent series called “15 Tips for a Stronger Marriage” just click this link to visit The Ranch Bookstore and make a donation of any size OR click this link to visit Amazon.com and write a 1-2 sentence review of the series then email us your name, address and link to your review. Either way we’ll send you a copy of the book anywhere in the world. Your gifts and reviews help us to keep spreading God’s life-changing Word to people in 160 countries every day!
1 Chronicles 16:34 — Give thanks to the Lord…
Give thanks to the LORD, for he is good; his love endures forever.
1 Chronicles 16:34 The New International Version
This Day’s Thought from The Ranch- Thursday
I have never heard of a sin being committed without knowing full well that I had the seed of it within myself.
Johann Wolfgang von Goethe
“For the Son of Man came to seek and to save the lost.”
Luke 19:10
The English Standard Version
If you’d like to get a paperback copy of Eric Elder’s recent series called “15 Tips for a Stronger Marriage” just click this link to visit The Ranch Bookstore and make a donation of any size OR click this link to visit Amazon.com and write a 1-2 sentence review of the series then email us your name, address and link to your review. Either way we’ll send you a copy of the book anywhere in the world. Your gifts and reviews help us to keep spreading God’s life-changing Word to people in 160 countries every day!
Johann Wolfgang von Goethe — I have never heard of a sin…
I have never heard of a sin being committed without knowing full well that I had the seed of it within myself.
Johann Wolfgang von Goethe
Luke 19:10 — For the Son of Man…
“For the Son of Man came to seek and to save the lost.”
Luke 19:10 The English Standard Version
This Day’s Thought from The Ranch- Wednesday
The eyes of knowledge
see a million stars
burning in the midnight sky.
The eyes of faith
see a million miracles.
John Francis Gainey
For thou art my lamp, O LORD: and the LORD will lighten my darkness.
2 Samuel 22:29
The King James Version
The exits were entrances in disguise.
Unknown
If you’d like to get a paperback copy of Eric Elder’s recent series called “15 Tips for a Stronger Marriage” just click this link to visit The Ranch Bookstore and make a donation of any size OR click this link to visit Amazon.com and write a 1-2 sentence review of the series then email us your name, address and link to your review. Either way we’ll send you a copy of the book anywhere in the world. Your gifts and reviews help us to keep spreading God’s life-changing Word to people in 160 countries every day!
John Francis Gainey — The eyes of knowledge…
The eyes of knowledge
see a million stars
burning in the midnight sky.
The eyes of faith
see a million miracles.
John Francis Gainey
2 Samuel 22:29 — For thou art my lamp…
For thou art my lamp, O LORD: and the LORD will lighten my darkness.
2 Samuel 22:29 The King James Version
Unknown — The exits…
The exits were entrances in disguise.
Unknown
This Day’s Thought from The Ranch- Tuesday
Can a mortal ask questions which God finds unanswerable? Quite easily, I should think. All nonsense questions are unanswerable. How many hours are there in a mile? Is yellow square or round? Probably half the questions we ask- half our great theological and metaphysical problems- are like that.
C. S. Lewis
So Peter opened his mouth, and said” “Truly I understand that God shows no partiality, but in every nation anyone who fears him and does what is right is acceptable to him.”
Acts 10:34-35
The English Standard Version
If you’d like to get a paperback copy of Eric Elder’s recent series called “15 Tips for a Stronger Marriage” just click this link to visit The Ranch Bookstore and make a donation of any size OR click this link to visit Amazon.com and write a 1-2 sentence review of the series then email us your name, address and link to your review. Either way we’ll send you a copy of the book anywhere in the world. Your gifts and reviews help us to keep spreading God’s life-changing Word to people in 160 countries every day!
C. S. Lewis — Can a mortal ask questions…
Can a mortal ask questions which God finds unanswerable? Quite easily, I should think. All nonsense questions are unanswerable. How many hours are there in a mile? Is yellow square or round? Probably half the questions we ask- half our great theological and metaphysical problems- are like that.
C. S. Lewis
Acts 10:34-35 — So Peter opened his mouth, and said…
So Peter opened his mouth, and said” “Truly I understand that God shows no partiality, but in every nation anyone who fears him and does what is right is acceptable to him.”
Acts 10:34-35 The English Standard Version
This Day’s Thought from The Ranch- Monday
It is the case of most sinners to think themselves freest from those sins to which they are most enslaved.
Richard Baxter
Then men will say, “Surely the righteous still are rewarded; surely there is a God who judges the earth.”
Psalm 58:11
The New International Version
The sun does not shine for a few trees and flowers, but for the wide world’s joy.
Henry Ward Beecher
If you’d like to get a paperback copy of Eric Elder’s recent series called “15 Tips for a Stronger Marriage” just click this link to visit The Ranch Bookstore and make a donation of any size OR click this link to visit Amazon.com and write a 1-2 sentence review of the series then email us your name, address and link to your review. Either way we’ll send you a copy of the book anywhere in the world. Your gifts and reviews help us to keep spreading God’s life-changing Word to people in 160 countries every day!
Richard Baxter — It is the case of most sinners…
It is the case of most sinners to think themselves freest from those sins to which they are most enslaved.
Richard Baxter
Psalm 58:11 — Then men will say…
Then men will say, “Surely the righteous still are rewarded; surely there is a God who judges the earth.”
Psalm 58:11 The New International Version
Henry Ward Beecher — The sun does not shine…
The sun does not shine for a few trees and flowers, but for the wide world’s joy.
Henry Ward Beecher
This Week’s Sermon- From College To “Beyond”
FROM COLLEGE TO “BEYOND”
Part 3 of our series on “Transitions”
(You can still read Parts 1 and 2 here and here)
by Karis Elder
www.theranch.org
Note from Eric: My daughter, Karis, has written a beautiful message for you this week about how God is helping her through the transition from college to what people tell her is the “real world.” The life lessons she is learning apply to us all. If you’re a college student, or know of someone who is, these words will be especially relevant, so please read them and forward them on to your family and friends! Karis’ words—and God’s Word—may be just what you need to help you through any transition you’re going through in life.
I don’t know of many people who actually really love transition and change, yet it seems like most of our lives are spent in constant change and transition. We do a lot of waiting in our lifetime, waiting in line, waiting for a new season, waiting for the next thing.
Lately I’ve been going through the transition of graduating from college and living in what people told me was the “real world.” As well as graduating from college I was also transitioning out of our college ministry, and I never realized how hard it could be to transition out of these things into a new stage of life. When I finally graduated and no longer had homework, no longer called myself a student, no longer lived with all of my college friends, no longer had the routine of classes and events, I felt really lost. I realized that for basically my entire life I had been a “student” and that what had come to be a constant solid unchangeable thing in my life was suddenly gone. Most of my friends had recently graduated as well and left to go other places, and it was, and still is, really unsettling.
Transitioning out of our college ministry, which I had been a part of for over 3 years, was also difficult as I had spent so much time and energy pouring into students and loving and serving a campus in such an amazing way that when I didn’t have it anymore, I felt lost as well. I found that so much of the last few years of my life my identity had begun to be really found in being a student and in the things that I did while I was a student. These titles had become my identity and I didn’t even know it till I was stripped down. Bare. Bringing nothing but myself to the Lord. I didn’t realize how much of my identity had been found in what I did rather than who I was. I thought that what I did made me valuable; I thought the good grades I got and the hours I spent studying the Bible for class and the number of spiritual books I read in a month or the number of people I invited to our ministry made me valuable. And when I didn’t have those things any more, I was humbled to find that I’m still valuable and loved by God no matter what I do. My dear friend Kelsey reminded me that I am valuable to God just because I am His child, not because of how many things I ever will do for Him.
Transition is defined as “a change from one state or condition to another,” and when I read that definition, it kinda reminds me of my spiritual life with Christ. The Holy Spirit dwelling within all believers is constantly refining, purifying and transforming us to look like Christ. We are in a constant state of being changed from one condition to another. Paul writes in 2 Corinthians 3:18, “And we all, with unveiled face, beholding the glory of the Lord, are being transformed into the same image from one degree of glory to another.” Christians constantly live in the tension of what Bible scholars call the “now-but-not-yet” principle. Believers are new creations in Christ, and yet they are still being transformed into the likeness of Christ. The Kingdom of God is here in our midst, yet all creation is eagerly waiting for the day of final transformation when Jesus comes back. So while we know that both our everyday lives and our spiritual lives our constantly in transition and being changed, so often we just wish away the process and can’t wait to just “be there” already, and we miss the beauty of what God is doing in the process.
I’ve been reading this book called The Good and Beautiful God and just finished a chapter about transformation. At the end of each chapter, the author, James Smith, has a “soul training” exercise for the reader to practice to solidify the truths they read in the chapter, hoping they will continue to “train” with the exercises long after finishing the book. The practice for this week was solitude, intentional time spent away from other people, where it’s just you and God. Smith quotes Dallas Willard and says “When we go into solitude and silence, we stop making demands on God. It is enough that God is God and we are his.” I’ve been realizing that the only thing that doesn’t change, no matter what transition I will ever go through, is God and my identity in relation to Him. Even though I am not a student, I am still a pupil of my Teacher. Even though I may not be a servant leader in a college ministry, I am still a servant leader in the Kingdom. I am still a child of God, even when one day I am married and have kids of my own. I am still the Beloved of the Lord, even when I am married and have a Beloved of my own. I am still delighted in by the Lord, regardless of how much I “do” in a given week. My job will always be to make disciples of all nations, regardless what my “job title” is. No matter what transition I ever go through, there are some truths that never change, though I will undoubtedly be changed in the transition.
Recently, after I had a really long and hard week, my boyfriend, Terry, and I were praying, and he reminded me about an analogy. He was praying and just encouraging me that even as a caterpillar needs to spend time in a cocoon before it can become a butterfly, that I also need to spend time in my “cocoon” with Jesus as He transforms me into His image. And it is the cocoon (or transition) stage between caterpillar and butterfly that most of us really don’t like—that place where we’re not quite at the place where we used to be, but we’re not quite where we are going yet. The cocoon is such a beautiful and amazing place where God literally takes one thing and turns it into another thing entirely. But so often I just want to be there that I forget the steps and the process it takes to get there. It is in the transition of the cocoon where we find healing, rest, and comfort. But I’ve realized as I’ve gone through many transitions in my life—moving around, changing churches, losing my Mom, getting a job, making new friends, getting a boyfriend, graduating college, transitioning to a new ministry—that sometimes it can also be a little dark, cramped, uncomfortable and painful. And then I remember that in a cocoon, one creature is becoming something entirely different. Some things need to just be changed or refined, and other things need to be totally done away with in the caterpillar’s life so that it can become a beautiful butterfly. So sometimes I don’t want to enter the cocoon. I’m scared of the darkness and the uncomfortableness of transformation. I have no control. I don’t know what’s happening. But I can trust my Heavenly Father. I can trust that the other times I’ve entered the cocoon, the process was so worth the growth and the transformation that happened. I can trust Jesus as He says “Look, I am making everything new!” (Revelation 21:5). The line in the David Crowder song All This Glory is true, “In the middle of the mess, there is majesty.”
It is in the secret place as we rest in the cocoon and refuge of Jesus’ Presence that we find healing and joy in transition. In this transition particularly, I keep hearing Jesus calling like He called the disciples in Mark 6:30, “Come with me by yourselves to a quiet place and get some rest.” It is in that place of quietness and rest with the Lord that we find hope when it seems least likely to be found, when the transition seems like it’s never going to end, and what “is to come” is not coming fast enough. I love this passage in Lamentations, after the prophet Isaiah has been lamenting and in despair, he says:
“But this I call to mind, and therefore I have hope: The steadfast love of the Lord never ceases; his mercies never come to an end; they are new every morning; great is your faithfulness. ‘The Lord is my portion,’ says my soul, ‘therefore I will hope in him.’ The Lord is good to those who wait for him, to the soul who seeks him. It is good that one should wait quietly for the salvation of the Lord” (Lamentations 3:21-26).
The Lord is faithful and His love is steadfast and that gives me hope. No matter if you’re just entering into a transition, in the middle of a transition, or coming out of a transition, God’s love for you never changes. Jesus wants me—and He wants you—more than He wants the work that we could do for Him. The first and highest call on a Christian’s life is just to be with Jesus. So may you spend time with Him today.
Follow-up from Eric: For our Ranch Retreat in October, we’re focusing specifically on the topic of “transitions” and how God can help us through them. Karis will be there, along with some of her friends! If you’d like to join us, we’d love to spend the weekend with you, too. Click here to learn more or to register.
If you’d like to get a paperback copy of Eric Elder’s recent series called “15 Tips for a Stronger Marriage” just click this link to visit The Ranch Bookstore and make a donation of any size OR click this link to visit Amazon.com and write a 1-2 sentence review of the series then email us your name, address and link to your review. Either way we’ll send you a copy of the book anywhere in the world. Your gifts and reviews help us to keep spreading God’s life-changing Word to people in 160 countries every day!
This Day’s Thought from The Ranch- Friday
When you are in the dark, listen, and God will give you a very precious message for someone else when you get into the light.
Oswald Chambers
“For the foundations of the earth are the LORD’S; upon them he has set the world.”
1 Samuel 2:8 The New International Version
When we come to the last moment of this lifetime, and we look back across it, the only thing that’s going to matter is “what was the quality of our love?”
Richard Bach
If you’d like to get a paperback copy of Eric Elder’s recent series called “15 Tips for a Stronger Marriage” just click this link to visit The Ranch Bookstore and make a donation of any size OR click this link to visit Amazon.com and write a 1-2 sentence review of the series then email us your name, address and link to your review. Either way we’ll send you a copy of the book anywhere in the world. Your gifts and reviews help us to keep spreading God’s life-changing Word to people in 160 countries every day!
1 Samuel 2:8 — For the foundations of the earth…
“For the foundations of the earth are the LORD’S; upon them he has set the world.”
1 Samuel 2:8 The New International Version
This Day’s Thought from The Ranch- Thursday
Forgiveness is every person’s deepest need and the greatest quality of being like Jesus.
Franklin Graham
He who has a generous eye will be blessed, For he gives of his bread to the poor.
Proverbs 22:9
The New King James Version
If you’d like to get a paperback copy of Eric Elder’s recent series called “15 Tips for a Stronger Marriage” just click this link to visit The Ranch Bookstore and make a donation of any size OR click this link to visit Amazon.com and write a 1-2 sentence review of the series then email us your name, address and link to your review. Either way we’ll send you a copy of the book anywhere in the world. Your gifts and reviews help us to keep spreading God’s life-changing Word to people in 160 countries every day!
Franklin Graham — Forgiveness is every person’s…
Forgiveness is every person’s deepest need and the greatest quality of being like Jesus.
Franklin Graham
Proverbs 22:9 — He who has a generous eye…
He who has a generous eye will be blessed, For he gives of his bread to the poor.
Proverbs 22:9 The New King James Version
This Day’s Thought from The Ranch- Wednesday
Prayer is not the moment when God and humans are in relationship, for that is always. Prayer is taking initiative to intentionally respond to God’s presence.
L. Robert Keck
“Blessed is the man who trusts in the LORD, And whose hope is the LORD.”
Jeremiah 17:7
The New King James Version
What I do, you cannot do; but what you do, I cannot do. The needs are great, and none of us, including me, ever do great things. But we can all do small things, with great love and together we can do something wonderful.
Mother Teresa
If you’d like to get a paperback copy of Eric Elder’s recent series called “15 Tips for a Stronger Marriage” just click this link to visit The Ranch Bookstore and make a donation of any size OR click this link to visit Amazon.com and write a 1-2 sentence review of the series then email us your name, address and link to your review. Either way we’ll send you a copy of the book anywhere in the world. Your gifts and reviews help us to keep spreading God’s life-changing Word to people in 160 countries every day!
St. Nicholas: The Believer
A New Story For Christmas Based On The Old Story Of St. Nicholas
by Eric & Lana Elder
Listen here, read below, or click here to download the PDF
Also available in Paperback, Kindle, Audible, Spotify, Apple Audiobook, Spanish, or Italian
You can also watch this book in three other forms, as it has been adapted into a ballet “One Life: A Christmas Story Ballet,” a musical “His Name Was Nicholas,” and an Italian Puppet Opera “Saint Nicholas: An Italian Puppet Opera.” Enjoy!
DEDICATION
This book is dedicated to my sweet wife, Lana, who inspired me and helped me to tell you this spectacular story.
Lana had just finished making her final edits and suggestions on this book the week before she passed from this life to the next, way too young at the age of 48.
It was her idea and her dream to share the story of St. Nicholas with as many people as possible. She wanted to inspire them to give their lives to others as Jesus had given His life for us. This book is the first step in making that dream a reality.
To the world Lana may have been just one person, but to me she was the world. This book is lovingly dedicated to her.
INTRODUCTION
by Eric Elder
There was a time when I almost gave up celebrating Christmas. Our kids were still young and weren’t yet hooked on the idea of Santa Claus and presents, Christmas trees and decorations.
I had read that the Puritans who first came to America were so zealous in their faith that they didn’t celebrate Christmas at all. Instead they charged fines to businesses in their community who failed to keep their shops open on Christmas day. They didn’t want anything to do with a holiday that was, they felt, rooted in paganism. As a new believer and a new father myself, the idea of going against the flow of the excesses of Christmas had its appeal, at least in some respects.
Then I read an article by a man who simply loved celebrating Christmas. He could think of no greater way to celebrate the birth of the most important figure in human history than throwing the grandest of parties for Him—gathering and feasting and sharing gifts with as many of his family and friends as possible. This man was a pastor of deep faith and great joy. For him, the joy of Christ’s birth was so wondrous that he reveled in every aspect of Christmas, including all the planning, decorating and activities that went along with it. He even loved bringing Santa Claus into the festivities, our modern-day version of the very real and very ancient Saint Nicholas, a man of deep faith and great joy as well who Himself worshipped and adored the Baby who was born in Bethlehem.
So why not celebrate the birth of Christ? Why not make it the biggest party of the year? Why not make it the “Hap-Happiest season of all”?
I was sold. Christmas could stay—and my kids would be much hap-happier for it, too.
I dove back into celebrating Christmas with full vigor, and at the same time took a closer look into the life of the real Saint Nicholas, a man who seemed almost irremovably intertwined with this Holy Day. I discovered that Saint Nicholas and Santa Claus were indeed one and the same, and that the Saint Nicholas who lived in the 3rd and 4th centuries after the birth of Christ was truly a devout follower of Christ himself.
As my wife and I read more and more about Nicholas’ fascinating story, we became enthralled with this believer who had already been capturing the hearts and imaginations of believers and nonbelievers alike throughout the centuries.
With so many books and movies that go to great lengths to tell you the “true” story of Santa Claus (and how his reindeer are really powered by everything from egg nog to Coca-Cola), I’ve found that there are very few stories that even come close to describing the actual person of who Saint Nicholas was, and in particular, what he thought about the Man for whom Christmas is named, Jesus Christ. I was surprised to learn that with all the historical documents that attest to Saint Nicholas’ faith in Christ, compelling tellings of those stories seem to have fallen by the wayside over the ages.
So with the encouragement and help of my sweet wife, Lana, we decided to bring the story of Saint Nicholas back to life for you, with a desire to help you recapture the essence of Christmas for yourself.
While some people, with good reason, may still go to great lengths to try to remove anything that might possibly hint of secularism from this holiest day of the year, it seems to me equally fitting to go to great lengths to try to restore Santa to his rightful place—not as the patron saint of shopping malls, but as a beacon of light that shines brightly on the One for whom this Holy Day is named.
It is with deep faith and great joy that I offer you this Christmas novella—a little story. I’ve enjoyed telling it and I hope you’ll enjoy hearing it. It just may be the most human telling of the story of Saint Nicholas you’ve ever heard.
Above all, I pray that God will use this story to rekindle your love, not only for this season of the year, but for the One who makes this season so bright.
May God bless you this Christmas and always!
In Christ’s love,
Eric Elder
P.S. I’ve divided this story into 7 parts and 40 chapters to make it easier to read. If you’d like, you can read a part a day for 7 days leading up to Christmas. Or if you’d like to use this book as a daily devotional, you can read a chapter a day for 40 days leading up to Christmas, counting the Prologue, Epilogue and Conclusion as separate chapters. If you start on November 15th, you’ll finish on Christmas Eve!
PART 1
PROLOGUE
My name is Dimitri—Dimitri Alexander. But that’s not important. What’s important is that man over there, lying on his bed. He’s—well, I suppose there’s really no better way to describe him except to say—he’s a saint. Not just because of all the good he’s done, but because he was—as a saint always is—a Believer. He believed that there was Someone in life who was greater than he was, Someone who guided him, who helped him through every one of his days.
If you were to look at him closely, lying there on his bed, it might look to you as if he was dead. And in some sense, I guess you would be right. But the truth is, he’s more alive now than he has ever been.
My friends and I have come here today to spend his last day on earth with him. Just a few minutes ago we watched as he passed from this life to the next.
I should be crying, I know. Believe me, I have been—and I will be again. But for now, I can’t help but simply be grateful that he has finally made it to his new home, a home that he has been dreaming about for many years. A home where he can finally talk to God face to face, like I’m talking to you right now.
Oh, he was a saint all right. But to me, and to so many others, he was something even more. He was—how could I put it? An inspiration. A friend. A teacher. A helper. A giver. Oh, he loved to give and give and give some more, until it seemed he had nothing left to give at all. But then he’d reach down deep and find a little more. “There’s always something you can give,” as he would often say.
He always hoped, in some small way, that he could use his life to make a difference in the world. He wanted, above all, to help people. But with so many needs all around, what could he possibly do?
He was like a man on a beach surrounded by starfish that had been washed up onto the shore. He knew that they would die if they didn’t make it back into the water.
Not knowing how to save them all, the man on the beach did what he could. He reached down, picked one up, and tossed it back into the water. Then reached down again, picked up another, and did the same.
Someone once asked the man why he bothered at all—that with so many needs all around, how could he possibly make any difference. He’d just toss another starfish into the water and say, “It made a difference to that one.” Then he’d reach down and pick up another.
You see, to the world you may be just one person, but to one person you may be the world.
In many ways, my friend was just like you and me. Each one of us has just one life to live. But if you live it right, one life is all you need. And if you live your life for God, well, you just might touch the whole world.
Did his life make any difference? I already know my answer, because I’m one of those that he reached down and picked up many, many years ago. But how about I tell you his story, and when I get to the end, I’ll let you decide if his life made a difference or not. And then maybe, by the time we’re finished, you’ll see that your life can make a difference, too.
Oh, by the way, I haven’t told you his name yet, this man who was such a great saint, such a great believer in the God who loved him, who created him, who sustained him and with whom he is now living forever.
His name is Nicholas—and this is his story.
CHAPTER 1
Nicholas lived in an ideal world. At least that’s the way he saw it. As a nine-year-old boy, growing up on the northern coast of what he called the Great Sea—you might call it the Mediterranean—Nicholas couldn’t imagine a better life.
He would often walk through the streets with his father, acting as if they were on their way to somewhere in particular. But the real reason for their outing was to look for someone who was struggling to make ends meet, someone who needed a lift in their life. A simple hello often turned into the discovery of a need to be met. Nicholas and his father would pray, and if they could meet the need, they found a way to do it.
Nicholas couldn’t count the number of times his dad would sneak up behind someone afterwards and put some apples in their sack, or a small coin or two. As far as Nicholas knew, no one ever knew what his father had done, except to say that sometimes they heard people talking about the miracle of receiving exactly what they needed at just the right time, in some unexpected way.
Nicholas loved these walks with his father, just as he loved his time at home with his mother. They had shown the same love and generosity with him as they had shown to so many others.
His parents had somehow found a way to prosper, even in the turbulent times in which they lived. They were, in fact, quite wealthy. But whether their family was rich or poor seemed to make no difference to Nicholas. All he knew or cared about was that his parents loved him like no one else on earth. He was their only son, and their times together were simple and truly joyful.
Their richest times came at night, as they shared stories with each other that they had heard about a Man who was like no other Man they had ever known. A Man who lived on the other side of the Great Sea about 280 years earlier. His name was Jesus. Nicholas was enthralled with the stories of this Man who seemed to be so precious in the eyes of his parents. Jesus seemed both down-to-earth and larger-than-life, all at the same time. How could anyone be so humble, yet so noble? How could He be so poor that He was born in an animal stable, yet so generous that He could feed 5,000 people? How could He live His life so fully, yet die a death so cruelly? Jesus was, to Nicholas, an enigma, the most fascinating person about whom he’d ever heard. One day, Nicholas thought to himself, he hoped to visit this land on the other side of the sea—and walk where Jesus walked.
For all the love that Nicholas and his parents shared and which held them together, there was one thing that threatened to pull them apart. It was the one thing that seemed to be threatening many families in their country these days, irrespective of their wealth or poverty, their faith or lack of faith, their love for others or their lack of love.
Nicholas’ friends and neighbors called it the plague. His parents had mentioned it from time to time, but only in their prayers. They prayed for the families who were affected by the plague, asking God for healing when possible, and for strength of faith when not. Most of all, his parents prayed for Nicholas that regardless of what happened around him, he would always know how very much they loved him, and how very much God loved him.
Even though Nicholas was so young, he had seen enough of life to know that real threats existed in the world. Yet he also had been shielded from those threats, in a way, by the love of his parents and by their devout faith in God. As his father had learned over the years, and had many times reminded Nicholas, “In all things, God works for the good of those who love Him.” And Nicholas believed him. Up to this point, he’d had no real reason to doubt the words his father had spoken.
But it would be only a matter of months before Nicholas’ faith would be challenged and he would have to decide if he really believed those words for himself—that in all things, God would truly work for the good of those who loved Him.
Tonight, however, he simply trusted the words of his father, listening to his parents’ prayers for him—and for those in his city—as he drifted off into a perfect sleep.
CHAPTER 2
Nicholas woke to the sounds of birds out his window. The air was fresh, washed clean by the seaside mist in the early morning.
But the news this morning was less than idyllic. A friend of Nicholas’ family had contracted the sickness that they had only heard about from people in other cities. The boy was said to be near the point of death.
Nicholas’ father had heard the news first and had gone to pray for the boy. Returning home just as Nicholas awoke, his father shared the news with his wife and with Nicholas.
“We need to pray,” he said, with no hint of panic in his voice, but with an unmistakable urgency that caused all three of them to slip down to their knees.
Nicholas’ father began the prayer: “Father, You know the plans You have for this child. We trust You to carry them out. We pray for Your healing as we love this boy, but we know that You love him even more than we do. We trust that as we place him in Your hands this morning, You will work all things together for good, as You always do for those who love You.”
It was a prayer Nicholas had heard his father pray many times before, asking for what they believed was best in every situation, but trusting that God knew best in the end. It was the same type of prayer Nicholas had heard that Jesus had prayed the night before He died: “If You are willing,” Jesus prayed, “take this cup from Me. Yet not My will, but Yours be done.”
Nicholas never quite knew what to make of this prayer. Wouldn’t God always want what’s best for us? And how could someone’s death ever be a good thing? Yet his father prayed that prayer so often, and with such sincerity of heart, that Nicholas was confident that it was the right thing to pray. But how God could answer any other way than healing the boy—and still work it out for good—remained a mystery.
After Nicholas’ mother had added her own words to the prayer, and Nicholas himself had joined in, his father concluded with thanks to God for listening—and for already answering their prayers.
As they stood, the news came to their door, as if in direct answer to what they had just prayed. But it wasn’t the answer they were hoping for. The boy had died.
Nicholas’ mother began to weep quietly, but not holding back on her tears. She wept as she felt the loss of another mother, feeling the loss as if it were her own son who had died.
Nicholas’ father took hold of her hand and pulled Nicholas close, saying a quiet prayer for the family of the boy who had died, and adding another prayer for his own family. He gave his wife and son one more final squeeze, then walked out the door to return to the other boy’s home.
CHAPTER 3
The boy’s death had a sobering effect on the whole city. The people had known the boy, of course, and were sad for the family.
But his death was more sobering because it wasn’t an isolated event. The people had heard stories of how the sickness had been spreading through the cities around them, taking the lives of not just one or two people here and there, but entire families—entire neighborhoods. The death of this boy seemed to indicate that the plague had now arrived in their city, too.
No one knew how to stop it. All they could do was pray. And pray they did.
As the sickness began to spread, Nicholas’ parents would visit the homes of those who lay dying. While his parents’ money was powerless to offer relief to the families, their prayers brought a peace that no amount of money could buy.
As always, Nicholas’ father would pray that death would pass them over, as it had passed over the Israelites in Egypt when the plague of death overtook the lives of the firstborn of every family that wasn’t willing to honor God. But this sickness was different. It made no distinction between believer or unbeliever, firstborn or last born, or any other apparent factor. This sickness seemed to know no bounds, and seemed unstoppable by any means.
Yet Nicholas watched as his father prayed in faith nonetheless, believing that God could stop the plague at any moment, at any household, and trusting God to work it all out for good, even if their lives, too, were seemingly cut short.
These latter prayers were what people clung to the most. More than anything else, these words gave them hope—hope that their lives were not lived in vain, hope that their deaths were not going unnoticed by the God who created them.
A visit by Nicholas’ father and mother spoke volumes to those who were facing unbearable pain, for as the plague spread, fewer and fewer people had been willing to leave their own homes, let alone visit the homes where the sickness had struck. The prayers of Nicholas’ father, and the tears of his mother, gave the families the strength they needed to face whatever came their way.
Nicholas watched in wonder as his parents dispensed their gifts of mercy during the day, then returned home each night physically spent, but spiritually strengthened. It made him wonder how they got their strength for each day. But it also made him wonder how long their own family could remain untouched by this plague.
When Nicholas finally found the courage to voice this question out loud, a question that seemed to be close to all of their hearts, his father simply answered that they had only two choices: to live in fear, or to live in love, and to follow the example of the One in whom they had entrusted their lives. They chose to live in love, doing for others what they would want others to do for them.
So every morning Nicholas’ father and mother would wake up and pray, asking their Lord what He would have them do. Then, pushing aside any fears they might have had, they put their trust in God, spending the day serving others as if they were serving Christ Himself.
While his father’s response didn’t answer the immediate question on Nicholas’ heart— which was how much longer it might be till the sickness visited their own home—it seemed to answer a question that went much deeper. It answered the question of whether or not God was aware of all that was going on, and if He was, whether or not He cared enough to do anything about it.
By the way that God seemed to be directing his parents each day, Nicholas gained a peace of mind that God was indeed fully aware of all that was going on in the lives of every person in his city of Patara—and that God did indeed care. God cared enough to send Nicholas’ parents to those who needed to hear a word from Him, who needed a touch from His hands, who needed a touch from God not just in their flesh, but in their spirits as well.
It seemed to Nicholas to be a more glorious answer to his question than he could have imagined. His worry about when the sickness might visit their own home dissipated as he went to sleep that night. Instead, he prayed that God would use his own hands and words—Nicholas’ hands and words—as if they were God’s very own, reaching out to express God’s love for His people.
CHAPTER 4
In the coming days, Nicholas found himself wanting to help his father and mother more and more as they delivered God’s mercy to those around them.
They worked together to bring food, comfort and love to each family touched by the plague. Some days it was as simple as stopping by to let a mother know she wasn’t alone. Others days it was bringing food or drink to an entire family who had taken ill. And still other days it was preparing a place in the hills around their city where they carefully laid the bodies of those who had succumbed to the sickness and whose spirits had passed from this life to the next.
Each day Nicholas’ heart grew more and more aware of the temporal nature of life on earth, and more and more in tune with the eternal nature of the life that is unseen. It seemed to Nicholas that the line between the two worlds was becoming less and less distinct. What he had once thought of as solid and real—like rocks and trees, or hands and feet—soon took on a more ethereal nature. And those things that were more difficult for him to touch before—like faith and hope, love and peace—began to become more solid and real.
It was as if his world was turning both upside down and inside out at the same time, not with a gut-wrenching twisting, but as if his eyes themselves were being re-calibrated, adjusting better to see with more clarity what was really going on—focusing more acutely on what really mattered in life. Even surrounded by so much sickness and death, Nicholas felt himself coming alive more fully than he’d ever felt before.
His father tried to describe what Nicholas was feeling by using words that he’d heard Jesus had said, that whoever tried to hold onto this life too tightly would lose it, but whoever was willing to let go of this life, would find true life. By learning how to love others without being constrained by fear, being propelled forward by love instead, Nicholas was starting to experience how it felt to truly live.
Whether that feeling could sustain him through what lay ahead, he didn’t know. But what he did know was that for now, more than anything else, he wanted to live each day to the fullest. He wanted to wake up each day looking for how God could use him, then do whatever God was willing to give him to do. To do anything less would be to shortchange himself from living the life God had given him to live—and to shortchange God from the work God wanted to get done.
As the days passed, Nicholas came to know what his father and mother already knew: that no one knew how many more days they had left in this world. His family no longer saw themselves as human beings having a temporary spiritual experience, but as spiritual beings, having a temporary human experience. With eyes of faith, they were able to look into whatever lay ahead of them without the fear that gripped so many of the others around them.
CHAPTER 5
When Nicholas awoke one day to the sound of his mother coughing, time seemed to stand still.
For all the preparation his parents—and his own faith—had given him, it still caught him off guard to think that the sickness might have finally crossed over the threshold of their own home.
He thought that maybe God would spare them for all the kindness they had shown to others during the previous few months. But his father had cautioned him against such thinking, reminding him that for all the good that Jesus had done in His life—for all the healing that He had brought to others—there still came a time when He, too, had to face suffering and death. It didn’t mean that God didn’t love Jesus, or wasn’t concerned for Him, or hadn’t seen all the good He had done in His life. And it didn’t mean that Jesus remained indifferent to what was about to take place either. Jesus even told His disciples that His heart was deeply troubled by what He was about to go through, but that didn’t mean He shrank back from what lay ahead of Him. No, He said, it was for this very hour that He had come. Greater love, He told His disciples, had no one than this: that they lay down their lives for their friends.
Nicholas’ mother coughed again, and time slowly began to move again for Nicholas. He stood to his feet. As he approached his mother, she hesitated for a moment. It was as if she was torn between wanting him to stand still—not to come one step closer to the sickness that had now reached her body—or to get up on her feet, too, and throw her arms around him, assuring him that everything would be all right. But a moment later, Nicholas had made her decision unnecessary, for he was already in her arms, holding on as tight as he could as they both broke down in tears. As Nicholas was learning, having faith doesn’t mean you can’t cry. It just means that you can trust God, even with your tears.
Nicholas’ father had already shed some of his own tears that morning. He had gone outside before the sunrise, this time not to visit the homes of others, but to pray. For him, the place where he always returned when he needed to be alone with God was to the fresh air by the sea, not far from their home. While he knew he could pray anywhere, at any time, it was by the sea that he felt closest to God. The sound of the waves, rhythmically washing up on the shore, seemed to have a calming, mesmerizing effect on him.
He had arrived in time to watch the sunrise off to his left, looking down the shoreline of the Great Sea. How many sunrises had he seen from that very spot? And how many more would he have left to see? He turned his head and coughed, letting the question roll back out to sea with the next receding wave. The sickness had come upon him as well.
This wasn’t the first time he had asked himself how many days he had left to live. The difference this time was that in the past, he had always asked it hypothetically. He would come to this spot whenever he had an important decision to make, a decision that required he think beyond the short term. He would come here when he needed to look into eternity, taking into account the brevity of life. Here, at the edge of the sea, it was as if he could grasp both the brevity of life and the eternity of heaven at the same time.
The daily rising of the sun and the swelling, cresting and breaking of the waves on the shore reminded him that God was still in control, that His world would carry on—with or without him—just as it had since God had first spoken the water and earth into existence, and just as it would until the day God would choose for its end, to make way for the new heaven and the new earth. In light of eternity, the lifespan of the earth seemed incredibly short, and the lifespan of man even shorter still. In that short span of life, he knew that he had to make the most of each day, not just living for himself, and not even just living for others, but ultimately living for the God who had given him life. If God, the Creator of all things, had seen fit to breathe into him the breath of life, then as long as he could still take a breath, he wanted to make the most of it.
Coughing again, Nicholas’ father remembered that this was no mere intellectual exercise to help him come to grips with a difficult decision. This time—as he looked out at the sunrise once more, and at one more wave rolling in—he realized that this was the final test of everything that he had believed up until this point.
Some of life’s tests he had passed with flying colors. Others he had failed when fear or doubt had taken over. But this was a test he knew he wanted to pass more than any other.
He closed his eyes and asked for strength for another day. He let the sun warm his face, and he gently opened the palms of his hands to feel the breeze as it lifted up along the shore and floated over his body. He opened his eyes and looked one more time at the sea.
Then he turned and walked toward home, where he would soon join his precious wife and his beloved son in a long, tearful embrace.
PART 2
CHAPTER 6
Nicholas stood alone. He was on the same stretch of beach where his father had stood just ten years earlier, looking out at the sunrise and the waves on the seashore.
Nicholas’ father never made it out to look at the Great Sea again, having finally succumbed to the sickness himself. Nicholas’ mother passed away first, within two weeks of the first signs of illness. His father lasted another three days after that, as if holding on as long as he could to make sure his wife passed as peacefully as possible from this life to the next, and making sure Nicholas was as ready as possible to take the next steps in his own life.
Nicholas’ father didn’t shy away from tears, but he didn’t want them wasted on wrongful emotions either. “Don’t cry because it’s over,” his father had said to both his wife and his son. “Smile because it was beautiful.”
There was a time and place for anger and disappointment, but this wasn’t the time for either. If given the chance to do it all over again, his parents would have chosen to do exactly what they did. It was not foolishness, they said, to be willing to risk their lives for the sake of others, especially when there were no guarantees that they would have survived anyway.
As it turned out, the plague ended up taking the lives of almost a third of the people in Patara before it finally ran its course. The sickness seemed to have a mind of its own, affecting those who tried to shield themselves from it as well as those who, like his parents, had ventured out into the midst of it.
After the death of his parents, Nicholas felt a renewed sense of urgency to pick up where they had left off, visiting those who were sick and comforting the families of those who had died.
Then, almost as suddenly as it came to their city, the plague left. Nicholas had spent most of the next few weeks sleeping, trying to recover from the long days—and even longer nights—of ministering to those who were affected. When he was awake, he spent his time trying to process his own feelings and emotions in light of the loss of the family he loved. In so many ways, his parents were his life. His life was so intertwined with theirs, and having them taken so suddenly from him, he hardly knew what to do without them. He went to live with his uncle, a priest who lived in the monastery in Patara, until he was ready to venture out further into the world on his own. Now that time had come, and it was time for Nicholas to make his decision.
Unlike many others who had been orphaned by the plague, Nicholas had been left with a sizable inheritance. The question on his heart wasn’t what he would do to make a living, but what he would do to make a life. Through all that he had experienced, and now recognizing the brevity of life for himself, Nicholas now knew why his father had come so often to this shore to pray. Now it was Nicholas’ turn to consider his own future in light of eternity.
What should I do? Where should I go? How should I spend the rest of my days? The questions could have overwhelmed him, except that his father had prepared him well for moments like these, too.
His father, always a student of the writings of Scripture and of the life of Christ, had told him that Jesus taught that we needn’t worry so much about the trouble down the road as just the trouble for that day. Each day has enough trouble of its own, Jesus said.
As Nicholas thought about this, his burden lifted. He didn’t have to figure out what he was going to do with the rest of his life just yet. He only had to decide on his next step.
He had enough money to travel the length of the entire world back and forth three times and still have enough to live on for years to come. But that wasn’t really what he wanted to do. He had never had a desire to live wildly or lavishly, for the life he knew up to this point already gave him tremendous satisfaction. But there was one place he had always wanted to see with his own eyes.
As he looked out across the sea, to the south and to the west, he knew that somewhere in between lay the place he most wanted to visit—a land that seemed more precious in his mind than any other. It was the land where Jesus had lived, the land where He had walked and taught, the land where He was born and died, and the land where so many of the stories of His life—and almost the entirety of Scripture itself—had taken place.
Nicholas knew that some decisions in life were made only through the sweat and agony of prayer, trying desperately to decide between two seemingly good, but mutually exclusive paths. But this decision was not one of them. This was one of those decisions that, by the nature of the circumstances, was utterly simple to make. Apart from his uncle, there was little more to keep him in Patara, and nothing to stop him from following the desire that had been on his heart for so long.
He was glad his father had shown him this spot, and he was glad that he had come to it again today. He knew exactly what he was going to do next. His decision was as clear as the water in front of him.
CHAPTER 7
Nicholas’ arrival on the far shores of the Great Sea came sooner than he could have imagined. For so long he had wondered what it would be like to walk where Jesus walked, and now, at age 19, he was finally there.
Finding a boat to get there had been no problem, for his hometown of Patara was one of the main stopovers for ships traveling from Egypt to Rome, carrying people and cargo alike. Booking passage was as simple as showing that you had the money to pay, which Nicholas did.
But now that he had arrived, where would he go first? He wanted to see everything at once, but that was impossible. A tug at his sleeve provided the answer.
“You a Christian?” the small voice asked.
Nicholas looked down to see a boy not more than ten looking up at him. Two other children giggled nearby. To ask this question so directly, when it was dangerous in general to do so, showed that the boy was either a sincere follower of Christ looking for a fellow believer, or it showed that he had ulterior motives in mind. From the giggles of his little friends nearby, a boy and a girl just a bit younger than the one who had spoken, Nicholas knew it was probably the latter.
“You a Christian?” the boy asked again. “I show you holy places?”
Ah, that’s it, thought Nicholas. Enough pilgrims had obviously come here over the years that even the youngest inhabitants knew that pilgrims would need a guide once they arrived. Looking over the three children again, Nicholas felt they would suit him just fine. Nicholas had a trusting heart, and while he wasn’t naive enough to think that trouble wouldn’t find him here, he also trusted that the same God who had led him here would also provide the help he needed once he arrived. Even if these children were doing it just for the money, that was all right with Nicholas. Money he had. A map he didn’t. He would gladly hire them to be his living maps to the holy places.
“Yes, and yes,” Nicholas answered. “Yes, I am indeed a Christian. And if you would like to take me, then yes, I would be very interested to see the holy places. I would love for your friends to come along with us, too. That way, if we meet any trouble, they can defend us all!”
The boy’s mouth dropped open and his friends giggled again. It wasn’t the answer the boy had expected at all, at least not so fast and not without a great deal of pestering on his part. Pilgrims who arrived were usually much more skeptical when they stepped off their boats, shooing away anyone who approached them—at least until they got their land legs back and their bearings straight. But the boy quickly recovered from his shock and immediately extended his right hand in front of him, palm upraised, with a slight bow of his head. It gave Nicholas the subtle impression as if to say that the boy was at Nicholas’ service—and the not-so-subtle impression that the boy was ready for something to be deposited in his open hand. Nicholas, seeing another opportunity to throw the boy off guard, happily obliged.
He gently placed three of his smallest, but shiniest coins into the boy’s upraised palm and said, “My name is Nicholas. And I can see you’re a wise man. Now, if you’re able to keep your hand open even after I’ve set these coins in it, you’ll be even wiser still. For he who clenches his fist tightly around what he has received will find it hard to receive more. But he who opens his hand freely to heaven—freely giving in the same way that he has freely received—will find that his Father in heaven will usually not hold back in giving him more.”
Nicholas motioned with his hand that he intended for the boy to share what he had received with his friends, who had come closer at the appearance of the coins. The boy obviously was the spokesman for all three, but still he faltered for a moment as to what to do. This man was so different from anyone else the boy had ever approached. With others, the boy was always trying, usually without success, to coax even one such coin from their pockets, but here he had been given three in his very first attempt! The fact that the coins weren’t given grudgingly, but happily, did indeed throw him off balance. He had never heard such a thought like that of keeping his hands open to give and receive. His instinct would have been to instantly clench his fist tightly around the coins, not letting go until he got to the safest place he could find, and only then could he carefully inspect them and let their glimmers shine in his eyes. Yet he stood stock still, with his hand still outstretched and his palm facing upward. Almost against his own self-will, he found himself turning slightly and extending his hand to his friends.
Seizing the moment, the two others each quickly plucked a coin from his hand. Within an instant of realizing that they, too, were about to clench their fists around their newly acquired treasure, they slowly opened their fingers as well, looking up at the newly arrived pilgrim with a sense of bewilderment. They were bewildered not just that he had given them the coins, but that they were still standing there with their palms open, surprising even themselves that they were willing to follow this man’s peculiar advice.
The sight of it all made Nicholas burst out in a gracious laugh. He was delighted by their response and he quickly deposited two more of his smallest coins into each of their hands, now tripling their astonishment. It wasn’t the amount of the gifts that had astonished them, for they had seen bigger tips from wealthier pilgrims, but it was the generous and cheerful spirit that accompanied the gifts that gave them such a surprise.
The whole incident took place in less than a minute, but it set Nicholas and his new friends into such a state that each of them looked forward to the journey ahead.
“Now, you’d better close your hands again, because a wise man—or woman—” he nodded to the little girl, “also takes care of that which they have been given so that it doesn’t get lost or stolen.”
Then, turning to walk toward the city, Nicholas said, “How about you let me get some rest tonight, and then, first thing in the morning, you can start showing me those holy places?”
While holy places abounded in this holy land, in the magical moments that had just transpired, it seemed to the three children—and even to Nicholas himself—that they had just stepped foot on their first.
CHAPTER 8
Nicholas woke with the sun the next morning. He had asked the children to meet him at the inn shortly after sunrise. His heart skipped a beat with excitement about the day ahead. Within a few minutes, he heard their knock—and their unmistakable giggles—at the door.
He found out that their names were Dimitri, Samuel and Ruthie. They were, to use the common term, “alumni,” children whose parents had left them at birth to fend for themselves. Orphans like these dotted the streets throughout the Roman Empire, byproducts of people who indulged their passions wherever and with whomever they wanted, with little thought for the outcome of their actions.
While Dimitri could have wallowed in self-pity for his situation, he didn’t. He realized early on that it didn’t help to get frustrated and angry about his circumstances. So he became an entrepreneur.
He began looking for ways he could help people do whatever they needed, especially those things which others couldn’t do, or wouldn’t do, for themselves. He wasn’t often rewarded for his efforts, but when he was, it was all worth it.
He wasn’t motivated by religion, for he wasn’t religious himself, and he wasn’t motivated by greed, for he never did anything that didn’t seem right if it were just for the money, as greedy people who only care about money often do. He simply believed that if he did something that other people valued, and if he did it good enough and long enough, then somehow he would make it in life. Some people, like Dimitri, stumble onto godly wisdom without even realizing it.
Samuel and Ruthie, on the other hand, were just along for the ride. Like bees drawn to honey, Samuel and Ruthie were drawn to Dimitri, as often happens when people find someone who is trying to do what’s right. Samuel was eight, and like Dimitri, wasn’t religious himself, but had chosen his own name when he heard someone tell the story of another little boy named Samuel who, when very young, had been given away by his parents to be raised by a priest. Samuel, the present-day one, loved to hear about all that the long-ago Samuel had done, even though the other one had lived over 1,000 years before. This new Samuel didn’t know if the stories about the old Samuel were true, but at the time he chose his name, he didn’t particularly care. It was only in the past few months, as he had been traveling to the holy sites with Dimitri, that he had begun to wonder if perhaps the stories really were true.
Now Ruthie, even though she was only seven, was as sharp as a tack. She always remembered people’s names and dates, what happened when and who did what to whom. Giggling was her trademark, but little though she was, her mind was eager to learn and she remembered everything she saw and everything she was taught. Questions filled her mind, and naturally spilled right out of her mouth.
Dimitri didn’t mind these little tag-alongs, for although it might have been easier for him to do what he did by himself, he also knew of the dangers of the streets and felt compelled to help these two like an older brother might help his younger siblings. And to be completely honest, he didn’t have anyone else to call family, so finding these two a few years earlier had filled a part of his heart in a way that he couldn’t describe, but somehow made him feel better.
Nicholas took in the sight of all three beaming faces at his door. “Where to first?” asked Dimitri.
“Let’s start at the beginning,” said Nicholas, “the place where Jesus was born.” And with that they began the three-day walk from the coast of Joppa to the hills of Bethlehem.
CHAPTER 9
After two days of walking and sleeping on hillsides, Nicholas and his new friends had just a half day left before they reached Bethlehem. For Nicholas, his excitement was building with every hill they passed, as he was getting closer and closer to the holy place he most wanted to see, the birthplace of Jesus.
“Why do you think He did it?” asked Dimitri. “I mean, why would Jesus want to come here—to earth? If I were already in heaven, I think I’d want to stay there.”
Even though Dimitri was supposed to be the guide, he didn’t mind asking as many questions as he could, especially when he was guiding someone like Nicholas, which didn’t happen very often.
Nicholas didn’t mind his asking, either, as Nicholas had done the same thing back home. His parents belonged to a community of believers that had been started about 250 years earlier by the Apostle Paul himself when Paul had visited their neighboring city of Myra on one of his missionary journeys, telling everyone who would listen about Jesus. Paul had lived at the same time as Jesus, although Paul didn’t become a believer himself until after Jesus died and rose again from the dead. Paul’s stories were always remarkable.
Nicholas got to hear all of the stories that Paul had told while he was in Myra, as they were written down and repeated by so many others over the years.
As a child, Nicholas thought that anything that happened 250 years ago sounded like ancient history. But as he started to get a little older, and now that his parents had passed away, too, it didn’t seem that long ago at all. The stories that Nicholas heard were the same stories his father and his grandfather and his great grandfather, back to six or seven generations, had heard, some for the very first time from the Apostle Paul in person. Nicholas loved to hear them over and over, and he asked many of the same questions that Dimitri was now asking him—like why would Jesus leave heaven to come down to earth in person.
“The simple answer is because He loved us,” said Nicholas. “But that alone probably doesn’t answer the question you’re really asking, because God has always loved us. The reason Jesus came to earth was, well, because there are some things that need to be done in person.”
Nicholas went on to explain the gospel—the good news—to the children of how Jesus came to pay the ultimate price with His life for anything we had ever done wrong, making a way for us to come back to God with a clean heart, plus live with Him in heaven forever.
Throughout the story, the children stared at Nicholas with rapt attention. Although they had been to Bethlehem many times before and had often taken people to the cave that was carved into the hillside where it was said that Jesus was born, they had never pictured it in their minds quite like this before. They had never understood the motivations behind why God did what He did. And they had never really considered that the stories they heard about Jesus being God in the flesh were true. How could He be?
Yet hearing Nicholas’ explanation made so much sense to them, that they wondered why they had never considered it as true before. In those moments, their hearts and minds were finally opened to at least the possibility that it was true. And that open door turned out to be the turning point for each of them in their lives, just as it had been for Nicholas when he first heard the Truth. God really did love them, and God had demonstrated that love for them by coming to the earth to save them from their certain self-destruction.
For Nicholas, when he first heard about the love of the Father for him, the idea was fairly familiar to him because he had already had a good glimpse of what the love of a father looked like from the love of his own father. But to Dimitri, Samuel and Ruthie, who had never had a father, much less one like Nicholas had just described, it was simultaneously one of the most distantly incomprehensible, yet wonderfully alluring descriptions of love they had ever heard.
As they made their way through the hills toward Bethlehem, they began to skip ahead as fast as their hearts were already skipping, knowing that they would soon see again the place where God had, as a Man, first touched earth less than 300 years earlier. They would soon be stepping onto ground that was indeed holy.
CHAPTER 10
It was evening when they finally arrived at their destination. Dimitri led them through the city of Bethlehem to the spot where generations of pilgrims had already come to see the place where Jesus was born: a small cave cut into the hillside where animals could easily have been corralled so they wouldn’t wander off.
There were no signs to mark the spot, no monuments or buildings to indicate that you were now standing on the very spot where the God of the universe had arrived as a child. It was still dangerous anywhere in the Roman Empire to tell others you were a Christian, even though the laws against it were only sporadically enforced.
But that didn’t stop those who truly followed Christ from continuing to honor the One whom they served as their King. Although Jesus taught that His followers were to still respect their earthly rulers, if forced to choose between worshipping Christ or worshipping Caesar, both the Christians and Caesar knew who the Christians would worship. So the standoff continued.
The only indication that this was indeed a holy site was the well-worn path up the hill that made its way into and out of the cave. Tens of thousands of pilgrims had already made their way to this spot during the past 250 years. It was well known to those who lived in Bethlehem, for it was the same spot that had been shown to pilgrims from one generation to the next, going back to the days of Christ.
As Dimitri led the three others along the path to the cave, Nicholas laughed, a bit to himself, and a bit out loud. The others turned to see what had made him burst out so suddenly. He had even surprised himself! Here he was at the one holy site he most wanted to see, and he was laughing.
Nicholas said, “I was just thinking of the wise men who came to Bethlehem to see Jesus. They probably came up this very hill. How regal they must have looked, riding on their camels and bringing their gifts of gold, frankincense and myrrh. For a moment I pictured myself as one of those kings, riding on a camel myself. Then I stepped in some sheep dung by the side of the road. The smell brought me back in an instant to the reality that I’m hardly royalty at all!”
“Yes,” said Ruthie, “but didn’t you tell us that the angels spoke to the shepherds first, and that they were the first ones to go and see the baby? So smelling a little like sheep dung may not make you like the kings, but it does make you like those who God brought to the manger first!”
“Well said, Ruthie,” said Nicholas. “You’re absolutely right.”
Ruthie smiled at her insight, and then her face produced another thoughtful look. “But maybe we should still bring a gift with us, like the wise men did?” The thought seemed to overtake her, as if she was truly concerned that they had nothing to give to the King. He wasn’t there anymore to receive their gifts, of course, but still she had been captivated by the stories about Jesus that Nicholas had been telling them along the road. She thought that she should at least bring Him some kind of gift.
“Look!” she said, pointing to a spot on the hill a short distance away. She left the path and within a few minutes had returned with four small, delicate golden flowers, one for each of them. “They look just like gold to me!”
She smiled from ear to ear now, giving each one of them a gift to bring to Jesus. Nicholas smiled as well. There’s always something you can give, he thought to himself. Whether it’s gold from a mine or gold from a flower, we only bring to God that which is already His anyway, don’t we?
So with their gifts in hand, they reached the entrance to the cave—and stepped inside.
CHAPTER 11
Nothing could have prepared Nicholas for the strong emotion that overtook him as he entered the cave.
On the ground in front of him was a makeshift wooden manger, a feeding trough for animals probably very similar to the one in which Jesus had been laid the night of His birth. It had apparently been placed in the cave as a simple reminder of what had taken place there. But the effect on Nicholas was profound.
One moment he had been laughing at himself and watching Ruthie pick flowers on the hillside and the next moment, upon seeing the manger, he found himself on his knees, weeping uncontrollably at the thought of what had taken place on this very spot.
He thought about everything he had ever heard about Jesus—about how He had healed the sick, walked on water and raised the dead. He thought about the words Jesus had spoken—words that echoed with the weight of authority as He was the Author of life itself. He thought about his own parents who had put their lives on the line to serve this Man called Jesus, who had died for him just as He had died for them, giving up their very lives for those they loved.
The thoughts flooded his mind so fully that Nicholas couldn’t help sobbing with deep, heartfelt tears. They came from within his very soul. Somewhere else deep inside him, Nicholas felt stirred like he had never felt in his life. It was a sensation that called for some kind of response, some kind of action. It was a feeling so different from anything else he had ever experienced, yet it was unmistakably clear that there was a step he was now supposed to take, as if a door were opening before him and he knew he was supposed to walk through it. But how?
As if in answer to his question, Nicholas remembered the golden flower in his hand. He knew exactly what he was supposed to do, and he wanted more than anything to do it.
He took the flower and laid it gently on the ground in front of the wooden manger. The golden flower wasn’t just a flower anymore. It was a symbol of his very life, offered up now in service to his King.
Nicholas knelt there for several minutes, engulfed in this experience that he knew, even in the midst of it, would affect him for the rest of his life. He was oblivious to anything else that was going on around him. All he knew was that he wanted to serve this King, this Man who was clearly a man in every sense of the word, yet was clearly one and the same with God as well, the very essence of God Himself.
As if slowly waking from a dream, Nicholas began to become aware of his surroundings again. He noticed Dimitri and Samuel on his left and Ruthie on his right, also on their knees. Having watched Nicholas slip down to his knees, they had followed suit. Now they looked alternately, back and forth between him and the manger in front of him.
The waves of emotion that had washed over Nicholas were now washing over them as well. They couldn’t help but imagine what he was experiencing, knowing how devoted he was to Jesus and what it had willingly cost Nicholas’ parents to follow Him. Each of them, in their own way, began to experience for themselves what such love and devotion must feel like.
Having watched Nicholas place his flower in front of the manger, they found themselves wanting to do the same. If Jesus meant so much to Nicholas, then certainly they wanted to follow Jesus as well. They had never in their entire lives experienced the kind of love that Nicholas had shown them in the past three days. Yet somehow they knew that the love that Nicholas had for them didn’t originate with Nicholas alone, but from the God whom Nicholas served. If this was the kind of effect that Jesus had on His followers, then they wanted to follow Jesus, too.
Any doubts that Nicholas had had about his faith prior to that day were all washed away in those timeless moments. Nicholas had become, in the truest sense of the word, a Believer.
And from those very first moments of putting his faith and trust fully in Jesus, he was already inspiring others to do the same.
PART 3
CHAPTER 12
Once again, Nicholas was standing on a beach, alone. This time, however, it was on the shores of the Holy Land, looking back across the Great Sea towards his home.
In the months following his visit to Bethlehem, Nicholas, along with his young guide and bodyguards, had searched for every holy place that they could find that related to Jesus. They had retraced Jesus’ steps from His boyhood village in Nazareth to the fishing town of Capernaum, where Jesus had spent most of His adult years.
They had waded into the Jordan River where Jesus had been baptized and they swam in the Sea of Galilee where He had walked on the water and calmed the storm.
They had visited the hillside where Jesus had taught about the kingdom of heaven, and they had marveled at the spot where He had multiplied the five loaves of bread and two fish to feed a crowd of over 5,000 people.
While it was in Bethlehem that Nicholas was filled with wonder and awe, it was in Jerusalem where he was filled with mission and purpose. Walking through the streets where Jesus had carried His cross to His own execution, Nicholas felt the weight on his shoulders as if he were carrying a cross as well. Then seeing the hill where Jesus had died, and the empty tomb nearby where Jesus had risen from the dead, Nicholas felt the weight on his shoulders lifting off, as Jesus must have felt when He emerged from the tomb in which He had been sealed.
It was in that moment that Nicholas knew what his mission and purpose in life would be: to point others to the One who would lift their burdens off as well. He wanted to show them that they no longer had to carry the burdens of their sin, pain, sickness and need all alone. He wanted to show them that they could cast all their cares on Jesus, knowing that Jesus cared for them. “Come to Me, all you who are weary and burdened,” Jesus had said, “and I will give you rest.”
The stories Nicholas had heard as a child were no longer vague and distant images of things that might have been. They were stories that had taken on new life for him, stories that were now three dimensional and in living color. It wasn’t just the fact that he was seeing these places with his own eyes. Others had done that, and some were even living there in the land themselves, but they had still never felt what Nicholas was feeling. What made the difference for Nicholas was that he was seeing these stories through the eyes of faith, through the eyes of a Believer, as one who now truly believed all that had taken place.
As his adventures of traveling to each of the holy sites came to an end, Nicholas returned to the spot where he had first felt the presence of God so strongly: to Bethlehem. He felt that in order to prepare himself better for his new calling in life, he should spend as much time as he could living and learning in this special land. While exploring the city of Bethlehem and its surroundings, he found another cave nearby, in the city of Beit Jala, that was similar to the cave in which Jesus had been born. He took up residence there in the cave, planning to spend as much time as he could living and learning how to live in this land where His Savior had lived.
Dimitri, Samuel and Ruthie had gained a new sense of mission and purpose for their lives as well. As much as they wanted to stay with Nicholas, they felt even more compelled to continue their important work of bringing more people to see these holy places. It was no longer just a way for them to provide a living for themselves, but they found it to be a holy calling, a calling to help others experience what they had experienced.
It had been four full years now since Nicholas had first arrived on this side of the Sea. During that time, he often saw his young friends as they brought more and more pilgrims to see what they had shown to Nicholas. In those few short years, he watched each of them grow up “in wisdom and stature, and in favor with God and men,” just as Jesus had done in His youth in Nazareth.
Nicholas would have been very happy to stay here even longer, but the same Spirit of God that had drawn him to come was now drawing him back home. He knew that he couldn’t stay on this mountaintop forever. There were people who needed him, and a life that was waiting for him back home, back in the province of Lycia. What that life held for him, he wasn’t sure. With his parents gone, there was little to pull him back home, but it was simply the Spirit of God Himself, propelling him forward on the next leg of his journey.
Making arrangements for a ship home was harder than it was to find a ship to come here, for the calm seas of summer were nearing their end and the first storms of winter were fast approaching. But Nicholas was convinced that this was the time, and he knew that if he waited any longer, he might not make it home again until spring—and the Spirit’s pull was too strong for that kind of delay.
So when he heard that a ship was expected to arrive any day now, one of the last of the season to sail through here on its way from Alexandria to Rome, he quickly arranged for passage. The ship was to arrive the next morning, and he knew he couldn’t miss it.
He had sent word, through a shopkeeper, to try to find his three best friends to let them know that he would be sailing in the morning. But as the night sky closed in, he had still not heard a word from them.
So he stood there on the beach alone, contemplating all that had taken place and all that had changed in his life since coming to the Holy Land—and all that was about to change as he left it. The thoughts filled him with excitement, anticipation and, to be honest, just a little bit of fear.
CHAPTER 13
Although Nicholas’ ship arrived the following morning just as expected, the children didn’t.
Later that afternoon, when the time came for him to board and the three still hadn’t shown up, Nicholas sadly resigned himself to the possibility that they just might miss each other entirely. He had started walking toward the ship when he felt a familiar tug at his sleeve.
“You a Christian?” came the voice once again, but this time with more depth as about four years were added to his life. It was Dimitri, of course. Nicholas turned on the spot and smiled his broadest smile.
“Am I a Christian? Without a doubt!” he said as he saw all three of them offering smiles to him in return. “And you?” he added, speaking to all three of them at once.
“Without a doubt!” they replied, almost in unison. It was the way they had spoken about their faith ever since their shared experience in Bethlehem, an experience when their doubts about God had faded away.
As Nicholas tried to take in all three of their faces just one more time, he wondered which was more difficult: to leave this precious land, or to leave these three precious youth whom he had met there. They all knew that God had called them together for a purpose, and they all trusted that God must now be calling them apart for another purpose, too, just as Nicholas had previously felt he was to move to Bethlehem and they were to continue their work taking pilgrims from city to city.
But just because they knew what God’s will was, it didn’t mean it was always easy to follow it. As Nicholas had often reminded them, tears were one of the strongest signs of love in the world. Without tears at the loss of those things that matter most, it would be hard to tell if those things really mattered at all.
A lack of tears wouldn’t be a problem today. Once again, Nicholas asked them all to hold out their right hands in front of them. As he reached into his pocket to find three of his largest coins to place into each of their outstretched hands, he found he wasn’t fast enough. Within an instant, all three children had wrapped their arms completely around Nicholas’ neck, his back and his waist, depending on their height. They all held on as tightly as possible, and as long as possible, before one of the ship’s crewmen signaled to Nicholas that the time had come.
As Nicholas gave each of them one last squeeze, he secretly slipped a coin into each of their pockets. Throughout their time together, Nicholas’ gifts had helped the children immeasurably. But it wasn’t Nicholas’ presents that blessed them so much as it was his presence—his willingness to spend so much time with them. Still, Nicholas wanted to give them a final blessing that they could discover later when he was gone, as he often did his best giving in secret.
Nicholas wasn’t sure whether to laugh or to cry at the thought of this final gift to them, so he did a little of both. Under his breath, he also offered a prayer of thanks for each of their lives, then bid them farewell, one by one. The children’s hugs were the perfect send-off as he stepped onto the ship and headed for home—not knowing that their hugs and kind words would also help to carry him through the dark days that he was about to face ahead.
CHAPTER 14
The wind whipped up as soon as Nicholas’ ship left the shore. The ship’s captain had hoped to get a head start on the coming storm, sailing for a few hours along the coast to the harbor in the next city before docking again for the night. It was always a longer trip to go around the edges of the Great Sea, docking in city after city along the way, instead of going directly across to their destination. But going straight across was also more perilous, especially at this time of year. So to beat the approaching winter, and the more quickly approaching storm, they wanted to gain as many hours as they could along the way.
Keeping on schedule, Nicholas found out, was more than just a matter of a captain wanting to make good on his contract with his clients. It was also soon to become a matter of life and death for the families of the crew on board, including the family of the captain. Nicholas found out that a famine had begun to spread across the empire, now affecting the crew’s home city back in Rome. The famine had begun in the countryside as rain had been sparse in the outlying areas, but now the shortages in the country were starting to deplete the reserves in Rome as well. Prices were rising and even families who could afford to pay for food were quickly depleting their resources to get it.
The ship’s captain was not a foolish man, having sailed on these seas for almost 30 years. But he also knew that the risk of holding back on their voyage at a time like this could mean they would be grounded for the rest of the winter. If that happened, his cargo of grain might perish by spring, as well as his family. So the ship pressed on.
It looked to Nicholas like they had made the right decision to set sail. He, too, felt under pressure to get this voyage underway, although it wasn’t family or cargo that motivated him. It was the Spirit of God Himself. He wouldn’t have been able to explain it to anyone except to those who had already experienced it. All he knew was that it was imperative that they start moving.
He had thought he might spend still more time in the Holy Land, perhaps even his entire life. It felt like home to him from the very beginning, as he had heard so many stories about it when he was growing up. He had little family waiting for him elsewhere, and up to this point, he was content to stay right where he was, except for the Spirit’s prompting that it was time to go.
The feeling started as a restlessness at first, a feeling that he was suddenly no longer content to stay where he was. He couldn’t trace the feeling to anything particular that was wrong with where he was, just that it was time to go. But where? Where did God want him to go? Did God have another site for him to see? Another part of the country in which he was supposed to live? Perhaps another country altogether that he was supposed to visit?
As the restlessness grew, his heart and his mind began to explore the options in more detail. He had found in the past that the best way to hear from God was to let go of his own will so that he could fully embrace God’s will, whatever that may be. While letting go was always hard for him, he knew that God would always lead him in the ways that were best. So, finally letting go of his own will, Nicholas began to see God’s will much more clearly in this situation as well. As much as he felt like the Holy Land was his new home, it wasn’t really his home. He felt strongly that the time had come for him to return to the region where he had been born, to the province of Lycia on the northern coast of the Sea. There was something, he felt, that God wanted him to do there—something for which he had been specifically equipped and called to do, and was, in fact, the reason that God had chosen for him to grow up there when he was young. Just as Nicholas had felt drawn to come to the Holy Land, he now felt drawn to return home.
To home he was headed, and to home he must go. That inner drive that he felt was as strong—if not stronger—than the drive that now motivated the ship’s captain and crew to get their cargo home, safe and sound, to their precious families.
Storm or no storm, they had to get home.
CHAPTER 15
Nicholas’ ship never made it to the next harbor along the coast. Instead, the storm they were trying to outrun had outrun them. It caught hold of their ship, pulling it away from the coast within the first few hours at sea. It kept pulling them further and further away from the coast until, three hours later, they found themselves inescapably caught in its torrents.
The crew had already lowered the sails, abandoning their attempts to force the rudder in the opposite direction. They now hoped that by going with the storm rather than against it they would have a better chance of keeping the ship in one piece. But this plan, too, seemed only to drive them into the deepest and most dangerous waters, keeping them near the eye of the storm itself.
After another three hours had passed, the sea sickness that had initially overcome their bodies was no longer a concern, as the fear of death itself was now overtaking all but the most resilient of those on board.
Nicholas, although he had traveled by ship before, was not among those considered to be most resilient. He had never experienced pounding waves like this before. And he wasn’t the only one. To a man, as the storm worsened, each began to speak of this as the worst storm they had ever seen.
The next morning, when the storm still hadn’t let up, and then again on the next morning and the next, and as the waves were still pounding them, they were all wondering why they had been in such a hurry to set out to beat the storm. Now they just hoped and prayed that God would let them live to see one more day, one more hour. As wave after wave pummeled the ship, Nicholas was simply praying they would make it through even one more wave.
His thoughts and prayers were filled with images of what it must have been like for the Apostle Paul, that follower of Christ who had sailed back and forth across the Great Sea several times in similar ships. It was on Paul’s last trip to Rome that he had landed in Myra, only miles from Nicholas’ hometown. Then, as Paul continued on from Myra to Rome, he faced the most violent storm he had ever faced at sea, a raging fury that lasted more than fourteen days and ended with his ship being blasted to bits by the waves as it ran aground on a sandbar, just off the coast of the island of Malta.
Nicholas prayed that their battle with the wind wouldn’t last for fourteen days. He didn’t know if they could make it through even one more day. He tried to think if there was anything that Paul had done to help himself and the 276 men who were on his ship with him to stay alive, even though their ship and its cargo were eventually destroyed. But as hard as he tried to think, all he could remember was that an angel had appeared to Paul on the night before they ran aground. The angel told Paul to take heart—that even though the ship would be destroyed, not one of the men aboard would perish. When Paul told the men about this angelic visit, they all took courage, as Paul was convinced that it would happen just as the angel said it would. And it did.
But for Nicholas, no such angel had appeared. No outcome from heaven had been predicted and no guidance had come about what they should or shouldn’t do. All he felt was that inner compulsion that he had felt before they departed—that they needed to get home as soon as they could.
Not knowing what else to do, Nicholas recalled a phrase of his father’s: “standing orders are good orders.” If a soldier wasn’t sure what to do next, even if the battle around him seemed to change directions, if the commanding officer hadn’t changed the orders, then the soldier was to carry on with the most recent orders given. Standing orders are good orders. It was this piece of wisdom from his father, more than any other thought, that guided Nicholas and gave him the courage to do what he did next.
CHAPTER 16
When the storm seemed to be at its worst, Nicholas’ thoughts turned to the children he had just left. His thoughts of them didn’t fill him with sadness, but with hope.
He began to take courage from the stories they had all learned about how Jesus had calmed the storm, how Moses had split the Red Sea and how Joshua had made the Jordan River stop flowing. Nicholas and the children had often tried to imagine what it must have been like to be able to exercise control over the elements like that. Nicholas had even, on occasion, tried to do some of these things himself, right along with Dimitri, Samuel and Ruthie. When it rained, they lifted their hands and prayed to try to stop the rain from coming down. But it just kept raining on their heads. When they got to the Sea of Galilee, they tried to walk on top of the water, just like Jesus did—and even Peter did, if only for a few short moments. But Nicholas and the children assumed they must not have had enough faith or strength or whatever it might have taken for them to do such things.
As another wave crashed over the side of the ship on which Nicholas was now standing, he realized there was a common thread that ran through each of these stories. Maybe it wasn’t their faith that was the problem after all, but God’s timing. In each instance from the stories he could remember, God didn’t allow those miracles on a whim, just for the entertainment of the people who were trying to do them. God allowed them because God had places for them to go, people they needed to see and lives that needed to be spared. There was an urgency in each situation that required the people to accomplish not only what was on their heart, but what was on God’s heart as well.
It seemed that the miracles were provided not because of their attempts to try to reorder God’s world, but in God’s attempts to try to reorder their worlds. It seemed to Nicholas that it must be a combination of their prayers of faith, plus God’s divine will, that caused a spark between heaven and earth, ignited by their two wills working together, that burst into a power that could move mountains.
When Jesus needed to get across the lake, but His disciples had already taken off in the boat, He was able to ignite by faith the process that allowed Him to walk on water, and thereafter calm the storm that threatened to take their lives when He finally did catch up to them.
“Standing orders are good orders,” Nicholas recalled, and he believed with all his heart that if God hadn’t changed His orders, then somehow they needed to do whatever they could to get to the other side of the Sea. But it wasn’t enough for God to will it. God was looking for someone willing, here on earth to will it, too, thereby completing the divine connection and causing the miracle to burst forth. Like Moses when he lifted his staff into the air or Joshua’s priests who took the first steps into the Jordan River, God needed someone to agree with Him in faith that what He had willed to happen in heaven should happen here on earth. God had already told Nicholas what needed to happen. Now it was up to Nicholas to complete the divine connection.
“Men!” Nicholas yelled to get the crew’s attention. “The God whom I serve, and who Has given each one of us life, wants us to reach our destination even more than we want to reach it. We must agree in faith, here and now, that God not only can do it, but that He wills us to do it. If you love God, or even if you think you might want to love God, I want you to pray along with me, that we will indeed reach our destination, and that nothing will stand in the way of our journey!”
As soon as Nicholas had spoken these words, the unthinkable happened: not only did the wind not stop, but it picked up speed! Nicholas faltered for a moment as if he had made some sort of cosmic mistake, some sort of miscalculation about the way God worked and what God wanted him to do. But then he noticed that even though the wind had picked up speed, it had also shifted directions, ever so slightly, but in such a distinct and noticeable way that God had gotten the attention of every man on board. Now, instead of being pounded by the waves from both sides, they were sailing straight through them, as if a channel had been cut into the waves themselves. The ship was driven along like this, not only for the next several moments, but for the next several hours.
When the speed and direction of the ship continued to hold its steady but impressively fast course, the captain of the ship came to Nicholas. He said he had never seen anything like this in his whole life. It was as if an invisible hand was holding the rudder of the ship, steady and straight, even though the ropes that held the rudder were completely unmanned, as they had been abandoned long ago when the winds first reached gale force.
Nicholas knew, too—even though he was certainly not as well seasoned as the captain—that this was not a normal phenomenon on the seas. He felt something supernatural taking control the moment he first stood up to speak to the men, and he felt it still as they continued on their path straight ahead.
What lay before them he didn’t know. But what he did know was that the One who had brought them this far was not going to take His hand off that rudder until His mission was accomplished.
CHAPTER 17
The storm that they thought was going to take their lives turned out to be the storm that saved many more. Rather than going the long way around the sea, following the coastline in the process, the storm had driven them straight across it, straight into the most dangerous path that they never would have attempted on their own at that time of year.
When they sighted land early on the morning of the fifth day, they recognized it clearly. It was the city of Myra, just a few miles away from Nicholas’ hometown, and the same city where the Apostle Paul had changed ships on his famous journey to Rome.
It was close enough to home that Nicholas knew in his heart that he was about to land in the exact spot where God wanted him to be. God, without a doubt, had spared his life for a purpose, a purpose which would now begin the next chapter of his life.
As they sailed closer to the beach, they could see that the storm that raged at sea had hardly been felt on shore.
The rains that had flooded their ship for the past several days, and that should have been watering the land as well, hadn’t made it inland for several months. The drought that the captain and sailors had told him had come to Rome had already been here in Lycia for two and a half years. The cumulative effect was that the crops that were intended to supply their reserves for the coming winter and for next year’s seed had already been depleted. If the people of Lycia didn’t get grain to eat now, many would never make it through the winter, and still more would die the following spring, as they wouldn’t have seed to plant another crop. This ship was one of the last that had made it out of the fertile valleys of Egypt before the winter, and its arrival at this moment in time was like a miracle in the eyes of the people. It was certainly an answer to their prayers.
But that answer wasn’t so clear to the captain of the ship. He had been under strict orders from the keeper of the Imperial storehouses in Rome that not one kernel of grain could be missing when the ship arrived back in Rome. The ship had been weighed in Alexandria before it left Egypt and it would be weighed again in Rome—and the captain would be held personally responsible for any discrepancy. The famine had put increasing pressure on the emperor to bring any kind of relief to the people. Not only this, but the families of the captain and crew themselves were awaiting the arrival of this food. Their jobs, and the lives of their families, relied on the safe delivery of every bit of grain aboard.
Yet without the faith and encouragement of Nicholas, the captain knew that the ship and its cargo would have been lost at sea, along with all of their lives.
While it was clear to Nicholas that God had brought him back to his homeland, he too wasn’t entirely certain what to do about the grain. While it seemed that giving at least some of the grain to the people of Myra was in order, Nicholas still tried to see it from God’s perspective. Was this city, or any other city throughout the empire, any more in need of the grain than Rome, which had bought and paid for it to be delivered? But it also seemed to Nicholas that the ship had been driven specifically to this particular city, in a straight and steady line through the towering waves.
The whole debate of what they were to do next took place within just a matter of minutes of their arrival on shore. And Nicholas and the captain had little time to think through what they were going to do, as the people of the city were already running out to see the ship for themselves, having been amazed at the way God had seemingly brought it to their famished port. They were gathering in larger and larger numbers to welcome the boat, and giving thanks and praise to God at the same time.
Both Nicholas and the captain knew that only God Himself could answer their dilemma. The two of them, along with the rest of the crew, had already agreed the night before—as they were so steadily and swiftly being carried along through the water—that the first thing they would do when they arrived on shore was to go to the nearest church and give thanks to God for His deliverance. Upon seeing where they had landed, Nicholas knew exactly where they could find that church. It was one that his family had visited from time to time as they traveled between these twin cities of Patara and Myra. Telling the people that their first order of duty was to give thanks to God for their safe passage, Nicholas and the captain and his crew headed to the church in Myra.
As they made their way across the city and up into the hills that cradled the church, they had no idea that the priests inside its walls had already been doing battle with a storm of their own.
PART 4
CHAPTER 18
Nicholas’ next step in life was about to be determined by a dream. But it wasn’t a dream that Nicholas had conceived—it was a dream that God had conceived and had put in the mind of a man, a priest in the city of Myra.
In the weeks leading up to Nicholas’ arrival in Myra, a tragedy had befallen the church there. Their aging bishop, the head of their church, had died. The tragedy that had fallen upon the church wasn’t the bishop’s death, for he had lived a long and fruitful life and had simply succumbed to the effects of old age. The tragedy arose out of the debate that ensued regarding who should take his place as the next bishop.
While it would seem that such things could be resolved amicably, especially within a church, when people’s hearts are involved, their loyalties and personal desires can sometimes muddy their thoughts so much that they can’t see what God’s will is in a particular situation. It can be hard for anyone, even for people of faith, to keep their minds free from preconceived ideas and personal preferences regarding what God may, or may not, want to do at any given time.
This debate was the storm that had been brewing for a week now, and which had reached its apex the night before Nicholas’ arrival.
That night one of the priests had a dream that startled him awake. In his dream he saw a man whom he had never seen before who was clearly to take up the responsibilities of their dearly departed bishop. When he woke from his dream, he remembered nothing about what the man looked like, but only remembered his name: Nicholas.
“Nicholas?” asked one of the other priests when he heard his fellow priest’s dream. “None of us have ever gone by that name, nor is there anyone in the whole city by that name.”
Nicholas was, to be sure, not a popular name at the time. It was only mentioned once in passing in one of Luke’s writings about the early church, along with other names which were just as uncommon in those days in Myra like Procorus, Nicanor, Timon and Parmenas. It seemed ridiculous to the other priests that this dream could possibly be from God. But the old priest reminded them, “Even the name of Jesus was given to His father by an angel in a dream.”
Perhaps it was this testimony from the gospels, or perhaps it was the unlikelihood that it would ever happen, that the priests all agreed that they would strongly consider the next person who walked through their door who answered to the name of Nicholas. It would certainly help to break the deadlock in which they found themselves.
What a surprise then, when they opened their doors for their morning prayers, when an entire shipload of men started to stream into the church!
The priests greeted each of the men at the door as they entered, welcoming them into the church. The last two to enter were the captain and Nicholas, as they had allowed all of the others to enter first. The captain thanked the priests for opening their doors to them for their morning prayers, then turned to Nicholas and said, “And thanks to Nicholas for having this brilliant idea to come here today.”
The astonished priests looked at one another in disbelief. Perhaps God had answered their prayers after all.
CHAPTER 19
The captain’s concern about what to do with the grain on his ship dissipated when they arrived at the church as fast as the storm had dissipated when they arrived on shore.
Within moments of beginning their morning prayers, he was convinced that it could only have been the mighty hand of God that had held their rudder straight and true. He knew now for sure he wanted to make an offering of the grain to the people who lived there. God spoke to him about both the plan and the amount. It was as if the captain were playing the role of Abraham in the old, old story when Abraham offered a portion of his riches to Melchizedek the priest.
The captain was willing to take his chances with his superiors in Rome rather than take any chances with the God who had delivered them all. He knew that without God’s guidance and direction so far on this journey, neither he nor his men nor the ship nor its grain would have ever made it to Rome at all.
When the captain stood up from his prayers, he quickly found Nicholas to share the answer with him as well. Nicholas agreed both to the plan and to the amount. The captain asked, “Do you think it will be enough for all these people?”
Nicholas replied, “Jesus was able to feed 5,000 people with just five loaves of bread and two fish—and what you want to give to this city is much more than what Jesus had to start with!”
“How did He do it?” asked the captain—almost to himself as much as to Nicholas.
“All I know,” answered Nicholas, “is that He looked up to heaven, gave thanks and began passing out the food with His disciples. In the end everyone was satisfied and they still had twelve baskets full of food left over!”
“That’s exactly what we’ll do then, too,” said the captain.
And the story would be told for years to come how the captain of the ship looked up to heaven, gave thanks and began passing out the grain with his crew. It was enough to satisfy the people of that city for two whole years and to plant and reap even more in the third year.
As the priests said goodbye to the captain and crew, they asked Nicholas if he would be able to stay behind for a time. The winds of confusion that had whipped up and then subsided inside the captain’s mind were about to pale in comparison to the storm that was about to break open inside the mind of Nicholas.
CHAPTER 20
When the priests told Nicholas about their dream and that he just might be the answer to their prayers,Nicholas was dumbfounded and amazed, excited and perplexed. He had often longed to be used by God in a powerful way, and it was unmistakable that God had already brought him straight across the Great Sea to this very spot at this very hour!
But to become a priest, let alone a bishop, would be a decision that would last a lifetime. He had oftentimes considered taking up his earthly father’s business. His father had been highly successful at it, and Nicholas felt he could do the same. But even more important to him than doing the work of his father was to have a family like his father.
Nicholas’ memories of his parents were so fond that he longed to create more memories of his own with a family of his own. The custom of all the priests Nicholas knew, however, was to abstain from marriage and child-bearing so they could more fully devote themselves to the needs of the community around them.
Nicholas pulled back mentally at the thought of having to give up his desire for a family of his own. It wasn’t that having a family was a conscious dream that often filled his thoughts, but it was one of those assumptions in the back of his mind that he took for granted would come at some point in his future.
The shock of having to give up on the idea of a family, even before he had fully considered having one yet, was like a jolt to his system. Following God’s will shouldn’t be so difficult, he thought! But he had learned from his parents that laying down your will for the sake of God’s will wasn’t always so easy, another lesson they had learned from Jesus.
So just because it was a difficult decision wasn’t enough to rule it out. An image also floated through his mind of those three smiling faces he had met when he first landed in the Holy Land, with their heads bowed down and their hands outstretched. Hadn’t they seemed like family to him? And weren’t there hundreds—even thousands—of children just like them, children who had no family of their own, no one to care for them, no one to look after their needs?
And weren’t there countless others in the world—widows and widowers and those who had families in name but not in their actual relationships—who still needed the strength and encouragement and sense of family around them? And weren’t there still other families as well, like Nicholas and his parents, who had been happy on their own but found additional happiness when they came together as the family of believers in their city? Giving up on the idea of a family of his own didn’t mean he had to give up on the idea of having a family altogether. In fact, it may even be possible that he could have an even larger “family” in this way.
The more Nicholas thought about what he might give up in order to serve God in the church, the more he thought about how God might use this new position in ways that went beyond Nicholas’ own thoughts and desires. And if God was indeed in this decision, perhaps it had its own special rewards in the end.
The fury of the storm that swept through his mind began to abate. In its place, God’s peace began to flow over both his mind and his heart. Nicholas recognized this as the peace of God’s divine will being clearly revealed to him. It only took another moment for Nicholas to know what his answer would be.
The storms that had once seemed so threatening—whether the storm at sea or the storm in the church or the storms in the minds of both the captain and Nicholas—now turned out to be blessings of God instead. They were blessings that proved to Nicholas once again that no matter what happened, God really could work all things for good for those who loved Him and who were called according to His purpose.
Yes, if the priests would have him, Nicholas would become the next bishop of Myra.
CHAPTER 21
Nicholas didn’t suddenly become another man when he became a bishop. He became a bishop because of the man he already was. As he had done before with his father so many years earlier, Nicholas continued to do now, here in the city of Myra and the surrounding towns: walking and praying and asking God where he could be of most help.
It was on one of these prayerful walks that Nicholas met Anna Maria. She was a beautiful girl only eleven years old, but her beauty was disguised to most others by the poverty she wore. Nicholas found her one day trying to sell flowers that she had made out of braided blades of grass. But the beauty of the flowers also seemed to be disguised to everyone but Nicholas, for no one would buy her simple creations.
As Nicholas stepped towards her, she reminded him instantly of little Ruthie, whom he had left behind in the Holy Land, with the golden flowers in her hand on the hillsides of Bethlehem.
When he stopped for a closer look, God spoke to his heart. It seemed to Nicholas that this must have been what Moses felt when he stopped to look at the burning bush in the desert, a moment when his natural curiosity turned into a supernatural encounter with the Living God.
“Your flowers are beautiful,” said Nicholas. “May I hold one?”
The young girl handed him one of her creations. As he looked at it, he looked at her. The beauty he saw in both the flower and the girl was stunning. Somehow Nicholas had the ability to see what others could not see, or did not see, as Nicholas always tried to see people and things and life the way God saw them, as if God were looking through his eyes.
“I’d like to buy this one, if I could,” he said.
Delighted, she smiled for the first time. She told him the price, and he gave her a coin.
“Tell me,” said Nicholas, “what will you do with the money you make from selling these beautiful flowers?”
What Nicholas heard next broke his heart.
Anna Maria was the youngest of three sisters: Sophia, Cecilia and Anna Maria. Although their father loved them deeply, he had been plunged into despair when his once-successful business had failed, and then his wife passed away shortly thereafter. Lacking the strength and the resources to pick himself up out of the darkness, the situation for his family grew bleaker and bleaker.
Anna Maria’s oldest sister, Sophia, had just turned 18, and she turned a number of heads as well. But no one would marry her because her father had no dowry to offer to any potential suitor. And with no dowry, there was little likelihood that she, nor any of the three girls, would ever be married.
The choices facing their father were grim. He knew he must act soon or risk the possibility of Cecilia and Anna Maria never getting married in the future, either. With no way to raise a suitable dowry for her, and being too proud to take charity from others, even if someone had had the funds to offer to him, her father was about to do the unthinkable: he was going to sell his oldest daughter into slavery to help make ends meet.
How their father could think this was the best solution available to him, Nicholas couldn’t imagine. But he also knew that desperation often impaired even the best-intentioned men. By sacrificing his oldest daughter in this way, the father reasoned that perhaps he could somehow spare the younger two from a similar fate.
Anna Maria, for her part, had come up with the idea of making and selling flowers as a way to spare her sister from this fate that was to her worse than death. Nicholas held back his tears out of respect for Anna Maria and the noble effort she was making to save her sister.
He also refrained from buying Anna Maria’s whole basket of flowers right there on the spot, for Nicholas knew it would take more than a basket full of flowers to save Sophia. It would take a miracle. And as God spoke to his heart that day, Nicholas knew that God just might use him to deliver it.
CHAPTER 22
Without show and without fanfare, Nicholas offered a prayer for Anna Maria, along with his thanks for the flower, and encouraged her to keep doing what she could to help her family—and to keep trusting in God to do what she couldn’t.
Nicholas knew he could help this family. He knew he had the resources to make a difference in their lives, for he still had a great deal of his parents’ wealth hidden in the cliffs near the coast for occasions such as this. But he also knew that Anna Maria’s proud father would never accept charity from any man, even at this bleakest hour.
Her father’s humiliation at losing his business, along with his own personal loss, had blinded him to the reality of what was about to happen to his daughter. Nicholas wanted to help, but how? How could he step into the situation without further humiliating Anna Maria’s father, possibly causing him to refuse the very help that Nicholas could extend to him. Nicholas did what he always did when he needed wisdom. He prayed. And before the day was out, he had his answer.
Nicholas put his plan into action—and none too soon! It just so happened that the next day was the day when Sophia’s fate would be sealed.
Taking a fair amount of gold coins from his savings, Nicholas placed them into a small bag. It was small enough to fit in one hand, but heavy enough to be sure that it would adequately supply the need.
Hiding under the cover of night, he crossed the city of Myra to the home where Anna Maria, her father and her two older sisters lived.
He could hear them talking inside as he quietly approached the house. Their mood was understandably downcast as they discussed what they thought was their inevitable next step. They asked God to give them the strength to do whatever they needed to do.
For years, Sophia and her sisters had dreamed of the day when they would each meet the man of their dreams. They had even written love songs to these men, trusting that God would bring each of them the perfect man at the perfect time.
Now it seemed like all their songs, all their prayers and all their dreams had been in vain. Sophia wasn’t the only one who felt the impact of this new reality, for her two younger sisters knew that the same fate might one day await each of them.
The girls wanted to trust God, but no matter how hard they thought about their situation, each of them felt like their dreams were about to be shattered.
At Anna Maria’s prompting, they tried to sing their favorite love song one more time, but their sadness simply deepened at the words. It was no longer a song of hope, but a song of despair, and the words now seemed so impossible to them.
It was not just a song, but a prayer, and one of the deepest prayers Nicholas had ever heard uttered by human tongue. His heart went out to each of them, while at the same time it pounded with fear. He had a plan, and he hoped it would work, but he had no way of knowing for sure. He wasn’t worried about what might happen to him if he were discovered, but he was worried that their father would reject his gift if he knew where it had come from. That would certainly seal the girls’ doom. As Sophia and Cecilia and Anna Maria said their goodnights—and their father had put out the lights—Nicholas knew that his time had come.
Inching closer to the open window of the room where they had been singing, Nicholas bent down low to his knees. He lobbed the bag of coins into the air and through the window. It arced gracefully above him and seemed to hang in the air for a moment before landing with a soft thud in the center of the room. A few coins bounced loose, clinking faintly on the ground, rolling and then coming to a stop. Nicholas turned quickly and hid in the darkness nearby as the girls and their father awoke at the sound.
They called out to see if anyone was there, but when they heard no answer, they entered the room from both directions. As their father lit the light, Anna Maria was the first to see it—and gasped.
There, in the center of the room, lay a small round bag, shimmering with golden coins at the top. The girls gathered around their father as he carefully picked up the bag and opened it.
It was more than enough gold to provide a suitable dowry for Sophia, with more to spare to take care of the rest of the family for some time to come!
But where could such a gift have come from? The girls were sure it had come from God Himself in answer to their prayers! But their father wanted to know more. Who had God used to deliver it? Certainly no one they knew. He sprinted out of the house, followed by his daughters, to see if he could find any trace of the deliverer, but none could be found.
Returning back inside, and with no one to return the money to, the girls and their father got down on their knees and thanked God for His deliverance.
As Nicholas listened in the darkness, he too gave thanks to God, for this was the very thing Nicholas hoped they would do. He knew that the gift truly was from God, provided by God and given through Nicholas by God’s prompting in answer to their prayers. Nicholas had only given to them what God had given to him in the first place. Nicholas neither wanted nor needed any thanks nor recognition for the gift. God alone deserved their praise.
But by allowing Nicholas to be involved, using Nicholas’ own hands and his own inheritance to bless others, Nicholas felt a joy that he could hardly contain. By delivering the gift himself, Nicholas was able to ensure that the gift was properly given. And by giving the gift anonymously, he was able to ensure that the true Giver of the gift was properly credited.
The gift was delivered and God got the credit. Nicholas had achieved both of his goals.
CHAPTER 23
While Nicholas preferred to do his acts of goodwill in secret, there were times when, out of sheer necessity, he had to act in broad daylight. And while it was his secret acts that gained him favor with God, it was his public acts that gained him favor with men.
Many people rightly appreciate a knight in shining armor, but not everyone wants to be rescued from evil—especially those who profit from it.
One such man was a magistrate in Myra, a leader in the city who disliked Nicholas intensely—or anyone who stood in the way of what he wanted.
This particular magistrate was both corrupt and corruptible. He was willing to do anything to get what he wanted, no matter what it cost to others. Although Nicholas had already been at odds with him several times in the past, their conflict escalated to a boiling point when news reached Nicholas that the magistrate had sentenced three men to death—for a crime Nicholas was sure they did not commit. Nicholas couldn’t wait this time for the cover of darkness. He knew he needed to act immediately to save these men from death.
Nicholas had been entertaining some generals from Rome that afternoon whose ship had docked in Myra’s port the night before. Nicholas had invited the generals to his home to hear news about some changes that had been taking place in Rome. A new emperor was about to take power, they said, and the implications might be serious for Nicholas and his flock of Christ-followers.
It was during their luncheon that Nicholas heard about the unjust sentencing and the impending execution. Immediately he set out for the site where the execution was to take place. The three generals, sensing more trouble might ensue once Nicholas arrived, set out after him.
When Nicholas burst onto the execution site, the condemned men were already on the platform. They were bound and bent over with their heads and necks ready for the executioner’s sword.
Without a thought for his own safety, Nicholas leapt onto the platform and tore the sword from the executioner’s hands. Although Nicholas was not a fighter himself, Nicholas made his move so unexpectedly that the executioner made little attempt to try to wrestle the sword back out of the bishop’s hands.
Nicholas knew these men were as innocent as the magistrate was guilty. He was certain that it must have been the men’s good deeds, not their bad ones, that had offended the magistrate. Nicholas untied the ropes of the innocent men in full view of the onlookers, defying both the executioner and the magistrate.
The magistrate came forward to face Nicholas squarely. But as he did so, the three generals who had been having lunch with Nicholas also stepped forward. One took his place on Nicholas’ left, another on Nicholas’ right and the third stood directly in front of him. Prudently, the magistrate took a step back. Nicholas knew that this was the time to press the magistrate for the truth.
Although the magistrate tried to defend himself, his pleas of fell on deaf ears. No one would believe his lies anymore. He tried to convince the people that it was not he who wanted to condemn these innocent men, but two other businessmen in town who had given him a bribe in order to have these men condemned. But by trying to shift the blame to others, the magistrate condemned himself for the greed that was in his heart.
Nicholas declared: “It seems that it was not these two men who have corrupted you, sir, but two others—whose names are Gold and Silver!”
Cut to the quick, the magistrate broke down and made a full confession in front of all the people for this and for all the other wrongs he had done, even for speaking ill of Nicholas, who had done nothing but good for the people. Nicholas set more than three prisoners free that day, as even the magistrate was finally set free from his greed by his honest confession. Seeing the heartfelt change in the magistrate, Nicholas pardoned him, forever winning the magistrate’s favor—and the people’s favor—from that moment on.
When Nicholas was born, his parents had named him Nicholas, which means in Greek “the people’s victor.” Through acts like these, Nicholas became “the people’s victor” both in name and in deed.
Nicholas was already becoming an icon—even in his own time.
CHAPTER 24
Within three months of receiving her unexpected dowry from Nicholas, Sophia had received a visit from a suitor—one who “suited her” just fine. He truly was the answer to her prayers, and she was thankfully, happily and finally married.
Two years later, however, Sophia’s younger sister Cecilia found herself in dire straights as well. Although Cecilia was ready to be married now, her father’s business had not improved, no matter how hard he tried. As the money that Nicholas had given to the family began to run out, their despair began to set in. Pride and sorrow had once again blinded Cecilia’s father to the truth, and he felt his only option was to commit Cecilia to a life of slavery, hoping to save his third and final daughter from a similar fate.
While they were confident that God had answered their prayers once, their circumstances had caused them to doubt that He could do it again. A second rescue at this point was more than they could have asked for or imagined.
Nicholas, however, knowing their situation by this time much more intimately, knew that God was prompting him again to intercede. It had been two years since his earlier rescue, but in all that time the family never suspected nor discovered that he was the deliverer of God’s gift.
As the time came closer to a decision on what they should do next, Nicholas knew his time to act had come as well. And in order to make it clear that his gift was to be used first and foremost for Cecilia’s dowry, and then after that for any other needs the family might have, he waited until the night before she was to be sold into slavery to make his move.
Once again waiting for the cover of darkness, Nicholas approached their house. Cecilia and Anna Maria had already gone to bed early that night, sent there by their father who had told them not to expect any similar miracle to what happened for Sophia. But somewhere in the depths of his despair, their father still had a glimmer of hope in his heart, a wish perhaps, more than anything else, that Someone really was watching out for him and that his prayers just might still be answered. With that hope, he decided to stay awake and stay close to the window, just in case some angel did appear—whether an earthly one or a heavenly one.
Nicholas knew this might happen, and he knew that Cecilia’s father might still reject his gift if he found out that Nicholas had given it. But he also hoped that perhaps her father’s proud heart had softened a bit and he would accept the gift even if Nicholas was discovered.
Seeing that the house was perfectly quiet, Nicholas knelt down beside the open window. He tossed the second bag of gold into the room.
The bag had barely hit the ground when the girls’ father leapt out of the window through which it had come and overtook Nicholas as he tried to flee. You might have thought that Nicholas had taken a bag of gold rather than given a bag of gold the way the girls’ father chased him down!
Fearing that all his efforts had been wasted, Nicholas’ heart was eased as the man didn’t rebuke Nicholas but thanked him without even looking at who he had caught.
“Please hear me out,” he said. “I just want to thank you. You’ve done so much already for me and my family that I couldn’t have expected such a gift again. But your generosity has opened my eyes to the pride in my heart—a pride that almost cost me the lives of two daughters now.”
The girls’ father had spoken both breathlessly and quickly to be sure that the stranger would hear him before trying to escape again. But when he looked up to see who he was talking to—Nicholas the priest—the shock on their father’s face was evident. How could a priest afford to give such an incredible gift?
In answer to this unasked question, Nicholas spoke: “Yes, it was I who delivered this gift to you, but it was God who gave it to me to give to you. It is not from the church and not from the charity of my own hand. It came from my father who earned it fairly by the work of his hands. He was a businessman like you. And if he were alive today, he would have wanted to give it to you himself. I’m sure of it. He, of all people, knew how difficult it was to run a business, just as you do. He also loved his family, just as you do, too.”
Nicholas paused to let his words sink in, then continued, “But please, for my sake and for God’s sake, please know that it was God Himself who has answered your prayers—for He has. I am simply a messenger for Him, a deliverer, a tool in His hands, allowing Him to do through me what I know He wants done. As for me, I prefer to do my giving in secret, not even letting my right hand know what my left hand is doing.”
The look on Nicholas’ face was so sincere and he conveyed his intentions with such love and devotion for the One whom he served, that the girls’ father could not help but to accept Nicholas’ gift as if it had truly come from the hand of God Himself.
But as they said their goodbyes, the girls and their father could hardly contain their thankfulness to Nicholas, too, for letting God use him in such a remarkable way.
As much as Nicholas tried to deflect their praise back to God, he also knew he did have a role to play in their lives. Although God prompts many to be generous in their hearts, not everyone responds to those promptings as Nicholas did.
Nicholas would wait to see how the family fared over the next few years to see if they would need any help for Anna Maria, too.
But Nicholas never got the chance. The new emperor had finally come into power, and the course of Nicholas’ life was about to change again. Even though Nicholas often came to the rescue of others, there were times when, like the Savior he followed, it seemed he was unable to rescue himself.
PART 5
CHAPTER 25
Back when Jesus was born, there was a king who felt so threatened by this little baby boy that he gave orders to kill every boy in Bethlehem and its vicinity who were two years old and under. Three hundred and three years later, another king felt just as threatened by Jesus, as well as his followers.
This new king’s name was Diocletian, and he was the emperor of the entire Roman Empire. Even though the Romans had killed Jesus hundreds of years earlier, Diocletian still felt threatened by the Christians who followed Jesus. Diocletian declared himself to be a god and he wanted all the people in his empire to worship him.
Although Christians were among the most law-abiding citizens in the land, they simply couldn’t worship Diocletian. He considered this an act of insurrection, an act which must be quenched in the strongest way possible. By the time Diocletian had finally risen to his full power, he ordered that all Bibles be burned, that Christian churches be destroyed and that those who followed Christ be imprisoned, tortured and put to death.
While persecution against Christians had been taking place for many years under Roman rule, none of those persecutions compared to that which took place during the reign of Diocletian. Nicholas, for his part, didn’t fear Diocletian, but as always, he feared for those in his church who followed Jesus.
Having such a visible role in the church, Nicholas knew that he would be targeted first, and if he were taken away, he feared for what would happen to those who would be left behind. But Nicholas had already made his decision. He knew that even if he was killed he could trust God that God could still accomplish His purpose on earth whether Nicholas were a part of that or not. It was this foundational faith and trust in God and His purposes that would help Nicholas through the difficult years ahead.
Rather than retreat into hiding from the certain fate that awaited him, Nicholas chose to stand his ground to the end. He vowed to keep the doors to his church wide open for all who wanted to come in. And he kept that vow for as long as he could until one day when those who came in were soldiers—soldiers who had come for him.
CHAPTER 26
Nicholas was ready when the soldiers arrived. He knew that his time for second-guessing his decision to keep the church open was over. Unfortunately, the days for his church were over, too, as the soldiers shut the doors for good when they left.
For all the goodwill that Nicholas had built up with people in his town over the years, even with the local soldiers, these were no local soldiers who came for Nicholas. Diocletian had sent them with demands that his orders be carried out unquestioningly, and that those who didn’t carry them out would suffer the same fate as those who were to be punished.
Nicholas was given one last chance to renounce his faith in Christ and worship Diocletian instead, but Nicholas, of course, refused. It wasn’t that he wanted to defy Roman authority, for Christ Himself taught His followers that it was important to honor those in authority and to honor their laws. But to deny that Jesus was His Lord and Savior would have been like trying to deny that the sun had risen that morning! He simply couldn’t do it. How could he deny the existence of the One who had given him life, who had given him faith and who had given him hope in the darkest hours of his life. If the soldiers had to take him away, so be it. To say that a mere man like Diocletian was God, and that Jesus was anything less than God, was unconscionable.
For all his faith, Nicholas was still subject to the same sensations of pain that every human being experiences. His strong faith did not exempt him from the natural fear that others feel when they are threatened with bodily harm. He also feared the idea of imprisonment, having to be isolated from others for so long, especially when he didn’t know how long his imprisonment might last—or if he would survive it at all.
Nicholas knew that these fears were healthy, given to him by God, to keep out any danger and to protect him from anything that might possibly harm his body. But right now, as Nicholas was being forcefully taken away, he wished he could suppress those fears.
“God, help me,” he called out as the shackles that the soldiers were putting on his wrists cut into them. This was the beginning of a new kind of pilgrimage for Nicholas—a pilgrimage that would last far longer than his years in the Holy Land.
It would be hard to compare these two journeys in terms of their impact on his life, for how could you compare a journey freely taken, where you could come and go as you please and stop the journey at any time, with a journey that was forced upon you against your will, where even venturing out to catch a glimpse of the sun was under someone else’s control and not yours?
Yet Nicholas found that he was able to sense the presence of God in a way that equalled, if not surpassed, all that he had experienced in the Holy Land. As he had learned from other believers, sometimes you don’t realize that Jesus is all you need until Jesus is all you have.
Over the course of his imprisonment, whenever the door to Nicholas’ prison cell opened, he didn’t know if the guards were there to set him free or to sentence him to death. He never knew if any given day might be his last. But the byproduct of this uncertainty was that Nicholas received a keen awareness of the brevity of life, as well as a continual awareness of the presence of God.
Nicholas found that by closing his eyes he could sense God’s presence in a way he had never sensed it before. This cell wasn’t a prison—it was a sanctuary. And all Nicholas wanted to do was to stay in God’s presence as long as he could. Soon, Nicholas didn’t even have to close his eyes. He simply knew that he was always in the presence of God.
Of course, his time in prison was also filled with the stinging pain of the worst kind of hell on earth. The soldiers were relentless in their attempts to get Nicholas to renounce his faith. The pain they inflicted ranged from prodding him with hot branding irons and squeezing his flesh with hot pincers to whipping him severely, then pouring salt and vinegar in his wounds. As a result, his back was permanently scarred. The unsanitary conditions of the prison caused Nicholas to experience more kinds of sickness than he had ever experienced before. At times he even wondered if death might be better than what he had to endure there.
It was during one of those times, the darkest perhaps, of the five years he had spent so far in prison, that the door to his cell opened. A light streamed in, but as he looked at it closely, it wasn’t the light of the sun, for as far as Nicholas could tell in his isolated cell, it was still just the middle of the night.
The light that entered the room was the light of a smile, a smile on the face of Nicholas’ young friend, now grown to be a man. It was the light of the smiling face of Dimitri.
CHAPTER 27
Nicholas had seen few faces in his time in prison, and fewer still that gave him any kind of encouragement. To see a smile on someone’s face, let alone a face that Nicholas loved so much, was pure joy.
It hadn’t been easy for Dimitri to find Nicholas. Dimitri had come to Myra knowing that Nicholas had taken a church there. But it had been years since Dimitri had heard from his friend, a time in which Dimitri himself had been imprisoned. Having only recently been set free, Dimitri made his way across the Great Sea in search of Nicholas. Dimitri had to search hard to find Nicholas, but Dimitri had come too far to give up without seeing his old friend and mentor, the first person who had shown him the love of Christ.
Using the street-smarts that he had acquired as a guide in the Holy Land, Dimitri was able to navigate his way through or around most anyone or anything that stood in his way. Dimitri’s tenacity, plus the hand of God’s guidance, helped Dimitri to find his friend, and to find this door which he opened that night for this special visit. It was a visit that, to Nicholas, seemed like a visit by an angel from heaven.
After the door closed behind them, and after an extended embrace, Dimitri sat down on the floor next to Nicholas. They sat in silence for several minutes, neither of them having to say a word. In holy moments like these, words were unnecessary.
The darkness in the small cell was so great that they didn’t even try to look at one another, but simply sat there side by side. Dimitri’s eyes had not yet adjusted to the pitch-blackness enough to see anything anyway, and Nicholas was content to merely know that his friend was right there by him. Nicholas could hear the sound of Dimitri’s breath, a sound which increased Nicholas’ joy, knowing that his friend was still alive and was right there in the flesh.
Nicholas drew in another deep breath and with it he breathed in a new sense of life. It was a breath of life that his friend couldn’t help but bring with him.
CHAPTER 28
“And how are our two young bodyguards doing?” Nicholas asked at last, referring to Samuel and Ruthie. Nicholas had been praying often for all three of them, as he cared for them as if they were his own young brothers and sister.
Dimitri hesitated. He looked at Nicholas but couldn’t say a word. He was eager to tell Nicholas everything that had happened in the years that had passed, about how Samuel and Ruthie continued taking people to the holy places, sharing with others the same good news of Jesus that they had discovered in their days with Nicholas.
Like Dimitri, Samuel and Ruthie had to stop guiding pilgrims when the “Great Persecution” came, as it was now being called. All three of them began spending most of their days seeing to the needs of the other believers in Jerusalem, believers who were facing imprisonment and death, just like Nicholas. Since they were not in a high profile position like Nicholas though, the three of them were able to avoid being caught longer than Nicholas. But eventually, they too were imprisoned, being repeatedly questioned, threatened and tortured for their faith.
Samuel and Dimitri were strong enough to withstand the abuse, but Ruthie was too frail. One day, after being treated particularly harshly, she returned to them and collapsed. Although she had obviously been crying from the pain in her body, somehow she had also managed to keep a smile in her heart.
“How can you do it?” asked Samuel. “How can you possibly still smile, even after all that?”
Ruthie replied, “I feel like I’ve been walking and talking with Jesus for so long now that even death wouldn’t really change that. I’ll just keep on walking and talking with Him forever.”
Ruthie smiled again and Dimitri couldn’t help but smile back at her. But her body was giving out and she knew it. She could sense that she was just moments away from passing from this life to the next.
“You can’t go!” said Samuel. “You’ve got to stay here with me! There’s still too much work to be done!” But Ruthie was slipping away.
“If you die, I’ll just pray that God will bring you back to life!” Samuel was desperate now to hang onto her. But Ruthie just smiled again. She had truly found the secret of living life to the fullest, and nothing, not even death, could take that away.
She spoke, quietly now, with just a whisper. “You could pray that God would raise me from the dead, but the truth is, I’ve already been raised from the dead once. When we met Nicholas, and he introduced us to Jesus, I was raised from the dead and given a whole new life. From then on, I knew that I would live forever.”
With that, Ruthie passed through the veil and into the visible presence of God. The smile that adorned her face in life continued to shine on her face in death, and Dimitri knew where she was. She was just continuing to do what she had always done, walking and talking with Jesus, but now face to face.
Nicholas sat in silence as Dimitri told him the story, taking it all in. As much as he thought he would be sad, his heart began to soar instead. None of this was new to him, of course, but hearing about Ruthie’s faith brought his own back to life again as well.
You would think a man like Nicholas wouldn’t need to be encouraged in his faith. He had brought faith to countless others, and he was a bishop no less. But Nicholas also knew in his heart of hearts that it was people like him who sometimes needed the most encouragement in their faith. Great faith, he knew, did not come to those who have no doubts. Great faith came to those who have had their faith stretched so far that it had to grow, or else it would break completely. By continuing to trust God no matter what, Nicholas found that he was able to fill in any gaps in his faith along the way, helping it to grow even further.
As sad as he was for Ruthie’s passing, Nicholas couldn’t help but smile from deep down in his heart the same way that Ruthie must have done on the day that she died. He longed for the day when he could see Jesus face to face, just as Ruthie was now seeing Him. Yet he loved the work that God had given him on earth to do, too.
“We can’t lose, can we?” said Nicholas with a reflective smile. “Either we die and get to be with Jesus in heaven, or we live and get to continue His work here on earth. Either way we win, don’t we? Either way we win.”
“Yes, either way we win,” echoed Dimitri. “Either way we win.”
For the next several hours, Nicholas and Dimitri shared stories with each other of what God had done in their lives during their time apart. But nothing could have prepared Nicholas for what Dimitri was about to tell him next. For Dimitri, it seems, had met a girl. And not just any girl, but a girl Nicholas knew very well by now. Her name was Anna Maria.
CHAPTER 29
In his journey to find Nicholas, Dimitri looked for anyone who might know of his whereabouts. When he got to Myra, he went first to the church where Nicholas had served as bishop. Not finding him there, Dimitri took to the streets to see if he could find anyone who knew anything about him. And who did he find in the streets, but the very girl—now a woman—that Nicholas had found so many years ago, selling her braided flowers to anyone who would buy them.
She was no longer covered in the cloak of poverty. Both her inner and outer beauty were immediately evident to Dimitri. He was so taken by her that he couldn’t help but be drawn into a conversation. And she seemed to be just as taken by him. She couldn’t believe that a man of his stature and faith was willing to talk to her. He was, she thought, the kindest and most impressive man she had ever met.
When Dimitri mentioned his mission, searching for the bishop named Nicholas, Anna Maria gasped. How could this man, this stranger from the other side of the Great Sea, know anything about Nicholas? Dimitri shared the story of how they met, and Nicholas had rescued him from his poverty of faith. Anna Maria couldn’t help but share what Nicholas had done for her family as well, saving her two older sisters from slavery by throwing a bag of gold through the window for each of them on the eve of their 18th birthdays.
But then, Anna Maria’s smile faded. It was now only a few days until her own 18th birthday, but Nicholas had been taken away to prison five years earlier. No one had seen nor heard from him in all those years. She didn’t even know where he was. Although her father had had a change of heart, and wouldn’t dream of selling Anna Maria into slavery, he still had no dowry to offer to any potential suitor. Without a dowry, as Dimitri knew very well, Anna Maria’s future was dim. And with Nicholas in prison, there was no chance he would be able to rescue their family a third time. Anna Maria had taken again to selling her flowers in the street, and although they were more impressive than her earlier creations, she could barely earn enough from their sales to help the family with the cost of food from time to time.
Dimitri listened, and like Nicholas before him, he knew within minutes what God was prompting him to do. He could be the answer to Anna Maria’s prayers, and with much more than just a dowry. But he also knew that these things take time, so he just treasured these thoughts in his heart, buying a flower from Anna Maria, thanking her for sharing what she knew about Nicholas and continuing on his way, promising to get in touch with her if he ever located their precious friend.
On the eve of Anna Maria’s birthday, Dimitri found himself in the very spot where Nicholas had hidden twice before, years earlier, just outside the open window of Anna Maria’s home. The conversation inside was subdued, as Anna Maria and her father prayed, knowing that there was no way for Nicholas to appear again. They put out the lights and headed for bed.
Dimitri waited for what seemed to him like hours, knowing that he couldn’t dare wake them and risk exposing his plan. For he had saved up enough in his years of working in the Holy Land to easily fill a bag with golden coins suitable for a dowry. But he couldn’t just hand them the money, for he had more in mind than just giving them the dowry. He wanted Anna Maria’s father to give it back to him someday, as a wedding gift to him! It was a long shot, and he knew he would need more time to be sure she was the one for him. He also felt this was the best way to make it all work out in the end, even if she wasn’t the one for him. Something told him, however, that she was. And with that thought in mind, he made his next move.
Carefully and quietly, he reached over the windowsill and let the bag drop quietly down on the floor below. No one heard and no one stirred. Having done his duty to God and to his own heart, he set off again in search of Nicholas. Two weeks later, Dimitri had found Nicholas, and was now sharing with him the story of how he had met the woman of his dreams.
The news couldn’t have been any sweeter to Nicholas’ ears. And again his heart lightened and soared, for even though he was locked away from the rest of the world in his prison cell, Nicholas saw the fruit of his prayers—prayers that were answered in the most incredible way imaginable. He could still make a difference in the world, even from here in prison, even when the world tried to shut him down.
Before Dimitri left that night, he embraced Nicholas one more time; then he was gone. He disappeared through the prison door as miraculously as he had entered it.
It would be five more years until Nicholas would see Dimitri again. Diocletian’s grip continued to tighten around the Christians’ necks. But during all those remaining years in prison, Nicholas felt freer in his heart than he had ever felt before. No man could keep Nicholas from worshipping Jesus, and no man could keep Jesus from doing what He wanted done.
When the day finally came for Nicholas to be set free, the guard who opened Nicholas’ door looked in and said, “It’s time to go. You’re free.”
Nicholas simply looked at the guard with a smile. He had already been free for quite some time.
CHAPTER 30
Thinking Nicholas must not have heard him, the guard spoke again. “I said you’re free, you’re free to go. You can get up and go home now.”
At the word “home,” Nicholas stirred. He hadn’t seen his home, or his church, or hardly any other soul than Dimitri for ten years. He stood to his feet and his movements began to accelerate as he responded to the guard’s words.
“Home?” Nicholas said.
“Yes, home. You can go home now. The emperor has issued a decree that has set all Christians free.”
The emperor he was referring to was a new emperor named Constantine. Diocletian’s efforts had failed to constrain the Christians. Instead of quenching their spirits, Diocletian had strengthened them. Like Nicholas, those who weren’t killed grew stronger in their faith. And the stronger they grew in their faith, the stronger they grew in their influence, gaining new converts from the citizens around them. Even Diocletian’s wife and daughter had converted to Christianity.
Diocletian stepped down from ruling the empire, and Constantine stepped up.
Constantine reversed the persecution of the Christians, issuing the Edict of Milan. This edict showed a new tolerance for people of all religions and resulted in freedom for the Christians. Constantine’s mother, Helen, was a devout Christian herself. Even though no one quite knew if Constantine was a Christian, the new tolerance he displayed allowed people to worship whoever they pleased and however they pleased, the way it should have been all along.
As much as Diocletian had changed the Roman world for the worse, Constantine was now changing it for the better. Their reigns were as different as night and day and served as a testament of how one person really can affect the course of history forever—either for good or for evil.
Nicholas was aware, now more than ever, that he had just one life to live. But he was also aware that if he lived it right, one life was all that he would need. He resolved in his heart once more to do his best to make the most of every day, starting again today.
As he was led from his prison cell and returned to the city of Myra, it was no coincidence, he thought, that the first face he saw there was the face of Anna Maria.
He recognized her in an instant. But the ten years in prison, and the wear and tear it had taken on his life, made it hard for her to recognize him as quickly. But as soon as she saw his smile, she too knew in an instant that it was the smile of her dear old friend Nicholas. Of course it was Nicholas! And he was alive, standing right there in front of her!
She couldn’t move, she was so shocked. Two children stood beside her, looking up at their mother, and then looking at the man who now held her gaze. Here was the man who had done so much for her and her family. Her joy was uncontainable. With a call over her shoulder, Anna Maria shouted, “Dimitri! Dimitri! Come quickly! It’s Nicholas!”
Then she rushed towards Nicholas, giving him an embrace and holding on tight. Dimitri emerged from a shop behind them, took one look at Nicholas and Anna Maria and rushed towards them as well, sweeping his children up with him as he ran.
Now the whole family was embracing Nicholas as if he was a dear brother or father or uncle who had just returned from war. The tears and the smiles on their faces melted together. The man who had saved Anna Maria and her family from a fate worse than death had been spared from death as well! And Dimitri grinned from ear to ear, too, seeing his good friend, and seeing how happy it made Nicholas to see Dimitri and Anna Maria together with their new family.
Nicholas took hold of each of their faces—one at a time—and looked deeply into their eyes. Then he held the children close. The seeds he had planted years ago in the lives of Dimitri and Anna Maria were still bearing fruit, fruit he could now see with his own two eyes. All his efforts had been worth it, and nothing like the smiles on their faces could have made it any clearer to him than that.
Throughout the days and weeks ahead, Nicholas and the other believers who had been set free had many similar reunions throughout Myra. Those days were like one long, ongoing reunion.
Nicholas, as well as the others who had managed to survive the Great Persecution, must have appeared to those around them as Lazarus must have appeared, when Jesus called him to come out of the tomb—a man who had died, but was now alive. And like Lazarus, these Christians were not only alive, but they led many more people to faith in Christ as well, for their faith was now on fire in a whole new way. What Diocletian had meant for harm, God was able to use for good. This new contingent of Christians had emerged with a faith that was stronger than ever before.
Nicholas knew that this new level of faith, like all good gifts from God, had been given to him for a purpose, too. For as big as the tests had been that Nicholas had faced up to now, God was preparing him for the biggest test yet to come.
PART 6
CHAPTER 31
“And you’ve still never told her, after all these years?” Nicholas asked Dimitri. It had been twelve years since Nicholas had gotten out of prison, and they were talking about the bag of gold that Dimitri had thrown into Anna Maria’s open window five years before that.
“She’s never asked,” said Dimitri. “And even if I told her it was me, she wouldn’t believe me. She’s convinced you did it.”
“But how could I, when she knew I was in prison?” It was a conversation they had had before, but Nicholas still found it astounding. Dimitri insisted on keeping his act of giving a secret, just as Nicholas had done whenever possible, too.
“Besides,” added Dimitri, “she’s right. It really was you who inspired me to give her that gift, as you had already given her family two bags of gold in a similar way. So in a very real sense, it did come from you.”
Nicholas had to admit there was some logic in Dimitri’s thinking. “But it didn’t start with me, either. It was Christ who inspired me.”
And to that, Dimitri conceded and said, “And it was Christ who inspired me, too. Believe me, Anna Maria knows that as much as anyone else. Her faith is deeper than ever before. Ever since she met you, she continues to give God credit for all things.”
And with that, Nicholas was satisfied, as long as God got the credit in the end. For as Nicholas had taught Dimitri years earlier, there’s nothing we have that did not come from God first.
Changing subjects, Nicholas said, “You’re sure she won’t mind you being away for three months? I can still find someone else to accompany me.”
“She’s completely and utterly happy for me to go with you,” said Dimitri. “She knows how important this is to you, and she knows how much it means to me as well. I wouldn’t miss it for the world.”
They were discussing their plans to go to the Council of Nicaea that summer. Nicholas had been invited by special request of the emperor, and each bishop was allowed to bring a personal attendant along with him. Nicholas asked Dimitri as soon as he received the invitation.
The Council of Nicaea would be a remarkable event. When Nicholas first opened the letter inviting him to come, he couldn’t believe it. So much had changed in the world since he had gotten out of prison twelve years earlier.
Yet there it was, a summons from the Roman emperor to appear before him at Eastertide. The only summons a bishop would have gotten under Emperor Diocletian would have been an invitation to an execution—his own! But under Constantine’s leadership, life for Christians had radically changed.
Constantine had not only signed the edict that called for true tolerance to be shown to the Christians, which resulted in setting them free from prison, but he also had started giving them their property back—property which had been taken away under his predecessor. Constantine was even beginning to fund the building and repair of many of the churches that had been destroyed by Diocletian. It was the beginning of a new wave of grace for the Christians, after such an intense persecution before.
As a further sign of Constantine’s new support for the cause of Christianity, he had called for a gathering of over 300 of the leading bishops in the land. This gathering would serve two purposes for Constantine: it would unify the church within the previously fractured empire, and it wouldn’t hurt his hopes of bringing unity back to the whole country. As the leader of the people, Constantine asserted that it was his responsibility to provide for their spiritual well-being. As such, he pledged to attend and preside over this historic council himself. It would take place in the city of Nicaea, starting in the spring of that year and continuing for several months into the summer.
When Nicholas received his invitation, he quietly praised God for the changing direction of his world. While the Great Persecution had deepened the faith of many of those who survived it, that same persecution had taken its toll on the ability of many others, severely limiting their ability to teach, preach and reach those around them with the life-changing message of Christ.
Now those barriers had been removed—with the support and approval of the emperor himself. The only barriers that remained were within the hearts and minds of those who would hear the good news, and would have to decide for themselves what they were going to do with it.
As for Nicholas, he had grown in influence and respect in Myra, as well as the region around him. His great wealth was long since gone, for he had given most of it away when he saw the Great Persecution coming, and what remained had been discovered and ransacked while he was in prison. But what he lost in wealth he made up for in influence, for his heart and actions were still bent towards giving—no matter what he had or didn’t have to give. After giving so much of himself to the people around him, he was naturally among those who were chosen to attend the upcoming council. It would turn out to become one of the most momentous events in history, not to mention one of the most memorable events in his own life—but not necessarily for a reason he would want to remember.
CHAPTER 32
Although Christians were enjoying a new kind of freedom under Constantine, the future of Christianity was still at risk. The threats no longer came from outside the church, but from within. Factions had begun to rise inside the ranks of the growing church, with intense discussions surrounding various theological points which had very practical implications.
In particular, a very small but vocal group, led by a man named Arius, had started to gain attention as they began to question whether Jesus was actually divine or not.
Was Jesus merely a man? Or was He, in fact, one with God in His very essence? To men like Nicholas and Dimitri, the question was hardly debatable, for they had devoted their entire lives to following Jesus as their Lord. They had risked everything to follow Him in word and deed. He was their Lord, their Savior, their Light and their Hope. Like many of the others who would be attending the council, it was not their robes or outer garments that bore witness to their faith in Christ, but the scars and wounds they bore in their flesh as they suffered for Him. They had risked their lives under the threat of death for worshipping Christ as divine, rather than Emperor Diocletian. There was no question in their minds regarding this issue. But still there were some who, like Arius, felt this was a question that was up for debate.
In Arius’ zeal to see that people worshipped God alone, Arius could not conceive that any man, even one as good as Jesus, could claim to be one with God without blaspheming the name of God Himself. In this, Arius was not unlike those who persecuted Jesus while He was still alive. Even some of those who were living then and had witnessed His miracles with their own eyes, and heard Jesus’ words with their own ears, could not grasp that Jesus could possibly be telling the truth when He said, “I and the Father are one.” And for this, they brought Jesus to Herod, and then to Pilate, to have Him crucified.
As a boy, Nicholas had wondered about Jesus’ claim, too. But when Nicholas was in Bethlehem, it all finally made perfect sense to him—that God Himself had come down from heaven to earth as a man to take on the sins of the world once and for all as God in the flesh.
Arius, however, was like the Apostle Paul before he met the Jesus on the road to Damascus. Before his life-changing experience, the Apostle Paul wanted to protect what he felt to be the divinity of God by persecuting anyone who said they worshipped Jesus as God. For no man, according to Paul’s earlier way of thinking, could possibly consider himself to be one with God.
Like Arius, Paul could not believe the claims of Jesus and His followers. But on the road to Damascus, as Paul was on his way to round up and kill more Christians in his zeal, Paul met the Living Christ in a vision that blinded him physically, but awakened him spiritually to the Truth. In the days that followed, Paul’s physical eyes were healed and he repented of his misguided efforts. He was baptized in Jesus’ name and began to preach from then on that Jesus was not merely a man, but that Jesus’ claims about Himself to be one with the Father were completely true. Paul gave his life in worship and service to Christ, and had to endure, like Nicholas had to endure, imprisonment and an ever-present threat of death for his faith.
Arius was more like the religious leaders of Jesus’ day who, in their zeal to defend God, actually crucified the Lord of all creation. Arius felt justified in trying to gather support among the bishops for his position.
Nicholas and Dimitri didn’t think Arius’ ideas could possibly gather many supporters. Yet they would soon find out that Arius’ personal charisma and his excellent oratorial skills might actually hold sway over some of the bishops who had not yet given the idea nor its implications full consideration.
Nicholas and Dimitri, however, like the Apostle Paul, the Apostle John and tens of thousands of others in the time since Jesus lived and died and rose again from the dead, had discovered that Jesus was, thankfully and supernaturally, both fully human and fully divine.
But what would the rest of the bishops conclude? And what would they teach as truth to others for the countless generations to come? This was to become one of the pivotal questions that was to be determined at this meeting in Nicaea. Although Nicholas was interested in this debate, he had no idea that he was about to play a key role in its outcome.
CHAPTER 33
After a grand processional of bishops and priests, a boys’ choir and Constantine’s opening words, one of the first topics addressed at the council was the one brought forth by Arius—whether or not Jesus Christ was divine.
Arius made his opening arguments with great eloquence and great persuasion in the presence of Constantine and the rest of the assembly. Jesus was, he asserted, perhaps the foremost of all created beings. But to be co-equal with God, one in substance and essence with Him, was impossible—at least according to Arius. No one could be one with God, he said.
Nicholas listened in silence, along with every other bishop in that immense room. Respect for the speaker, especially in the presence of the emperor, took precedence over any type of muttering or disturbance that might accompany other types of gatherings like this, especially on a subject of such intensity. But the longer Arius spoke, the harder it became for Nicholas to sit in silence.
After all, Nicholas’ parents had given their lives for the honor of serving Christ their Lord. Nicholas himself had been overwhelmed by the presence of God in Bethlehem, at the very spot where God made His first appearance as Man in the flesh. Dimitri, Samuel and Ruthie had all been similarly affected by that visit to Bethlehem. They had walked up the hill in Jerusalem where the King of kings had been put to death by religious leaders—leaders who, like Arius, doubted Jesus’ claims to be one with God.
Nicholas had always realized that Jesus was unlike any other man who had ever lived. And after Jesus died, He had risen from the dead, appeared to the twelve disciples and then appeared to more than 500 others who were living in Jerusalem at the time. What kind of man could do that? Was it just a mass hallucination? Was it just wishful thinking on the part of religious fanatics? But these weren’t just fans, they were followers who were willing to give up their lives, too, for their Lord and Savior.
The arguments continued to run through Nicholas’ head. Hadn’t the prophet Micah foretold, hundreds of years before Jesus was born, that the Messiah would be “from of old, from ancient times”? Hadn’t the Apostle John said that Jesus “was with God in the beginning,” concluding that Jesus “was God.”
Like others had tried to suggest, Arius said that Jesus had never claimed to be God. But Nicholas knew the Scriptures well enough to know that Jesus had said, “I and the Father are one. Anyone who has seen Me has seen the Father… Don’t you believe that I am in the Father, and that the Father is in Me?”
Even Jesus’ detractors at the time that He was living said that the reason they wanted to stone Jesus was because Jesus claimed to be God. The Scriptures said that these detractors cornered Jesus one day and Jesus said, “I have shown you many great miracles from the Father. For which of these do you stone me?”
They replied, “We are not stoning you for any of these, but for blasphemy, because you, a mere man, claim to be God.”
Jesus had certainly claimed to be God, a claim that got Him into hot water more than once. His claim showed that He was either a madman or a liar—or that He was telling the Truth.
Nicholas’ mind flooded with Scriptures like these, as well as with memories of the years he had spent in prison—years he would never get back again—all because he was unwilling to worship Diocletian as a god, but was fully willing to worship Jesus as God. How could Nicholas remain silent and let Arius go on like this? How could anyone else in the room take it, he thought? Nicholas had no idea.
“There was nothing divine about him,” Arius said with conviction. “He was just a man, just like any one of us.”
Without warning, and without another moment to think about what he was doing, Nicholas stood to his feet. Then his feet, as if they had a mind of their own, began to walk deliberately and intently across the massive hall towards Arius. Arius continued talking until Nicholas finally stood directly in front of him.
Arius stopped. This breach of protocol was unprecedented.
In the silence that followed, Nicholas turned his back towards Arius and pulled down the robes from his own back, revealing the hideous scars he had gotten while in prison. Nicholas said, “I didn’t get these for ‛just a man.’”
Turning back towards Arius and facing him squarely, Nicholas saw the smug smile return to Arius’ face. Arius said, “Well, it looks like you were mistaken.” Then Arius started up his speech again as if nothing at all had happened.
That’s when Nicholas did the unthinkable. With no other thought than to stop this man from speaking against his Lord and Savior, and in plain site of the emperor and everyone else in attendance, Nicholas clenched his fist. He pulled back his arm and he punched Arius hard in the face.
Arius stumbled and fell back, both from the impact of the blow and from the shock that came with it. Nicholas, too, was stunned—along with everyone else in the room. With the same deliberate and intentional steps which he had taken to walk up to Arius, Nicholas now walked back to his chair and took his seat.
A collective gasp echoed through the hall when Nicholas struck Arius, followed by an eruption of commotion when Nicholas sat back down in his seat. The disruption threatened to throw the entire proceedings into chaos. The vast majority of those in the room looked like they could have jumped to their feet and given Nicholas a standing ovation for this bold act—including, by the look on his face, even the emperor himself! But to others, Arius chief among them, no words nor displays of emotion could express their outrage. Everyone knew what an awful offense Nicholas had just committed. It was, in fact, illegal for anyone to use violence of any kind in the presence of the emperor. The punishment for such an act was to immediately cut off the hand of anyone who struck another person in the presence of the emperor.
Constantine knew the law, of course, but also knew Nicholas. He had once even had a dream about Nicholas in which Nicholas warned Constantine to grant a stay of execution to three men in Constantine’s court—a warning which Constantine heeded and acted upon in real life. When Constantine shared that dream with one of his generals, the general recounted to Constantine what Nicholas had done for the three innocent men back in Myra, for the general was one of the three who had seen Nicholas’ bravery in person.
Although Nicholas’ actions against Arius may have appeared rash, Constantine admired Nicholas’ pluck. Known for his quick thinking and fast action, Constantine raised his hand and brought an instant silence to the room as he did so. “This is certainly a surprise to us all,” he said. “And while the penalty for an act such in my presence is clear, I would prefer to defer this matter to the leaders of the council instead. These are your proceedings and I will defer to your wisdom to conduct them as you see fit.”
Constantine had bought both time and goodwill among the various factions. The council on the whole seemed to agree with Nicholas’ position, at least in spirit, even if they could not agree with his rash action. They would want to exact some form of punishment, since not to do so would fail to honor the rule of law. But having been given permission by the emperor himself to do as they saw fit, rather than invoke the standard punishment, they felt the freedom to take another form of action.
After a short deliberation, the leaders of the council agreed and determined that Nicholas should be defrocked immediately from his position as a bishop, banished from taking part in the rest of the proceedings in Nicaea and held under house arrest within the palace complex. There he could await any further decision the council might see fit at the conclusion of their meetings that summer. It was a lenient sentence, in light of the offense.
But for Nicholas, even before he heard what the punishment was going to be, he was already punishing himself more than anyone else ever could for what he had just done. Within less than a minute, he had gone from experiencing one of the highest mountaintops of his life to experiencing one of its deepest valleys.
Here he was attending one of the greatest conclaves in the history of the world, and yet he had just done something he knew he could never take back. The ramifications of his actions would affect him for the rest of his life, he was sure of it, or at least for whatever remained of his life. The sensation he felt could only be understood, perhaps, by those who had experienced it before—the weight, the shame and the agony of a moment of sin that could have crushed him, apart from knowing the forgiveness of Christ.
When Nicholas was defrocked of his title as bishop, it was in front of the entire assembly. He was disrobed of his bishop’s garments, then escorted from the room in shackles. But this kind of disgrace was a mere trifle compared to the humiliation he was experiencing on the inside. He was even too numb to cry.
CHAPTER 34
“What have I done?” Nicholas said to Dimitri as the two sat together in a room near the farthest corner of the palace. This room had become Nicholas’ make-shift prison cell, as he was to be held under house arrest for the remainder of the proceedings. Dimitri, using his now-extensive skills at gaining access to otherwise unauthorized areas, had once again found a way to visit his friend in prison.
“What have you done?!? What else could you have done?” countered Dimitri. “If you hadn’t done it, someone else surely would have, or at least should have. You did Arius, and all the rest of us, a favor with that punch. Had he continued with his diatribe, who knows what punishment the Lord Himself might have brought down upon the entire gathering!” Of course, Dimitri knew God could take it, and often does, when people rail against Him and His ways. He is much more long-suffering than any of us could ever be. But still, Dimitri felt Nicholas’ actions were truly justified.
Nicholas, however, could hardly see it that way at the moment. It was more likely, he thought, that he had just succeeded in giving Arius the sympathy he needed for his cause to win. Nicholas knew that when people are losing an argument based on logic, they often appeal to pure emotion instead, going straight for the hearts of their listeners, whether or not their cause makes sense. And as much as Arius may have been losing his audience on the grounds of logic, Nicholas felt that his actions may have just tipped the emotional scales in Arius’ favor.
The torment of it all beat against Nicholas’ mind. Here it was, still just the opening days of the proceedings, and he would have to sit under house arrest for the next two months. How was he going to survive this onslaught of emotions every day during that time?
Nicholas already knew this prison cell was going to be entirely different than the one in which Diocletian had put him for more than a decade. This time, he felt he had put himself in jail. And although this prison was a beautifully appointed room within a palace, to Nicholas’ way of thinking, it was much worse than the filthy one in which he had almost died.
In the other cell, he knew he was there because of the misguided actions of others. This gave him a sense that what he had to endure there was part of the natural suffering that Jesus said would come to all who followed Him. But in this cell, he knew he was there because of his own inane actions, actions which he viewed as inexcusable, a viewpoint which he felt many of those in attendance would rightly share.
For decades Nicholas had been known as a man of calm, inner strength and of dignity under control. Then, in one day, he had lost it all—and in front of the emperor no less! How could he ever forgive himself. “How,” he asked Dimitri, “could I ever take back what I’ve just done to the name of the Lord.”
Dimitri replied, “Perhaps He doesn’t want you to take it back. Maybe it wasn’t what you think you did to His name that He cares about so much, as what you did in His name. You certainly did what I, and the vast majority of those in the room wished they would have done, had they had the courage to do so.”
Dimitri’s words lingered in the air. As Nicholas contemplated them, a faint smile seemed to appear on his face. Perhaps there was something to be said for his heart in the matter after all. He was sincerely wanting to honor and defend his Lord, not to detract from Him in any way. Peter, he remembered, had a similar passion for defending his Lord. And Nicholas now realized what Peter may have felt when Peter cut off the ear of one of the men who had come to capture Jesus. Jesus told Peter to put away his sword and then Jesus healed the man’s ear. Jesus could obviously defend Himself quite well on His own, but Nicholas had to give Peter credit for his passionate defense of his Master.
Nicholas was still unconvinced that he had done the right thing, but he felt in good company with others who had acted on their passions. And Dimitri’s words helped him to realize that he was not alone in his thinking, and he took some comfort from the fact that Dimitri hadn’t completely forsaken him over the incident. This support from Dimitri acted like a soothing balm to Nicholas’ soul, and helped him to get through yet one more of the darkest times of his life.
Although Nicholas was convinced that the damage he had done was irreversible in human terms—and that God was going to have to work time-and-a-half to make anything good come out of this one—Nicholas knew what he had to do. Even in this moment of his deepest humiliation, he knew the best thing he could do was to do what he had always done: to put his complete faith and trust in God. But how? How could he trust that God possibly use this for good?
As if reading Nicholas’ mind, Dimitri knew exactly what Nicholas needed to help him put his trust back in God again. Dimitri did what Nicholas had done for him and Samuel and Ruthie so many years ago. Dimitri told him a story.
CHAPTER 35
Dimitri began, “What kind of story would you like to hear today? A good story or a bad story?” It was the way Nicholas had introduced the Bible stories that he told to Dimitri, Samuel and Ruthie during their many adventures in the Holy Land. Nicholas would then begin delighting the children with a story from the Bible about a good character or a bad character, or a good story or a bad story, sometimes which ended the exact opposite way it began.
Nicholas looked up with interest.
“It doesn’t matter,” Dimitri continued, “because the story I have to tell you today could be either good or bad. You just won’t know till the end. But I’ve learned from a good friend,” he said as he winked at Nicholas, “that the best way to enjoy a story is to always trust the storyteller.”
Nicholas had told them that he watched people’s reactions whenever he told stories back home.
“When people trust the storyteller,” Nicholas had said, “they love the story no matter what happens, because they know the storyteller knows how the story will end. But when people don’t trust the storyteller, their emotions go up and down like a boat in a storm, depending on what’s happening in the story. The truth is, only the storyteller knows for sure how the story will end. So as long as you trust the storyteller, you can enjoy the whole story from start to finish.”
Now it was Dimitri’s turn to tell a story to Nicholas. The story he chose to tell was about another man who had been sent to jail, a man by the name of Joseph. Dimitri recounted for Nicholas how Joseph’s life appeared to go up and down.
Dimitri started: “Joseph’s father loved Joseph and gave him a beautiful, colorful coat. Now that’s good, right?”
Nicholas nodded.
“But no, that was bad, for Joseph’s brothers saw the coat and were jealous of him and sold him into slavery. Now that’s bad, right?”
Nicholas nodded.
“No, that was good, because Joseph was put in charge of the whole house of a very wealthy man. Now that’s good, right?”
Nicholas nodded again.
“No, that’s bad,” said Dimitri, “because the wealthy man’s wife tried to seduce him, and when Joseph resisted, she sent him to jail. Now that’s bad, right?”
Nicholas stopped nodding either way because he knew where this was going.
“No, that’s good,” said Dimitri, “because Joseph was put in charge over all the other prisoners. He even helped to interpret their dreams. Now that’s good, right?”
Nicholas continued to listen carefully.
“No, that’s bad, because after interpreting their dreams, Joseph asked one of the men to help him out of prison when he got out, but the man forgot about Joseph and left him behind. Now that’s bad, right?”
Nicholas saw himself as the man who had been left behind in prison.
“No! That’s good! Because God had put Joseph in just the right place at just the right time. When the king of Egypt had a dream and he needed someone to interpret it, the man who had been set free suddenly remembered that Joseph was still in jail and told the king about him.
The king summoned Joseph, asked for an interpretation and Joseph gave it to him. The king was so impressed with Joseph that he put Joseph in charge of his whole kingdom. As a result, Joseph was able to use his new position to save hundreds of thousands of lives, including the lives of his own father and even his brothers—the very ones who had sold him into slavery in the first place. And that’s very good!”
“So you see,” said Dimitri, “just as you’ve always told us, we never know how the story will turn out until the very end. God knew what He was doing all along! You see…
– at just the right time, Joseph was born and his father loved him,
– so that at just the right time his brothers would mistreat him,
– so that at just the right time the slave traders would come along and buy him,
– so that at just the right time he would be put in charge of a wealthy man’s house,
– so that at just the right time he would be thrown into jail,
– so that at just the right time he would be put in charge of the prisoners,
– so that at just the right time he could interpret their dreams,
– so that at just the right time he could interpret Pharaoh’s dreams,
– so that at just the right time he would become second in command over all of Egypt,
– so that at just the right time Joseph would be in the one place in the world that God wanted him to be so that he could save the lives of his father and brothers and many, many others!
“All along the way, Joseph never gave up on God. He knew the secret of enjoying the story while he lived it out: he always trusted the Storyteller, the One who was writing the story of his life.”
All of Nicholas’ fears and doubts faded away in those moments and he knew he could trust the Storyteller, the One who was writing the story of his life, too. Nicholas’ story wasn’t over yet, and he had to trust that the God who brought him this far could see him through to the end.
Nicholas looked at Dimitri with a smile of thanks, then closed his eyes. It would be a long two months of waiting for the council’s decision. But he knew that if he could trust God in that one moment, and then in the next moment, and then the next, each of those moments would add up to minutes, and minutes would add up to hours. Hours would turn into weeks, then months, then years. He knew that it all began with trusting God in a moment.
With his eyes still closed, Nicholas put his full faith and trust in God again. The peace of God flooded his heart.
Soon, two months had passed by. The council was ready to make their final decisions on many matters, including the decision that had landed Nicholas under house arrest in the first place—and Nicholas was about to find out the results.
CHAPTER 36
“They did it!” It was Dimitri, bursting through the door to Nicholas’ room as soon as the palace guard had opened it.
“They did it!” he repeated. “It’s done! The council has voted and they’ve agreed with you! All but two of the 318 bishops have sided with you over Arius!”
Relief swept over Nicholas’ whole body. Dimitri could feel it in his body, too, as he watched the news flood over Nicholas’ entire being.
“And furthermore,” said Dimitri, “the council has decided not to take any further action against you!”
Both pieces of news were the best possible outcome Nicholas could have imagined. Even though Nicholas’ action had cost him his position as a bishop, it had not jeopardized the outcome of the proceedings. It was even possible—though he never knew for sure—that his action against Arius had perhaps in some way shaped what took place during those summer months at that historic council.
Within minutes of Dimitri’s arrival, another visitor appeared at Nicholas’ door. It was Constantine.
The council’s decision about what to do with Nicholas was one thing, but Constantine’s decision was another. A fresh wave of fear washed over Nicholas as he thought of the possibilities.
“Nicholas,” said the emperor, “I wanted to personally thank you for coming here to be my guest in Nicaea. I want to apologize for what you’ve had to endure these past two months. This wasn’t what I had planned for you and I’m sure it wasn’t what you had planned, either. But even though you weren’t able to attend the rest of the proceedings, I assure you that your presence was felt throughout every meeting. What you did that day in the hall spoke to me about what it means to follow Christ more than anything else I heard in the days that followed. I’d like to hear more from you in the future, if you would be willing to be my guest again. But next time, it won’t be in the farthest corner of the palace. Furthermore, I have asked for and received permission from the council to reinstate you to your position as Bishop of Myra. I believe the One who called you to serve Him would want you to continue doing everything you’ve been doing up to this point. As for me, let me just say that I appreciate what you’ve done here more than you can possibly know. Thank you for coming, and whenever you’re ready, you’re free to go home.”
Nicholas had been listening to Constantine’s words as if he were in a dream. He could hardly believe his ears. But when the emperor said the word “home,” Nicholas knew this wasn’t a dream, and the word rang like the sweetest bell in Nicholas’ ears. Of all the words the emperor had just spoken, none sounded better to him than that final word: home. He wanted nothing more than to get back to the flock he served. It was for them that he had come to this important gathering in the first place, to ensure that the Truths he had taught them would continue to be taught throughout the land.
After more than two months of being separated from them, and the ongoing question of what would become of them and the hundreds of thousands of others like them in the future who would be affected by their decisions here, Nicholas could finally go home. He was free again in more ways than one.
PART 7
CHAPTER 37
Nicholas stood at his favorite spot in the world one last time: by the sea. Eighteen years had passed since he had retuned to Myra from the council in Nicaea. In the days since coming home, he continued to serve the Lord as he had always done: with all his heart, soul, mind and strength.
Nicholas had come to the shore with Dimitri and Anna Maria, who had brought with them one of their grandchildren, a young girl seven years old, named Ruthie.
Ruthie had been running back and forth in the waves, as Dimitri and Anna Maria tried to keep up with her. Nicholas had plenty of time to look out over the sea and as he often did, look out over eternity as well.
Looking back on his life, Nicholas never knew if he really accomplished what he wanted to in life: to make a difference in the world. He had seen glimpses along the way, of course, in the lives of people like Dimitri, Samuel, Ruthie, Sophia, Cecilia and Anna Maria.
He had also learned from people like the ship’s captain that when the captain arrived in Rome, his ship miraculously weighed exactly the same as before he had set sail from Alexandria—even after giving the people of Myra several years’ worth of grain from it. Reminders like these encouraged Nicholas that God really had been guiding him in his decisions.
He still had questions though. He never quite knew if he had done the right thing at the council in Nicaea. He never quite knew if his later private conversations with Constantine might have impacted the emperor’s personal faith in Christ.
He was encouraged, however, to learn that Constantine’s mother had also made a pilgrimage to the Holy Land just as Nicholas had done. And after her visit, she persuaded Constantine to build churches over the holy sites she had seen. She had recently completed building a church in Bethlehem over the spot where Jesus was born, as well as a church in Jerusalem over the spot where Jesus had died and risen from the dead.
Nicholas knew he had had both successes and mistakes in his life. But looking back over it, he couldn’t always tell which was which! Those times that he thought were the valleys turned out to be the mountaintops, and the mountaintops turned out to be valleys. But the most important thing, he reminded himself, was that he trusted God in all things, knowing that God could work anything for good for those who loved Him, who were called according to His purpose.
What the future held for the world, Nicholas had no idea. But he knew that he had done what he could with the time that he had. He tried to love God and love others as Jesus had called him to do. And where he had failed along the way, he trusted that Jesus could cover those failures, too, just as Jesus had covered his sins by dying on the cross.
As Nicholas’ father had done before him, Nicholas looked out over the sea again, too. Then closing his eyes, he asked God for strength for the next journey he was about to take.
He let the sun warm his face, then he opened the palms of his hands and let the breeze lift them into the air. He praised God as the warm breeze floated gently through his fingertips.
Little Ruthie returned from splashing in the water, followed closely by Dimitri and Anna Maria. Ruthie looked up at Nicholas, with his eyes closed and his hands raised towards heaven. Reaching out to him, she tugged at his clothes and asked, “Nicholas, have you ever seen God?”
Nicholas opened his eyes and looked down at Ruthie, then smiled up at Dimitri and Anna Maria. He looked out at the sunshine and the waves and the miles and miles of shoreline that stretched out in both directions before him. Turning his face back towards Ruthie, Nicholas said, “Yes, Ruthie, I have see God. And the older I get, the more I see Him everywhere I look.”
Ruthie smiled, and Nicholas gave her a warm hug. Then just as quickly as she had run up to him, she ran off again to play.
Nicholas exchanged smiles with Dimitri and Anna Maria, then they, too, were off again, chasing Ruthie down the beach.
Nicholas looked one last time at the beautiful sea, then turned and headed towards home.
EPILOGUE
So now you know a little bit more about me—Dimitri Alexander—and my good friend, Nicholas. That was the last time I saw him, until this morning. He had asked if he could spend a few days alone, just him and the Lord that he loved. He said he had one more journey to prepare for. Anna Maria and I guessed, of course, just what he meant.
We knew he was probably getting ready to go home, to his real home, the one that Jesus had said He was going to prepare for each of us who believe in Him.
Nicholas had been looking forward to this trip his whole life. Not that he wanted to shortchange a single moment of the life that God that had given him here on earth, for he knew that this life had a uniquely important purpose as well, or else God would never have created it with such beauty and precision and marvelous mystery.
But as Nicholas’ life here on earth wound down, he said he was ready. He was ready to go, and he looked forward to everything that God had in store for him next.
So when Nicholas sent word this morning for Anna Maria and me and a few other friends to come and see him, we knew that the time had come.
As we came into this room, we found him lying on his bed, just as he is right now. He was breathing quietly and he motioned for us to come close. We couldn’t hold back our tears, and he didn’t try to stop us. He knew how hard it was to say goodbye to those we love. But he also made it easier for us. He smiled one more time and spoke softly, saying the same words that he had spoken when Ruthie had died many years before: “Either way we win,” he said. “Either way we win.”
“Yes, Nicholas,” I said. “Either way we win.” Then the room became quiet again. Nicholas closed his eyes and fell asleep for the last time. No one moved. No one said a word.
This man who lay before us slept as if it were just another night in his life. But we knew this was a holy moment. Nicholas had just entered into the presence of the Lord. As Nicholas had done throughout his life, we were sure he was doing right now in heaven, walking and talking and laughing with Jesus, but now they were face to face.
We could only imagine what Nicholas might be saying to Jesus. But we knew for certain what Jesus was saying to him: “Well done, My good and faithful servant. Well done. Come and share your Master’s happiness.”
I have no idea how history might remember Nicholas, if it will remember him at all. He was no emperor like Constantine. He was no tyrant like Diocletian. He was no orator like Arius. He was simply a Christian trying to live out his faith, touching one life at a time as best he knew how.
Nicholas may have wondered if his life made any difference. I know my answer, and now that you know his story, I’ll let you decide for yourself. In the end, I suppose only God really knows just how many lives were touched by this remarkable man.
But what I do know this: each of us has just one life to live. But if we live it right, as Nicholas did, one life is all we need.
CONCLUSION
by Eric Elder
What Nicholas didn’t know, and what no one who knew him could have possibly imagined, was just how far and wide this one life would reach—not only throughout the world, but also throughout the ages.
He was known to his parents as their beloved son, and to those in his city as their beloved bishop. But he has become known to us by another name: Saint Nicholas.
The biblical word for “saint” literally means “believer.” The Bible talks about the saints in Ephesus, the saints in Rome, the saints in Philippi and the saints in Jerusalem. Each time the word saints refers to the believers who were in those cities. So Nicholas rightly became known as “Saint Nicholas,” or to say it another way, “Nicholas, The Believer.” The Latin translation is “Santa Nicholas,” and in Dutch “Sinterklaas,” from which we get the name “Santa Claus.”
His good name and his good deeds have been an inspiration to so many, that the day he passed from this life to the next, on December 6th, 343 A.D., is still celebrated by people throughout the world.
Many legends have been told about Nicholas over the years, some giving him qualities that make him seem larger than life. But the reason that so many legends of any kind grow, including those told about Saint Nicholas, is often because the people about whom they’re told were larger than life themselves. They were people who were so good or so well-respected that every good deed becomes attributed to them, as if they had done them themselves.
While not all the stories attributed to Nicholas can be traced to the earliest records of his life, the histories that were recorded closest to the time period in which he lived do record many of the stories found in this book. To help you sort through them, here’s what we do know:
- Nicholas was born sometime between 260-280 A.D. in the city of Patara, a city you can still visit today in modern-day Turkey, on the northern coast of the Mediterranean Sea.
- Nicholas’ parents were devout Christians who died in a plague when Nicholas was young, leaving him with a sizable inheritance.
- Nicholas made a pilgrimage to the Holy Land and lived there for a number of years before returning to his home province of Lycia.
- Nicholas traveled across the Mediterranean Sea in a ship that was caught in a storm. After praying, his ship reached its destination as if someone was miraculously holding the rudder steady. The rudder of a ship is also called a tiller, and sailors on the Mediterranean Sea today still wish each other luck by saying, “May Nicholas hold the tiller!”
- When Nicholas returned from the Holy Land, he took up residence in the city of Myra, about 30 miles from his hometown of Patara. Nicholas became the bishop of Myra and lived there the rest of his life.
- Nicholas secretly gave three gifts of gold on three separate occasions to a man whose daughters were to be sold into slavery because he had no money to offer to potential husbands as a dowry. The family discovered Nicholas was the mysterious donor on one of his attempts, which is why we know the story today. In this version of the story, we’ve added the twist of having Nicholas deliver the first two gifts, and Dimitri deliver the third, to capture the idea that many gifts were given back then, and are still given today, in the name of Saint Nicholas, who was known for such deeds. The theme of redemption is also so closely associated with this story from Saint Nicholas’ life, that if you pass by a pawn shop today, you will often see three golden balls in their logo, representing the three bags of gold that Nicholas gave to spare these girls from their unfortunate fate.
- Nicholas pled for the lives of three innocent men who were unjustly condemned to death by a magistrate in Myra, taking the sword directly from the executioner’s hand.
- “Nicholas, Bishop of Myra” is listed on some, but not all, of the historical documents which record those who attended the real Council of Nicaea, which was convened by Emperor Constantine in 325 A.D. One of the council’s main decisions addressed the divinity of Christ, resulting in the writing of the Nicene Creed—a creed which is still recited in many churches today. Some historians say that Nicholas’ name does not appear on all the record books of this council because of his banishment from the proceedings after striking Arius for denying that Christ was divine. Nicholas is, however, listed on at least five of these ancient record books, including the earliest known Greek manuscript of the event.
- The Nicene Creed was adopted at the Council of Nicaea and has become one of the most widely used, brief statements of the Christian faith. The original version reads, in part, as translated from the Greek: “We believe in one God, the Father Almighty, Maker of all things visible and invisible. And in one Lord Jesus Christ, the Son of God, begotten of the Father, the only-begotten; that is, of the essence of the Father, God of God, Light of Light, very God of very God, begotten, not made, being of one substance with the Father; By whom all things were made both in heaven and on earth; Who for us men, and for our salvation, came down and was incarnate and was made man; He suffered, and the third day He rose again, ascended into heaven; From thence he shall come to judge the quick and the dead…” Subsequent versions, beginning as early as 381 A.D., have altered and clarified some of the original statements, resulting in a few similar, but not quite identical statements that are now in use.
- Nicholas is recorded as having done much for the people of Myra, including securing grain from a ship traveling from Alexandria to Rome, which saved the people in that region from a famine.
- Constantine’s mother, Helen, did visit the Holy Land and encouraged Constantine to build churches over the sites that she felt were most important to the Christian faith. The churches were built on the locations she had been shown by local believers where Jesus was born, and where Jesus died and rose again. Those churches, The Church of the Nativity in Bethlehem and the Church of the Holy Sepulchre in Jerusalem, have been destroyed and rebuilt many times over the years, but still in the same locations that Constantine’s mother, and likely Nicholas himself, had seen.
- The date of Nicholas’ death has been established as December 6th, 343 A.D., and you can still visit his tomb in the modern city of Demre, Turkey, formerly known as Myra, in the province of Lycia. Nicholas’ bones were removed from the tomb in 1087 A.D. by men from Italy who feared that they might be destroyed or stolen, as the country was being invaded by others. The bones of Saint Nicholas were taken to the city of Bari, Italy, where they are still entombed today.
Of the many other stories told about or attributed to Nicholas, it’s hard to know with certainty which ones actually took place and which were simply attributed to him because of his already good and popular name. For instance, in the 12th century, stories began to surface of how Nicholas had brought three children back to life who had been brutally murdered. Even though the first recorded accounts of this story didn’t appear until more than 800 years after Nicholas’ death, this story is one of the most frequently associated with Saint Nicholas in religious artwork, featuring three young children being raised to life and standing next to Nicholas. We have included the essence of this story in this novel in the form of the three orphans who Nicholas met in the Holy Land and whom he helped to bring back to life—at least spiritually.
While all of these additional stories can’t be attributed to Nicholas with certainty, we can say that his life and his memory had such a profound effect throughout history that more churches throughout the world now bear the name of “Saint Nicholas” than any other figure, outside of the original disciples themselves.
Some people wonder if they can believe in Saint Nicholas or not. Nicholas probably wouldn’t care so much if you believed in him or not, but that you believed in the One in whom He believed, Jesus Christ.
A popular image today shows Saint Nicholas bowing down, his hat at his side, kneeling in front of baby Jesus in the manger. Although that scene could never have taken place in real life, for Saint Nicholas was born almost 300 years after the birth of Christ, the heart of that scene couldn’t be more accurate. Nicholas was a true believer in Jesus and he did worship, adore and live his life in service to the Christ.
Saint Nicholas would have never wanted his story to replace the story of Jesus in the manger, but he would have loved to have his story point to Jesus in the manger. And that’s why this book was written.
While the stories told here were selected from the many that have been told about Saint Nicholas over the years, these were told so that you might believe—not just in Nicholas, but in Jesus Christ, his Savior. These stories were written down for the same reason the Apostle John wrote down the stories he recorded about Jesus in the Bible. John said he wrote his stories:
“…that you may believe that Jesus is the Christ, the Son of God, and that by believing you may have life in His name” (John 20:31).
Nicholas would want the same for you. He would want you to become what he was: a Believer.
If you’ve never done so, put your faith in Jesus Christ today, asking Him to forgive you of your sins and giving you the assurance that you will live with Him forever.
If you’ve already put your faith in Christ, let this story remind you just how precious your faith really is. Renew your commitment today to serve Christ as Nicholas served Him: with all of your heart, soul, mind and strength. God really will work all things together for good. As the Bible says:
“And we know that in all things God works for the good of those who love Him, who have been called according to His purpose” (Romans 8:28).
Thanks for reading this special book about this special man, and I pray that your Christmas may be truly merry and bright. As Clement Moore said in his now famous poem, A Visit From St. Nicholas:
“Happy Christmas to all, and to all a good night!”
Eric Elder
ABOUT THE AUTHORS
Eric & Lana Elder have written numerous Christmas stories that have captivated and inspired thousands as part of an annual Christmas production known as The Bethlehem Walk.
St. Nicholas: The Believer marks the debut of their first full-length Christmas story. Eric & Lana have also collaborated on several other inspirational books including:
- Two Weeks With God
- What God Says About Sex
- Exodus: Lessons In Freedom
- Jesus: Lessons In Love
- Acts: Lessons In Faith
- Nehemiah: Lessons In Rebuilding
- Ephesians: Lessons In Grace
- Israel: Lessons From The Holy Land
- Israel For Kids: Lessons From The Holy Land
- The Top 20 Passages In The Bible
- Romans: Lessons In Renewing Your Mind
- and Making The Most Of The Darkness
To order or learn more, please visit: www.InspiringBooks.com
About Eric Elder And The Ranch
Eric Elder is an author, speaker, and contemporary pianist with a passion for sharing Christ with others.
Eric is also an ordained pastor and a technology expert, having worked as a technology researcher for a Fortune 10 corporation for nine years prior to going into full-time ministry in 1995. This unique combination of skills led USA Today to call him “a new breed of evangelist,” referring to his groundbreaking work of sharing Christ over the Internet with thousands each day in over 160 countries. (You can read USA Today’s excellent summary here).
Eric has written for numerous publications, including Billy Graham’s Decision Magazine, (you can read the Decision Magazine article here) and has spoken nationally at conferences such as the Exodus International Freedom Conference, as well as producing books and music for his own ministry (you can browse through The Ranch Bookstore here).
Eric was married to Lana (Olivero) Elder for 23 years, and together they had six children. Lana was an active part of the ministry until she passed on to be with the Lord in November 2012, after a nine-month battle with breast cancer. You can read more about Lana’s faith and hope through it all at www.lanaelder.com.

