Lately, I’ve been thinking about the title of my blog, “I’m Believin’!”

I picked that title because I had so many people praying for me and I would always agree in prayer with them and end by saying “I’m believin’!” I really do believe God can do anything, absolutely anything.

I have believed in God for as long as I can remember, but it wasn’t until after college that I decided to really get to know Him better. I joined a Bible study and found a great church to join. And through it all I have come to know Jesus as the savior of my sins, my healer, my friend, my everything! My relationship with Him has grown over the years so much so that I trust He is helping me to help me make the best decisions each day.

So being in a