Eric Elder and Family, Christmas 2009. Lana is pictured second from the right and Eric is second from the left.
If you’d like to join us in this work, whether helping to support it financially, or volunteering in other ways, please use the links below:
– Make a Donation
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Eric Elder Ministries is an IRS-recognized, 501(c)(3) non-profit organization. All gifts are tax deductible to the fullest extent allowed by law.
About Greg Potzer And This Day’s Thought
This Day’s Thought was started in January of 2000 with its mission being to offer Christian encouragement and inspiration to those in need. The ministry is administered by Greg Potzer & Eric Elder with the significant help from many volunteers.
The seeds for this ministry were planted some 40 years ago, when Greg, as an avid reader, started to save helpful thoughts and quotations on 3×5 cards per his mother’s suggestion. This collection now serves as the foundation from which that segment of each day’s message prayerfully begins.
This Day’s Thought, This Day’s Verse (from varying Bible versions) and an occasional This Day’s Smile are all contained in one e-mail that we deliver, Monday through Friday. On Sunday, we send This Week’s Sermon, shared by Eric Elder of The Ranch Fellowship.
In September of 2012, This Day’s Thought merged with The Ranch Fellowship, to become unified in their joint mission of serving the Lord. Afer working so well together for so many years, Eric Elder and Greg Potzer decided they could function even more effectively joining their ministries and now serve under the umbrella of The Ranch Fellowship (a ministry of Eric Elder Ministries). Both This Day’s Thought and The Ranch Fellowship are registered 501(c)(3) nonprofit organizations, and all gifts are tax-deductible to the fullest extent allowed by law.
L. Robert Keck — Prayer is not the moment…
Prayer is not the moment when God and humans are in relationship, for that is always. Prayer is taking initiative to intentionally respond to God’s presence.
L. Robert Keck
Jeremiah 17:7 — Blessed is the man…
“Blessed is the man who trusts in the LORD, And whose hope is the LORD.”
Jeremiah 17:7 The New King James Version
Mother Teresa — What I do, you cannot do…
What I do, you cannot do; but what you do, I cannot do. The needs are great, and none of us, including me, ever do great things. But we can all do small things, with great love and together we can do something wonderful.
Mother Teresa
This Day’s Thought from The Ranch- Tuesday
To know the rose is to know God.
To know the faded rose will bloom again is to know eternity.
Lewis Nickerson
“The Spirit of the Lord is on me, because he has anointed me to preach good news to the poor. He has sent me to proclaim freedom for the prisoners and recovery of sight for the blind, to release the oppressed, to proclaim the year of the Lord’s favor.”
Luke 4:18-19
The New International Version
If you’d like to get a paperback copy of Eric Elder’s recent series called “15 Tips for a Stronger Marriage” just click this link to visit The Ranch Bookstore and make a donation of any size OR click this link to visit Amazon.com and write a 1-2 sentence review of the series then email us your name, address and link to your review. Either way we’ll send you a copy of the book anywhere in the world. Your gifts and reviews help us to keep spreading God’s life-changing Word to people in 160 countries every day!
Lewis Nickerson — The know the rose…
To know the rose is to know God.
To know the faded rose will bloom again is to know eternity.
Lewis Nickerson
Luke 4:18-19 — The Spirit of the Lord is on me…
“The Spirit of the Lord is on me, because he has anointed me to preach good news to the poor. He has sent me to proclaim freedom for the prisoners and recovery of sight for the blind, to release the oppressed, to proclaim the year of the Lord’s favor.”
Luke 4:18-19 The New International Version
This Day’s Thought from The Ranch- Monday
To enjoy the journey is to leap into people’s lives. To enjoy the journey is to give until the stretch is a sacrifice. The question always is: what is it in life that will pull you out of your seat to be brave, risk and serve?
Janie Jasin
Bless them which persecute you: bless, and curse not.
Romans 12:14
The King James Version
If you want trust, trust others.
If you want respect, respect others.
If you want help, help others.
If you want love and peace in your life, give them away.
If you want great friends, be one.
That’s how it works.
Dan Zadra
If you’d like to get a paperback copy of Eric Elder’s recent series called “15 Tips for a Stronger Marriage” just click this link to visit The Ranch Bookstore and make a donation of any size OR click this link to visit Amazon.com and write a 1-2 sentence review of the series then email us your name, address and link to your review. Either way we’ll send you a copy of the book anywhere in the world. Your gifts and reviews help us to keep spreading God’s life-changing Word to people in 160 countries every day!
Janie Jasin — To enjoy the journey…
To enjoy the journey is to leap into people’s lives. To enjoy the journey is to give until the stretch is a sacrifice. The question always is: what is it in life that will pull you out of your seat to be brave, risk and serve?
Janie Jasin
Romans 12:14 — Bless them which persecute you…
Bless them which persecute you: bless, and curse not.
Romans 12:14 The King James Version
Dan Zadra — If you want trust…
If you want trust, trust others.
If you want respect, respect others.
If you want help, help others.
If you want love and peace in your life, give them away.
If you want great friends, be one.
That’s how it works.
Dan Zadra
This Week’s Sermon- Change And Transitions
CHANGE AND TRANSITIONS
by Shelly Busby
www.shellybusby.com
Note from Eric: Over the next several weeks, we’re focusing our weekend messages on the topic of “TRANSITIONS,” the theme of our 2nd Annual Ranch Retreat this fall. In today’s message, my friend Shelly Busby writes about a job transition she’s currently going through … and how God is helping her through it.
Whether you are going thru a time of change or just coming out of one, change is inevitable. Change challenges us to leave the comfort and security of the familiar.
Have you prayed for change?
Are you waiting for change?
Are you in the middle of change?
Are you in a season of change, finding it’s different then you envisioned it?
Are you wondering if you really heard God right?
Change doesn’t just happen. It’s usually a process.
As much as we hunger and cry out to God for it, when transition comes and change begins, it can be unsettling.
My brother always says, “Living things grow; growing things change.”
So we cry out for change.
And God answers.
Over the last several years I’ve prayed as a restlessness and hunger rose in me; a hunger for MORE. It appeared ‘illogical’ for me to consider leaving my work at our church as we saw God answering prayers better than we imagined. Serving on staff as Director of Adult Ministries, I should have been more eager than ever to remain in a place where God is moving in and thru people at an exponential rate.
I love the Pastors, the staff and all the people.
I love seeing the hand of God impacting new believers literally every day.
I had every reason NOT to leave.
And yet… I wanted more.
Two years ago during a time of church-wide prayer I had a dream that further fueled my hunger for MORE though I didn’t know what MORE looked like (see my post Step Into Your Dream).
Thru prayer and time and tears I began to take steps into change.
Surely I’m not the only one who finally surrendered to my new “assignment” only to be surprised that it would be a long, sometimes exhausting journey that could get lonely. I didn’t expect I would have to work at it since I did agree, “Yes Lord.”
I’ve prayed for change for years. I’ve asked “When Lord?” and “How much longer Lord?”
I had a long distance view of the assignment He’s called me too.
I’m so ready to do what You’ve called me to do; be who You’ve called me to be…
Eventually I started listening more and speaking less.
I found that in my silence, I heard Him more. It wasn’t that He spoke more. Rather, I became more aware of Him and less aware of myself.
I’m in a TRANSITION period. At first I fought it and begrudged being held back. I wanted to expedite things. I wanted to GO.
I’m used to being in an environment of strong believers praying and strategizing and talking about what we can share about God this week. I miss weekly meetings reviewing what God did the week prior.
In March, I asked for the Pastors’ blessing to step out of my role to pursue writing. It was scary as I have no writing “experience” or education.
I’ve been tempted to write and blog and post on Facebook telling what God is doing.
But God said, “No. Not yet.”
At first I felt naked. I love PEOPLE, especially my people. “What will they think?” God, this is very anti-social.
Then I felt lonely. “Does anyone even care that I’m not there?”
I realized how fond I had become of the role and title I wore. Now it’s just me, a few close friends. And God. Stripped down.
Here, in the waiting; it’s as if God is saying, “Child, just spend time with Me. Don’t be so quick to tell about Me, to show about Me. I want a season of just you and Me.”
The other day I was spending time with Him.
Me: “I love this time. I could stay here forever, but I still don’t get it Lord. It’s counter to my desire to serve others. That’s what YOU want, isn’t it? What Jesus taught?”
Lord: “What’s a wedding?”
Me: “A ceremony where two people who love each other come together marking the commitment to share their lives together as one.”
Lord: “Who comes?”
Me: “Usually friends, family, photographers, musicians. Lots of people.”
Lord: “And what happens?”
Me: “The public exchange of vows and usually a big celebration.”
Lord: “And then where do all the people go?”
Me: “They go home.”
Lord: “Why don’t they go with the bride and groom?”
He’s not condescending in these questions. I understand He always has a point.
Me: “That time is special. It’s set aside for the bride and groom.”
Lord: “No one goes with them?”
I know He knows. I’m searching for what He wants me to see.
Me: “No. This is their time. To share each other. No one else Lord.”
Lord: “Yes. Their time. A special time. They begin as one.”
Then, with “Follow Me,” He left me with this impression: “No one else is there when the groom carries the bride over the threshold.”
I can tell you right now: God is interested in your attention.
The only thing that matters is His presence.
WHAT HE WANTS FROM YOU more than ANY thing you can do or be is for you to spend time resting in His presence.
Have you found satisfaction simply being alone in His presence?
“You will seek Me and find Me when you seek Me with all your heart” (Jeremiah 29:13)
All that we DO is additional to what He seeks from us. If we do not first find peace and satisfaction in God’s Presence, then what we do will not be from Him, but only for Him and of our own works.
Being fulfilled in His presence changes how we see and approach that which He’s called us to. This is how we gain Kingdom perspective, and it is foundational to all we do are who we are.
Maybe you are taking steps to walk out the unique purpose God has called you to.
That’s great! You’re right on track. That’s part of what He created you for and how He reaches others.
If you are discouraged or frustrated or confused, or uncomfortable or overwhelmed or downright SCARED –I can totally identify with you!
I’m glad God is not having me move forward yet. It’s as if I’m in a spiritual pause. This is transition. And I’m loving it.
In this neutral place I am realizing that all those negatives I just mentioned are circumstantial. And here’s the good news; we are not defined by our circumstances. Rather we are defined by whose we are.
Whatever God has planned for me, I am so grateful that He drew me out to strip me down from the “good” identity I’d grown to love. I had become fond of my role. What I did was my identity.
Leaving has reminded me that there is no higher call than to live simply as a child of God.
Sometimes we need extended states of “pause” to really grasp the bigger picture. God is God, and we are His. And He’s concerned with having our full attention.
As you process thru growing in whatever season you are in, remember to first and continuously to find God’s view.
Spend time with Him. Alone.
This is where:
– He strips us down. The grime of earthly perspective is washed off the eyes of our hearts and we gain clarity of vision.
-We become accustomed to His voice in the quiet and recognize Him in the noise of the worldliness. He wants each of us to hear directly from Him!
-Our thoughts are made new as we receive a download from God Himself. We access the mind of Christ!
Practically speaking:
Get in the Word. God speaks thru it.
Gather and worship with other believers. Something just happens when we do this.
But more than anything; take time alone with God daily.
If Jesus did this then how much more should we?
I find it helpful listening to worship to get my mind and body in tune with the spirit. After a song or two and some time in a devotional I take time to listen.
Practice being or becoming AWARE of His presence. He has much to say to you.
“My sheep listen to My voice; I know them, and they follow Me” (John 10:27).
God has plans for you. You don’t have to figure it all out, you need only show up and take Him at His word. Enjoy being with Him. Everything else will follow. Savor this time of transition, and look forward to what He can do with an expectant heart!
“Do not call to mind the former things,
Or ponder things of the past.
“Behold, I will do something new,
Now it will spring forth;
Will you not be aware of it?
I will even make a roadway in the wilderness,
Rivers in the desert” (Isaiah 43:18-19).
Follow-up from Eric: If you’re going through a time of transition in your own life, I hope you’ll join us this October for our 2nd Annual Ranch Retreat. We’ll be focusing on the topic of “transitions” and how God can help you through them, too. Shelly and her husband will be joining us from Texas! I hope you will, too! Click here to learn more.
If you’d like to get a paperback copy of Eric Elder’s recent series called “15 Tips for a Stronger Marriage” just click this link to visit The Ranch Bookstore and make a donation of any size OR click this link to visit Amazon.com and write a 1-2 sentence review of the series then email us your name, address and link to your review. Either way we’ll send you a copy of the book anywhere in the world. Your gifts and reviews help us to keep spreading God’s life-changing Word to people in 160 countries every day!
This Day’s Thought from The Ranch- Friday
The most fruitful and the most joy-filled Christians are the most pruned Christians.
Bruce Wilkinson
Go thy way, eat thy bread with joy, and drink thy wine with a merry heart; for God now accepteth thy works.
Ecclesiastes 9:7
The King James Version
Every day that you attempt to see things as they are in truth is a supremely successful day.
Vernon Howard
If you’d like to get a paperback copy of Eric Elder’s recent series called “15 Tips for a Stronger Marriage” just click this link to visit The Ranch Bookstore and make a donation of any size OR click this link to visit Amazon.com and write a 1-2 sentence review of the series then email us your name, address and link to your review. Either way we’ll send you a copy of the book anywhere in the world. Your gifts and reviews help us to keep spreading God’s life-changing Word to people in 160 countries every day!
Ecclesiastes 9:7 — Go thy way…
Go thy way, eat thy bread with joy, and drink thy wine with a merry heart; for God now accepteth thy works.
Ecclesiastes 9:7 The King James Version
This Day’s Thought from The Ranch- Thursday
When I am dealing with an all-powerful, all-knowing God, I, as a mere mortal, must offer my petitions not only with persistence, but also with patience. Someday I’ll know why.
Ruth Bell Graham
We are not trying to please men but God, who tests our hearts.
1 Thessalonians 2:4
The New International Version
If you’d like to get a paperback copy of Eric Elder’s recent series called “15 Tips for a Stronger Marriage” just click this link to visit The Ranch Bookstore and make a donation of any size OR click this link to visit Amazon.com and write a 1-2 sentence review of the series then email us your name, address and link to your review. Either way we’ll send you a copy of the book anywhere in the world. Your gifts and reviews help us to keep spreading God’s life-changing Word to people in 160 countries every day!
Ruth Bell Graham — When I am dealing…
When I am dealing with an all-powerful, all-knowing God, I, as a mere mortal, must offer my petitions not only with persistence, but also with patience. Someday I’ll know why.
Ruth Bell Graham
1 Thessalonians 2:4 — We are not trying to please men but God…
We are not trying to please men but God, who tests our hearts.
1 Thessalonians 2:4 The New International Version
This Day’s Thought from The Ranch- Wednesday
The Bible was not given to increase our knowledge but to change our lives.
D. L. Moody
I appeal to you, dear brothers and sisters, by the authority of our Lord Jesus Christ, to live in harmony with each other. Let there be no divisions in the church. Rather, be of one mind, united in thought and purpose.
1 Corinthians 1:10
The New Living Translation
God is always trying to give good things to us, but our hands are too full to receive them.
Augustine
If you’d like to get a paperback copy of Eric Elder’s recent series called “15 Tips for a Stronger Marriage” just click this link to visit The Ranch Bookstore and make a donation of any size OR click this link to visit Amazon.com and write a 1-2 sentence review of the series then email us your name, address and link to your review. Either way we’ll send you a copy of the book anywhere in the world. Your gifts and reviews help us to keep spreading God’s life-changing Word to people in 160 countries every day!
D. L. Moody — The Bible was not given…
The Bible was not given to increase our knowledge but to change our lives.
D. L. Moody
1 Corinthians 1:10 — I appeal to you, dear brothers and sisters…
I appeal to you, dear brothers and sisters, by the authority of our Lord Jesus Christ, to live in harmony with each other. Let there be no divisions in the church. Rather, be of one mind, united in thought and purpose.
1 Corinthians 1:10 The New Living Translation
Augustine — God is always trying to give good things to us…
God is always trying to give good things to us, but our hands are too full to receive them.
Augustine
Jim Gallery — If you can’t seem to put the brakes…
If you can’t seem to put the brakes on impulsive behavior, you’re probably not praying hard enough.
Jim Gallery
Leviticus 26:12 — I will walk among you…
I will walk among you and be your God, and you shall be My people.
Leviticus 26:12 The New King James Version
This Day’s Thought from The Ranch- Tuesday
If you can’t seem to put the brakes on impulsive behavior, you’re probably not praying hard enough.
Jim Gallery
I will walk among you and be your God, and you shall be My people.
Leviticus 26:12
The New King James Version
If you’d like to get a paperback copy of Eric Elder’s recent series called “15 Tips for a Stronger Marriage” just click this link to visit The Ranch Bookstore and make a donation of any size OR click this link to visit Amazon.com and write a 1-2 sentence review of the series then email us your name, address and link to your review. Either way we’ll send you a copy of the book anywhere in the world. Your gifts and reviews help us to keep spreading God’s life-changing Word to people in 160 countries every day!
This Day’s Thought from The Ranch- Monday
If you are willing to honor a person out of respect for God, you can be assured that God will honor you.
Beth Moore
The LORD is on my side; I will not fear: what can man do unto me?
Psalm 118:6
The King James Version
To wait upon God is the perfection of activity.
Oswald Chambers
If you’d like to get a paperback copy of Eric Elder’s recent series called “15 Tips for a Stronger Marriage” just click this link to visit The Ranch Bookstore and make a donation of any size OR click this link to visit Amazon.com and write a 1-2 sentence review of the series then email us your name, address and link to your review. Either way we’ll send you a copy of the book anywhere in the world. Your gifts and reviews help us to keep spreading God’s life-changing Word to people in 160 countries every day!
Beth Moore — If you are willing to honor a person…
If you are willing to honor a person out of respect for God, you can be assured that God will honor you.
Beth Moore
Psalm 118:6 — The Lord is on my side…
The LORD is on my side; I will not fear: what can man do unto me
Psalm 118:6 The King James Version
Oswald Chambers — To wait upon God…
To wait upon God is the perfection of activity.
Oswald Chambers
This Week’s Sermon- Change, Thoughtfulness, and Hopefulness
CHANGE, THOUGHTFULNESS, AND HOPEFULNESS
Part 1 of our series on “Transitions”
by Kelly Albrecht
Note from Eric: Today’s message is by Kelly Albrecht, a friend of Greg’s and mine. If you were one of our subscribers 10 years ago, you may remember Kelly was the wife of Kirk Albrecht, another friend and our best technical support for The Ranch website. Sadly for all of us, Kirk passed away 10 years ago at the age of 36 on July 14, 2004. When we mentioned Kirk’s passing on our website, hundreds wrote in to offer Kelly their prayers and condolences from around the world. Kelly asked recently if she could write a note of thanks and a message of encouragement to you here on the 10th anniversary of Kirk’s passing, which Greg and I are happy to pass along to you in the message below. Thanks for blessing her all those years ago, and I pray her message blesses you in return. Eric
Change, Thoughtfulness, and Hopefulness
By Kelly Albrecht
As I sat to write this, I decided that I wanted to share some of my story but to also write a note of appreciation. My story is about change, thoughtfulness, and hopefulness.
I’m a person of contradictions; I don’t like change or surprises but sometimes I want things to change and love some surprises. I like good changes, good surprises; things that you hope for and want, but didn’t think will ever come. These are the hopes and dreams that make the perfect day, if you were to describe it. When they come, you rejoice. This is hearing a friend or family member has accepted Christ as their Savior, a job promotion, the blooming of a flower, the first words of a child, finding out after years of trying that you are pregnant again, a surprise birthday celebration, finding something you lost, the phone call from a friend you haven’t heard from in years, the “I love you” from a loved one, receiving a postcard or letter from a friend, and the list goes on and on. These are the good changes and surprises. They are the things you can see yourself living with; things you relish coming, things you desire and dream of happening in your life. They are the things that make you smile and feed your soul. They are things that would be considered “happy times” and “sunshine moments.” Then there are changes and surprises that you dread, you pray never happen; ones that bring sadness to your life if they were to come.
Sadly, life is not only the “good times,” the cherished and dreamed about changes and surprises. Those hard times come; they also show no respecter of person, happening to people without warning even. The good thing about the unexpected changes and surprises are: God is still there. He’s guiding and protecting us, in the good times and the bad times. Adversity makes it harder to see God’s guidance and grace but, if we look hard enough, it is there. Sometimes a person sees it, but their friends and family don’t believe that God is still there when adversity strikes. Hopefully you are like me, you may have a few distractors (people that don’t encourage you or see that God is there) but for the most part, you are surrounded by people that through life adversities they are showing you love and encouragement that can only be from God. These are not only people you know personally, but may be a complete stranger; a fellow Christian, or just a person who you happen to cross paths with for a short time. A person God has placed there for that time in your life; to encourage you and to help show you God’s love at a time you really need it. That isn’t saying that these have to be one time encouragers, nor that people will have to stay a stranger; new friends can be born out of adversity. These people may encourage a person in a way that, years later, well, they look back fondly and remember the strength and uplifting these encouraging people brought to their life.
This happened to me 10 years ago tomorrow. That was the day that changed my life, changed the way I lived my comfortable life and I never saw coming. That day left me needing encouragement and support like never before. You see, I was one of those girls you hear about that dreamed as long as she could remember of growing up to become a wife and a mother. I would play house, dress up, and plan my wedding, dream about what kind of man I would marry. When I finally met and married the man of my dreams, I was so excited that God gave me such a wonderful man. Kirk (my beloved) and I were married in 1989 and at that point ten years ago, we had been married just over 15 years and 4 months. We were raising three wonderful children (two girls and a boy) in addition to foster/adopting a boy, and had found out a couple of weeks before this point that I was pregnant with baby number four (a girl). We couldn’t have been happier and had recently moved into our first house. If you had asked us, life was good and we were expecting it to get better and better with each passing day.
One of Kirk’s favorite sayings was: “nothing is more consistent than change.” Remember, I am not a big fan of change or of surprises so; this was quoted to me often when I would voice my displeasure over an unexpected change or news. Also, early on in our marriage we coined the catch phrase, “life is a journey and I can’t wait to see where God takes us next.” Both of those phrases would hit home in a way that I wasn’t prepared for, ways that shook me to my core on July 14, 2004 by one short phone call. Nothing but God could have prepared me for the changes that happened 10 years ago tomorrow. That was the day that my precious Kirk died unexpectedly of a heart attack while at work. Life was good for us; things were going in the right direction, Kirk had a great job, I was homeschooling our children, we were planning on adopting, we were also having another biological child, we had just bought a house and moved in earlier that spring, we were happy. As a couple we were great, the children were healthy, I was healthy, and Kirk was responding well to medicines to treat a long term heart condition. Things seemed to only be going better. We had plans for our future; vacation plans, plans for the children’s future, plans to see our children attend college, graduate, date, get married, have children. We were going to grow old together and all the while grow more and more in love. We were going to go on more mission trips and vacations together. Our plans were all about happiness and being together as a family. Our plans though; there was nothing wrong with our plans in the broader sense, but they were not God’s plans.
When I got home that morning from running errands I was surprised to see there were so many messages on my answering machine. The first one alerted me that something was wrong with Kirk and I was to call his friend and co-worker back. I first heard of Kirk’s heart attack from him. He went to the hospital with my husband and it was from a phone call with him that the doctor took over the phone to talk to me and tell me my husband had died. I was crushed, to say the least. This was the biggest surprise (and very unwanted) that I had ever had in my life. This also would bring about much change I knew.
After hearing that my husband died and arranging a ride to the hospital, I called Eric, a friend of us both and leader of The Ranch. My support started flowing in from not just Eric that day but this whole list at that time. Eric was nice enough to notify Greg of This Day’s Thought (back before the two ministries merged) to notify him that Kirk had died. Kirk was helping Greg with his website at this time. Greg then notified his list of Kirk’s death and asked you all to pray for me and the children. I was very blessed and surprised by the outpouring of love and support many of you gave through email. It really touched my heart to know people cared that much; most of you who had never even met Kirk once in your life. Many of the messages were forwarded to me and I saved them. Eric later kept all the messages and made a nice file of them and printed them out for me. I read and reread them many times over the first few months and even over the years, including this week (the link is here at theranch.org under “About Us” and “A Tribute to Kirk N. Albrecht” if you want to read them). The kind words reminded me that there are many thoughtful people in this world. I do not think I ever took the time to properly thank all you who wrote to me and prayed for the children and me. Thank you so very much and I hope you felt that your well wishes and prayers were appreciated, even though I had never thanked you before now. I am sorry it took so long but I am glad I have the opportunity to today.
Ten years ago doesn’t seem like that long ago, but in some ways it seems a lifetime ago. . Many changes have come to my household in these past ten years and my children are now 24, 22, 12, and 9. Changes from—two learning to drive, different stages of teaching them to cook, vacations, high school graduation, college graduations, first breaths, first smiles, many pictures, talks of life dreams and goals, picnics, watching them make decisions for Christ, many conversations about Kirk, and the list goes on and on. The one thing that hasn’t changed is teaching my children about God’s love and protection and his salvation. Each child is a blessing and is making their mark on the world. Life has changed, but life is still good because God is still in control.
Looking back I am reminded that I never dreamed that I would be a widow at such a young age. The day Kirk died it threw me into a club that I never would have willingly joined. Being a widow, or widower for that matter, is being forced into a club that no one wants to join but, if it is asked of you, there is nothing you can do to stop it. The last ten years was not what I had dreamed my life would be like when as a child I was playing house and dreaming of my future. Through my married life, I never dreamed that I would be a young widow. I wanted to grow old together with Kirk, to have a life full of times together, but in life I have learned that my plans are not always as God has planned. I have also learned that God is using my experiences to help others that are going through the same situation. I went on to finish college, even getting a master’s degree in marriage and family therapy and currently a dissertation away from having a doctoral degree focusing on using one’s faith in counseling, especially while grieving. I miss Kirk every day and thank God for the time we had together, but I know that I have hope for my future because God is there and he will take my life story and use it for his kingdom. Thank all of you for being a part of my life by praying for me all those years ago, prayers that my children and I would know God’s guidance and protection and I am glad to report that God has meet our needs every time.
These last 10 years have brought about much change, but I am so thankful for the outpouring of love and support from everyone and that has left me hopeful that there are still caring people in this world that are willing to pray for and encourage each other. As I look to the future I am reminded for my family that: “life is a journey and I can’t wait to see where God takes us next.” May your life journey also take you to places where you know God’s love, encouragement and blessing and you are surrounded by friends and family in the kingdom of God. In closing I hope you find encouragement from one of my favorite Bible verses that reminds me that God is on this journey with us: “For I know the plans I have for you says the Lord…to give you a future and a hope” (Jeremiah 29:11).
Follow-up from Eric: Thanks for reading Kelly’s message today. If you’re going through a transition in your own life, I hope you’ll join us this fall for our Ranch Retreat where we’ll be focusing on the topic of “transitions” and how God can help us through them. We’d love for your to join us. Click here to learn more.
If you’d like to get a paperback copy of Eric Elder’s recent series called “15 Tips for a Stronger Marriage” just click this link to visit The Ranch Bookstore and make a donation of any size OR click this link to visit Amazon.com and write a 1-2 sentence review of the series then email us your name, address and link to your review. Either way we’ll send you a copy of the book anywhere in the world. Your gifts and reviews help us to keep spreading God’s life-changing Word to people in 160 countries every day!
This Day’s Thought from The Ranch- Friday
Afflictions are but the shadow of God’s wings.
George MacDonald
I appeal to you, brothers, to watch out for those who cause divisions and create obstacles contrary to the doctrine that you have been taught; avoid them.
Romans 16:17
The English Standard Version
Never lose sight of the fact that old age needs so little but needs that little so much.
Margaret Willour
If you’d like to get a paperback copy of Eric Elder’s recent series called “15 Tips for a Stronger Marriage” just click this link to visit The Ranch Bookstore and make a donation of any size OR click this link to visit Amazon.com and write a 1-2 sentence review of the series then email us your name, address and link to your review. Either way we’ll send you a copy of the book anywhere in the world. Your gifts and reviews help us to keep spreading God’s life-changing Word to people in 160 countries every day!
Romans 16:17 — I appeal to you, brothers…
I appeal to you, brothers, to watch out for those who cause divisions and create obstacles contrary to the doctrine that you have been taught; avoid them.
Romans 16:17 The English Standard Version
This Day’s Thought from The Ranch- Thursday
Forgiveness is a stunning principle, your ticket out of hate and fear and chaos.
Barbara Johnson
“Do not judge according to appearance, but judge with righteous judgment.”
John 7:24
The New King James Version
If you’d like to get a paperback copy of Eric Elder’s recent series called “15 Tips for a Stronger Marriage” just click this link to visit The Ranch Bookstore and make a donation of any size OR click this link to visit Amazon.com and write a 1-2 sentence review of the series then email us your name, address and link to your review. Either way we’ll send you a copy of the book anywhere in the world. Your gifts and reviews help us to keep spreading God’s life-changing Word to people in 160 countries every day!
Barbara Johnson — Forgiveness is a stunning principle…
Forgiveness is a stunning principle, your ticket out of hate and fear and chaos.
Barbara Johnson
Announcing The 2nd Annual Ranch Retreat!
Hi, this is Eric Elder and I’m happy to announce that 3 months from today we’re going to hold our 2nd Annual Ranch Retreat! We’d love for you to come!
If you’d like a boost in your faith, I hope you’ll join us for a weekend of worship and inspiration here in the heart of the Great Midwest on Columbus Day Weekend, October 10-12th, 2014. Our theme for the weekend will be “Transitions” and we’ll be asking God to help us as we walk through the transitions each of us face in our lives, with a focus on this verse from the Bible:
“Have I not commanded you? Be strong and courageous. Do not be terrified; do not be discouraged, for the LORD your God will be with you wherever you go” (Joshua 1:9).
We’ll start off with a sumptuous dinner on Friday night followed by some inspirational worship led by Alan Lowry of Saddleback’s GIG Music Ministry and a message to encourage you in your faith from Greg Potzer of This Day’s Thought and myself (plus a special behind-the-scenes look at our ministry, “This Day’s Thought from The Ranch”). Al’s coming in from Orange County, California, and Greg’s coming in from Denver, Colorado, so if you’re coming from out of state or out of the country, you’ll be in good company!
We’ll continue on Saturday morning with a light and refreshing breakfast, followed by another session of inspirational worship and messages. We’ll take a break for lunch on your own and some free time in the afternoon to just relax, pray or chat with us and some new friends.
We’ll have an optional prayer walk on Saturday afternoon at the site of my late wife Lana’s Memorial Bench at a cemetery nearby where you’ll have time to consider what God wants you to do with the rest of your “dash” here on earth. (I’ll also be sharing a personal update with you during the weekend on how we’re doing with our own transition since Lana’s moving on to her new home in heaven.)
We’ll gather again on Saturday night for another great meal, more inspirational worship and another faith-boosting message. (If the weather’s nice, we may even have a bonfire and cookout here at our home, complete with a sky full of stars and some good old s’mores for dessert…you’ll like ’em so much, you’ll want “s’more”!)
If you stay over till Sunday, we’d love to have you join us for worship at the local church where we attend in Normal, Illinois (you can tell people you were “close to Normal” for a whole weekend!), followed by lunch at the church café (dutch treat) for some extra time of relaxed fellowship.
If all that sounds good to you (I know it sounds good to me!), I hope you’ll join us here in Illinois on Columbus Day Weekend, October 10-12, 2014. We’re asking for a donation of $150 per person for the whole weekend of activities, which includes a gourmet dinner and hors d’oerves on Friday night, a light & refreshing breakfast and a homestyle dinner on Saturday, and 3 inspirational sets of worship and messages!
Even if we didn’t provide any sumptous meals or inspiring worship and messages, just getting out of your usual routine for a few days might be just what you need to hear from God more clearly and give you the boost in your faith that you need. So save the dates and join us in October!
(Although we hope you can stay for the whole weekend, we know some of you might be able to join us only on Friday or Saturday, so you can sign up for a one-day registration for just $75. And as much as I wish I could host you all at my home, I think you’d find it a little crowded with all my kids here! So here’s a link to some hotels near Lexington, Illinois where most of the activities will be held.)
REGISTRATION
We’re asking for a donation of $150 per person for the whole weekend of activities (plus a $4.74 processing fee from Eventbrite). You can also register for just Friday or Saturday for a donation of $75 per person (plus a $2.87 processing fee from Eventbrite). Please note for tax purposes that only the amount of your donations for the weekend that exceed the suggested donations listed above will be considered tax-deductible.
LOCATION
The retreat will be held at the Lexington Community Center, located at 207 West Main Street in Lexington, Illinois. Lexington is about 2 hours south of Chicago and 25 minutes north of Bloomington/Normal. The closest airport is in Bloomington, Illinois (BMI), with flights to many major cities daily.
SCHEDULE OF EVENTS
FRIDAY, OCTOBER 10
5:00-6:30 Check-in at the Lexington Community Center in Lexington, Illinois
6:30 Hors d’Oerves and Fellowship
7:00 Gourmet Dinner
7:45 Worship with Al Lowry
8:15 Behind-the-Scenes with Greg Potzer and Eric Elder
9:15-10:00 Q & A, Prayer and Wrap Up
SATURDAY, OCTOBER 11
9:00-10:00 Gather and enjoy a light & refreshing breakfast at the Lexington Community Center
10:00 Worship with Al Lowry
10:30 Message by Eric Elder
11:30-12:00 Q & A, Prayer and Wrap Up
12:00 Break for lunch on your own at local restaurants
12:00-6:00 Free time for relaxed fellowship and prayer, with an optional prayer walk at Lana Elder’s memorial bench at the Lexington Cemetery
6:00 Gather again at the Lexington Community Center
6:30 Homestyle Dinner
7:15 Worship with Al Lowry
7:45 Message by Eric Elder
8:45-10:00 Q & A, Prayer and Wrap Up
SUNDAY, OCTOBER 12
11:30 Worship together at Eastview Christian Church in Normal, Illinois
1:00-3:00 Lunch (dutch treat) at the church café for some extra time of relaxed fellowship
ABOUT US
Here’s a little more about us!
About Eric Elder and The Ranch
About Greg Potzer and This Day’s Thought
About Al Lowry and Saddleback’s GIG Ministry
For more information about the retreat, housing or any other details, please call Shelly at (214) 597-4872 or simply reply to this note. Thanks and hope to see you in October!
Eric Elder
This Day’s Thought from The Ranch- Announcing The Ranch Retreat!
SPECIAL ANNOUNCEMENT!
The 2nd Annual Ranch Retreat!
Hi, this is Eric Elder and I’m happy to announce that 3 months from today we’re going to hold our 2nd Annual Ranch Retreat! We’d love for you to come!
If you’d like a boost in your faith, I hope you’ll join us for a weekend of worship and inspiration here in the heart of the Great Midwest on Columbus Day Weekend, October 10-12th, 2014. Our theme for the weekend will be “Transitions” and we’ll be asking God to help us as we walk through the transitions each of us face in our lives, with a focus on this verse from the Bible:
“Have I not commanded you? Be strong and courageous. Do not be terrified; do not be discouraged, for the LORD your God will be with you wherever you go” (Joshua 1:9).
We’ll start off with a sumptuous dinner on Friday night followed by some inspirational worship led by Alan Lowry of Saddleback’s GIG Music Ministry and a message to encourage you in your faith from Greg Potzer of This Day’s Thought and myself (plus a special behind-the-scenes look at our ministry, “This Day’s Thought from The Ranch”). Al’s coming in from Orange County, California, and Greg’s coming in from Denver, Colorado, so if you’re coming from out of state or out of the country, you’ll be in good company!
We’ll continue on Saturday morning with a light and refreshing breakfast, followed by another session of inspirational worship and messages. We’ll take a break for lunch on your own and some free time in the afternoon to just relax, pray or chat with us and some new friends.
We’ll have an optional prayer walk on Saturday afternoon at the site of my late wife Lana’s Memorial Bench at a cemetery nearby where you’ll have time to consider what God wants you to do with the rest of your “dash” here on earth. (I’ll also be sharing a personal update with you during the weekend on how we’re doing with our own transition since Lana’s moving on to her new home in heaven.)
We’ll gather again on Saturday night for another great meal, more inspirational worship and another faith-boosting message. (If the weather’s nice, we may even have a bonfire and cookout here at our home, complete with a sky full of stars and some good old s’mores for dessert…you’ll like ‘em so much, you’ll want “s’more”!)
If you stay over till Sunday, we’d love to have you join us for worship at the local church where we attend in Normal, Illinois (you can tell people you were “close to Normal” for a whole weekend!), followed by lunch at the church café (dutch treat) for some extra time of relaxed fellowship.
If all that sounds good to you (I know it sounds good to me!), I hope you’ll join us here in Illinois on Columbus Day Weekend, October 10-12, 2014. We’re asking for a donation of $150 per person for the whole weekend of activities, which includes a gourmet dinner and hors d’oerves on Friday night, a light & refreshing breakfast and a homestyle dinner on Saturday, and 3 inspirational sets of worship and messages!
Even if we didn’t provide any sumptous meals or inspiring worship and messages, just getting out of your usual routine for a few days might be just what you need to hear from God more clearly and give you the boost in your faith that you need. So save the dates and join us in October!
(Although we hope you can stay for the whole weekend, we know some of you might be able to join us only on Friday or Saturday, so you can sign up for a one-day registration for just $75. And as much as I wish I could host you all at my home, I think you’d find it a little crowded with all my kids here! So here’s a link to some hotels near Lexington, Illinois where most of the activities will be held.)
REGISTRATION
We’re asking for a donation of $150 per person for the whole weekend of activities (plus a $4.74 processing fee from Eventbrite). You can also register for just Friday or Saturday for a donation of $75 per person (plus a $2.87 processing fee from Eventbrite). Please note for tax purposes that only the amount of your donations for the weekend that exceed the suggested donations listed above will be considered tax-deductible.
LOCATION
The retreat will be held at the Lexington Community Center, located at 207 West Main Street in Lexington, Illinois. Lexington is about 2 hours south of Chicago and 25 minutes north of Bloomington/Normal. The closest airport is in Bloomington, Illinois (BMI), with flights to many major cities daily.
SCHEDULE OF EVENTS
FRIDAY, OCTOBER 10
5:00-6:30 Check-in at the Lexington Community Center in Lexington, Illinois
6:30 Hors d’Oerves and Fellowship
7:00 Gourmet Dinner
7:45 Worship with Al Lowry
8:15 Behind-the-Scenes with Greg Potzer and Eric Elder
9:15-10:00 Q & A, Prayer and Wrap Up
SATURDAY, OCTOBER 11
9:00-10:00 Gather and enjoy a light & refreshing breakfast at the Lexington Community Center
10:00 Worship with Al Lowry
10:30 Message by Eric Elder
11:30-12:00 Q & A, Prayer and Wrap Up
12:00 Break for lunch on your own at local restaurants
12:00-6:00 Free time for relaxed fellowship and prayer, with an optional prayer walk at Lana Elder’s memorial bench at the Lexington Cemetery
6:00 Gather again at the Lexington Community Center
6:30 Homestyle Dinner
7:15 Worship with Al Lowry
7:45 Message by Eric Elder
8:45-10:00 Q & A, Prayer and Wrap Up
SUNDAY, OCTOBER 12
11:30 Worship together at Eastview Christian Church in Normal, Illinois
1:00-3:00 Lunch (dutch treat) at the church café for some extra time of relaxed fellowship
ABOUT US
Here’s a little more about us!
About Eric Elder and The Ranch
About Greg Potzer and This Day’s Thought
About Al Lowry and Saddleback’s GIG Ministry
For more information about the retreat, housing or any other details, please call Shelly at (214) 597-4872 or simply reply to this note. Thanks and hope to see you in October!
Eric Elder
John 7:24 — Do not judge according to appearance…
“Do not judge according to appearance, but judge with righteous judgment.”
John 7:24 The New King James Version
Hannah Whitall Smith — Those who are God’s without reserve…
Those who are God’s without reserve are, in every sense, content.
Hannah Whitall Smith
Psalm 34:16 — But the Lord turns his face…
But the LORD turns his face against those who do evil; he will erase their memory from the earth.
Psalm 34:16 The New Living Translation
The Little Book of Church Signs — A Bible That Is Falling Apart…
A Bible That Is Falling Apart Belongs To Someone Who Isn’t
If You Want To Hear God Laugh, Tell Him Your Plans
Lent Is Spring Training For Christians
Now Open Between Easter And Christmas
Lost And Found Inside
Salvation Guaranteed, Or Your Sins Cheerfully Refunded!
Come Early To Get A Seat In Back
Happy Hour: Sundays At 10 A.M.
You think it’s hot here?
If At First You Don’t Succeed, Read The Instructions (The Bible!)
Ask About Our Pray-As-You-Go Plan
Have a God day!
Prepare For Your Finals! Read The Bible!
God Is. Any Questions?
Same Owner For 2,000 Years
The Little Book of Church Signs
This Day’s Thought from The Ranch- Wednesday
Those who are God’s without reserve are, in every sense, content.
Hannah Whitall Smith
But the LORD turns his face against those who do evil; he will erase their memory from the earth.
Psalm 34:16
The New Living Translation
A Bible That Is Falling Apart Belongs To Someone Who Isn’t
If You Want To Hear God Laugh, Tell Him Your Plans
Lent Is Spring Training For Christians
Now Open Between Easter And Christmas
Lost And Found Inside
Salvation Guaranteed, Or Your Sins Cheerfully Refunded!
Come Early To Get A Seat In Back
Happy Hour: Sundays At 10 A.M.
You think it’s hot here?
If At First You Don’t Succeed, Read The Instructions (The Bible!)
Ask About Our Pray-As-You-Go Plan
Have a God day!
Prepare For Your Finals! Read The Bible!
God Is. Any Questions?
Same Owner For 2,000 Years
The Little Book of Church Signs
If you’d like to get a paperback copy of Eric Elder’s recent series called “15 Tips for a Stronger Marriage” just click this link to visit The Ranch Bookstore and make a donation of any size OR click this link to visit Amazon.com and write a 1-2 sentence review of the series then email us your name, address and link to your review. Either way we’ll send you a copy of the book anywhere in the world. Your gifts and reviews help us to keep spreading God’s life-changing Word to people in 160 countries every day!
This Day’s Thought from The Ranch- Tuesday
When we read of the great Biblical leaders, we see that it was not uncommon for God to ask them to wait, not just a day or two, but for years, until God was ready for them to act.
Gloria Gaither
“But I will deliver you on that day, declares the LORD, and you shall not be given into the hand of the men of whom you are afraid.”
Jeremiah 39:17
The English Standard Version
If you’d like to get a paperback copy of Eric Elder’s recent series called “15 Tips for a Stronger Marriage” just click this link to visit The Ranch Bookstore and make a donation of any size OR click this link to visit Amazon.com and write a 1-2 sentence review of the series then email us your name, address and link to your review. Either way we’ll send you a copy of the book anywhere in the world. Your gifts and reviews help us to keep spreading God’s life-changing Word to people in 160 countries every day!
Gloria Gaither — When we read of the great Biblical leaders…
When we read of the great Biblical leaders, we see that it was not uncommon for God to ask them to wait, not just a day or two, but for years, until God was ready for them to act.
Gloria Gaither
Jeremiah 39:17 — But I will deliver you on that day…
“But I will deliver you on that day, declares the LORD, and you shall not be given into the hand of the men of whom you are afraid.”
Jeremiah 39:17 The English Standard Version
This Day’s Thought from The Ranch- Monday
If all things are possible with God, then all things are possible to him who believes in Him.
Corrie ten Boom
Resentment kills a fool, and envy slays the simple.
Job 5:2
The New International Version
The mind is like a clock that is constantly running down. It has to be wound up daily with good thoughts.
Fulton J. Sheen
If you’d like to get a paperback copy of Eric Elder’s recent series called “15 Tips for a Stronger Marriage” just click this link to visit The Ranch Bookstore and make a donation of any size OR click this link to visit Amazon.com and write a 1-2 sentence review of the series then email us your name, address and link to your review. Either way we’ll send you a copy of the book anywhere in the world. Your gifts and reviews help us to keep spreading God’s life-changing Word to people in 160 countries every day!
Corrie ten Boom — If all things are possible with God…
If all things are possible with God, then all things are possible to him who believes in Him.
Corrie ten Boom
Job 5:2 — Resentment kills a fool…
Resentment kills a fool, and envy slays the simple.
Job 5:2 The New International Version
Fulton J. Sheen — The mind is like a clock…
The mind is like a clock that is constantly running down. It has to be wound up daily with good thoughts.
Fulton J. Sheen
This Week’s Sermon- An Attitude Of Gratitude
(This morning, we are blessed by a sermon from a “visiting” pastor.)
An Attitude Of Gratitude
Michael Belcher
Two men were walking through a field one day when they spotted an enraged bull. Instantly they darted toward the nearest fence. The storming bull followed in hot pursuit, and it was soon apparent they wouldn’t make it. Terrified, the one shouted to the other, “Put up a prayer, John. We’re in for it!” John answered, “I can’t. I’ve never made a public prayer in my life.” “But you must!” implored his companion. “The bull is catching up to us.” “All right,” panted John, “I’ll say the only prayer I know, the one my father used to repeat at the table: ’O Lord, for what we are about to receive, make us truly thankful.’”
If there is one sin that most prevalent today, it is the sin of ingratitude. God does so much for us. Our indebtedness to him is enormous and yet we rarely or at least infrequently offer thanks for what he has done. In fact, most professing Christians don’t even offer thanks over their meals much less offer thanks over all that God does in their lives. We are much like the little boy who was given an orange by a man. The boy’s mother asked, “What do you say to the nice man?” The little boy thought and handed the orange back and said, “Peel it.”
For a child of God thankfulness is not confined to a day or a season, it is an attitude that we should have everyday and every hour.
To magnify this point I want us to examine the account of the ten lepers in Luke’s Gospel and see some important truths concerning an attitude of gratitude.
Message:
I. The Position Of All!
Look at verses 11 and 12. “And it came to pass, as he went to Jerusalem, that he passed through the midst of Samaria and Galilee. And as he entered into a certain village, there met him ten men that were lepers, which stood afar off:”
We see here the position of the lepers. Firstly,
· They Were In An Awful Position- Luke says here they stood afar off. The disease of lepercy was a painful disease but the physical pain was not the most terrible part of the disorder. Lepers were separated. They were shut out and cast off. It seems here that these lepers were shut out to an area away from everyone else. They were shut out from their Family. No one knows how long it had been since they had felt the touch of their wife or the kiss of their children. They were shut out from their Friends. Friends no longer came over or invited them to go somewhere with them. They were shut out from Fellowship of the church. Notice that Jesus on his way to Jerusalem entered into a certain village and there met the lepers. The religious crowd had no room for these leprous men. But most awful, they were shut out from the Father. Here is Jesus, the only way to the Father, and they stood afar off from him. Sinners are not near God, they are afar off. And they cannot and will not draw near on their own. Do you know what kept them at a distance? The Law. The law shut them out. The law set forth the conduct of lepers. The law said when you pass one, pass on the other side and cry out Unclean! Unclean! Sin puts us in an awful position. And they were all in this awful position.
· They Were In An Approachable Position- Here are these men living shut out lives. But I am grateful this morning that where the law says man cannot go, Jesus goes. What the law declares off limits, Jesus barges in. When the law passes on the other side, Jesus makes it a point to make contact. Oh, listen, Jesus came to save sinners. He went this way on purpose because even in the awful position sin puts us in, Jesus is able to reach us and to save us. My family can’t help me, my friends can’t help me, the church can’t help me, but Jesus can. And while we stand afar off from him, he does not stand afar off from us. When they could not get to Jesus, Jesus got to them. When they could not come to him, he came to them.
But they were all in the same position!
II. The Prayer Of All!
Now look at verses 13 and 14. “And they lifted up their voices, and said, Jesus, Master, have mercy on us. And when he saw them, he said unto them, Go shew yourselves unto the priests. And it came to pass, that, as they went, they were cleansed.”
All ten utter the same prayer. Notice two things here quickly.
· Their Observation- They saw and they sensed their need. You don’t pray and call out for help unless you feel your need. The reason sinners don’t come to Christ for salvation is that they don’t sense their need. But the loneliness and the pain of this disease were evident to these ten lepers. They knew they needed help and there was none to be found except maybe in this one called Jesus, whom they heard healed the sick. There is no doubt they need help, so they cry out for mercy.
· Their Obedience- Prayer without obedience is useless. Jesus tells them to go to the priest. Now the priests had no power to cure but he had the authority to declare the one cured clean. And to issue the certificate of cleanliness so that all would be sure of his healing. But do notice that they were not healed immediately but they were healed as they went. As they obeyed the command of the Lord they were healed. So not only did all pray to Jesus but Jesus healed also all physically.
III. The Praise Of One!
Verses 15-19, “And one of them, when he saw that he was healed, turned back, and with a loud voice glorified God, And fell down on his face at his feet, giving him thanks: and he was a Samaritan. And Jesus answering said, Were there not ten cleansed? but where are the nine? There are not found that returned to give glory to God, save this stranger. And he said unto him, Arise, go thy way: thy faith hath made thee whole.”
Here is the key to the whole issue. All were in the same awful position. All prayed and all were healed. Yet only one of the ten returned to offer thanksgiving. Notice:
· The Opportunity Of Praise- And one of them, when he saw that he was healed, turned back. He saw a reason to praise. He saw a difference Jesus had made. He saw a change wrought by Christ. He saw an opportunity to praise God. Many see their need to pray but don’t see their need to praise. I don’t know how it happened, we are not told here. But maybe as they walked toward the priest’s house. He began to notice his skin loosing that scaling white appearance. Or maybe they passed by some people and he expected that they would run to the other side and yell, Unclean! Unclean! But it never came. I don’t know how he came to the conclusion but when he saw that he was healed he stopped going the one direction and made a bee-line to Jesus Christ. He had reason to praise God. They all had reason to praise God, but only one saw it.
· The Object Of Praise- Where are the other nine? I have no doubt that after they were declared clean by the priest they made their way to be with their family and their friends. To hug and kiss the wife and the children. To visit with Mom and Dad. To talk with friends. Their minds were occupied on all that the blessing brought to their lives. But one. One loved his wife and children just as much as the others. One wanted to hug and kiss his wife and children just as much as the others. One wanted to spend time with his friends just as much as the others. One wanted to enjoy the blessing just as much as the others. But one had his priorities in order. One did not get so wrapped up in the blessing that he forgot the blesser. One put family, friends and fellowship on hold so that he could worship the one that made his being with his family and friends possible.
Notice that with a loud voice he glorified God. With the same loudness and intensity he cried for mercy, he glorified God. Many times we cry loud for help and low with praise. But with the same zeal we sought help we should praise him. And he fell down on his face at his feet, giving him thanks; and he was a Samaritan. Oh he was not a Jew, he was not worthy of this healing. He was not worthy to receive God’s help. But by grace he was healed and he comes to worship the one who unconditionally healed him. And he got more than the others did. They received physical healing from a distance. But this one not only received physical healing but he got close to God and worshipped him as Lord and received spiritual healing. God may chose to physically heal a man from a distance but spiritual healing comes only when we fall prostrate before the feet of Jesus Christ and worship him as Savior and Lord. His faith did not save him but it connected him to the one who could save him.
Close:
There was a father and mother of a young man killed in the military in a little church. One day they came to the pastor and told him the wanted to give a monetary gift as a memory to our son who died in battle. The pastor said, “That’s a wonderful gesture on your part. He asked if it was ok to tell the congregation and they said that it was. So the next Sunday he told the congregation of the gift given in memory of the dead son.
On the way home from church, another couple were driving down the highway when the father said to his wife, “Why don’t we give a gift because of our son?” And his wife said, “But our son didn’t die in any conflict! Our son is still alive!” Her husband replied, “That’s exactly my point! That’s all the more reason we ought to give in thanks to God.”
If you’d like to get a paperback copy of Eric Elder’s recent series called “15 Tips for a Stronger Marriage” just click this link to visit The Ranch Bookstore and make a donation of any size OR click this link to visit Amazon.com and write a 1-2 sentence review of the series then email us your name, address and link to your review. Either way we’ll send you a copy of the book anywhere in the world. Your gifts and reviews help us to keep spreading God’s life-changing Word to people in 160 countries every day!
Matthew 19:21 — Jesus said to him…
Jesus said to him, “If you want to be perfect, go sell what you have and give to the poor, and you will have treasure in heaven; and come, follow Me.”
Matthew 19:21 The New King James Version
This Day’s Thought from The Ranch- Friday
One drop of Christ’s blood is worth more than heaven and earth.
Martin Luther
Jesus said to him, “If you want to be perfect, go sell what you have and give to the poor, and you will have treasure in heaven; and come, follow Me.”
Matthew 19:21
The New King James Version
Life does not accommodate you, it shatters you. It is meant to, and couldn’t do it better. Every seed destroys its container or there would be no fruition.
F. Scott-Maxwell
If you’d like to get a paperback copy of Eric Elder’s recent series called “15 Tips for a Stronger Marriage” just click this link to visit The Ranch Bookstore and make a donation of any size OR click this link to visit Amazon.com and write a 1-2 sentence review of the series then email us your name, address and link to your review. Either way we’ll send you a copy of the book anywhere in the world. Your gifts and reviews help us to keep spreading God’s life-changing Word to people in 160 countries every day!
Max Lucado — I choose gentleness…
I choose gentleness. Nothing is won by force. I choose to be gentle. If I raise my voice may it be only in praise. If I clench my fist, may it be only in prayer. If I make a demand, may it be only of myself.
Max Lucado
This Day’s Thought from The Ranch- Thursday
I choose gentleness. Nothing is won by force. I choose to be gentle. If I raise my voice may it be only in praise. If I clench my fist, may it be only in prayer. If I make a demand, may it be only of myself.
Max Lucado
And he said unto them, Render therefore unto Caesar the things which be Caesar’s, and unto God the things which be God’s.
Luke 20:25
The King James Version
If you’d like to get a paperback copy of Eric Elder’s recent series called “15 Tips for a Stronger Marriage” just click this link to visit The Ranch Bookstore and make a donation of any size OR click this link to visit Amazon.com and write a 1-2 sentence review of the series then email us your name, address and link to your review. Either way we’ll send you a copy of the book anywhere in the world. Your gifts and reviews help us to keep spreading God’s life-changing Word to people in 160 countries every day!
Luke 20:25 — And he said unto them…
And he said unto them, Render therefore unto Caesar the things which be Caesar’s, and unto God the things which be God’s.
Luke 20:25 The King James Version
This Day’s Thought from The Ranch- Wednesday
Don’t be a half-Christian. There are too many of them in the world already. The world has a profound respect for a person who is sincere in his faith.
Billy Graham
God anointed Jesus of Nazareth with the Holy Spirit and with power, who went about doing good and healing all who were oppressed by the devil, for God was with Him.
Acts 10:38
The New King James Version
When considering the size of your problems, there are two categories that you should never worry about: the problems that are small enough for you to handle, and the ones that aren’t too big for God to handle.
Marie T. Freeman
If you’d like to get a paperback copy of Eric Elder’s recent series called “15 Tips for a Stronger Marriage” just click this link to visit The Ranch Bookstore and make a donation of any size OR click this link to visit Amazon.com and write a 1-2 sentence review of the series then email us your name, address and link to your review. Either way we’ll send you a copy of the book anywhere in the world. Your gifts and reviews help us to keep spreading God’s life-changing Word to people in 160 countries every day!
Billy Graham — Don’t be a half-Christian…
Don’t be a half-Christian. There are too many of them in the world already. The world has a profound respect for a person who is sincere in his faith.
Billy Graham
Acts 10:38 — God anointed Jesus of Nazareth…
God anointed Jesus of Nazareth with the Holy Spirit and with power, who went about doing good and healing all who were oppressed by the devil, for God was with Him.
Acts 10:38 The New King James Version
Marie T. Freeman — When considering the size of your problems…
When considering the size of your problems, there are two categories that you should never worry about: the problems that are small enough for you to handle, and the ones that aren’t too big for God to handle.
Marie T. Freeman
15 Tips For A Stronger Marriage

You’re reading 15 TIPS FOR A STRONGER MARRIAGE, by Eric Elder, featuring 15 inspirational tips to help your marriage be the best that it can be. Also available in paperback and eBook formats in our bookstore for a donation of any size!
Practical tips for newlyweds, nearly-weds or anyone who wants to strengthen their marriage
by Eric Elder
INTRODUCTION
I was sitting with a couple recently to help them plan their wedding when the bride-to-be asked me to do something impossible: she wanted me to talk at her wedding about marriage and what made my marriage to my wife, Lana, so successful.
She said she admired our relationship and wanted to learn whatever she could to make her marriage the best that it could be.
Here’s why her request seemed so impossible: how could I possibly summarize 23 years worth of thoughts on marriage in such a short message on her wedding day? Yet her question also inspired me because I loved the idea of being able to pass along to them anything that might be helpful. So I began to think of all the tips I had heard before we got married, after we got married and throughout our 23 years of marriage. I quickly came up with 4 or 5 sermons to share at her wedding!
In the end, I only shared 1 simple message with them, based on 3 words, which I felt would help them get through anything they might face in the future. I’ll share those 3 words with you in chapter 6, as they serve as the glue that holds all the other tips together. But I still wanted to share with this couple all the other great tips that God had brought to my mind. The result is this little book that I’m now sharing with you.
I wish I could say that if you’ll just put these 15 tips into practice you’ll be guaranteed success in your own marriage, but relationships just don’t work like that. Each one of us is unique and each one of our relationships is unique. Yet I still believe each of these tips can be helpful to you in one way or another, even if it’s just to talk through them with your spouse, or spouse to be, and then adapt and apply them to your own relationship.
To make this book easier to read, I’ve divided it into 7 chapters, 6 of which are about marriage, with a bonus chapter at the end called “12 Tips On Parenting.” I wrote this chapter in response to another question by some other friends who asked for my thoughts on that topic.
Since this book has 7 chapters, you might want to read a chapter a day for 7 days or a chapter a week for 7 weeks. You might also want to go through this book with a few other couples who are newly married, nearly married or just want to strengthen their marriage, no matter how long they’ve been married. Who knows? This book may be just what they need to make their marriage not just good, but great!
Any way you do it, I pray God will bless you through it, both now and for many years to come.
In Christ’s love,
Eric Elder

You’re reading 15 TIPS FOR A STRONGER MARRIAGE, by Eric Elder, featuring 15 inspirational tips to help your marriage be the best that it can be. Also available in paperback and eBook formats in our bookstore for a donation of any size!
CHAPTER 1
Here are the first 7 tips for a stronger marriage. I’ve kept these tips short to help you get started as quickly as possible, but I hope you won’t rush through them.
We have a game at our house called Othello. and the description on the box says the game takes “a minute to learn; a lifetime to master.” The same is true for each of these tips. You can probably read each one in just a few minutes, but they could take a lifetime to master!
So I hope you’ll take some time to really consider how to apply each one to your own marriage. With that in mind, here are the first 7 tips!
1) Pray with each other daily. Before Lana and I got married, I heard someone say that he prayed every night with his wife before they went to bed. He said this assured them of 2 things every day:
1- This assured them that each of them was being prayed for every single day of their lives. Since I believe in the power of prayer, I was so eager to try this even before I got married that I tried it with a friend who was my roommate at the time. It turned out to be so powerful, and we saw so many answers to our prayers, that I was convinced to keep doing it when I entered into marriage as well.
2- This also assured them that each of them would have a chance to express some of their deepest needs that they may never have shared otherwise. Often I would go through a whole day with Lana, talking and doing life together, and think that I knew what she probably wanted prayer for by the end of the day. But there were often times when I would ask her how I could pray for her and she would surprise me with something that I would have never guessed on my own.
No matter how late it was at night or what kind of mood we were in, we kept this commitment daily, even if it was just praying a blessing over each other in Jesus’ name. One of Lana’s favorite prayers to pray for me and for the kids was based on this verse from the Bible:
“The LORD bless you and keep you; the LORD make His face shine upon you and be gracious to you; the LORD turn His face toward you and give you peace” (Numbers 6:24-26).
I shared this tip with the couple who inspired me to write this book and they posted a message on FaceBook just a few days into their honeymoon:
“A man filled with great wisdom told us before we got married that every night we should pray together before we fell asleep. So far in our short marriage we have done that. There is nothing more intimate.”
I agree! Pray with each other every day.
2) Take out the TV. Lack of communication is the #1 cause of divorce. It’s amazing how even having a TV in the room can impact your communication with your spouse. It’s always easier to turn on the TV than to talk to someone else. The TV doesn’t talk back; you don’t have to listen if you don’t want to. You can be delighted and entertained for hours on end without doing any of the heavy lifting of a relationship. Having a TV in the room is like always having a third person in your marriage. Even when it’s off, the temptation is still there to turn it on.
Lana and I read a book before we got married called The First Years of Forever by Ed and Gaye Wheat which argued convincingly that the patterns you set in the first 2 years of marriage will set the tone for the patterns you’ll have in your 7th year and 14th year and so on. So to set your patterns right from the start, make communication a #1 goal. Lana and I put our TV in the back of a closet for the first year of our marriage. The only time we took it out was when we heard that the Berlin Wall was being torn down live on television, 1 of the most significant news events of that year. Then back into the closet it went.
I can’t tell you the joy that Lana and I had that first year, just the two of us in our 1-bedroom apartment in Houston, Texas. It freed us up to spend all kinds of time together, whether it was cooking dinner, playing games, cleaning dishes, going out or making love. Someone had given us money to buy a new TV as a wedding present, which we saved to get one when our first year was over. But we enjoyed our life without a TV so much that we kept it that way for several years until we finally decided to buy one so we could watch movies or teach the kids. After 23 years, we still watched very little TV, nor did our kids, because we just never developed the a habit. (And when we did start watching TV again, we were shocked at how much more negative the content on TV seemed to have turned in just those few short years.)
Let me add here again that these are suggestions that you’ll have to adapt to your own situation, whether it’s limiting time on the Internet or social media, or watching only a set number of shows or sporting events per month, or whatever it takes to give you the best shot at increasing your time to communicate. As the Apostle Paul reminded the Corinthians:
“Everything is permissible”—but not everything is beneficial. “Everything is permissible”—but not everything is constructive (1 Corinthians 10:23).
3) Combine your bank accounts. Communication is the #1 cause for divorce, but finances are a close second. Lana and I were encouraged at the beginning of our marriage to combine our bank accounts and share a checkbook. This meant that we had to talk about our purchases with each other so there were no surprises. This also kept us in check from making whimsical or unnecessary purchases. By combining our bank accounts we were also able to better save our money and make a priority of helping to fulfill each other’s dreams, whether it was a special trip for an anniversary or a missions trip to another country or a new vehicle when we needed one.
Because we had to make our decisions together, we simply made wiser decisions. Although it was harder at first because we had to work together, it kept us from having the mentality that “this is my money” and “this is your money.” We realized early on that “this is God’s money” and we wanted to spend it in the best way possible. As King David said to God:
“Everything comes from You, and we have given You only what comes from Your hand” (1 Chronicles 29:14b).
This may not apply to every situation or every stage of life, but it’s important to do something to make sure your finances enhance your marriage and not take away from it. For instance, I noticed that Lana was supportive whenever I was asked to speak anywhere special, but that doing so cost her in terms of my time and energy. So I began giving her any money I received from these extra speaking engagements, rather than using it for our every day bills. It was a simple way to make sure the money we received was working for our marriage, not against it.
4) Never use the “D” word: Divorce. There’s a funny line in the movie, It’s a Wonderful Life, when the house maid Annie gives some money to George Bailey when he’s in dire straights. Annie says, “I’ve been saving this money for a divorce, if ever I got a husband!” It’s a funny line for a movie, but it’s a terrible line for real life. Sometimes you might be tempted to hold things back from your spouse “just in case things don’t work out.” But those very things that you’re holding back might be the pathway to greater intimacy if they were shared, whether it’s money or secrets or simply giving yourself as fully as possible to your spouse.
If you’re committed to marriage for life, which God certainly is, never use the word “divorce,” especially as a threat. Some people hold onto that option and use it as a weapon in an argument. But it’s not a weapon. Jesus said that Moses allowed for divorce only because of the hardness of people’s hearts, but that it wasn’t always that way from the beginning (see Matthew 19:8).
If you’re struggling in your marriage, keep your hearts soft and tender by looking for other ways to deal with your problems, whether you look to God, the Bible, prayer, counselors, friends or perhaps even time away. But not divorce. God says in the Bible:
“I hate divorce” (Malachi 2:16).
And anyone who’s been through one knows why. When I’ve counseled couples for marriage, I’ve sometimes told them that I’m glad to bless their marriage, but on one condition: that if they ever consider a divorce, that they have to come back to me first and get my blessing for that, too. Then I let them know that in all my years of counseling people, I’ve never felt led to bless a divorce, even in some of the most intense situations. I’ve always felt that God can work through even the most intense situations, especially if both people are willing to do so.
5) Confess your sins quickly. I heard about a man who walked across America. He said his toughest moments weren’t when he was walking through the rain or snow or to the top of a tall mountain. He said his toughest times were when he got tiny grains of sand in his shoes. Unless he stopped to regularly dump out the sand, those tiny grains would rub against his feet until blisters formed and then he would suffer for days or weeks in extreme pain until his feet healed.
I heard this story in a sermon about marriage one Sunday morning, in the context of confessing even those small sins in our lives to our spouse, dumping them out of our shoes before they rubbed enough to cause more severe pain. I immediately thought of a particular friendship I had with someone that I enjoyed, perhaps a little too much. There was nothing sinful going on, but the fact that this friendship came to mind as I heard this story made me wonder if maybe I should confess it to Lana and ask her what to do about it. I didn’t want to mention it though, because I was afraid the best solution would be to step back from this friendship all together, and I didn’t want to lose the friendship.
But after a few days of praying, I realized that even though this issue seemed like no big deal, as small as a grain of sand, I knew I’d rather dump it out now than let it possibly endanger my marriage down the road. I confessed it to Lana and we agreed it would be best for me to back off from the friendship. Even though it was a good friendship in my life, I felt so much freer after stepped back and it never caused another problem again. Confess any sins right away, even if they’re as small as a grain of sand. As the Bible says,
“Therefore confess your sins to each other and pray for each other so that you may be healed” (James 5:16).
6) Love your way through any “irreconcilable differences.” I once heard about an interviewer who asked several couples who had gotten a divorce how many “irreconcilable differences” they had in their marriage; things that they were simply never able to agree upon. The average answer was 5 or 6 “irreconcilable differences.” The interviewer then asked the same question of several couples who were still together after 40, 50 and 60 years. Their answer? 5 or 6! It wasn’t the number of irreconcilable differences that made the difference in whether the couples stayed together or not, but their commitment to love each other through them.
We’re all unique. We all have different backgrounds and life experiences. It’s no surprise that we think differently on various topics as well. It’s part of life and it’s all part of what makes being married work so much better than being alone for so many people, because they can each bring their best ideas to table. But invariably this means that many other ideas have to be left on the table, even good ones. Lana and I agreed on a lot of things, but there were probably 5 or 6 that we still never agreed on in all our years together.
We’re all like porcupines, with our various differences and sins poking out of us all the time. And when we get close enough to each other, there’s a good chance we’ll get poked. Yet even porcupines find a way to have baby porcupines. How do they do it? Very carefully!
Don’t let your sins and differences cause you to lose your commitment to a lifetime of marriage no matter what. Love your way through them instead. As the Bible says:
“Above all, love each other deeply, because love covers over a multitude of sins” (John 15:13).
7) Invite and allow Jesus to love your spouse through you. When I married Lana, I knew without a doubt that she was a gift from God to me. But I also realized that if she was a gift from God to me, then perhaps I was a gift from God to her, too. As such, I often wondered what Jesus would want me to do for her if He were here on earth, for the Bible says that we are the body of Christ and He wants to be able to live His life through us to touch others (see 1 Corinthians 12).
So when Lana would lay in bed at night, exhausted from a long day of taking care of everyone else around her, I would think, “What Would Jesus Do?” If Jesus was here, what would He want to say to her? What would He want to do for her? How would He minister to the deepest needs of her heart right now? Then I would try to let Jesus use me to love her, using my words to speak to her, my hands to stroke her head, my ears to listen to what she’d been going through during the day.
WWJD (What Would Jesus Do) might seem like a trite acronym to put on a bracelet or a bumper sticker, but it’s only trite if we make it so. If we take it seriously—and realize it’s exactly what God wants us to ask at all times and in all situations, especially with our spouse—it can change the dynamics of every relationship that we have.
As I was writing this message to you today, I happened to hear from the wife of a couple I had married several years ago. She shared with me that that this was the single most important tip she learned back then, and that it was the #1 thing that was getting her through the mess she and her husband were in right now, inviting and allowing Jesus to love her spouse through her.
Just as God has placed your spouse in your life as a gift to you, He has placed you in your spouse’s life as a gift to them. Invite and allow Jesus to love your spouse through you. As the Bible says:
“Now you are the body of Christ, and each one of you is a part of it” (1 Corinthians 12:27).
That’s enough tips for now (it’s enough for a lifetime, really!) But in the next several chapters I’ll share some more tips that can be just as significant as these. Then I’ll wrap it all up in Chapter 6 with those 3 simple words that serve as the glue to hold all the other tips together.

You’re reading 15 TIPS FOR A STRONGER MARRIAGE, by Eric Elder, featuring 15 inspirational tips to help your marriage be the best that it can be. Also available in paperback and eBook formats in our bookstore for a donation of any size!
CHAPTER 2
In this chapter I’m sharing just 4 tips with you. I’ve grouped these together because each one is related to how you balance your needs and callings with the needs and callings of your spouse. These can help to ensure that your marriage is a true partnership to help you both accomplish all that God has put on your hearts to do.
With that in mind, here are tips #8 through 11 for how to have a stronger marriage.
8) Be willing to live for your spouse. I spoke to a man who was divorcing his wife. She wanted to move to another state to fulfill some of her dreams, but he didn’t want to. They were at a stalemate and this was the last straw.
I asked him, “If someone threatened to kill your wife, would you be willing to die for her?”
“Yes, of course,” he replied.
Then I asked, “If you would be willing to die for her, would you be willing to live for her?”
We talked again shortly thereafter and he put his faith in Christ. He reconciled with his wife and they moved across the country. As Jesus told His disciples:
“Greater love has no one than this, that he lay down his life for his friends” (John 15:13).
Then Jesus proved His love for His friends by laying down His life for them.
Surprisingly, “laying down your life” doesn’t always mean giving up your own dreams and plans, too. For Jesus also said,
“For whoever wants to save his life will lose it, but whoever loses his life for Me will find it” (Matthew 16:25).
Sometimes it’s by helping your spouse achieve their dreams that you’ll be better able to fulfill your own dreams. If God is the one who has put special dreams and desires within both you and your spouse, then He’ll find a way to accomplish those dreams and desires for both of you, too.
9) Help your spouse achieve their goals. This may sound like the previous tip, but the difference is that sometimes you’ll have to take the initiative to help your spouse achieve their goals. It may be that God has put you in their life just for this purpose, because He knew they would need your unique help. After God created Adam, He said:
“It’s not good for the Man to be alone; I’ll make him a helper, a companion” (Genesis 2:18, MSG).
One of the main purposes for marriage, according to God, is so we won’t have to do life alone; that we’ll have a helper and a companion along the way.
Lana was both of those things to me: a wonderful companion and a terrific helper. She helped me do things I could never have done on my own, whether it was building a family or launching a ministry or giving me regular feedback and encouragement on my writing and speaking and planning and dreaming. At the same time, I was able to help her achieve some of her goals. Over the years, however, I realized that she still had other dreams and desires for her life which would never be realized if I didn’t step in to give her a boost. She wanted to do missions work in Africa, visit the Holy Land and make a movie about the life of St. Nicholas.
But with all of her other responsibilities, those dreams seemed either distant or impossible. So I sat down with her and began to pray about each one, asking God how I could help her achieve her dreams. Within a few years, I was able to help her take a missions trip to Africa, visit the Holy Land twice and write out the story of the life of St. Nicholas, which we planned to use as the basis for a movie someday. When we found out that Lana had cancer, I can’t tell you how thankful I was that I had stepped in to help her fulfill those dreams while she was still able to do them—and I’d encourage you to do the same.
10) Remember your marriage is a calling, too. I think a word of caution is in order here, too. Be careful when considering giving up one type of “calling” to follow another. I shared my story with a group one day about quitting my job and going into full-time ministry. A woman came up to me afterwards to tell me how excited she was because God was calling her to do the same thing. After congratulating her for being willing to take this step of faith, I asked her what kept her from doing it before. She said, “Well, my husband won’t like it because I’m going to have to move and leave him behind.”
“As in divorce?” I asked.
“Yes,” she said, and she looked at the floor.
I said, “Don’t forsake one type of calling (your marriage) to fulfill another. If this is from God, He’ll help you to do both.”
Your marriage is a calling just as much as any other kind of “calling.” When I quit my job and went into full-time ministry, I knew for me that meant living on faith for all of our financial provision (we all live on faith, actually; it’s just that sometimes we’re more acutely aware of it than others). But I also knew I was called to my marriage with Lana.
So I wrote Lana a letter, telling her that even though I felt called by God to do this ministry, I also felt called by God to marry her and to take care of her as best I could. I committed to her, right at the beginning of our ministry, that if ever she felt she wasn’t being cared for because of the ministry that I was doing, then I would quit doing ministry or I would find another way to do it so that I could care for her better.
I didn’t want to shortchange one calling to fulfill another. As the Bible says rather forcefully:
“Anyone who does not provide for their relatives, and especially for their own household, has denied the faith and is worse than an unbeliever” (1 Timothy 5:8).
Lana never had to exercise her right to pull out the letter and pull me out of ministry, although she came close a few times. And whenever she did, we prayed together and I filled out applications for other jobs. God always made a way for me to fulfill both callings, however, so I could keep loving her well and keep doing ministry well. I knew that if I had to neglect one calling to fulfill another, then I was probably doing something wrong, and if God had called me to both, He would help me to find a way to do both.
11) Remember that God is the provider for both of you. If you haven’t noticed, each of these tips builds on the others. While there’s a lot that you can do for your spouse, you can’t do everything! There are some things only God can do. Ultimately, He’s the one who provides for you both. As the Bible says,
“The earth is the LORD’s, and everything in it…” (Psalm 24:1a).
When I was first dating Lana, we relied on each other for everything: our conversation, our intimacy, our affirmation, our affection. But when God broke us up for a period of time, we learned to rely on Him as the ultimate source of everything in our lives, including each other. When we finally came back together and eventually got married, we had a new awareness that God was the source of all we needed, even if He used one or the other of us to meet that need. He was still the source of it all.
I was reminded of how much God loved Lana one morning after we had had a funny conversation the day before. Her car had broken down and we needed to find another, but there was no way we could afford one. She told me the kind of car she really wanted to get. She had never cared about makes or models of cars before, just whatever would get her from Point A to Point B. When I looked at the prices of used models online, I thought, “Good luck with that!”
A friend of ours told us when he sent his daughter off to college, the only thing he had to give her were his prayers and these words: “The same God who takes care of me will take care of you.” God did His part, My friend did what he could do, his daughter did what she could do, and God did what only He could do. 4 years later she had a college degree!
So that night as I prayed for Lana and the car she wanted, I said at the end, rather jokingly, “Well, you’ve got my prayers! The same God who takes care of me will take care of you!” Then I rolled over and fell asleep.
The joke was on me, though, when the very next morning I pulled into the parking lot for a men’s group at church and a man pulled in right after me—driving the exact car that Lana had told me she wanted. He had never visited the group before and I had never seen another car like this around town. It was the same exact make, model and color that Lana had wanted!
I told the man that my wife was talking about getting a car just like that and he said he was actually thinking of selling it! I had to shake my head and confess to God that I had forgotten how much He loved her, too—even more than I did—and that He was the one who provided everything for her, just like He provided everything for me. Although we didn’t buy that man’s car, God made a way for us to buy another one—the same model, make and color—within just a few months of those feeble prayers. God really does love our spouse even more than we love them, and He loves to surprise and delight them, just as He loves to surprise and delight us.
Sometimes we make the mistake of trying too hard to please our spouse, only to fall short again and again, when what we really need to do is to trust God that He will provide for them, even when we can’t. So do your best and trust God with the rest.
That’s it for today, and probably more than enough “home work” for you to think about for this chapter! In the next chapter, I’ll share only 1 tip so you can focus on it exclusively.

You’re reading 15 TIPS FOR A STRONGER MARRIAGE, by Eric Elder, featuring 15 inspirational tips to help your marriage be the best that it can be. Also available in paperback and eBook formats in our bookstore for a donation of any size!
CHAPTER 3
One of the questions I’m asked most about marriage is “How did you know that Lana was ‘the one’ for you?” Today I’ll share that answer with you in Tip #12 for how to have a stronger marriage.
But don’t think that today’s tip is only for those who are considering marriage. Even if you’ve been married a long, long time, today’s tip can help to re-energize your marriage as you remember why you chose your spouse in the first place.
With that in mind, here’s tip #12 for how to have a stronger marriage.
12) Choose well (and remember why you chose the one you did). Next to your decision to follow Christ, choosing who to marry is the 2nd most important decision you’ll ever make in your life. It’s a decision that will affect you for the rest of your life, and it’s a decision that will affect generations of people long after you’re gone.
I read a book before I got married that scared me, and for good reason: I wasn’t ready to get married. Even though I loved Lana deeply, this book helped me see the enormity of the decision to get married and how it would affect my life from that moment on. The book was called The Mystery of Marriage by Mike Mason. Mike said:
“A marriage, or a marriage partner, may be compared to a great tree growing right up through the center of one’s living room. It is something that is just there, and it is huge, and everything has been built around it, and wherever one happens to be going—to the fridge, to bed, to the bathroom, or out the front door—the tree has to be taken into account. It cannot be gone through; it must respectfully be gone around. It is somehow bigger and stronger than oneself. True, it could be chopped down, but not without tearing the house apart. And certainly it is beautiful, unique, exotic: but also, let’s face it, it is at times an enormous inconvenience.
So there are many things that can be said about one’s life’s mate, but finally, irrevocably, the one definite thing that needs to be said is that he or she is always there. And that, while it may be common enough in the world of trees, is among us human beings a rather remarkable state of affairs” (Mike Mason, The Mystery of Marriage, p. 39).
The book goes on to describe how nothing in life does more to expose our pride, failings and weaknesses than being married. Our selfishness is exposed at every turn. As the Bible says:
“As iron sharpens iron, so one person sharpens another” (Proverbs 27:17).
As helpful as it is for us to be sharpened, the process of chipping away at the ugly and unsightly things in our lives can be painful. I just wasn’t ready. I remember going to my brother and sister-in-law’s wedding, watching them take their vows for a lifetime and thinking, “I can’t do this! I just can’t do it!” It wasn’t that I didn’t love Lana, but that I couldn’t imagine giving up the idea of just living my life for myself.
In the months that followed, however, God began to show me all that I would gain by being married. I had recently put my faith in Christ, and I was already seeing the fruit of having invited Him into my life and taking His thoughts into account before acting on my own. I was eventually convinced that marriage could be worth giving up whatever independence I had before. The question then became, “Who does God want me to marry?”
Although the Bible gives us certain baseline criteria for choosing a spouse, such as believers marrying other believers (2 Corinthians 6:14a and 1 Kings 11:2b), not marrying close relatives (Leviticus 18:6-19), and marrying someone who can help God fulfill His recreative design for the world (Leviticus 18:22-23 and Romans 1:26-27), it doesn’t tell us which person, specifically, who God wants us to marry. At least I didn’t think so. For that, I knew I would have to rely on God’s Holy Spirit. And I’ve found that He is more than happy to help us—as long as we’re willing to listen.
So how did I know that Lana was “the one”? For me, my answer came after months of asking God to speak to me clearly if she was the one that He wanted me to marry. I had already come to the conclusion that I wanted to marry her, but I needed to know for sure what God wanted, because I knew that He knew both of us better than we knew ourselves.
One morning I sat down in my bedroom to read my Bible, but didn’t know what to read. I had just finished reading my Bible from cover to cover a few days earlier for the first time in my life, and I wasn’t sure where to start reading again. So I decided to start over at the beginning.
Lana had come to visit me that morning, as we had already been out to watch a friend run a race in downtown Houston. We decided to take some time to pray on our own before going on with the day, so she sat on the couch in the living room with her Bible, and I went to the bedroom with mine. This was a refreshingly new practice for both of us in that previous year.
I opened up my Bible to the first page and began to read again about how God created the world, and how God created Adam, the first man on earth. God put Adam in a beautiful garden and asked him to take care of it. But God saw that even in the midst of this beautiful setting, surrounded by all kinds of spectacular things, Adam was still alone:
“The LORD God said, ‘It is not good for the man to be alone. I will make a helper suitable for him’” (Genesis 2:18).
So God created Eve and brought her to Adam.
Even though I had heard this story since I was a kid, this was the first time I had seen it from God’s perspective. As I read about Adam being alone in the garden, my heart fell as God’s must have fallen, when He saw how lonely Adam was. Then my heart rose again, as God’s must have risen, when God created Eve and brought her to Adam. I imagined the smile on Adam’s face must have about a mile wide!
As I pictured this scene in my mind, I suddenly had an intense awareness that God was looking down at me just as He had looked at Adam. There I was, surrounded by all kinds of spectacular things, but I was still alone. In that moment, God spoke to my heart. The words seemed to leap off the page, and I felt that God had done the same for me: He had created a woman just for me and He had brought her directly to me. She was sitting in the very next room! After months of praying, I knew that I knew that God really did want to fulfill the desires of my heart and He really did want me to marry Lana.
I got up off the floor and ran down the hall. I didn’t stop to look in the mirror as I ran, but I’m sure if I did, the smile on my face would have been about a mile wide. I told Lana what God had told me through the story of Adam and Eve. We talked and we cried and I asked her to marry me right on the spot. To my delight, she said “Yes!” and we spent the rest of that incredible day together walking and talking and riding paddle boats in the rain at Miller Park.
My eyes still water as I think about it again 25 years later. Even though I didn’t have a ring to give her, and we didn’t have a candlelight dinner, I had something that was even more precious to me: I had a word from God that Lana was “the one.” I can’t tell you how many times I’ve come back to that story over the years, both in good times and in hard times, and how it has re-energized my love for and commitment to Lana.
For Lana, the story was much simpler: she said she knew from the day she met me that God wanted her to marry me. She said that as soon as we met, there on the 2nd floor of David Kinley Hall at the University of Illinois, that these words immediately popped into her mind: “That’s the man you’re going to marry.”
She said it was the wording that made her realize it was from God, and the way that the words came into her mind. She said the words seemed to come into her mind out of the blue, and they were spoken in the 3rd person: “That’s the man you’re going to marry.” She said that if it was her own thought, she would have said to herself, “That’s the man I’m going to marry!” But she didn’t, and the words were clear: “That’s the man you’re going to marry.” She was so convinced that she went home that night and called one of her best friends to tell her she had just met the man she was going to marry. And she was right!
I tell you these stories not because I think God will speak to you in the exact same way, but to give you confidence that God can speak to you, if you’re willing to listen to Him. God’s Holy Spirit really is alive and active. And, believe it or not, God wants you to know who to marry even more than you want to know it. He has a bigger stake in the outcome of your life than you do, and He knows you and every other person on the planet even better than you know yourself.
I had been diligently seeking God for months for His answer (after dating Lana for years before finally coming to the place of asking God what He wanted for our relationship). And Lana had been praying ever since she was a child for a man to marry who would be like Jesus to her, not that I was ever close to that, but in her eyes at least, she felt that I was the answer to all those prayers.
Once I knew that Lana was the one for me, I knew there was never any going back. I was committed to planting that tree of marriage right in the center of my living room, and I was happier about it than I can possibly tell you. I never used the D word (Divorce) because I knew that wasn’t an option. I knew that for better or worse, neither of us were going away, and we were going to have to work through anything that came our way together. And I couldn’t have been happier about it.
Just like the words “God will never leave you alone” can be either a blessing or a curse depending on how you look at it, the idea of being with another person 24/7 for the rest of your life can be a blessing or a curse, too, depending on how you look at it. That’s why it’s so important to remember why you chose the one you did in the first place, because it can help restore the way you look at your marriage, not as a curse of always having someone else around, but as a blessing of always having someone else around.
If you’re still considering who to marry, I want to encourage you to choose well. No decision, other than your decision to follow Christ, is as important. And no decision this important is one that God wants you to take lightly. He would love to help you know who to marry, for He has a vested interest in the outcome of both of your lives.
For those of you who have already made your choice of who to marry and who are now living out that choice, perhaps even wondering if you made the right choice or not, I’d like to encourage you to look back and remember why you made that choice in the first place.
What was it that drew you to your spouse? What made him or her so special to you when you first met or when you first started dating? What did God speak to you about him or her along the way? What feelings or emotions stirred within you that made you want to make this commitment to be together forever? Choosing well is important, but remembering can be just as important to helping you stay committed to your choice. As Nehemiah said about the Israelites who went back on some of their earlier choices:
“They refused to listen and failed to remember the miracles You performed among them” (Nehemiah 9:17).
They didn’t listen to God, and they failed to remember the miracles He performed among them. Don’t be like that! Listen to God, and then remember what God has told you.
I’m not saying it’s easy to choose who to marry or to stay married after you’ve made that choice, and I’m not saying that people won’t surprise you down the road with actions and decisions that catch us totally off guard. In fact, I’m saying just the opposite. I’m saying that none of us really know what we’re getting into when we commit to living with another person for the rest of our lives. None of us really know what’s in the hearts of other people living on the planet, let alone what’s in our own hearts. But God knows.
God knows what’s in our hearts, and He knows how to guide and direct us if we’re willing to listen. God also knows how to redeem ANY situation and ANY decision we ever make, even the bad ones. In fact, that’s why He sent Jesus to die: to redeem us from the poor choices we make, the sins we’ve committed along the way, so that we can live a new and abundant life, both here on earth and in heaven forever. No matter how you’ve arrived at the place you’re in right now, you can trust Him to redeem and restore it and to help make it right.
But if you’re not married yet, do yourself and everyone else around you a huge favor: Choose well! Listen to God, then remember the miracles He’s done among you.

You’re reading 15 TIPS FOR A STRONGER MARRIAGE, by Eric Elder, featuring 15 inspirational tips to help your marriage be the best that it can be. Also available in paperback and eBook formats in our bookstore for a donation of any size!
CHAPTER 4
I was going to call this tip “How to have a fair fight,” which captures the essence of the message well. But the idea behind this tip isn’t to help you fight better; the idea is to help you express your feelings better so you and your spouse can truly hear what each other is saying and do something about it before it becomes a fight.
I think you’ll find this tip applies to any of your relationships, not just your marriage. In fact, I heard from a single woman who wrote to tell me as I was writing this series to say how surprised she was that God was speaking to her through these marriage tips, even though she’s not married. She wrote:
“I was hesitant at first to read this devotional as I’m not married. I was just scrolling through and saw a part about Lana and yourself getting a car and about marriage being a calling. So I decided to start from the top for I believed God wanted me to learn a thing or two and also to be encouraged as I was feeling a bit down and questioning my future. I enjoyed it and it made me laugh how God worked out your differences, even your breaking up and eventually getting married. That gave me hope since I’m single and struggling relationship wise. My concern about my future especially is that I really want to change my car and I laughed with tears coming to my eyes when you said about Lana’s desires for a car and how you reassured her about God working and providing for you and He will do the same for her. I like the part too about your partner understanding your purpose & dreams and how God can use you to help each other reach their potential and how God can use each other to bring about change & transformation. I have always believed that. Thanks for sharing your testimony. I must read the 7 points from earlier and see what else God wants me to know. God bless!”
So whether you apply this tip to your marriage or to any relationship, I hope you’ll read today’s tip closely and let God speak to your heart.
13) Watch your timing, tone and words. Lana and I didn’t fight often, and when we did, we tried to do so in private. This may have given others the impression that we never fought, but that’s not true. I will say, though, that we were able to avoid many of the all-out fights that others experience simply by following some advice that we learned during pre-marital counseling and some other wisdom that we learned for ourselves from the Bible.
This tip involves 3 aspects of how you express your feelings to each other: your timing, your tone and your words.
First, watch your timing. It’s important, of course, to share your feelings and not to stuff them down inside. We all have feelings and we want others to respect our feelings. But it’s also important to consider the timing of when to share those feelings. Even Jesus didn’t say everything that was on His heart to His disciples, but took into account when they would best receive what He had to say. Jesus said:
“I have much more to say to you, more than you can now bear” (John 16:12).
Jesus eventually did share everything on His heart, and He told the disciples that He would send His Holy Spirit later to remind them of everything He said. But He did so at a time when He knew they could best receive it.
Lana and I found that if we had something important to share with each other, especially if it was potentially explosive, that it was best to talk about it when we were both fresh and alert and able to talk about it rationally. We seemed to have our worst conversations when one or both of us were tired and worn out or when we had pressing deadlines that had to be met. It was better if we could realize the timing was bad and set a time to talk later when we could truly listen to each other.
Second, it’s important to watch your tone. It’s easy to jump to conclusions and blame your spouse for things they didn’t even know were wrong. In America, we love the idea of being “innocent until proven guilty.” But in marriage, we often jump to the conclusion that our spouse is guilty and we start an argument based on that assumed guilt rather than simply explaining what we’re feeling. The Bible talks about the importance of tone when it says:
“A gentle answer turns away wrath, but a harsh word stirs up anger” (Proverbs 15:1).
When I came to Lana with gentleness, simply sharing something that I was feeling, I was usually met with a gentle response in return. But when I came to her with a harsh or accusatory tone, it stirred up a harsh or angry response. This is a simple law of nature and it’s a simple law of communication: “For every action there is an equal and opposite reaction.”
Instead of looking straight at your spouse and assuming they are the problem, it’s better to turn shoulder to shoulder and address the problem together. It might even help to remind yourself and your spouse, “I know you’re not my enemy. I’m fighting for you, not against you.” By simply reminding yourselves of this truth, you can often diffuse the bomb that might otherwise explode.
I remember being called to a friend’s house late one night. She and her husband were in the middle of an argument—and it was bad. In fact, when I walked in, I wondered if she should have called the police instead of me.
But as I sat down with both of them and listened to what they were arguing about, it turned out that the husband was trying to tell his wife that he wished he could spend more time with her, because she was often out helping other people in need. They were talking past each other, though, because they were talking about 2 different things. The truth was that they both wanted to do something good; they just needed to work on how to achieve those good things together.
Here the wife thought her husband hated her for wanting to help others, when the truth was that he loved her so much he wanted to spend more time with her! And he loved that she wanted to help other people, but he just wished she would spend more of that energy on him, rather than depleting it all before she got home. By talking through both of their desires, without accusation or harsh words, they were able to find a way to move forward and help meet each of their desires more fully.
This story leads to the third aspect of how to have a fair fight, which is to watch the words you choose. Here’s a simple phrase you can memorize and, if you start using it today, you’ll find your conversations will go much smoother immediately. The phrase is:
“I feel … when … because … ”
This focuses the issue on you and your thoughts and feelings rather than on the other person.
In the story I shared above about the couple fighting, the husband started with an accusatory tone by saying “You’re always out helping other people!” To which his wife immediately reacted by saying, “What’s wrong with helping other people?!?” Then she started listing all the good and godly reasons to help others. She was also stung by the word “always” and said, “I’m not always out helping other people!!!” because she began to recall how many the times she stayed home to help him or their family. (It’s better just to drop the words “you always” or “you never” from arguments, because the other person can usually think of at least a few times when they did or did not do whatever they’re being accused of doing).
But because of the husband’s wording (and probably his timing and tone, based on the lateness and intensity of the conversation), he had inadvertently derailed the conversation from the beginning and they began squabbling over side issues. Rather than starting the sentence with the accusatory words “You always…,” consider if he had started by saying, “I feel…,” and then filled in the blanks that followed:
“I feel hurt when you go out to help others because I’d like to spend more time with you myself.”
That’s really what the husband was trying to say, but it came out as anger and jealousy rather than love and affection. By blaming her for wanting to help others, he put her on the defensive from the start, rather than simply expressing what he really wanted, which was to spend more time with her.
Using the words “I feel … when … because…” changes the tenor of your conversations immediately and helps you get closer to meeting your own needs sooner than if you get sidetracked on secondary conversations. You may still need to have those secondary conversations, but you’ll realize that they are just that: secondary. The main thing is to be able to express what you’re feeling, without blame or accusation, by describing how you feel when the other person does or does not do certain things.
Your choice of words can make all the difference, not only for yourself, but also for the other person. The Bible says:
“A word fitly spoken is like apples of gold in settings of silver” (Proverbs 25:11, NKJV).
Which means that words that are well timed and placed are beautiful to behold.
As an exercise to help you think through your words the next time you need to express something you’re feeling, imagine a conversation that you may be currently having with your spouse (or co-worker or friend), whether it’s a conversation you’ve been having out loud or if it’s still just in your head, and try to rephrase what you’re feeling using the words “I feel… when… because.”
Think hard about what you’re really feeling and why. Rather than accusing the other person in your head, imagine that you’re truly just trying to express your feelings and what triggers those feelings.
I feel lonely
I feel frustrated
I feel hurt
I feel unappreciated
when you come home late
when you move my piles
when you forget to do what I ask
when you correct me
because I want to go to bed with you
because I don’t know where things are when I need them
because I want to know that you care about me
because I’m trying hard to do the right thing
You can see how each of these statements could lead to further discussion and exploration of why the person feels what they feel and finding a solution that is beneficial for both people.
You might be thinking, “That sounds like a lot of work,” and you’d be right! It is! But the payoff is worth it.
In woodworking there’s a saying, “Measure twice; cut once.” When you carefully take the time to measure a piece of wood twice and then cut it only once, you save yourself a whole lot of time patching things up later. The same could be said of your words: “Think twice; speak once.” As the Bible says:
“Everyone should be quick to listen, slow to speak and slow to become angry” (James 1:19b).
Although it takes extra time and effort to think through your timing, your tone and your words, you’ll save yourself a whole lot of time and effort in patching things up later!
Coming up next, tips #14 and 15!

You’re reading 15 TIPS FOR A STRONGER MARRIAGE, by Eric Elder, featuring 15 inspirational tips to help your marriage be the best that it can be. Also available in paperback and eBook formats in our bookstore for a donation of any size!
CHAPTER 5
Today I’m sharing the last 2 tips of these 15 tips for a stronger marriage. Then in next chapter I’ll conclude with 3 words that tie all the other tips together.
But before I get started on today’s tips, I want to let you know that Tip #15 is perhaps the most significant tip I ever received before getting married. It’s also one of the most delicate to talk about because it has to do with physical intimacy.
For the sake of modesty, and for the sake of getting this message through any spam filters when I first sent this message out by email, I’ve simply used the phrase “physical intimacy” to describe the physical union between a husband and wife, and I’ve used the term “self pleasure” to describe the act of touching yourself in a way that brings you physical pleasure when you are alone. (Now you can see why this tip is so delicate! But I assure you, what you’re going to read today could significantly alter the way you interact with your spouse from this day forward!)
With that preface in mind, here are Tips #14 and 15.
14) Commit to doing something to delight your spouse on a regular basis. Before I married Lana, I promised to give her a back rub every night, which was something that she absolutely loved. It worked out well for both of us, because she loved being touched, and I loved touching her! For 23 years I kept that commitment and it was one of the best things I ever promised to do, both for her and for myself.
Those back rubs also led to other kinds of intimacy, setting the tone for our bedtime conversations and often culminating in physical passion. By blessing Lana in this one way, I received all kinds of blessings back.
I also committed to making breakfast for her every morning, something which she loved at the time we got married, too. But as time and the seasons of life changed, she began to prefer other things instead, like sleeping in a little longer while I made breakfast for the kids after she had spent the night nursing a baby! I say this to say that some of our commitments may change over time, but the point is to intentionally commit to doing something to delight your spouse on a regular basis. It smooths out the ebbs and flows of life and ensures there’s joy in the midst of anything else that might be going on.
For her part, Lana had made a commitment before we got married, too, but one that she didn’t tell me about until many years into our marriage. She just did it. She committed to herself that she would go to bed every night at the same time that I went to bed. She had watched other couples live their lives in separate bedrooms for years and she saw the devastating effects that this had on their relationships. So she told herself she was going to do whatever she could to try to ensure that didn’t happen in her marriage.
Of course, this ensured she got her nightly back rub! But even more, it meant that we had time to talk and pray together every night; it meant that we were available for physical intimacy on a regular basis; and it increased the likelihood of having a big family like she always wanted!
You and your spouse may have a different set of things you could do to delight one other. If you’re not sure what would delight them, just ask them! Then make a commitment to doing something to delight them in the way they’d love to be delighted on a regular basis. As the Bible says:
“…love one another deeply, from the heart” (1 Peter 1:22b).
15) Make physical intimacy with your spouse the best that it can be. After I was engaged to Lana, I set up an appointment to meet with a man who had counseled many, many people through marital issues regarding their physical intimacy. I met with him specifically because I wanted to ensure that I did everything possible to safeguard our physical relationship and to make it the best that it could possibly be.
One of the most important tips he shared with me was to consider making a commitment to myself and to Lana that I would not engage in self pleasure, but that I would only experience physical pleasure when I was with her. Many men, he said, go into marriage thinking that they’ll be able to be intimate with their wife any time they want. But the reality is that it just doesn’t work that way! And because of that, many spouses decide to simply please themselves whenever they want.
This man told me that he had met with numerous groups of women to discuss issues like this, and asked them what they would think if they knew their husbands were pleasing themselves when they weren’t together. Nearly every woman in every group said they would feel hurt by this, or they would wonder what they were doing wrong that their husbands would do this, or they would wonder what else their husbands might be doing physically when they weren’t together.
Then this man went on to tell me about the blessings couples experienced who had committed to enjoying physical pleasure only when they were together. He said it wasn’t necessary that they engage in full physical intimacy every time, but that they were at least to be with each other and enjoy the closeness of their bodies. Couples who made this commitment built up trust, lowered barriers to intimacy and brought about a lifetime of fulfillment for each other, both inside and outside of the bedroom.
Since I had never even considered how this might play out in marriage, I didn’t know what to think. But this man had thrown down a gauntlet, a challenge, and I had to decide whether or not I was going to pick it up. After talking some more about this with another friend and then with Lana, I decided it was worth a try. So before Lana and I were married, I committed to her that I would not engage in self pleasure, but reserve all physical pleasure only for when I was with her. If for any reason I fell down in this commitment, I committed to confessing it to her before the day was out.
I can attest to the fact that this one tip alone helped me perhaps more than any of the others. Why? Because each of these tips are interrelated and physical intimacy is at the core of what makes marriage unique among all other relationships. So when there’s a breakdown in one area of your relationship, it often affects your physical intimacy as well. In order to ensure I would be able to enjoy the physical pleasures of marriage, I knew I would have to nurture the other areas of my marriage, too. As the saying goes:
“The grass ain’t always greener on the other side; it’s greener where you water it.”
Here’s how some of the tips I’ve mentioned already helped to water our physical intimacy. For instance, by putting our TV in the closet for our first year, it freed up all kinds of time to have meaningful conversations and enjoy soothing back rubs, which often led to physical intimacy. By going to bed every night at the same time as each other and by praying together before we fell asleep, we were able to draw closer spiritually and that drew us closer physically. By confessing our sins quickly to each other, we built up trust between us and kept guilt and shame at bay. By inviting Jesus to use our hands and eyes and words as if they were His very own, we were able to keep our touches and kisses as tender and life-giving as possible.
This isn’t to say that it was easy for me to keep this challenge. Even though my physical intimacy with Lana was incredible from day 1, there were still a few times in our first year of marriage when I fell back into old habits of pleasing myself when I was alone or away from home. It seemed like a quick and easy way to release some of the tension in other areas of my life.
Yet I still wanted to give this idea an honest try, and because of my promise to Lana, I followed through with the rest of it and confessed it to Lana each time before the day was out. The first time I had to confess it to her it was more difficult and embarrassing than I imagined. The second time was even more difficult. So after just a few confessions like this, I was able to break the habit and keep my commitment for the rest of our 23 years of marriage.
I’m not telling you this out of some kind of prudish purity, but simply to let you know that it’s possible! And believe me, my passions and temptations are just as strong as any other man’s! But until my conversation with this marriage counselor, I had never even thought about the idea.
I also tell you this because I can’t describe the multitude of ways this one commitment helped our marriage. Here are just a few:
1) This gave us both confidence that I had control over my body, rather than my body having control over me. This helped Lana to trust me to not cross the line of having physical pleasure with someone else, because I wouldn’t even cross it with myself.
2) This kept me from turning on the TV in a hotel room when I was away from home, or from buying a magazine that I shouldn’t have bought, or from downloading a video that I shouldn’t have downloaded. Even though these things certainly crossed my mind and were ever-present opportunities, there was never any point to engaging in these activities since I knew that they would never culminate in physical pleasure.
3) This ensured that the physical side of our marital relationship was fully alive and vibrant throughout our entire marriage. Roger Staubach, the famous quarterback, was once asked how he felt when one of his teammates always seemed to have a different woman on his arm every night. Roger said, “I’m sure I’m just as sexually active as he is. The difference is that all of mine is with one woman.” Touchdown, Roger! The joy of my physical intimacy with Lana, and the trust that we built into our relationship because of this one commitment, was worth anything it might have cost me in terms of giving up fleeting pleasures on my own.
While I can’t say if this commitment is something that you should make, or that it will have the same impact on your marriage, I do want to encourage you to do whatever you can to nurture the physical intimacy of your marriage.
By the way, one of the best books we read before getting married that helped us in our sexual relationship throughout our entire marriage was called Intended For Pleasure by Ed and Gaye Wheat. The book contains many helpful tips for making your sex life the best that it can be. I highly recommend it for any married couple.
As I mentioned in my own book, What God Says About Sex, physical intimacy with Lana was the most consistently exhilarating, off-the-charts experience of my life! So whether or not you choose to follow the path I chose, I pray you’ll make a commitment to do something to protect your physical intimacy and to keep it alive and active as long as you both shall live. As the Bible says:
“Marriage should be honored by all, and the marriage bed kept pure…” (Hebrews 13:4a)
Honor your marriage and keep your marriage bed pure. Don’t look for other ways to find physical pleasure. Look to your spouse and do whatever you can to nurture your relationship with them.
In the next chapter, the conclusion of this series!

You’re reading 15 TIPS FOR A STRONGER MARRIAGE, by Eric Elder, featuring 15 inspirational tips to help your marriage be the best that it can be. Also available in paperback and eBook formats in our bookstore for a donation of any size!
CHAPTER 6
Believe it or not, all the tips I’ve shared with you up till now were just the preface, the introduction, to what I’d like to share with you today about how to have a stronger marriage.
When my friends asked me to talk about marriage at their wedding, and what made my marriage to Lana so special, I began to think through all the tips I’ve shared with you up to this point.
But as important as each of those tips are, I felt like the most important thought I could share with them was the one I’m going to share with you today. This idea focuses on just 3 words that really serve as the glue to hold all the other tips together.
Although there are a number of great phrases of 3 words I could have chosen (like “I love you,” “I was wrong,” “I am sorry,” “I forgive you,” or as one reader suggested, “You’re right, dear!”), I chose these 3 because they were 3 words our pastor shared with us at our wedding, and because they conclude a wonderful chapter in the Bible about how we relate to one another. I can honestly say these 3 words carried us through our 23 years together perhaps more than any other advice I’ve shared with you in this book.
You can read below the words I shared with my friends on their wedding day. You can also watch their wedding online on The Ranch website at the link below. It was a beautiful outdoor ceremony, complete with birds chirping and bales of hay on which the guests sat. The the ceremony’s only about 30 minutes long, so feel free to take a look!
Here’s the link to watch:
https://theranch.org/?attachment_id=17583
And here’s the text of what I shared with this beautiful couple that day…
When I met with Korey and Makayla a few months ago to talk about their wedding, Makayla asked me to share some thoughts about what marriage means and what made my marriage to Lana work so well. She said she looked up to us and just wanted to hear from my heart.
So I’m going to tell you 3 short highlights, 3 little snippets from my life and my marriage that I hope will be helpful to you. Really it’s summed up in 3 words; 3 words that I hope you’ll remember today; 3 words that I hope you’ll be able to put into practice in your own marriage.
You might think these 3 words are “I love you,” but they’re not. They’re these:
“And be thankful.”
There’s a passage in the Bible that says many things about loving and caring for one another. The passage talks about all the things that we associate with love, such as:
“…clothe yourselves with compassion, kindness, humility, gentleness and patience. Bear with each other and forgive whatever grievances you may have against one another. Forgive as the Lord forgave you. And over all these virtues put on love, which binds them all together in perfect unity” (Colossians 3:12b-14).
These are all wonderful things. But then Paul goes on and adds these 3 words to all the rest, words that seem to go beyond even just loving each other. Paul says,
“And be thankful” (Colossians 3:15b).
Then he says it again in a lengthier way at the end of the whole passage:
“And whatever you do, whether in word or deed, do it all in the name of the Lord Jesus, giving thanks to God the Father” (Colossians 3:17).
I just want to tell you 3 little snapshots from my life about giving thanks to God for my wife.
On our wedding day, Lana and I wrote our own vows, like you’ve written your own vows. In my vows, I said to Lana: “Lana, you are a gift from God to me, and I plan to treat you as a gift.” From that day on that’s what I tried to do. That was the most amazing day to me, to be able to receive this gift from God and to be able to unwrap it over and over and over again, discovering layers of her that I had no idea about.
On our wedding day I said, “Thank You, Lord, and thank You, Lana, for saying ‘Yes!’ to marrying me.”
Then I just kept saying that throughout my whole 23 years. When I would see how she raised our children, I would say, “Thank You, Lord, for this incredible mother of our children and thank you, Lana, for being a godly mother and wife.” When I would see how she cooked meals for us, took care of us, edited my manuscripts for my ministry, I’d say, “Thank You, Lord, and thank you, Lana.” Lana was a gift from God, and I was so thankful for her.
Our wedding day was 1 snapshot, but there was another snapshot I’d like to share with you, and you, Makayla, were actually very nearby. We were in Israel and Makayla and Jeanette had come with a few of us in our family to Israel and we were in the hotel at the Dead Sea. We had just had a beautiful night of worship, worshipping God in our room with our whole team. After everyone had left, Lana and I went out on the balcony on a beautiful night, and we had a wonderful, romantic, intimate night together. In the midst of that precious night, I just looked up to heaven and I said, “Thank You, Lord, and thank you, Lana.” That was 1 of the most precious memories of my life. I can’t count how many wonderful nights I’ve had like that with her, so often saying in the midst of them, “Thank You, Lord, and thank you, Lana.”
Then there’s a third moment I’d like to share with you, a little snapshot, and this was was just a couple years ago. We were in the car at Walmart, sitting in the parking lot after shopping one night. We were having a really hard conversation; one of those where you say, “Wow, this is hard.” We didn’t have many of those, but that night we were both feeling very passionate about what we felt and believed, and we just weren’t on the same page.
The conversation had to do with what kind of treatment plan we were going to do for her cancer. I had one idea. She had another. And it just got more heated and more passionate. The doctors had told us no matter which path we chose, it wouldn’t make any difference in the outcome, but we still wanted to try everything we could.
When were at the peak of that conversation, I had to stop and just say to myself, “Lana is a gift from God to me; she is not the problem here.” Then rather than face each other and think that we were each other’s problem, we had to put the problem to one side and turn shoulder to shoulder to work on it together.
I just had to back up and say, “Lana, you are a gift from God to me, and the reason I feel so passionate about this is because I just don’t want to lose you. I want to do anything I can to keep you. And I want to remind you, in this conversation, in this heated moment, the only reason I feel so passionate about this is because I love you, so, so much.”
That eased the tension. It changed the dynamics of the conversation.
In the end, it turned out the doctors were right and it wouldn’t have mattered which plan we chose. Lana died just a few months later.
But I am so thankful that in those heated moments in the parking lot, I decided not to keep arguing over it, but rather to give thanks in all things and say, “Thank You, Lord, and thank you, Lana.” She truly was a gift from God to me and I always wanted to treat her as a gift.
With all the other wonderful things you can do for your marriage, remember these 3 words because they can carry you through your whole life:
“And be thankful.”
You understand what it means to forgive. You understand what it means to make a lifelong commitment. You understand love and graciousness and kindness and humility and being second and all those things.
I think you understand this, too, but I just want to highlight and emphasize—even beyond just loving each other, which is incredible—to be thankful.
“And be thankful.”
“And be thankful.”
“And be thankful.”
And with those words, I married my friends to each other and I prayed that they, like you, would have a long, wonderful and thankful life together!
Will you pray with me?
Father, thank You for Your wisdom, which You’ve given to us through Your Word to help us to love one another in the best way possible. Help us to apply these words to all of our relationships so that we can love one other more fully and be more thankful in all that we do. Fill us with Your Spirit to do everything You’ve put on our hearts to do today and every day, from this day forward. We pray all this in the strong name of Jesus, who has the power to make all our relationships stronger, too. Amen.

You’re reading 15 TIPS FOR A STRONGER MARRIAGE, by Eric Elder, featuring 15 inspirational tips to help your marriage be the best that it can be. Also available in paperback and eBook formats in our bookstore for a donation of any size!
BONUS CHAPTER – 12 TIPS ON PARENTING!
As a father of 6 kids, I’m always glad to hear what others are doing to parent their kids. So when some friends of my college-age kids asked me what advice I would give them for raising kids of their own in the future, I put together this list of some of the best pieces of wisdom we gathered over the years that have worked well for us. I thought you might like to read it, too.
Since there are 12 tips and there are 12 months in the year, you might want to focus on trying 1 tip a each month. They’re not in any particular order, so you can pick a tip for each month that seems most helpful to you at the time.
And even if you don’t have kids in your life right now, maybe you know someone who does who might be interested in reading these tips. If so, please pass them along, as each tip includes a special word from God’s Word. Even though I’m not a perfect father, I know Someone who is—and His wisdom can’t be beat! With that disclaimer out of the way, here are my “12 Tips On Parenting.”
1) Recognize that children are gifts from the Lord. Your attitude towards your children may be the single-most important item in your parenting toolbox. The Bible says that children are blessings, not burdens: “Blessed is the man whose quiver is full of them” (Psalm 127:5a).
You can check your attitude by asking what your heart feels when you hear of someone who already has 2 or 3 children and they tell you they’re expecting a 3rd or 4th. Or 5th. Or 6th. Or 7th, etc. If your heart sinks with the addition of each child, you may secretly be viewing children as burdens, not blessings. If the same person had told you God had given them a 3rd or 4th car (or 5th or 6th or 7th, etc.), or a 3rd or 4th house (or 5th or 6th or 7th, etc.) and your attitude is like “Wow! That’s incredible!” then you may want to rethink your attitude.
Children do take time and energy and attention, just as cars and houses do, and more children take more time and energy and attention, just as more cars and more houses do (just ask anyone who has more than one of any of these!) With great gifts comes great responsibility. But children, like any gifts from the Lord, are still gifts to be treasured, valued and held in the highest regard. Check your attitude, and remember that children really are gifts from the Lord.
2) Love your spouse. This tip may not seem like it has anything to do with parenting, but it’s actually one of the best tips on this list! I have a plaque from my dad that says: “The most important thing a father can do for his children is to love their mother.” My dad reminded me of this one day when I was feeling particularly inadequate about my parenting. He said, “You have no idea what you’re doing for your children just by loving Lana.” Looking back over the years, I’m sure he was right.
A genuine love between parents can do more for children than we can imagine. The Bible says, “Husbands, love your wives, just as Christ loved the church and gave Himself up for her… and the wife should respect her husband” (Ephesians 5:25 and 33b). Parents at odds cause children to take sides and respect only one or the other parent (or neither) and kids can play off that to try to get what they want. If you want your children to treat others with love and respect, then treat your husband or wife with love and respect (even if they don’t do the same for you). Your children will be blessed as a result.
3) Realize that children take time. Children do take time, but they don’t take time away from life. Children take time that enhances life. Trips to the zoo, trips to the beach, sitting down and playing games, setting limits on your workdays and Sundays and weekends so you can be with them, all take time away from other things you could be doing. But the return on your investment is so much greater, both in the moment and in the long run.
For Lana, when she decided to stay home from work so she could homeschool our kids and spend more time with them, it was costly on many levels: financially, personally and professionally. But she never felt like she was wasting her life by doing this, but investing her life. When she was facing death, way too young at the age of 48, she said she was thankful she had spent her time the way she did—with no regrets. Quality time is sometimes only possible because quantity time makes it so.
4) Let everyone work together to make the household work. One of the blessings for me of having a larger family has been to see how all the kids can work together to help keep our household running. Doing everything for our kids was never an option because we simply couldn’t do it all. Responsibilities were given to each child as soon as they were able, from cooking and cleaning to dishes and laundry, from building and bookkeeping to yardwork and petkeeping.
The Bible says, “If you don’t work, you don’t eat” (2 Thessalonians 3:10, MSG). We never taught this in a mean-spirited way, but as a matter of getting things done more efficiently (or getting things done at all!) whether it was getting food to the table or chores finished on Saturday. For us, giving kids responsibility was both practical (for keeping our house running) and good training for their future.
5) Discipline in love, not in anger. Discipline is simply more effective when it is separated from anger. The Bible says, “Children, obey your parents in the Lord, for this is right…” (Ephesians 6:1) but that is quickly followed by these words: “Fathers, do not exasperate your children; instead, bring them up in the training and instruction of the Lord” (Ephesians 6:4).
I’ve found it best not to explode at my children, not because I don’t want to, but because it’s not useful. They can’t hear you—or your love for them—when you’re screaming. The times I most regret in my parenting are the times when I’ve disciplined in anger. But I’ve never regretted disciplining in love because that has set the stage for their future success in life. A simple tip: count to 10 before disciplining children. For teenagers, wait a week! (I’m serious!)
6) Pray for God to reveal the truth, even if it’s painful to hear. A pastor’s kid once said that it wasn’t fair that his dad was a pastor, because God always seemed to tell his parents whenever he was doing something wrong. We really can pray that God will show us what’s going on in our kids’ lives, even when we can’t see it ourselves. The Bible says, “He [God] gives wisdom to the wise and knowledge to the discerning. He reveals deep and hidden things; He knows what lies in darkness, and light dwells with Him” (Daniel 2:21b-22).
There have been times when I have prayed that God would show me if there’s anything I should know about my kids so I can help them stay on the right path, even if it’s something I didn’t want to hear. I’ve been surprised when, soon after a prayer like this, God has revealed something to me—whether in a dream or a phone bill or an unexpected email—that was painful to hear but has opened the door to a conversation where I can help walk my kids through a difficult situation.
7) Love doesn’t always say “Yes.” A good parent wants to bless and please their children. But some parents say “Yes” to their kids’ pleas solely to win their love and friendship, not because it’s good or best for them. There are times when your kids need a best friend and there are times when you can be one for them. But there are other times when they need you to be a parent, and only you can do that for them.
Some parents say “Yes” to all things in order to win their children’s friendship. But a well-timed or well-reasoned “No” can be just as loving. The Bible says, “A word aptly spoken is like apples of gold in settings of silver” (Proverbs 25:11), which means that certain words we say are beautiful and perfectly fit for the occasion. While this applies to words of any type, it can especially apply to our yes’s and no’s.
8) Keep your words uplifting and encouraging. As parents, our words have an extra weight of authority. As such, we have to be extra careful with what we say, especially when it comes to criticism. Some people may say, “They have a face only a mother could love.” But what if it’s the mother who says, “You’re ugly!” or “You can’t sing!” or “You’re no good at __________ or _________ or __________!”
A good rule of thumb is to give at least 10 positive affirmations for every 1 correction, and then only if it’s necessary for their benefit (for instance, to save them from embarrassment in public). Watch your words, especially your words of criticism. The Bible says, “Do not let any unwholesome talk come out of your mouths, but only what is helpful for building others up according to their needs, that it may benefit those who listen” (Ephesians 4:29).
9) Pray for your children starting before they’re born, both privately and out loud. We’ve prayed for each of our children from the moment we knew they were in Lana’s womb. We’ve prayed for their lives, their health, their faith, their futures, their callings, their spouses, their children and grandchildren and great grandchildren and so on! We’ve done this privately in our own quiet times, as well as out loud at nighttime when we tuck them into bed and kiss them good night.
I still do this even for my college-age kids when they’re home, putting my hand on their heads and praying for them before they go to bed (or before I go to bed, which is more often the case these days!) It may seem awkward, but I believe in the power of prayer, plus I think it’s important that our kids know that we’re praying for them, as a matter of love and care. As the Bible says: “Therefore confess your sins to each other and pray for each other so that you may be healed. The prayer of a righteous man is powerful and effective” (James 5:16).
10) When your kids sin, love ’em more. Sometimes our kids do things that make us frustrated and make us want to pull back from them. But I’ve found that’s the time I need to “love ’em more.” Someone once asked the famous evangelist Billy Graham what he would do if he found out one of his children had sinned. He said, “Why, I’d love that one even more.” It’s not that Rev. Graham would love them more because of their sin, but because he knew that love is the best antidote to sin.
Our kids need love and acceptance, just like we do, and that’s why they sometimes seek it out in the wrong places, just like we do. It’s at times like these that they need to see our love and forgiveness for them more than ever, just as Jesus did for us when He died on the cross. As the Bible says, “God demonstrates His own love for us in this: While we were still sinners, Christ died for us” (Romans 5:8). When your kids hurt you or mistreat you or disappoint you, don’t pull back. Do what Jesus did and “love ’em more.”
11) Take breaks for rainbows. A life with kids is filled with interruptions. But don’t take the interruptions as sidelines from life, but as one of the best parts of life itself. We have a painting in our home that says, “The work will wait while you show the children the rainbow, but the rainbow won’t wait while you finish the work.” Take advantage of those fleeting moments to enjoy your life with your children.
It’s OK to stop and smell the roses. The Bible says, “Finally, brothers, whatever is true, whatever is noble, whatever is right, whatever is pure, whatever is lovely, whatever is admirable—if anything is excellent or praiseworthy—think about such things” (Philippians 4:8). When we moved to the country, Lana and I would take walks with our kids at sunset whenever we had the chance. There were always plenty of other things to do, but none of them so memorable to me as those sunset walks.
12) Let kids be kids, but don’t let them be in danger. There’s a fine line between letting kids be kids and letting them be in danger, because a lot of the things kids do can be dangerous! It’s one thing if they want to let their hair grow out, but quite another if they want to hang out with dangerous people. It’s one thing to let them be adventurous, but quite another to let them do something that’s truly life threatening.
I’ve had to walk that fine line and have had multiple conversations with my kids about each of these things. And God is the one who has had to remind me multiple times to let my kids be kids, especially my teenagers. But I’ve also had to step in and say, “I’m glad to let you be a teenager, but I won’t let you be in danger.” That’s just wisdom, and knowing which is which often comes only from God, who is happy to let us know the difference. If you’re not sure what to do in a situation, ask God who is glad to pour out His wisdom on you. As the Bible says, “If any of you lacks wisdom, he should ask God, who gives generously to all without finding fault, and it will be given to him” (James 1:5).
Thanks for reading these 12 tips on parenting and thanks for passing them along to others who might benefit from reading them. Again, you might want to choose 1 tip each month to focus on with your kids this year or you might want to reread this message from time to time in the years ahead as your kids go through different stages of life. As I’ve been reminded often, none of us are perfect parents. But with God’s help, we can keep trying to be the best that we can be.
May the Lord bless you as you seek to love and bless the children in your life!
In Christ’s love,
Eric Elder
Marriage Book Is Ready!
Several people have asked if I would put my recent series on marriage into a paperback book either for themselves or for their family and friends who are newly married, nearly-married or just want to strengthen their marriage no matter how long they’ve been married. So I wanted to let you know the book is ready!
It’s is called “15 TIPS FOR A STRONGER MARRIAGE” and as the title suggests, it contains 15 practical tips to help your marriage be the best that it can be. I’ve also included a bonus chapter at the end called “12 TIPS ON PARENTING.”
This is a beautiful little book of just 85 easy-to-read pages. And like all of our previous books, we’re making this one available either for a donation of any size to our ministry OR for simply writing a 1-2 sentence review of the book on Amazon.com (for those of you who have read the series already). Your donations really do help us to keep this ministry going for so many and your reviews on Amazon really do help us to get God’s life-changing Word out to even more people who haven’t yet heard about our ministry. So whether you make a donation or write a review, thank you!
If you’d like a copy of the book, just follow one of these two links:
1) Click here to visit the bookstore at The Ranch website and then follow the links to make a donation of any size for the book “15 Tips for a Stronger Marriage.” We’ll be glad to ship the book to you anywhere in the world as our way of saying thanks.
OR
2) Click here to write a 1-2 sentence review on Amazon.com, then send us an email with your name, address, and link to your review so we can send you a complimentary copy of the book! It ‘s really that easy and we’re happy to do it! (Just remember to email us your name, address and a link to your review!)
Thanks again!
Eric Elder
This Day’s Thought from The Ranch- Special Announcement!
Special Note from Eric:
Several people have asked if I would put my recent series on marriage into a paperback book either for themselves or for their family and friends who are newly married, nearly-married or just want to strengthen their marriage no matter how long they’ve been married. So I wanted to let you know the book is ready!
It’s is called “15 TIPS FOR A STRONGER MARRIAGE” and as the title suggests, it contains 15 practical tips to help your marriage be the best that it can be. I’ve also included a bonus chapter at the end called “12 TIPS ON PARENTING.”
This is a beautiful little book of just 85 easy-to-read pages. And like all of our previous books, we’re making this one available either for a donation of any size to our ministry OR for simply writing a 1-2 sentence review of the book on Amazon.com (for those of you who have read the series already). Your donations really do help us to keep this ministry going for so many and your reviews on Amazon really do help us to get God’s life-changing Word out to even more people who haven’t yet heard about our ministry. So whether you make a donation or write a review, thank you!
If you’d like a copy of the book, just follow one of these two links:
1) Click here to visit the bookstore at The Ranch website and then follow the links to make a donation of any size for the book “15 Tips for a Stronger Marriage.” We’ll be glad to ship the book to you anywhere in the world as our way of saying thanks.
OR
2) Click here to write a 1-2 sentence review on Amazon.com, then send us an email with your name, address, and link to your review so we can send you a complimentary copy of the book! It ‘s really that easy and we’re happy to do it! (Just remember to email us your name, address and a link to your review!)
Thanks again!
Eric Elder
Bonus Chapter – 12 Tips On Parenting!

You’re reading 15 TIPS FOR A STRONGER MARRIAGE, by Eric Elder, featuring 15 inspirational tips to help your marriage be the best that it can be. Also available in paperback and eBook formats in our bookstore for a donation of any size!
As a father of 6 kids, I’m always glad to hear what others are doing to parent their kids. So when some friends of my college-age kids asked me what advice I would give them for raising kids of their own in the future, I put together this list of some of the best pieces of wisdom we gathered over the years that have worked well for us. I thought you might like to read it, too.
Since there are 12 tips and there are 12 months in the year, you might want to focus on trying 1 tip a each month. They’re not in any particular order, so you can pick a tip for each month that seems most helpful to you at the time.
And even if you don’t have kids in your life right now, maybe you know someone who does who might be interested in reading these tips. If so, please pass them along, as each tip includes a special word from God’s Word. Even though I’m not a perfect father, I know Someone who is—and His wisdom can’t be beat! With that disclaimer out of the way, here are my “12 Tips On Parenting.”
1) Recognize that children are gifts from the Lord. Your attitude towards your children may be the single-most important item in your parenting toolbox. The Bible says that children are blessings, not burdens: “Blessed is the man whose quiver is full of them” (Psalm 127:5a).
You can check your attitude by asking what your heart feels when you hear of someone who already has 2 or 3 children and they tell you they’re expecting a 3rd or 4th. Or 5th. Or 6th. Or 7th, etc. If your heart sinks with the addition of each child, you may secretly be viewing children as burdens, not blessings. If the same person had told you God had given them a 3rd or 4th car (or 5th or 6th or 7th, etc.), or a 3rd or 4th house (or 5th or 6th or 7th, etc.) and your attitude is like “Wow! That’s incredible!” then you may want to rethink your attitude.
Children do take time and energy and attention, just as cars and houses do, and more children take more time and energy and attention, just as more cars and more houses do (just ask anyone who has more than one of any of these!) With great gifts comes great responsibility. But children, like any gifts from the Lord, are still gifts to be treasured, valued and held in the highest regard. Check your attitude, and remember that children really are gifts from the Lord.
2) Love your spouse. This tip may not seem like it has anything to do with parenting, but it’s actually one of the best tips on this list! I have a plaque from my dad that says: “The most important thing a father can do for his children is to love their mother.” My dad reminded me of this one day when I was feeling particularly inadequate about my parenting. He said, “You have no idea what you’re doing for your children just by loving Lana.” Looking back over the years, I’m sure he was right.
A genuine love between parents can do more for children than we can imagine. The Bible says, “Husbands, love your wives, just as Christ loved the church and gave Himself up for her… and the wife should respect her husband” (Ephesians 5:25 and 33b). Parents at odds cause children to take sides and respect only one or the other parent (or neither) and kids can play off that to try to get what they want. If you want your children to treat others with love and respect, then treat your husband or wife with love and respect (even if they don’t do the same for you). Your children will be blessed as a result.
3) Realize that children take time. Children do take time, but they don’t take time away from life. Children take time that enhances life. Trips to the zoo, trips to the beach, sitting down and playing games, setting limits on your workdays and Sundays and weekends so you can be with them, all take time away from other things you could be doing. But the return on your investment is so much greater, both in the moment and in the long run.
For Lana, when she decided to stay home from work so she could homeschool our kids and spend more time with them, it was costly on many levels: financially, personally and professionally. But she never felt like she was wasting her life by doing this, but investing her life. When she was facing death, way too young at the age of 48, she said she was thankful she had spent her time the way she did—with no regrets. Quality time is sometimes only possible because quantity time makes it so.
4) Let everyone work together to make the household work. One of the blessings for me of having a larger family has been to see how all the kids can work together to help keep our household running. Doing everything for our kids was never an option because we simply couldn’t do it all. Responsibilities were given to each child as soon as they were able, from cooking and cleaning to dishes and laundry, from building and bookkeeping to yardwork and petkeeping.
The Bible says, “If you don’t work, you don’t eat” (2 Thessalonians 3:10, MSG). We never taught this in a mean-spirited way, but as a matter of getting things done more efficiently (or getting things done at all!) whether it was getting food to the table or chores finished on Saturday. For us, giving kids responsibility was both practical (for keeping our house running) and good training for their future.
5) Discipline in love, not in anger. Discipline is simply more effective when it is separated from anger. The Bible says, “Children, obey your parents in the Lord, for this is right…” (Ephesians 6:1) but that is quickly followed by these words: “Fathers, do not exasperate your children; instead, bring them up in the training and instruction of the Lord” (Ephesians 6:4).
I’ve found it best not to explode at my children, not because I don’t want to, but because it’s not useful. They can’t hear you—or your love for them—when you’re screaming. The times I most regret in my parenting are the times when I’ve disciplined in anger. But I’ve never regretted disciplining in love because that has set the stage for their future success in life. A simple tip: count to 10 before disciplining children. For teenagers, wait a week! (I’m serious!)
6) Pray for God to reveal the truth, even if it’s painful to hear. A pastor’s kid once said that it wasn’t fair that his dad was a pastor, because God always seemed to tell his parents whenever he was doing something wrong. We really can pray that God will show us what’s going on in our kids’ lives, even when we can’t see it ourselves. The Bible says, “He [God] gives wisdom to the wise and knowledge to the discerning. He reveals deep and hidden things; He knows what lies in darkness, and light dwells with Him” (Daniel 2:21b-22).
There have been times when I have prayed that God would show me if there’s anything I should know about my kids so I can help them stay on the right path, even if it’s something I didn’t want to hear. I’ve been surprised when, soon after a prayer like this, God has revealed something to me—whether in a dream or a phone bill or an unexpected email—that was painful to hear but has opened the door to a conversation where I can help walk my kids through a difficult situation.
7) Love doesn’t always say “Yes.” A good parent wants to bless and please their children. But some parents say “Yes” to their kids’ pleas solely to win their love and friendship, not because it’s good or best for them. There are times when your kids need a best friend and there are times when you can be one for them. But there are other times when they need you to be a parent, and only you can do that for them.
Some parents say “Yes” to all things in order to win their children’s friendship. But a well-timed or well-reasoned “No” can be just as loving. The Bible says, “A word aptly spoken is like apples of gold in settings of silver” (Proverbs 25:11), which means that certain words we say are beautiful and perfectly fit for the occasion. While this applies to words of any type, it can especially apply to our yes’s and no’s.
8) Keep your words uplifting and encouraging. As parents, our words have an extra weight of authority. As such, we have to be extra careful with what we say, especially when it comes to criticism. Some people may say, “They have a face only a mother could love.” But what if it’s the mother who says, “You’re ugly!” or “You can’t sing!” or “You’re no good at __________ or _________ or __________!”
A good rule of thumb is to give at least 10 positive affirmations for every 1 correction, and then only if it’s necessary for their benefit (for instance, to save them from embarrassment in public). Watch your words, especially your words of criticism. The Bible says, “Do not let any unwholesome talk come out of your mouths, but only what is helpful for building others up according to their needs, that it may benefit those who listen” (Ephesians 4:29).
9) Pray for your children starting before they’re born, both privately and out loud. We’ve prayed for each of our children from the moment we knew they were in Lana’s womb. We’ve prayed for their lives, their health, their faith, their futures, their callings, their spouses, their children and grandchildren and great grandchildren and so on! We’ve done this privately in our own quiet times, as well as out loud at nighttime when we tuck them into bed and kiss them good night.
I still do this even for my college-age kids when they’re home, putting my hand on their heads and praying for them before they go to bed (or before I go to bed, which is more often the case these days!) It may seem awkward, but I believe in the power of prayer, plus I think it’s important that our kids know that we’re praying for them, as a matter of love and care. As the Bible says: “Therefore confess your sins to each other and pray for each other so that you may be healed. The prayer of a righteous man is powerful and effective” (James 5:16).
10) When your kids sin, love ’em more. Sometimes our kids do things that make us frustrated and make us want to pull back from them. But I’ve found that’s the time I need to “love ’em more.” Someone once asked the famous evangelist Billy Graham what he would do if he found out one of his children had sinned. He said, “Why, I’d love that one even more.” It’s not that Rev. Graham would love them more because of their sin, but because he knew that love is the best antidote to sin.
Our kids need love and acceptance, just like we do, and that’s why they sometimes seek it out in the wrong places, just like we do. It’s at times like these that they need to see our love and forgiveness for them more than ever, just as Jesus did for us when He died on the cross. As the Bible says, “God demonstrates His own love for us in this: While we were still sinners, Christ died for us” (Romans 5:8). When your kids hurt you or mistreat you or disappoint you, don’t pull back. Do what Jesus did and “love ’em more.”
11) Take breaks for rainbows. A life with kids is filled with interruptions. But don’t take the interruptions as sidelines from life, but as one of the best parts of life itself. We have a painting in our home that says, “The work will wait while you show the children the rainbow, but the rainbow won’t wait while you finish the work.” Take advantage of those fleeting moments to enjoy your life with your children.
It’s OK to stop and smell the roses. The Bible says, “Finally, brothers, whatever is true, whatever is noble, whatever is right, whatever is pure, whatever is lovely, whatever is admirable—if anything is excellent or praiseworthy—think about such things” (Philippians 4:8). When we moved to the country, Lana and I would take walks with our kids at sunset whenever we had the chance. There were always plenty of other things to do, but none of them so memorable to me as those sunset walks.
12) Let kids be kids, but don’t let them be in danger. There’s a fine line between letting kids be kids and letting them be in danger, because a lot of the things kids do can be dangerous! It’s one thing if they want to let their hair grow out, but quite another if they want to hang out with dangerous people. It’s one thing to let them be adventurous, but quite another to let them do something that’s truly life threatening.
I’ve had to walk that fine line and have had multiple conversations with my kids about each of these things. And God is the one who has had to remind me multiple times to let my kids be kids, especially my teenagers. But I’ve also had to step in and say, “I’m glad to let you be a teenager, but I won’t let you be in danger.” That’s just wisdom, and knowing which is which often comes only from God, who is happy to let us know the difference. If you’re not sure what to do in a situation, ask God who is glad to pour out His wisdom on you. As the Bible says, “If any of you lacks wisdom, he should ask God, who gives generously to all without finding fault, and it will be given to him” (James 1:5).
Thanks for reading these 12 tips on parenting and thanks for passing them along to others who might benefit from reading them. Again, you might want to choose 1 tip each month to focus on with your kids this year or you might want to reread this message from time to time in the years ahead as your kids go through different stages of life. As I’ve been reminded often, none of us are perfect parents. But with God’s help, we can keep trying to be the best that we can be.
May the Lord bless you as you seek to love and bless the children in your life!
In Christ’s love,
Eric Elder
15 Tips For A Stronger Marriage – Chapter 6

You’re reading 15 TIPS FOR A STRONGER MARRIAGE, by Eric Elder, featuring 15 inspirational tips to help your marriage be the best that it can be. Also available in paperback and eBook formats in our bookstore for a donation of any size!
Believe it or not, all the tips I’ve shared with you up till now were just the preface, the introduction, to what I’d like to share with you today about how to have a stronger marriage.
When my friends asked me to talk about marriage at their wedding, and what made my marriage to Lana so special, I began to think through all the tips I’ve shared with you up to this point.
But as important as each of those tips are, I felt like the most important thought I could share with them was the one I’m going to share with you today. This idea focuses on just 3 words that really serve as the glue to hold all the other tips together.
Although there are a number of great phrases of 3 words I could have chosen (like “I love you,” “I was wrong,” “I am sorry,” “I forgive you,” or as one reader suggested, “You’re right, dear!”), I chose these 3 because they were 3 words our pastor shared with us at our wedding, and because they conclude a wonderful chapter in the Bible about how we relate to one another. I can honestly say these 3 words carried us through our 23 years together perhaps more than any other advice I’ve shared with you in this book.
You can read below the words I shared with my friends on their wedding day. You can also watch their wedding online on The Ranch website at the link below. It was a beautiful outdoor ceremony, complete with birds chirping and bales of hay on which the guests sat. The the ceremony’s only about 30 minutes long, so feel free to take a look!
Here’s the link to watch:
https://theranch.org/?attachment_id=17583
And here’s the text of what I shared with this beautiful couple that day…
When I met with Korey and Makayla a few months ago to talk about their wedding, Makayla asked me to share some thoughts about what marriage means and what made my marriage to Lana work so well. She said she looked up to us and just wanted to hear from my heart.
So I’m going to tell you 3 short highlights, 3 little snippets from my life and my marriage that I hope will be helpful to you. Really it’s summed up in 3 words; 3 words that I hope you’ll remember today; 3 words that I hope you’ll be able to put into practice in your own marriage.
You might think these 3 words are “I love you,” but they’re not. They’re these:
“And be thankful.”
There’s a passage in the Bible that says many things about loving and caring for one another. The passage talks about all the things that we associate with love, such as:
“…clothe yourselves with compassion, kindness, humility, gentleness and patience. Bear with each other and forgive whatever grievances you may have against one another. Forgive as the Lord forgave you. And over all these virtues put on love, which binds them all together in perfect unity” (Colossians 3:12b-14).
These are all wonderful things. But then Paul goes on and adds these 3 words to all the rest, words that seem to go beyond even just loving each other. Paul says,
“And be thankful” (Colossians 3:15b).
Then he says it again in a lengthier way at the end of the whole passage:
“And whatever you do, whether in word or deed, do it all in the name of the Lord Jesus, giving thanks to God the Father” (Colossians 3:17).
I just want to tell you 3 little snapshots from my life about giving thanks to God for my wife.
On our wedding day, Lana and I wrote our own vows, like you’ve written your own vows. In my vows, I said to Lana: “Lana, you are a gift from God to me, and I plan to treat you as a gift.” From that day on that’s what I tried to do. That was the most amazing day to me, to be able to receive this gift from God and to be able to unwrap it over and over and over again, discovering layers of her that I had no idea about.
On our wedding day I said, “Thank You, Lord, and thank You, Lana, for saying ‘Yes!’ to marrying me.”
Then I just kept saying that throughout my whole 23 years. When I would see how she raised our children, I would say, “Thank You, Lord, for this incredible mother of our children and thank you, Lana, for being a godly mother and wife.” When I would see how she cooked meals for us, took care of us, edited my manuscripts for my ministry, I’d say, “Thank You, Lord, and thank you, Lana.” Lana was a gift from God, and I was so thankful for her.
Our wedding day was 1 snapshot, but there was another snapshot I’d like to share with you, and you, Makayla, were actually very nearby. We were in Israel and Makayla and Jeanette had come with a few of us in our family to Israel and we were in the hotel at the Dead Sea. We had just had a beautiful night of worship, worshipping God in our room with our whole team. After everyone had left, Lana and I went out on the balcony on a beautiful night, and we had a wonderful, romantic, intimate night together. In the midst of that precious night, I just looked up to heaven and I said, “Thank You, Lord, and thank you, Lana.” That was 1 of the most precious memories of my life. I can’t count how many wonderful nights I’ve had like that with her, so often saying in the midst of them, “Thank You, Lord, and thank you, Lana.”
Then there’s a third moment I’d like to share with you, a little snapshot, and this was was just a couple years ago. We were in the car at Walmart, sitting in the parking lot after shopping one night. We were having a really hard conversation; one of those where you say, “Wow, this is hard.” We didn’t have many of those, but that night we were both feeling very passionate about what we felt and believed, and we just weren’t on the same page.
The conversation had to do with what kind of treatment plan we were going to do for her cancer. I had one idea. She had another. And it just got more heated and more passionate. The doctors had told us no matter which path we chose, it wouldn’t make any difference in the outcome, but we still wanted to try everything we could.
When were at the peak of that conversation, I had to stop and just say to myself, “Lana is a gift from God to me; she is not the problem here.” Then rather than face each other and think that we were each other’s problem, we had to put the problem to one side and turn shoulder to shoulder to work on it together.
I just had to back up and say, “Lana, you are a gift from God to me, and the reason I feel so passionate about this is because I just don’t want to lose you. I want to do anything I can to keep you. And I want to remind you, in this conversation, in this heated moment, the only reason I feel so passionate about this is because I love you, so, so much.”
That eased the tension. It changed the dynamics of the conversation.
In the end, it turned out the doctors were right and it wouldn’t have mattered which plan we chose. Lana died just a few months later.
But I am so thankful that in those heated moments in the parking lot, I decided not to keep arguing over it, but rather to give thanks in all things and say, “Thank You, Lord, and thank you, Lana.” She truly was a gift from God to me and I always wanted to treat her as a gift.
With all the other wonderful things you can do for your marriage, remember these 3 words because they can carry you through your whole life:
“And be thankful.”
You understand what it means to forgive. You understand what it means to make a lifelong commitment. You understand love and graciousness and kindness and humility and being second and all those things.
I think you understand this, too, but I just want to highlight and emphasize—even beyond just loving each other, which is incredible—to be thankful.
“And be thankful.”
“And be thankful.”
“And be thankful.”
And with those words, I married my friends to each other and I prayed that they, like you, would have a long, wonderful and thankful life together!
Will you pray with me?
Father, thank You for Your wisdom, which You’ve given to us through Your Word to help us to love one another in the best way possible. Help us to apply these words to all of our relationships so that we can love one other more fully and be more thankful in all that we do. Fill us with Your Spirit to do everything You’ve put on our hearts to do today and every day, from this day forward. We pray all this in the strong name of Jesus, who has the power to make all our relationships stronger, too. Amen.
15 Tips For A Stronger Marriage – Chapter 5

You’re reading 15 TIPS FOR A STRONGER MARRIAGE, by Eric Elder, featuring 15 inspirational tips to help your marriage be the best that it can be. Also available in paperback and eBook formats in our bookstore for a donation of any size!
Today I’m sharing the last 2 tips of these 15 tips for a stronger marriage. Then in next chapter I’ll conclude with 3 words that tie all the other tips together.
But before I get started on today’s tips, I want to let you know that Tip #15 is perhaps the most significant tip I ever received before getting married. It’s also one of the most delicate to talk about because it has to do with physical intimacy.
For the sake of modesty, and for the sake of getting this message through any spam filters when I first sent this message out by email, I’ve simply used the phrase “physical intimacy” to describe the physical union between a husband and wife, and I’ve used the term “self pleasure” to describe the act of touching yourself in a way that brings you physical pleasure when you are alone. (Now you can see why this tip is so delicate! But I assure you, what you’re going to read today could significantly alter the way you interact with your spouse from this day forward!)
With that preface in mind, here are Tips #14 and 15.
14) Commit to doing something to delight your spouse on a regular basis. Before I married Lana, I promised to give her a back rub every night, which was something that she absolutely loved. It worked out well for both of us, because she loved being touched, and I loved touching her! For 23 years I kept that commitment and it was one of the best things I ever promised to do, both for her and for myself.
Those back rubs also led to other kinds of intimacy, setting the tone for our bedtime conversations and often culminating in physical passion. By blessing Lana in this one way, I received all kinds of blessings back.
I also committed to making breakfast for her every morning, something which she loved at the time we got married, too. But as time and the seasons of life changed, she began to prefer other things instead, like sleeping in a little longer while I made breakfast for the kids after she had spent the night nursing a baby! I say this to say that some of our commitments may change over time, but the point is to intentionally commit to doing something to delight your spouse on a regular basis. It smooths out the ebbs and flows of life and ensures there’s joy in the midst of anything else that might be going on.
For her part, Lana had made a commitment before we got married, too, but one that she didn’t tell me about until many years into our marriage. She just did it. She committed to herself that she would go to bed every night at the same time that I went to bed. She had watched other couples live their lives in separate bedrooms for years and she saw the devastating effects that this had on their relationships. So she told herself she was going to do whatever she could to try to ensure that didn’t happen in her marriage.
Of course, this ensured she got her nightly back rub! But even more, it meant that we had time to talk and pray together every night; it meant that we were available for physical intimacy on a regular basis; and it increased the likelihood of having a big family like she always wanted!
You and your spouse may have a different set of things you could do to delight one other. If you’re not sure what would delight them, just ask them! Then make a commitment to doing something to delight them in the way they’d love to be delighted on a regular basis. As the Bible says:
“…love one another deeply, from the heart” (1 Peter 1:22b).
15) Make physical intimacy with your spouse the best that it can be. After I was engaged to Lana, I set up an appointment to meet with a man who had counseled many, many people through marital issues regarding their physical intimacy. I met with him specifically because I wanted to ensure that I did everything possible to safeguard our physical relationship and to make it the best that it could possibly be.
One of the most important tips he shared with me was to consider making a commitment to myself and to Lana that I would not engage in self pleasure, but that I would only experience physical pleasure when I was with her. Many men, he said, go into marriage thinking that they’ll be able to be intimate with their wife any time they want. But the reality is that it just doesn’t work that way! And because of that, many spouses decide to simply please themselves whenever they want.
This man told me that he had met with numerous groups of women to discuss issues like this, and asked them what they would think if they knew their husbands were pleasing themselves when they weren’t together. Nearly every woman in every group said they would feel hurt by this, or they would wonder what they were doing wrong that their husbands would do this, or they would wonder what else their husbands might be doing physically when they weren’t together.
Then this man went on to tell me about the blessings couples experienced who had committed to enjoying physical pleasure only when they were together. He said it wasn’t necessary that they engage in full physical intimacy every time, but that they were at least to be with each other and enjoy the closeness of their bodies. Couples who made this commitment built up trust, lowered barriers to intimacy and brought about a lifetime of fulfillment for each other, both inside and outside of the bedroom.
Since I had never even considered how this might play out in marriage, I didn’t know what to think. But this man had thrown down a gauntlet, a challenge, and I had to decide whether or not I was going to pick it up. After talking some more about this with another friend and then with Lana, I decided it was worth a try. So before Lana and I were married, I committed to her that I would not engage in self pleasure, but reserve all physical pleasure only for when I was with her. If for any reason I fell down in this commitment, I committed to confessing it to her before the day was out.
I can attest to the fact that this one tip alone helped me perhaps more than any of the others. Why? Because each of these tips are interrelated and physical intimacy is at the core of what makes marriage unique among all other relationships. So when there’s a breakdown in one area of your relationship, it often affects your physical intimacy as well. In order to ensure I would be able to enjoy the physical pleasures of marriage, I knew I would have to nurture the other areas of my marriage, too. As the saying goes:
“The grass ain’t always greener on the other side; it’s greener where you water it.”
Here’s how some of the tips I’ve mentioned already helped to water our physical intimacy. For instance, by putting our TV in the closet for our first year, it freed up all kinds of time to have meaningful conversations and enjoy soothing back rubs, which often led to physical intimacy. By going to bed every night at the same time as each other and by praying together before we fell asleep, we were able to draw closer spiritually and that drew us closer physically. By confessing our sins quickly to each other, we built up trust between us and kept guilt and shame at bay. By inviting Jesus to use our hands and eyes and words as if they were His very own, we were able to keep our touches and kisses as tender and life-giving as possible.
This isn’t to say that it was easy for me to keep this challenge. Even though my physical intimacy with Lana was incredible from day 1, there were still a few times in our first year of marriage when I fell back into old habits of pleasing myself when I was alone or away from home. It seemed like a quick and easy way to release some of the tension in other areas of my life.
Yet I still wanted to give this idea an honest try, and because of my promise to Lana, I followed through with the rest of it and confessed it to Lana each time before the day was out. The first time I had to confess it to her it was more difficult and embarrassing than I imagined. The second time was even more difficult. So after just a few confessions like this, I was able to break the habit and keep my commitment for the rest of our 23 years of marriage.
I’m not telling you this out of some kind of prudish purity, but simply to let you know that it’s possible! And believe me, my passions and temptations are just as strong as any other man’s! But until my conversation with this marriage counselor, I had never even thought about the idea.
I also tell you this because I can’t describe the multitude of ways this one commitment helped our marriage. Here are just a few:
1) This gave us both confidence that I had control over my body, rather than my body having control over me. This helped Lana to trust me to not cross the line of having physical pleasure with someone else, because I wouldn’t even cross it with myself.
2) This kept me from turning on the TV in a hotel room when I was away from home, or from buying a magazine that I shouldn’t have bought, or from downloading a video that I shouldn’t have downloaded. Even though these things certainly crossed my mind and were ever-present opportunities, there was never any point to engaging in these activities since I knew that they would never culminate in physical pleasure.
3) This ensured that the physical side of our marital relationship was fully alive and vibrant throughout our entire marriage. Roger Staubach, the famous quarterback, was once asked how he felt when one of his teammates always seemed to have a different woman on his arm every night. Roger said, “I’m sure I’m just as sexually active as he is. The difference is that all of mine is with one woman.” Touchdown, Roger! The joy of my physical intimacy with Lana, and the trust that we built into our relationship because of this one commitment, was worth anything it might have cost me in terms of giving up fleeting pleasures on my own.
While I can’t say if this commitment is something that you should make, or that it will have the same impact on your marriage, I do want to encourage you to do whatever you can to nurture the physical intimacy of your marriage.
By the way, one of the best books we read before getting married that helped us in our sexual relationship throughout our entire marriage was called Intended For Pleasure by Ed and Gaye Wheat. The book contains many helpful tips for making your sex life the best that it can be. I highly recommend it for any married couple.
As I mentioned in my own book, What God Says About Sex, physical intimacy with Lana was the most consistently exhilarating, off-the-charts experience of my life! So whether or not you choose to follow the path I chose, I pray you’ll make a commitment to do something to protect your physical intimacy and to keep it alive and active as long as you both shall live. As the Bible says:
“Marriage should be honored by all, and the marriage bed kept pure…” (Hebrews 13:4a)
Honor your marriage and keep your marriage bed pure. Don’t look for other ways to find physical pleasure. Look to your spouse and do whatever you can to nurture your relationship with them.
In the next chapter, the conclusion of this series!
15 Tips For A Stronger Marriage – Chapter 4

You’re reading 15 TIPS FOR A STRONGER MARRIAGE, by Eric Elder, featuring 15 inspirational tips to help your marriage be the best that it can be. Also available in paperback and eBook formats in our bookstore for a donation of any size!
I was going to call this tip “How to have a fair fight,” which captures the essence of the message well. But the idea behind this tip isn’t to help you fight better; the idea is to help you express your feelings better so you and your spouse can truly hear what each other is saying and do something about it before it becomes a fight.
I think you’ll find this tip applies to any of your relationships, not just your marriage. In fact, I heard from a single woman who wrote to tell me as I was writing this series to say how surprised she was that God was speaking to her through these marriage tips, even though she’s not married. She wrote:
“I was hesitant at first to read this devotional as I’m not married. I was just scrolling through and saw a part about Lana and yourself getting a car and about marriage being a calling. So I decided to start from the top for I believed God wanted me to learn a thing or two and also to be encouraged as I was feeling a bit down and questioning my future. I enjoyed it and it made me laugh how God worked out your differences, even your breaking up and eventually getting married. That gave me hope since I’m single and struggling relationship wise. My concern about my future especially is that I really want to change my car and I laughed with tears coming to my eyes when you said about Lana’s desires for a car and how you reassured her about God working and providing for you and He will do the same for her. I like the part too about your partner understanding your purpose & dreams and how God can use you to help each other reach their potential and how God can use each other to bring about change & transformation. I have always believed that. Thanks for sharing your testimony. I must read the 7 points from earlier and see what else God wants me to know. God bless!”
So whether you apply this tip to your marriage or to any relationship, I hope you’ll read today’s tip closely and let God speak to your heart.
13) Watch your timing, tone and words. Lana and I didn’t fight often, and when we did, we tried to do so in private. This may have given others the impression that we never fought, but that’s not true. I will say, though, that we were able to avoid many of the all-out fights that others experience simply by following some advice that we learned during pre-marital counseling and some other wisdom that we learned for ourselves from the Bible.
This tip involves 3 aspects of how you express your feelings to each other: your timing, your tone and your words.
First, watch your timing. It’s important, of course, to share your feelings and not to stuff them down inside. We all have feelings and we want others to respect our feelings. But it’s also important to consider the timing of when to share those feelings. Even Jesus didn’t say everything that was on His heart to His disciples, but took into account when they would best receive what He had to say. Jesus said:
“I have much more to say to you, more than you can now bear” (John 16:12).
Jesus eventually did share everything on His heart, and He told the disciples that He would send His Holy Spirit later to remind them of everything He said. But He did so at a time when He knew they could best receive it.
Lana and I found that if we had something important to share with each other, especially if it was potentially explosive, that it was best to talk about it when we were both fresh and alert and able to talk about it rationally. We seemed to have our worst conversations when one or both of us were tired and worn out or when we had pressing deadlines that had to be met. It was better if we could realize the timing was bad and set a time to talk later when we could truly listen to each other.
Second, it’s important to watch your tone. It’s easy to jump to conclusions and blame your spouse for things they didn’t even know were wrong. In America, we love the idea of being “innocent until proven guilty.” But in marriage, we often jump to the conclusion that our spouse is guilty and we start an argument based on that assumed guilt rather than simply explaining what we’re feeling. The Bible talks about the importance of tone when it says:
“A gentle answer turns away wrath, but a harsh word stirs up anger” (Proverbs 15:1).
When I came to Lana with gentleness, simply sharing something that I was feeling, I was usually met with a gentle response in return. But when I came to her with a harsh or accusatory tone, it stirred up a harsh or angry response. This is a simple law of nature and it’s a simple law of communication: “For every action there is an equal and opposite reaction.”
Instead of looking straight at your spouse and assuming they are the problem, it’s better to turn shoulder to shoulder and address the problem together. It might even help to remind yourself and your spouse, “I know you’re not my enemy. I’m fighting for you, not against you.” By simply reminding yourselves of this truth, you can often diffuse the bomb that might otherwise explode.
I remember being called to a friend’s house late one night. She and her husband were in the middle of an argument—and it was bad. In fact, when I walked in, I wondered if she should have called the police instead of me.
But as I sat down with both of them and listened to what they were arguing about, it turned out that the husband was trying to tell his wife that he wished he could spend more time with her, because she was often out helping other people in need. They were talking past each other, though, because they were talking about 2 different things. The truth was that they both wanted to do something good; they just needed to work on how to achieve those good things together.
Here the wife thought her husband hated her for wanting to help others, when the truth was that he loved her so much he wanted to spend more time with her! And he loved that she wanted to help other people, but he just wished she would spend more of that energy on him, rather than depleting it all before she got home. By talking through both of their desires, without accusation or harsh words, they were able to find a way to move forward and help meet each of their desires more fully.
This story leads to the third aspect of how to have a fair fight, which is to watch the words you choose. Here’s a simple phrase you can memorize and, if you start using it today, you’ll find your conversations will go much smoother immediately. The phrase is:
“I feel … when … because … ”
This focuses the issue on you and your thoughts and feelings rather than on the other person.
In the story I shared above about the couple fighting, the husband started with an accusatory tone by saying “You’re always out helping other people!” To which his wife immediately reacted by saying, “What’s wrong with helping other people?!?” Then she started listing all the good and godly reasons to help others. She was also stung by the word “always” and said, “I’m not always out helping other people!!!” because she began to recall how many the times she stayed home to help him or their family. (It’s better just to drop the words “you always” or “you never” from arguments, because the other person can usually think of at least a few times when they did or did not do whatever they’re being accused of doing).
But because of the husband’s wording (and probably his timing and tone, based on the lateness and intensity of the conversation), he had inadvertently derailed the conversation from the beginning and they began squabbling over side issues. Rather than starting the sentence with the accusatory words “You always…,” consider if he had started by saying, “I feel…,” and then filled in the blanks that followed:
“I feel hurt when you go out to help others because I’d like to spend more time with you myself.”
That’s really what the husband was trying to say, but it came out as anger and jealousy rather than love and affection. By blaming her for wanting to help others, he put her on the defensive from the start, rather than simply expressing what he really wanted, which was to spend more time with her.
Using the words “I feel … when … because…” changes the tenor of your conversations immediately and helps you get closer to meeting your own needs sooner than if you get sidetracked on secondary conversations. You may still need to have those secondary conversations, but you’ll realize that they are just that: secondary. The main thing is to be able to express what you’re feeling, without blame or accusation, by describing how you feel when the other person does or does not do certain things.
Your choice of words can make all the difference, not only for yourself, but also for the other person. The Bible says:
“A word fitly spoken is like apples of gold in settings of silver” (Proverbs 25:11, NKJV).
Which means that words that are well timed and placed are beautiful to behold.
As an exercise to help you think through your words the next time you need to express something you’re feeling, imagine a conversation that you may be currently having with your spouse (or co-worker or friend), whether it’s a conversation you’ve been having out loud or if it’s still just in your head, and try to rephrase what you’re feeling using the words “I feel… when… because.”
Think hard about what you’re really feeling and why. Rather than accusing the other person in your head, imagine that you’re truly just trying to express your feelings and what triggers those feelings.
I feel lonely
I feel frustrated
I feel hurt
I feel unappreciated
when you come home late
when you move my piles
when you forget to do what I ask
when you correct me
because I want to go to bed with you
because I don’t know where things are when I need them
because I want to know that you care about me
because I’m trying hard to do the right thing
You can see how each of these statements could lead to further discussion and exploration of why the person feels what they feel and finding a solution that is beneficial for both people.
You might be thinking, “That sounds like a lot of work,” and you’d be right! It is! But the payoff is worth it.
In woodworking there’s a saying, “Measure twice; cut once.” When you carefully take the time to measure a piece of wood twice and then cut it only once, you save yourself a whole lot of time patching things up later. The same could be said of your words: “Think twice; speak once.” As the Bible says:
“Everyone should be quick to listen, slow to speak and slow to become angry” (James 1:19b).
Although it takes extra time and effort to think through your timing, your tone and your words, you’ll save yourself a whole lot of time and effort in patching things up later!
Coming up next, tips #14 and 15!
15 Tips For A Stronger Marriage – Chapter 3

You’re reading 15 TIPS FOR A STRONGER MARRIAGE, by Eric Elder, featuring 15 inspirational tips to help your marriage be the best that it can be. Also available in paperback and eBook formats in our bookstore for a donation of any size!
One of the questions I’m asked most about marriage is “How did you know that Lana was ‘the one’ for you?” Today I’ll share that answer with you in Tip #12 for how to have a stronger marriage.
But don’t think that today’s tip is only for those who are considering marriage. Even if you’ve been married a long, long time, today’s tip can help to re-energize your marriage as you remember why you chose your spouse in the first place.
With that in mind, here’s tip #12 for how to have a stronger marriage.
12) Choose well (and remember why you chose the one you did). Next to your decision to follow Christ, choosing who to marry is the 2nd most important decision you’ll ever make in your life. It’s a decision that will affect you for the rest of your life, and it’s a decision that will affect generations of people long after you’re gone.
I read a book before I got married that scared me, and for good reason: I wasn’t ready to get married. Even though I loved Lana deeply, this book helped me see the enormity of the decision to get married and how it would affect my life from that moment on. The book was called The Mystery of Marriage by Mike Mason. Mike said:
“A marriage, or a marriage partner, may be compared to a great tree growing right up through the center of one’s living room. It is something that is just there, and it is huge, and everything has been built around it, and wherever one happens to be going—to the fridge, to bed, to the bathroom, or out the front door—the tree has to be taken into account. It cannot be gone through; it must respectfully be gone around. It is somehow bigger and stronger than oneself. True, it could be chopped down, but not without tearing the house apart. And certainly it is beautiful, unique, exotic: but also, let’s face it, it is at times an enormous inconvenience.
So there are many things that can be said about one’s life’s mate, but finally, irrevocably, the one definite thing that needs to be said is that he or she is always there. And that, while it may be common enough in the world of trees, is among us human beings a rather remarkable state of affairs” (Mike Mason, The Mystery of Marriage, p. 39).
The book goes on to describe how nothing in life does more to expose our pride, failings and weaknesses than being married. Our selfishness is exposed at every turn. As the Bible says:
“As iron sharpens iron, so one person sharpens another” (Proverbs 27:17).
As helpful as it is for us to be sharpened, the process of chipping away at the ugly and unsightly things in our lives can be painful. I just wasn’t ready. I remember going to my brother and sister-in-law’s wedding, watching them take their vows for a lifetime and thinking, “I can’t do this! I just can’t do it!” It wasn’t that I didn’t love Lana, but that I couldn’t imagine giving up the idea of just living my life for myself.
In the months that followed, however, God began to show me all that I would gain by being married. I had recently put my faith in Christ, and I was already seeing the fruit of having invited Him into my life and taking His thoughts into account before acting on my own. I was eventually convinced that marriage could be worth giving up whatever independence I had before. The question then became, “Who does God want me to marry?”
Although the Bible gives us certain baseline criteria for choosing a spouse, such as believers marrying other believers (2 Corinthians 6:14a and 1 Kings 11:2b), not marrying close relatives (Leviticus 18:6-19), and marrying someone who can help God fulfill His recreative design for the world (Leviticus 18:22-23 and Romans 1:26-27), it doesn’t tell us which person, specifically, who God wants us to marry. At least I didn’t think so. For that, I knew I would have to rely on God’s Holy Spirit. And I’ve found that He is more than happy to help us—as long as we’re willing to listen.
So how did I know that Lana was “the one”? For me, my answer came after months of asking God to speak to me clearly if she was the one that He wanted me to marry. I had already come to the conclusion that I wanted to marry her, but I needed to know for sure what God wanted, because I knew that He knew both of us better than we knew ourselves.
One morning I sat down in my bedroom to read my Bible, but didn’t know what to read. I had just finished reading my Bible from cover to cover a few days earlier for the first time in my life, and I wasn’t sure where to start reading again. So I decided to start over at the beginning.
Lana had come to visit me that morning, as we had already been out to watch a friend run a race in downtown Houston. We decided to take some time to pray on our own before going on with the day, so she sat on the couch in the living room with her Bible, and I went to the bedroom with mine. This was a refreshingly new practice for both of us in that previous year.
I opened up my Bible to the first page and began to read again about how God created the world, and how God created Adam, the first man on earth. God put Adam in a beautiful garden and asked him to take care of it. But God saw that even in the midst of this beautiful setting, surrounded by all kinds of spectacular things, Adam was still alone:
“The LORD God said, ‘It is not good for the man to be alone. I will make a helper suitable for him’” (Genesis 2:18).
So God created Eve and brought her to Adam.
Even though I had heard this story since I was a kid, this was the first time I had seen it from God’s perspective. As I read about Adam being alone in the garden, my heart fell as God’s must have fallen, when He saw how lonely Adam was. Then my heart rose again, as God’s must have risen, when God created Eve and brought her to Adam. I imagined the smile on Adam’s face must have about a mile wide!
As I pictured this scene in my mind, I suddenly had an intense awareness that God was looking down at me just as He had looked at Adam. There I was, surrounded by all kinds of spectacular things, but I was still alone. In that moment, God spoke to my heart. The words seemed to leap off the page, and I felt that God had done the same for me: He had created a woman just for me and He had brought her directly to me. She was sitting in the very next room! After months of praying, I knew that I knew that God really did want to fulfill the desires of my heart and He really did want me to marry Lana.
I got up off the floor and ran down the hall. I didn’t stop to look in the mirror as I ran, but I’m sure if I did, the smile on my face would have been about a mile wide. I told Lana what God had told me through the story of Adam and Eve. We talked and we cried and I asked her to marry me right on the spot. To my delight, she said “Yes!” and we spent the rest of that incredible day together walking and talking and riding paddle boats in the rain at Miller Park.
My eyes still water as I think about it again 25 years later. Even though I didn’t have a ring to give her, and we didn’t have a candlelight dinner, I had something that was even more precious to me: I had a word from God that Lana was “the one.” I can’t tell you how many times I’ve come back to that story over the years, both in good times and in hard times, and how it has re-energized my love for and commitment to Lana.
For Lana, the story was much simpler: she said she knew from the day she met me that God wanted her to marry me. She said that as soon as we met, there on the 2nd floor of David Kinley Hall at the University of Illinois, that these words immediately popped into her mind: “That’s the man you’re going to marry.”
She said it was the wording that made her realize it was from God, and the way that the words came into her mind. She said the words seemed to come into her mind out of the blue, and they were spoken in the 3rd person: “That’s the man you’re going to marry.” She said that if it was her own thought, she would have said to herself, “That’s the man I’m going to marry!” But she didn’t, and the words were clear: “That’s the man you’re going to marry.” She was so convinced that she went home that night and called one of her best friends to tell her she had just met the man she was going to marry. And she was right!
I tell you these stories not because I think God will speak to you in the exact same way, but to give you confidence that God can speak to you, if you’re willing to listen to Him. God’s Holy Spirit really is alive and active. And, believe it or not, God wants you to know who to marry even more than you want to know it. He has a bigger stake in the outcome of your life than you do, and He knows you and every other person on the planet even better than you know yourself.
I had been diligently seeking God for months for His answer (after dating Lana for years before finally coming to the place of asking God what He wanted for our relationship). And Lana had been praying ever since she was a child for a man to marry who would be like Jesus to her, not that I was ever close to that, but in her eyes at least, she felt that I was the answer to all those prayers.
Once I knew that Lana was the one for me, I knew there was never any going back. I was committed to planting that tree of marriage right in the center of my living room, and I was happier about it than I can possibly tell you. I never used the D word (Divorce) because I knew that wasn’t an option. I knew that for better or worse, neither of us were going away, and we were going to have to work through anything that came our way together. And I couldn’t have been happier about it.
Just like the words “God will never leave you alone” can be either a blessing or a curse depending on how you look at it, the idea of being with another person 24/7 for the rest of your life can be a blessing or a curse, too, depending on how you look at it. That’s why it’s so important to remember why you chose the one you did in the first place, because it can help restore the way you look at your marriage, not as a curse of always having someone else around, but as a blessing of always having someone else around.
If you’re still considering who to marry, I want to encourage you to choose well. No decision, other than your decision to follow Christ, is as important. And no decision this important is one that God wants you to take lightly. He would love to help you know who to marry, for He has a vested interest in the outcome of both of your lives.
For those of you who have already made your choice of who to marry and who are now living out that choice, perhaps even wondering if you made the right choice or not, I’d like to encourage you to look back and remember why you made that choice in the first place.
What was it that drew you to your spouse? What made him or her so special to you when you first met or when you first started dating? What did God speak to you about him or her along the way? What feelings or emotions stirred within you that made you want to make this commitment to be together forever? Choosing well is important, but remembering can be just as important to helping you stay committed to your choice. As Nehemiah said about the Israelites who went back on some of their earlier choices:
“They refused to listen and failed to remember the miracles You performed among them” (Nehemiah 9:17).
They didn’t listen to God, and they failed to remember the miracles He performed among them. Don’t be like that! Listen to God, and then remember what God has told you.
I’m not saying it’s easy to choose who to marry or to stay married after you’ve made that choice, and I’m not saying that people won’t surprise you down the road with actions and decisions that catch us totally off guard. In fact, I’m saying just the opposite. I’m saying that none of us really know what we’re getting into when we commit to living with another person for the rest of our lives. None of us really know what’s in the hearts of other people living on the planet, let alone what’s in our own hearts. But God knows.
God knows what’s in our hearts, and He knows how to guide and direct us if we’re willing to listen. God also knows how to redeem ANY situation and ANY decision we ever make, even the bad ones. In fact, that’s why He sent Jesus to die: to redeem us from the poor choices we make, the sins we’ve committed along the way, so that we can live a new and abundant life, both here on earth and in heaven forever. No matter how you’ve arrived at the place you’re in right now, you can trust Him to redeem and restore it and to help make it right.
But if you’re not married yet, do yourself and everyone else around you a huge favor: Choose well! Listen to God, then remember the miracles He’s done among you.
15 Tips For A Stronger Marriage – Chapter 2

You’re reading 15 TIPS FOR A STRONGER MARRIAGE, by Eric Elder, featuring 15 inspirational tips to help your marriage be the best that it can be. Also available in paperback and eBook formats in our bookstore for a donation of any size!
In this chapter I’m sharing just 4 tips with you. I’ve grouped these together because each one is related to how you balance your needs and callings with the needs and callings of your spouse. These can help to ensure that your marriage is a true partnership to help you both accomplish all that God has put on your hearts to do.
With that in mind, here are tips #8 through 11 for how to have a stronger marriage.
8) Be willing to live for your spouse. I spoke to a man who was divorcing his wife. She wanted to move to another state to fulfill some of her dreams, but he didn’t want to. They were at a stalemate and this was the last straw.
I asked him, “If someone threatened to kill your wife, would you be willing to die for her?”
“Yes, of course,” he replied.
Then I asked, “If you would be willing to die for her, would you be willing to live for her?”
We talked again shortly thereafter and he put his faith in Christ. He reconciled with his wife and they moved across the country. As Jesus told His disciples:
“Greater love has no one than this, that he lay down his life for his friends” (John 15:13).
Then Jesus proved His love for His friends by laying down His life for them.
Surprisingly, “laying down your life” doesn’t always mean giving up your own dreams and plans, too. For Jesus also said,
“For whoever wants to save his life will lose it, but whoever loses his life for Me will find it” (Matthew 16:25).
Sometimes it’s by helping your spouse achieve their dreams that you’ll be better able to fulfill your own dreams. If God is the one who has put special dreams and desires within both you and your spouse, then He’ll find a way to accomplish those dreams and desires for both of you, too.
9) Help your spouse achieve their goals. This may sound like the previous tip, but the difference is that sometimes you’ll have to take the initiative to help your spouse achieve their goals. It may be that God has put you in their life just for this purpose, because He knew they would need your unique help. After God created Adam, He said:
“It’s not good for the Man to be alone; I’ll make him a helper, a companion” (Genesis 2:18, MSG).
One of the main purposes for marriage, according to God, is so we won’t have to do life alone; that we’ll have a helper and a companion along the way.
Lana was both of those things to me: a wonderful companion and a terrific helper. She helped me do things I could never have done on my own, whether it was building a family or launching a ministry or giving me regular feedback and encouragement on my writing and speaking and planning and dreaming. At the same time, I was able to help her achieve some of her goals. Over the years, however, I realized that she still had other dreams and desires for her life which would never be realized if I didn’t step in to give her a boost. She wanted to do missions work in Africa, visit the Holy Land and make a movie about the life of St. Nicholas.
But with all of her other responsibilities, those dreams seemed either distant or impossible. So I sat down with her and began to pray about each one, asking God how I could help her achieve her dreams. Within a few years, I was able to help her take a missions trip to Africa, visit the Holy Land twice and write out the story of the life of St. Nicholas, which we planned to use as the basis for a movie someday. When we found out that Lana had cancer, I can’t tell you how thankful I was that I had stepped in to help her fulfill those dreams while she was still able to do them—and I’d encourage you to do the same.
10) Remember your marriage is a calling, too. I think a word of caution is in order here, too. Be careful when considering giving up one type of “calling” to follow another. I shared my story with a group one day about quitting my job and going into full-time ministry. A woman came up to me afterwards to tell me how excited she was because God was calling her to do the same thing. After congratulating her for being willing to take this step of faith, I asked her what kept her from doing it before. She said, “Well, my husband won’t like it because I’m going to have to move and leave him behind.”
“As in divorce?” I asked.
“Yes,” she said, and she looked at the floor.
I said, “Don’t forsake one type of calling (your marriage) to fulfill another. If this is from God, He’ll help you to do both.”
Your marriage is a calling just as much as any other kind of “calling.” When I quit my job and went into full-time ministry, I knew for me that meant living on faith for all of our financial provision (we all live on faith, actually; it’s just that sometimes we’re more acutely aware of it than others). But I also knew I was called to my marriage with Lana.
So I wrote Lana a letter, telling her that even though I felt called by God to do this ministry, I also felt called by God to marry her and to take care of her as best I could. I committed to her, right at the beginning of our ministry, that if ever she felt she wasn’t being cared for because of the ministry that I was doing, then I would quit doing ministry or I would find another way to do it so that I could care for her better.
I didn’t want to shortchange one calling to fulfill another. As the Bible says rather forcefully:
“Anyone who does not provide for their relatives, and especially for their own household, has denied the faith and is worse than an unbeliever” (1 Timothy 5:8).
Lana never had to exercise her right to pull out the letter and pull me out of ministry, although she came close a few times. And whenever she did, we prayed together and I filled out applications for other jobs. God always made a way for me to fulfill both callings, however, so I could keep loving her well and keep doing ministry well. I knew that if I had to neglect one calling to fulfill another, then I was probably doing something wrong, and if God had called me to both, He would help me to find a way to do both.
11) Remember that God is the provider for both of you. If you haven’t noticed, each of these tips builds on the others. While there’s a lot that you can do for your spouse, you can’t do everything! There are some things only God can do. Ultimately, He’s the one who provides for you both. As the Bible says,
“The earth is the LORD’s, and everything in it…” (Psalm 24:1a).
When I was first dating Lana, we relied on each other for everything: our conversation, our intimacy, our affirmation, our affection. But when God broke us up for a period of time, we learned to rely on Him as the ultimate source of everything in our lives, including each other. When we finally came back together and eventually got married, we had a new awareness that God was the source of all we needed, even if He used one or the other of us to meet that need. He was still the source of it all.
I was reminded of how much God loved Lana one morning after we had had a funny conversation the day before. Her car had broken down and we needed to find another, but there was no way we could afford one. She told me the kind of car she really wanted to get. She had never cared about makes or models of cars before, just whatever would get her from Point A to Point B. When I looked at the prices of used models online, I thought, “Good luck with that!”
A friend of ours told us when he sent his daughter off to college, the only thing he had to give her were his prayers and these words: “The same God who takes care of me will take care of you.” God did His part, My friend did what he could do, his daughter did what she could do, and God did what only He could do. 4 years later she had a college degree!
So that night as I prayed for Lana and the car she wanted, I said at the end, rather jokingly, “Well, you’ve got my prayers! The same God who takes care of me will take care of you!” Then I rolled over and fell asleep.
The joke was on me, though, when the very next morning I pulled into the parking lot for a men’s group at church and a man pulled in right after me—driving the exact car that Lana had told me she wanted. He had never visited the group before and I had never seen another car like this around town. It was the same exact make, model and color that Lana had wanted!
I told the man that my wife was talking about getting a car just like that and he said he was actually thinking of selling it! I had to shake my head and confess to God that I had forgotten how much He loved her, too—even more than I did—and that He was the one who provided everything for her, just like He provided everything for me. Although we didn’t buy that man’s car, God made a way for us to buy another one—the same model, make and color—within just a few months of those feeble prayers. God really does love our spouse even more than we love them, and He loves to surprise and delight them, just as He loves to surprise and delight us.
Sometimes we make the mistake of trying too hard to please our spouse, only to fall short again and again, when what we really need to do is to trust God that He will provide for them, even when we can’t. So do your best and trust God with the rest.
That’s it for today, and probably more than enough “home work” for you to think about for this chapter! In the next chapter, I’ll share only 1 tip so you can focus on it exclusively.
15 Tips For A Stronger Marriage – Chapter 1

You’re reading 15 TIPS FOR A STRONGER MARRIAGE, by Eric Elder, featuring 15 inspirational tips to help your marriage be the best that it can be. Also available in paperback and eBook formats in our bookstore for a donation of any size!
Here are the first 7 tips for a stronger marriage. I’ve kept these tips short to help you get started as quickly as possible, but I hope you won’t rush through them.
We have a game at our house called Othello. and the description on the box says the game takes “a minute to learn; a lifetime to master.” The same is true for each of these tips. You can probably read each one in just a few minutes, but they could take a lifetime to master!
So I hope you’ll take some time to really consider how to apply each one to your own marriage. With that in mind, here are the first 7 tips!
1) Pray with each other daily. Before Lana and I got married, I heard someone say that he prayed every night with his wife before they went to bed. He said this assured them of 2 things every day:
1- This assured them that each of them was being prayed for every single day of their lives. Since I believe in the power of prayer, I was so eager to try this even before I got married that I tried it with a friend who was my roommate at the time. It turned out to be so powerful, and we saw so many answers to our prayers, that I was convinced to keep doing it when I entered into marriage as well.
2- This also assured them that each of them would have a chance to express some of their deepest needs that they may never have shared otherwise. Often I would go through a whole day with Lana, talking and doing life together, and think that I knew what she probably wanted prayer for by the end of the day. But there were often times when I would ask her how I could pray for her and she would surprise me with something that I would have never guessed on my own.
No matter how late it was at night or what kind of mood we were in, we kept this commitment daily, even if it was just praying a blessing over each other in Jesus’ name. One of Lana’s favorite prayers to pray for me and for the kids was based on this verse from the Bible:
“The LORD bless you and keep you; the LORD make His face shine upon you and be gracious to you; the LORD turn His face toward you and give you peace” (Numbers 6:24-26).
I shared this tip with the couple who inspired me to write this book and they posted a message on FaceBook just a few days into their honeymoon:
“A man filled with great wisdom told us before we got married that every night we should pray together before we fell asleep. So far in our short marriage we have done that. There is nothing more intimate.”
I agree! Pray with each other every day.
2) Take out the TV. Lack of communication is the #1 cause of divorce. It’s amazing how even having a TV in the room can impact your communication with your spouse. It’s always easier to turn on the TV than to talk to someone else. The TV doesn’t talk back; you don’t have to listen if you don’t want to. You can be delighted and entertained for hours on end without doing any of the heavy lifting of a relationship. Having a TV in the room is like always having a third person in your marriage. Even when it’s off, the temptation is still there to turn it on.
Lana and I read a book before we got married called The First Years of Forever by Ed and Gaye Wheat which argued convincingly that the patterns you set in the first 2 years of marriage will set the tone for the patterns you’ll have in your 7th year and 14th year and so on. So to set your patterns right from the start, make communication a #1 goal. Lana and I put our TV in the back of a closet for the first year of our marriage. The only time we took it out was when we heard that the Berlin Wall was being torn down live on television, 1 of the most significant news events of that year. Then back into the closet it went.
I can’t tell you the joy that Lana and I had that first year, just the two of us in our 1-bedroom apartment in Houston, Texas. It freed us up to spend all kinds of time together, whether it was cooking dinner, playing games, cleaning dishes, going out or making love. Someone had given us money to buy a new TV as a wedding present, which we saved to get one when our first year was over. But we enjoyed our life without a TV so much that we kept it that way for several years until we finally decided to buy one so we could watch movies or teach the kids. After 23 years, we still watched very little TV, nor did our kids, because we just never developed the a habit. (And when we did start watching TV again, we were shocked at how much more negative the content on TV seemed to have turned in just those few short years.)
Let me add here again that these are suggestions that you’ll have to adapt to your own situation, whether it’s limiting time on the Internet or social media, or watching only a set number of shows or sporting events per month, or whatever it takes to give you the best shot at increasing your time to communicate. As the Apostle Paul reminded the Corinthians:
“Everything is permissible”—but not everything is beneficial. “Everything is permissible”—but not everything is constructive (1 Corinthians 10:23).
3) Combine your bank accounts. Communication is the #1 cause for divorce, but finances are a close second. Lana and I were encouraged at the beginning of our marriage to combine our bank accounts and share a checkbook. This meant that we had to talk about our purchases with each other so there were no surprises. This also kept us in check from making whimsical or unnecessary purchases. By combining our bank accounts we were also able to better save our money and make a priority of helping to fulfill each other’s dreams, whether it was a special trip for an anniversary or a missions trip to another country or a new vehicle when we needed one.
Because we had to make our decisions together, we simply made wiser decisions. Although it was harder at first because we had to work together, it kept us from having the mentality that “this is my money” and “this is your money.” We realized early on that “this is God’s money” and we wanted to spend it in the best way possible. As King David said to God:
“Everything comes from You, and we have given You only what comes from Your hand” (1 Chronicles 29:14b).
This may not apply to every situation or every stage of life, but it’s important to do something to make sure your finances enhance your marriage and not take away from it. For instance, I noticed that Lana was supportive whenever I was asked to speak anywhere special, but that doing so cost her in terms of my time and energy. So I began giving her any money I received from these extra speaking engagements, rather than using it for our every day bills. It was a simple way to make sure the money we received was working for our marriage, not against it.
4) Never use the “D” word: Divorce. There’s a funny line in the movie, It’s a Wonderful Life, when the house maid Annie gives some money to George Bailey when he’s in dire straights. Annie says, “I’ve been saving this money for a divorce, if ever I got a husband!” It’s a funny line for a movie, but it’s a terrible line for real life. Sometimes you might be tempted to hold things back from your spouse “just in case things don’t work out.” But those very things that you’re holding back might be the pathway to greater intimacy if they were shared, whether it’s money or secrets or simply giving yourself as fully as possible to your spouse.
If you’re committed to marriage for life, which God certainly is, never use the word “divorce,” especially as a threat. Some people hold onto that option and use it as a weapon in an argument. But it’s not a weapon. Jesus said that Moses allowed for divorce only because of the hardness of people’s hearts, but that it wasn’t always that way from the beginning (see Matthew 19:8).
If you’re struggling in your marriage, keep your hearts soft and tender by looking for other ways to deal with your problems, whether you look to God, the Bible, prayer, counselors, friends or perhaps even time away. But not divorce. God says in the Bible:
“I hate divorce” (Malachi 2:16).
And anyone who’s been through one knows why. When I’ve counseled couples for marriage, I’ve sometimes told them that I’m glad to bless their marriage, but on one condition: that if they ever consider a divorce, that they have to come back to me first and get my blessing for that, too. Then I let them know that in all my years of counseling people, I’ve never felt led to bless a divorce, even in some of the most intense situations. I’ve always felt that God can work through even the most intense situations, especially if both people are willing to do so.
5) Confess your sins quickly. I heard about a man who walked across America. He said his toughest moments weren’t when he was walking through the rain or snow or to the top of a tall mountain. He said his toughest times were when he got tiny grains of sand in his shoes. Unless he stopped to regularly dump out the sand, those tiny grains would rub against his feet until blisters formed and then he would suffer for days or weeks in extreme pain until his feet healed.
I heard this story in a sermon about marriage one Sunday morning, in the context of confessing even those small sins in our lives to our spouse, dumping them out of our shoes before they rubbed enough to cause more severe pain. I immediately thought of a particular friendship I had with someone that I enjoyed, perhaps a little too much. There was nothing sinful going on, but the fact that this friendship came to mind as I heard this story made me wonder if maybe I should confess it to Lana and ask her what to do about it. I didn’t want to mention it though, because I was afraid the best solution would be to step back from this friendship all together, and I didn’t want to lose the friendship.
But after a few days of praying, I realized that even though this issue seemed like no big deal, as small as a grain of sand, I knew I’d rather dump it out now than let it possibly endanger my marriage down the road. I confessed it to Lana and we agreed it would be best for me to back off from the friendship. Even though it was a good friendship in my life, I felt so much freer after stepped back and it never caused another problem again. Confess any sins right away, even if they’re as small as a grain of sand. As the Bible says,
“Therefore confess your sins to each other and pray for each other so that you may be healed” (James 5:16).
6) Love your way through any “irreconcilable differences.” I once heard about an interviewer who asked several couples who had gotten a divorce how many “irreconcilable differences” they had in their marriage; things that they were simply never able to agree upon. The average answer was 5 or 6 “irreconcilable differences.” The interviewer then asked the same question of several couples who were still together after 40, 50 and 60 years. Their answer? 5 or 6! It wasn’t the number of irreconcilable differences that made the difference in whether the couples stayed together or not, but their commitment to love each other through them.
We’re all unique. We all have different backgrounds and life experiences. It’s no surprise that we think differently on various topics as well. It’s part of life and it’s all part of what makes being married work so much better than being alone for so many people, because they can each bring their best ideas to table. But invariably this means that many other ideas have to be left on the table, even good ones. Lana and I agreed on a lot of things, but there were probably 5 or 6 that we still never agreed on in all our years together.
We’re all like porcupines, with our various differences and sins poking out of us all the time. And when we get close enough to each other, there’s a good chance we’ll get poked. Yet even porcupines find a way to have baby porcupines. How do they do it? Very carefully!
Don’t let your sins and differences cause you to lose your commitment to a lifetime of marriage no matter what. Love your way through them instead. As the Bible says:
“Above all, love each other deeply, because love covers over a multitude of sins” (John 15:13).
7) Invite and allow Jesus to love your spouse through you. When I married Lana, I knew without a doubt that she was a gift from God to me. But I also realized that if she was a gift from God to me, then perhaps I was a gift from God to her, too. As such, I often wondered what Jesus would want me to do for her if He were here on earth, for the Bible says that we are the body of Christ and He wants to be able to live His life through us to touch others (see 1 Corinthians 12).
So when Lana would lay in bed at night, exhausted from a long day of taking care of everyone else around her, I would think, “What Would Jesus Do?” If Jesus was here, what would He want to say to her? What would He want to do for her? How would He minister to the deepest needs of her heart right now? Then I would try to let Jesus use me to love her, using my words to speak to her, my hands to stroke her head, my ears to listen to what she’d been going through during the day.
WWJD (What Would Jesus Do) might seem like a trite acronym to put on a bracelet or a bumper sticker, but it’s only trite if we make it so. If we take it seriously—and realize it’s exactly what God wants us to ask at all times and in all situations, especially with our spouse—it can change the dynamics of every relationship that we have.
As I was writing this message to you today, I happened to hear from the wife of a couple I had married several years ago. She shared with me that that this was the single most important tip she learned back then, and that it was the #1 thing that was getting her through the mess she and her husband were in right now, inviting and allowing Jesus to love her spouse through her.
Just as God has placed your spouse in your life as a gift to you, He has placed you in your spouse’s life as a gift to them. Invite and allow Jesus to love your spouse through you. As the Bible says:
“Now you are the body of Christ, and each one of you is a part of it” (1 Corinthians 12:27).
That’s enough tips for now (it’s enough for a lifetime, really!) But in the next several chapters I’ll share some more tips that can be just as significant as these. Then I’ll wrap it all up in Chapter 6 with those 3 simple words that serve as the glue to hold all the other tips together.
15 Tips For A Stronger Marriage – Introduction

You’re reading 15 TIPS FOR A STRONGER MARRIAGE, by Eric Elder, featuring 15 inspirational tips to help your marriage be the best that it can be. Also available in paperback and eBook formats in our bookstore for a donation of any size!
Practical tips for newlyweds, nearly-weds or anyone who wants to strengthen their marriage
by Eric Elder
INTRODUCTION
I was sitting with a couple recently to help them plan their wedding when the bride-to-be asked me to do something impossible: she wanted me to talk at her wedding about marriage and what made my marriage to my wife, Lana, so successful.
She said she admired our relationship and wanted to learn whatever she could to make her marriage the best that it could be.
Here’s why her request seemed so impossible: how could I possibly summarize 23 years worth of thoughts on marriage in such a short message on her wedding day? Yet her question also inspired me because I loved the idea of being able to pass along to them anything that might be helpful. So I began to think of all the tips I had heard before we got married, after we got married and throughout our 23 years of marriage. I quickly came up with 4 or 5 sermons to share at her wedding!
In the end, I only shared 1 simple message with them, based on 3 words, which I felt would help them get through anything they might face in the future. I’ll share those 3 words with you in chapter 6, as they serve as the glue that holds all the other tips together. But I still wanted to share with this couple all the other great tips that God had brought to my mind. The result is this little book that I’m now sharing with you.
I wish I could say that if you’ll just put these 15 tips into practice you’ll be guaranteed success in your own marriage, but relationships just don’t work like that. Each one of us is unique and each one of our relationships is unique. Yet I still believe each of these tips can be helpful to you in one way or another, even if it’s just to talk through them with your spouse, or spouse to be, and then adapt and apply them to your own relationship.
To make this book easier to read, I’ve divided it into 7 chapters, 6 of which are about marriage, with a bonus chapter at the end called “12 Tips On Parenting.” I wrote this chapter in response to another question by some other friends who asked for my thoughts on that topic.
Since this book has 7 chapters, you might want to read a chapter a day for 7 days or a chapter a week for 7 weeks. You might also want to go through this book with a few other couples who are newly married, nearly married or just want to strengthen their marriage, no matter how long they’ve been married. Who knows? This book may be just what they need to make their marriage not just good, but great!
Any way you do it, I pray God will bless you through it, both now and for many years to come.
In Christ’s love,
Eric Elder
This Day’s Thought from The Ranch- Tuesday
Make a plan now to keep a daily appointment with God. The enemy is going to tell you to set it aside, but you must carve out the time. If you’re too busy to meet with the Lord, friend, then you are simply too busy.
Charles Swindoll
The LORD detests lying lips, but he delights in men who are truthful.
Proverbs 12:22
The New International Version
As a thank you for your donation of any size to our ministry, we’d be glad to send you a paperback copy of another book I’ve written on marriage that focuses specifically on intimacy. If you’d like a copy, just visit The Ranch Bookstore online to make a donation of any size, and we’ll ship a copy to you anywhere in the world. Your gifts help us to keep sharing about Christ with others, and we’re happy to send you a gift in return!
Charles Swindoll — Make a plan now…
Make a plan now to keep a daily appointment with God. The enemy is going to tell you to set it aside, but you must carve out the time. If you’re too busy to meet with the Lord, friend, then you are simply too busy.
Charles Swindoll
Proverbs 12:22 — The Lord detests lying lips…
The LORD detests lying lips, but he delights in men who are truthful.
Proverbs 12:22 The New International Version
This Day’s Thought from The Ranch- Monday
The main thing is this: we should never blame anyone or anything for our defeats. No matter how evil their intentions may be, they are altogether unable to harm us until we begin to blame them and use them as excuses for our own unbelief.
A. W. Tozer
For he is not a God of the dead, but of the living: for all live unto him.
Luke 20:38
The King James Version
God isn’t a talent scout looking for someone who is “good enough” or “strong enough.” He is looking for someone with a heart set on Him, and He will do the rest.
Vance Havner
As a thank you for your donation of any size to our ministry, we’d be glad to send you a paperback copy of another book I’ve written on marriage that focuses specifically on intimacy. If you’d like a copy, just visit The Ranch Bookstore online to make a donation of any size, and we’ll ship a copy to you anywhere in the world. Your gifts help us to keep sharing about Christ with others, and we’re happy to send you a gift in return!
A. W. Tozer — The main thing is this…
The main thing is this: we should never blame anyone or anything for our defeats. No matter how evil their intentions may be, they are altogether unable to harm us until we begin to blame them and use them as excuses for our own unbelief.
A. W. Tozer
Luke 20:38 — For he is not a God of the dead…
For he is not a God of the dead, but of the living: for all live unto him.
Luke 20:38 The King James Version
Vance Havner — God isn’t a talent scout…
God isn’t a talent scout looking for someone who is “good enough” or “strong enough.” He is looking for someone with a heart set on Him, and He will do the rest.
Vance Havner
This Week’s Sermon- 15 Tips for a Stronger Marriage (Part 6-Conclusion)
15 TIPS FOR A STRONGER MARRIAGE
(Part 6-Conclusion. Click here for Part 1, Part 2, Part 3, Part 4 and Part 5.)
by Eric Elder
www.theranch.org

My Friends’ Wedding (photo by Dani Ford)
Believe it or not, all the tips I’ve shared with you up till now were just the preface, the introduction, to what I’d like to share with you today about how to have a stronger marriage.
When my friends asked me to talk about marriage at their wedding, and what made my marriage to Lana so special, I began to think through all the tips I’ve shared with you up to this point.
But as important as each of these tips are, I felt like the most important thought I could share with them was the one I’m going to share with you today, and it focuses on just 3 words that tie all the other tips together. (And the 3 words aren’t “I love you,” “I was wrong,” “I am sorry,” “I forgive you,” or, as one reader suggested, “You’re right, dear!” as helpful and important as all those words can be!)
You can read below what I shared with my friends on their wedding day. You can also watch their wedding online if you’d like at the link below. It was a beautiful outdoor ceremony, complete with birds chirping and bales of hay on which the guests sat (plus the ceremony is only about 30 minutes long, so feel free to take a look!)
https://theranch.org/?attachment_id=17583
Here’s the text of what I shared with them that day…
When I met with Korey and Makayla a few months ago to talk about their wedding, Makayla asked me to share some thoughts about what marriage means and what made my marriage to Lana work so well. She said she looked up to us and just wanted to hear from my heart.
So I’m going to tell you three short highlights, three little snippets from my life and my marriage that I hope will be helpful to you. Really it’s summed up in 3 words; 3 words that I hope you’ll remember today; 3 words that I hope you’ll be able to put into practice.
You might think those 3 words are “I love you,” but they’re not. They’re these:
“And be thankful.”
There’s a passage in the Bible that says many things about loving and caring for others. The passage talks about all the things that we associate with love, such as:
“…clothe yourselves with compassion, kindness, humility, gentleness and patience. Bear with each other and forgive whatever grievances you may have against one another. Forgive as the Lord forgave you. And over all these virtues put on love, which binds them all together in perfect unity” (Colossians 3:12b-14).
These are all wonderful things. But then Paul goes on and adds these 3 words to all the rest, words that seem to go beyond even just loving each other. Paul says,
“And be thankful” (Colossians 3:15b).
Then he says it again in a lengthier way at the end of the passage:
“And whatever you do, whether in word or deed, do it all in the name of the Lord Jesus, giving thanks to God the Father” (Colossians 3:17).
I just want to tell you 3 little snapshots from my life about giving thanks to God for my wife.
On our wedding day, Lana and I wrote our own vows, like you’ve written your own vows. In my vows, I said to Lana: “Lana, you are a gift from God to me, and I plan to treat you as a gift.” From that day on that’s what I tried to do. That day was the most amazing day to me, to be able to receive this gift from God and to be able to unwrap it over and over and over again, discovering layers of her that I had no idea about.
On our wedding day I said, “Thank You, Lord, and thank You, Lana, for saying ‘Yes!’ to marrying me.”
Then I just kept saying that throughout my whole 23 years. When I would see how she raised our children, I would say, “Thank You, Lord, for this incredible mother of our children and thank you, Lana, for being a godly mother and wife.” When I would see how she cooked meals for us, took care of us, edited my manuscripts for my ministry, I’d say, “Thank You, Lord, and thank you, Lana.” Lana was a gift from God, and I was so thankful for her.
There was another snapshot I’d like to share with you. Our wedding day was one, but there was another snapshot, and you, Makayla, were actually in the vicinity. We were in Israel and Makayla and Jeanette had come with a few of us in our family to Israel and we were in the hotel at the Dead Sea. We had just had a beautiful worship night, worshipping God in our room with our whole team. After everyone had left, Lana and I went out on the balcony on a beautiful night, and we had a wonderful, romantic, intimate night together. In the midst of that precious night, I just looked up to heaven and I said, “Thank You, Lord, and thank you, Lana.” I can’t count how many wonderful nights I’ve had like that with her, so often saying in the midst of them, “Thank You, Lord, and thank you, Lana.”
A third moment I’d like to share with you, a little snapshot, was just a few years ago. We were in the car at Walmart, sitting in the parking lot after shopping. We were having a really hard conversation; one of those where you say, “Wow, this is hard.” We didn’t have many of those, but that night we were both feeling very passionate about what we felt and what we believed, and we just weren’t on the same page.
The conversation had to do with what kind of treatment plan we were going to do for her cancer. I had one idea. She had another. And it just got heated and more passionate. The doctors had told us no matter which one we chose, it wouldn’t make any difference in the outcome.
We were at the peak of that conversation when I had to stop and just say to myself, “Lana is a gift from God to me; she is not the problem here.” Rather than face each other and think that we were each other’s problem, we had to turn shoulder to shoulder and put the problem to one side and work on it together.
I just had to back up and say, “Lana, you are a gift from God to me, and the reason I feel so passionate about this is because I just don’t want to lose you. I want to do anything I can to keep you. And I want to remind you, in this conversation, in this heated moment, the only reason I feel so passionate about this is because I love you, so, so much.”
And that eased the tension. It changed the dynamics.
In the end, it turned out the doctors were right and it wouldn’t have mattered which plan we chose. Lana died a few months later.
But I am so thankful that in those heated moments in the parking lot, I decided not to keep arguing over it, but rather to give thanks in all things and say, “Thank You, Lord, and thank you, Lana.”
With all the other wonderful things you can do for your marriage, remember these 3 words because they can carry you through your whole life:
“And be thankful.”
You understand what it means to forgive. You understand what it means to make a lifelong commitment. You understand love and graciousness and kindness and humility and being second and all those things.
I think you understand this, too, but I just want to highlight and emphasize, even beyond just loving each other, which is incredible, to be thankful.
“And be thankful.”
“And be thankful.”
“And be thankful.”
And with those words, I married my friends to each other and I prayed that they, like you, would have a long, wonderful and thankful life together!
Will you pray with me?
Father, thank You for Your wisdom, which You’ve given to us through Your word to help us to love one another in the best ways possible. Help us to apply these words to all of our relationships so that we can love one other more fully and be more thankful in all that we do. Fill us with Your Spirit to do everything You’ve put on our hearts to do today and every day, from this day forward. We pray all this in the strong name of Jesus, who has the power to make all our relationships stronger, too. Amen.
P.S. Thank you for reading these marriage tips and this conclusion today. Several people have asked if I would put this series together into a small book for either for themselves or for their family and friends who are getting married, newly married or could just use a boost in their marriage no matter how long they’ve been married. So I’m putting together that book now and will let you know when it’s ready. I’m glad to hear so many of you have enjoyed this series, and I pray that it will help many, many more people in the years to come as well. Sincerely, Eric Elder
As a thank you for your donation of any size to our ministry, we’d be glad to send you a paperback copy of another book I’ve written on marriage that focuses specifically on intimacy. If you’d like a copy, just visit The Ranch Bookstore online to make a donation of any size, and we’ll ship a copy to you anywhere in the world. Your gifts help us to keep sharing about Christ with others, and we’re happy to send you a gift in return!
This Day’s Thought from The Ranch- Friday
Tell me how much you know of the sufferings of your fellow men and I will tell how much you have loved them.
Unknown
If you are insulted for the name of Christ, you are blessed, because the Spirit of glory and of God rests upon you.
1 Peter 4:14
The English Standard Version
Hold everything you own with an open hand.
Terri Green
As a thank you for your donation of any size to our ministry, we’d be glad to send you a paperback copy of another book I’ve written on marriage that focuses specifically on intimacy. If you’d like a copy, just visit The Ranch Bookstore online to make a donation of any size, and we’ll ship a copy to you anywhere in the world. Your gifts help us to keep sharing about Christ with others, and we’re happy to send you a gift in return!
1 Peter 4:14 — If you are insulted for the name of Christ…
If you are insulted for the name of Christ, you are blessed, because the Spirit of glory and of God rests upon you.
1 Peter 4:14 The English Standard Version
William Inge — Prayer gives a man…
Prayer gives a man the opportunity of getting to know a gentleman he hardly ever meets. I do not mean his maker, but himself.
William Inge
This Day’s Thought from The Ranch- Thursday
Prayer gives a man the opportunity of getting to know a gentleman he hardly ever meets. I do not mean his maker, but himself.
William Inge
In him and through faith in him we may approach God with freedom and confidence.
Ephesians 3:12
The New International Version
As a thank you for your donation of any size to our ministry, we’d be glad to send you a paperback copy of another book I’ve written on marriage that focuses specifically on intimacy. If you’d like a copy, just visit The Ranch Bookstore online to make a donation of any size, and we’ll ship a copy to you anywhere in the world. Your gifts help us to keep sharing about Christ with others, and we’re happy to send you a gift in return!
Ephesians 3:12 — In him and through faith in him…
In him and through faith in him we may approach God with freedom and confidence.
Ephesians 3:12 The New International Version
This Day’s Thought from The Ranch- Wednesday
You are never too old to set another goal or to dream a new dream.
C. S. Lewis
Not that I was ever in need, for I have learned how to be content with whatever I have. I know how to live on almost nothing or with everything. I have learned the secret of living in every situation, whether it is with a full stomach or empty, with plenty or little. For I can do everything through Christ, who gives me strength.
Philippians 4:11-13
The New Living Translation
An atheist cannot find God for the same reason a thief cannot find a policeman.
Unknown
As a thank you for your donation of any size to our ministry, we’d be glad to send you a paperback copy of another book I’ve written on marriage that focuses specifically on intimacy. If you’d like a copy, just visit The Ranch Bookstore online to make a donation of any size, and we’ll ship a copy to you anywhere in the world. Your gifts help us to keep sharing about Christ with others, and we’re happy to send you a gift in return!
C. S. Lewis — You are never too old…
You are never too old to set another goal or to dream a new dream.
C. S. Lewis
Philippians 4:11-13 — Not that I was ever in need…
Not that I was ever in need, for I have learned how to be content with whatever I have. I know how to live on almost nothing or with everything. I have learned the secret of living in every situation, whether it is with a full stomach or empty, with plenty or little. For I can do everything through Christ, who gives me strength.
Philippians 4:11-13 The New Living Translation
Unknown — An atheist cannot find God…
An atheist cannot find God for the same reason a thief cannot find a policeman.
Unknown
This Day’s Thought from The Ranch- Tuesday
Late have I loved You, Beauty so old and so new: late have I loved You. And see, You were within and I was in the external world and sought You there, and in my unlovely state I plunged into those lovely created things which You made. You were with me, and I was not with You. The lovely things kept me far from You, though if they did not have their existence in You, they had no existence at all. You called and cried out loud and shattered my deafness. You were radiant and resplendent, You put to flight my blindness. You were fragrant, and I drew in my breath and now pant after You. I tasted You, and I feel but hunger and thirst for You. You touched me, and I am set on fire to attain the peace which is Yours. For what am I to myself without You, but a guide to my own downfall?
Augustine
A hot-tempered man stirs up strife, but he who is slow to anger quiets contention.
Proverbs 15:18
The Revised Standard Version
As a thank you for your donation of any size to our ministry, we’d be glad to send you a paperback copy of another book I’ve written on marriage that focuses specifically on intimacy. If you’d like a copy, just visit The Ranch Bookstore online to make a donation of any size, and we’ll ship a copy to you anywhere in the world. Your gifts help us to keep sharing about Christ with others, and we’re happy to send you a gift in return!
Augustine — Late have I loved You…
Late have I loved You, Beauty so old and so new: late have I loved You. And see, You were within and I was in the external world and sought You there, and in my unlovely state I plunged into those lovely created things which You made. You were with me, and I was not with You. The lovely things kept me far from You, though if they did not have their existence in You, they had no existence at all. You called and cried out loud and shattered my deafness. You were radiant and resplendent, You put to flight my blindness. You were fragrant, and I drew in my breath and now pant after You. I tasted You, and I feel but hunger and thirst for You. You touched me, and I am set on fire to attain the peace which is Yours. For what am I to myself without You, but a guide to my own downfall?
Augustine
Proverbs 15:18 — A hot-tempered man…
A hot-tempered man stirs up strife, but he who is slow to anger quiets contention.
Proverbs 15:18 The Revised Standard Version
This Day’s Thought from The Ranch- Monday
People often say, “I do not understand love of God; what is love of God?” It would be more exact to say, “cannot understand love in this world without love of God.”
Leo Tolstoy
“O Lord,” I prayed, “be kind and heal me, for I have confessed my sins.”
Psalm 41:4
The Living Bible
Who goes to bed and does not pray
Maketh two nights to every day.
George Herbert
As a thank you for your donation of any size to our ministry, we’d be glad to send you a paperback copy of another book I’ve written on marriage that focuses specifically on intimacy. If you’d like a copy, just visit The Ranch Bookstore online to make a donation of any size, and we’ll ship a copy to you anywhere in the world. Your gifts help us to keep sharing about Christ with others, and we’re happy to send you a gift in return!
Leo Tolstoy — People often say…
People often say, “I do not understand love of God; what is love of God?” It would be more exact to say, “cannot understand love in this world without love of God.”
Leo Tolstoy
Psalm 41:4 — O Lord, I prayed…
“O Lord,” I prayed, “be kind and heal me, for I have confessed my sins.”
Psalm 41:4 The Living Bible
George Herbert Who goes to bed…
Who goes to bed and does not pray
Maketh two nights to every day.
George Herbert
This Week’s Sermon- 15 Tips for a Stronger Marriage (Part 5)
15 TIPS FOR A STRONGER MARRIAGE
(Part 5. Click here for Part 1, Part 2, Part 3 and Part 4)
by Eric Elder
www.theranch.org

My Friends’ Wedding (photo by Dani Ford)
Today I’m sharing the final 2 of these 15 tips for a stronger marriage. Next week I’ll conclude with 3 words that will tie all the other tips together.
Before we get started today, though, I wanted to let you know that Tip #15 is perhaps the most significant tip I ever received before getting married, but it’s also one of the most delicate to talk about because it has to do with physical intimacy.
For the sake of modesty, and for the sake of getting this message through any spam filters that might try to block it from getting to you, I’ve simply used the phrase “physical intimacy” to describe the physical union between a husband and wife, and I’ve used the term “self pleasure” to describe the act of touching yourself in a way that brings you physical pleasure when you are alone. (Now you can see why this tip is so delicate! But I assure you, what you’re going to read today could significantly alter the way you interact with your spouse from this day forward!)
With that preface in mind, here are Tips #14 and #15.
14) Commit to doing something to delight your spouse on a regular basis. Before I married Lana, I promised to give her a back rub every night, which was something that she absolutely loved. It worked out well for both of us, because she loved being touched, and I loved touching her! For 23 years I kept that commitment, and it was one of the best things I ever promised to do, both for her and for myself.
Those back rubs also led to other kinds of intimacy, setting the tone for our bedtime conversations and often culminating in physical passion. By blessing Lana in this one way, I received all kinds of blessings back.
I also committed to making her breakfast every morning, something which she loved at the time we got married, too. But as time and the changing seasons of life moved on, she began to prefer other things instead, like sleeping in a little longer while I made breakfast for the kids after she had spent the night nursing a baby! I say this to say that some of our commitments may change over time, but the point is to intentionally commit to doing something to delight your spouse on a regular basis. It smooths out the ebbs and flows of life and ensures there’s joy in the midst of anything else that might be going on.
For her part, Lana made a commitment before we got married, too, but one that she didn’t tell me about until many years into our marriage. She just did it. She committed to herself that she would go to bed every night at the same time that I went to bed. She had watched other couples live their lives in separate bedrooms for years, and she saw the devastating effects that this had on their relationships. So she told herself she was going to do whatever she could to try to ensure this didn’t happen in her marriage.
Of course, this ensured she got her nightly back rub! But even more, it meant that we had time to talk and pray together every night; it meant that we were available for physical intimacy on a regular basis; and it definitely increased the likelihood of having a big family like she always wanted!
You and your spouse may have a different set of things you could do to delight one other. If you’re not sure what would delight them, just ask them! Then make a commitment to doing something to delight them in the way they’d love to be delighted on a regular basis. As the Bible says:
“…love one another deeply, from the heart” (1 Peter 1:22b).
15) Make physical intimacy with your spouse the best that it can be. After I was engaged to Lana, I set up an appointment to meet with a man who had counseled many, many people through marital issues regarding their physical intimacy. I met with him specifically because I wanted to ensure that I did everything possible to safeguard our physical relationship and to make it the best that it could possibly be.
One of the most important tips he shared with me was to consider making a commitment to myself and to Lana that I would not engage in self pleasure, but that I would only experience physical pleasure when I was with her. Many men, he said, go into marriage thinking that they’ll be able to be intimate with their wife any time they want. But the reality is that it just doesn’t work that way! And because of that, many spouses decide to simply please themselves whenever they want.
This man told me that he had met with numerous groups of women to discuss issues like this, and asked them what they would think if they knew their husbands were pleasing themselves when they weren’t together. Nearly every woman in every group said they would feel hurt by this, or they would wonder what they were doing wrong that their husbands would do this, or they would wonder what else their husbands might be doing physically when they weren’t together.
Then this man went on to tell me about the blessings couples experienced who had committed to enjoying physical pleasure only when they were together. He said it wasn’t necessary that they engage in full physical intimacy every time, but that they were at least to be with each other and enjoy the closeness of their bodies. Couples who made this commitment built up trust, lowered barriers to intimacy and brought about a lifetime of fulfillment for each other, both inside and outside of the bedroom.
Since I had never even considered how this might play out in marriage, I didn’t know what to think. But this man had thrown down a gauntlet, a challenge, and I had to decide whether or not I was going to pick it up. After talking some more about this with another friend and then with Lana, I decided it was worth a try. So before Lana and I were married, I committed to her that I would not engage in self pleasure, but reserve all physical pleasure only for when I was with her. If for any reason I fell down in this commitment, I committed to confessing it to her before the day was out.
I can attest to the fact that this one tip alone helped me perhaps more than any of the others. Why? Because each of these tips are interrelated and physical intimacy is at the core of what makes marriage unique among all other relationships. So when there’s a breakdown in one area of our relationship, it often affects our physical intimacy as well. In order to ensure I would be able to enjoy the physical pleasures of marriage, I knew I would have to nurture the other areas of my marriage, too. As the saying goes:
“The grass ain’t always greener on the other side; it’s greener where you water it.”
Here’s how some of the tips I’ve mentioned already helped to water our physical intimacy. For instance, by putting our TV in the closet for our first year, it freed up all kinds of time to have meaningful conversations and enjoy soothing back rubs, which often led to physical intimacy. By going to bed every night at the same time as each other and by praying together before we fell asleep, we were able to draw closer spiritually and that drew us closer physically. By confessing our sins quickly to each other, we built up trust between us and kept guilt and shame at bay. By inviting Jesus to use our hands and eyes and words as if they were His very own, we were able to keep our touches and kisses as tender and life-giving as possible.
This isn’t to say that it was easy for me to keep this challenge. Even though my physical intimacy with Lana was incredible from day one, there were still a few times in our first year of marriage when I fell back into old habits of pleasing myself when I was alone or away from home. It seemed like a quick and easy way to release some of the tension in other areas of my life.
Yet I still wanted to give this idea an honest try, and because of my promise to Lana, I followed through with the rest of it and confessed it to Lana each time before the day was out. The first time I had to confess it to her it was more difficult and embarrassing than I imagined. The second time was even more difficult. So after just a few confessions like this, I was able to break the habit and keep my commitment for the rest of our 23 years of marriage.
I’m not telling you this out of some kind of prudish purity, but simply to let you know that it’s possible! And believe me, my passions and temptations are just as strong as any other man’s! But until my conversation with this marriage counselor, I had never even thought about the idea.
I also tell you this because I can’t describe the multitude of ways this one commitment helped our marriage. Here are just a few:
1) This gave us both confidence that I had control over my body, rather than my body having control over me. This helped Lana to trust me to not cross the line of having physical pleasure with someone else, because I wouldn’t even cross it with myself.
2) This kept me from turning on the TV in a hotel room when I was away from home, or from buying a magazine that I shouldn’t have bought, or from downloading a video that I shouldn’t have downloaded. Even though these things certainly crossed my mind and were ever-present opportunities, there was never any point to engaging in these activities since I knew that they would never culminate in physical pleasure.
3) This ensured that the physical side of our marital relationship was fully alive and vibrant throughout our entire marriage. Roger Staubach was a famous quarterback who was once asked how he felt when one of his teammates always seemed to have a different woman on his arm every night. Roger said, “I’m sure I’m just as sexually active as he is. The difference is that all of mine is with one woman.” Touchdown, Roger! The joy of my physical intimacy with Lana, and the trust that we built into our relationship because of this one commitment, was worth anything it might have cost me in terms of giving up fleeting pleasures on my own.
While I can’t say if this commitment is something that you should make, or that it will have the same impact on your marriage, I do want to encourage you to do whatever you can to nurture this aspect of your marriage.
As I mentioned in my book What God Says About Sex, physical intimacy with Lana was the most consistently exhilarating, off-the-charts experience of my life! So whether or not you choose to follow the path I chose, I pray you’ll make a commitment to do something to protect your physical intimacy, keeping it alive and active as long as you both shall live. As the Bible says:
“Marriage should be honored by all, and the marriage bed kept pure…” (Hebrews 13:4a)
Honor your marriage and keep your marriage bed pure. Don’t look for other ways to find physical pleasure. Look to your spouse, and then do whatever you can to nurture your relationship with them.
Next week, I’ll conclude this series with 3 words that will tie all the other tips together!
As a thank you for your donation of any size to our ministry, we’d be glad to send you a paperback copy of another book I’ve written on marriage that focuses specifically on intimacy. If you’d like a copy, just visit The Ranch Bookstore online to make a donation of any size, and we’ll ship a copy to you anywhere in the world. Your gifts help us to keep sharing about Christ with others, and we’re happy to send you a gift in return!
This Day’s Thought from The Ranch- Friday
Afflictions are the steps to heaven.
Elizabeth Seton
Professing themselves to be wise, they became fools,
Romans 1:22
The King James Version
The Bible grows more beautiful, as we grow in our understanding of it.
Johann Wolfgang von Goethe
As a thank you for your donation of any size to our ministry, we’d be glad to send you a paperback copy of another book I’ve written on marriage that focuses specifically on intimacy. If you’d like a copy, just visit The Ranch Bookstore online to make a donation of any size, and we’ll ship a copy to you anywhere in the world. Your gifts help us to keep sharing about Christ with others, and we’re happy to send you a gift in return!
Romans 1:22 — Professing themselves to be wise…
Professing themselves to be wise, they became fools,
Romans 1:22 The King James Version
This Day’s Thought from The Ranch- Thursday
I am filled with shame and confusion, when I reflect on the one hand upon the great favors which God has done, and incessantly continues to do; and on the other, upon the ill use I have made of them, and my small advancement in the way of perfection.
Brother Lawrence
The LORD is my rock, my fortress and my deliverer; my God is my rock, in whom I take refuge. He is my shield and the horn of my salvation, my stronghold.
Psalm 18:2
The New International Version
As a thank you for your donation of any size to our ministry, we’d be glad to send you a paperback copy of another book I’ve written on marriage that focuses specifically on intimacy. If you’d like a copy, just visit The Ranch Bookstore online to make a donation of any size, and we’ll ship a copy to you anywhere in the world. Your gifts help us to keep sharing about Christ with others, and we’re happy to send you a gift in return!
Brother Lawrence — I am filled with shame and confusion…
I am filled with shame and confusion, when I reflect on the one hand upon the great favors which God has done, and incessantly continues to do; and on the other, upon the ill use I have made of them, and my small advancement in the way of perfection.
Brother Lawrence
Psalm 18:2 — The Lord is my rock…
The LORD is my rock, my fortress and my deliverer; my God is my rock, in whom I take refuge. He is my shield and the horn of my salvation, my stronghold.
Psalm 18:2 The New International Version
This Day’s Thought from The Ranch- Wednesday
God is impressed, not with noise or size or wealth, but with quiet things…things done in secret- the inner motives, the true heart condition.
Charles Swindoll
At that time the disciples came to Jesus, saying, “Who is the greatest in the kingdom of heaven?” And calling to him a child, he put him in the midst of them and said, “Truly, I say to you, unless you turn and become like children, you will never enter the kingdom of heaven. Whoever humbles himself like this child is the greatest in the kingdom of heaven. Whoever receives one such child in my name receives me, but whoever causes one of these little ones who believe in me to sin, it would be better for him to have a great millstone fastened around his neck and to be drowned in the depth of the sea.”
Matthew 18:1-6
The English Standard Version
Time to think: it is the source of power.
Time to play: it is the secret of perpetual youth.
Time to read: it is the fountain of wisdom.
Time to pray: it is the greatest power on earth.
Time to laugh: it is the music of the soul.
Time to give: it is too short a day to be selfish.
Unknown
As a thank you for your donation of any size to our ministry, we’d be glad to send you a paperback copy of another book I’ve written on marriage that focuses specifically on intimacy. If you’d like a copy, just visit The Ranch Bookstore online to make a donation of any size, and we’ll ship a copy to you anywhere in the world. Your gifts help us to keep sharing about Christ with others, and we’re happy to send you a gift in return!
Charles Swindoll — God is impressed…
God is impressed, not with noise or size or wealth, but with quiet things…things done in secret- the inner motives, the true heart condition.
Charles Swindoll
Matthew 18:1-6 — At that time…
At that time the disciples came to Jesus, saying, “Who is the greatest in the kingdom of heaven?” And calling to him a child, he put him in the midst of them and said, “Truly, I say to you, unless you turn and become like children, you will never enter the kingdom of heaven. Whoever humbles himself like this child is the greatest in the kingdom of heaven. Whoever receives one such child in my name receives me, but whoever causes one of these little ones who believe in me to sin, it would be better for him to have a great millstone fastened around his neck and to be drowned in the depth of the sea.”
Matthew 18:1-6 The English Standard Version
Unknown — Time to think…
Time to think: it is the source of power.
Time to play: it is the secret of perpetual youth.
Time to read: it is the fountain of wisdom.
Time to pray: it is the greatest power on earth.
Time to laugh: it is the music of the soul.
Time to give: it is too short a day to be selfish.
Unknown
C. S. Lewis — God designed the human machine…
God designed the human machine to run on Himself. He is the fuel our spirits were designed to burn…That is why it is no good asking God to make us happy in our own way without bothering about religion. God cannot give us a happiness apart from Himself, because there is no such thing.
C. S. Lewis
This Day’s Thought from The Ranch- Tuesday
God designed the human machine to run on Himself. He is the fuel our spirits were designed to burn…That is why it is no good asking God to make us happy in our own way without bothering about religion. God cannot give us a happiness apart from Himself, because there is no such thing.
C. S. Lewis
Rejoice, O young man, in thy youth; and let thy heart cheer thee in the days of thy youth, and walk in the ways of thine heart, and in the sight of thine eyes: but know thou, that for all these things God will bring thee into judgment.
Ecclesiastes 11:9
The King James Version
As a thank you for your donation of any size to our ministry, we’d be glad to send you a paperback copy of another book I’ve written on marriage that focuses specifically on intimacy. If you’d like a copy, just visit The Ranch Bookstore online to make a donation of any size, and we’ll ship a copy to you anywhere in the world. Your gifts help us to keep sharing about Christ with others, and we’re happy to send you a gift in return!
Ecclesiastes 11:9 — Rejoice, O young man…
Rejoice, O young man, in thy youth; and let thy heart cheer thee in the days of thy youth, and walk in the ways of thine heart, and in the sight of thine eyes: but know thou, that for all these things God will bring thee into judgment.
Ecclesiastes 11:9 The King James Version
Kay Arthur — Your life is to be lived in such a way…
Your life is to be lived in such a way as to reflect Him, to show the world the character of God- His love, His peace, His mercy, His gentleness. You are to live for Him, to accomplish His will. To miss this purpose is to miss fulfillment. It is to have existed rather than to have lived.
Kay Arthur
This Day’s Thought from The Ranch- Monday
Your life is to be lived in such a way as to reflect Him, to show the world the character of God- His love, His peace, His mercy, His gentleness. You are to live for Him, to accomplish His will. To miss this purpose is to miss fulfillment. It is to have existed rather than to have lived.
Kay Arthur
That is why we never give up. Though our bodies are dying, our spirits are being renewed every day.
2 Corinthians 4:16
The New Living Translation
I remember a friend of mine telling a story about one of his first paying jobs. When he was in seminary, he and his wife pastored a small church in a rough part of Houston. They lived in the parsonage and received a salary of one hundred dollars a week. One day a college friend of his passed through town and stopped by for a visit. The friend’s career was in sales, and at the time, 1972, he was doing quite well, with a six-figure salary. He said to the young pastor, “You were pretty sharp in school. You know, you could be doing a lot better financially if you had chosen a different profession. For instance, if you were with my company, you could be making a hundred thousand dollars a year.” My friend eyed his buddy and said, “ Well, I don’t know if I could live on that.” “What do you mean, you don’t know if you could live on that? You don’t look like you’re making half that much now.” My friend said, “Well, I don’t right now, but I work for someone who promised to pay me whatever I need. This last year I didn’t need much, but what if next year I needed more? I sure would be in a mess if all I had was a hundred thousand dollars.”
Amy Grant
As a thank you for your donation of any size to our ministry, we’d be glad to send you a paperback copy of another book I’ve written on marriage that focuses specifically on intimacy. If you’d like a copy, just visit The Ranch Bookstore online to make a donation of any size, and we’ll ship a copy to you anywhere in the world. Your gifts help us to keep sharing about Christ with others, and we’re happy to send you a gift in return!
2 Corinthians 4:16 — That is why we never give up…
That is why we never give up. Though our bodies are dying, our spirits are being renewed every day.
2 Corinthians 4:16 The New Living Translation
Amy Grant — I remember a friend of mine…
I remember a friend of mine telling a story about one of his first paying jobs. When he was in seminary, he and his wife pastored a small church in a rough part of Houston. They lived in the parsonage and received a salary of one hundred dollars a week. One day a college friend of his passed through town and stopped by for a visit. The friend’s career was in sales, and at the time, 1972, he was doing quite well, with a six-figure salary. He said to the young pastor, “You were pretty sharp in school. You know, you could be doing a lot better financially if you had chosen a different profession. For instance, if you were with my company, you could be making a hundred thousand dollars a year.” My friend eyed his buddy and said, “ Well, I don’t know if I could live on that.” “What do you mean, you don’t know if you could live on that? You don’t look like you’re making half that much now.” My friend said, “Well, I don’t right now, but I work for someone who promised to pay me whatever I need. This last year I didn’t need much, but what if next year I needed more? I sure would be in a mess if all I had was a hundred thousand dollars.”
Amy Grant
























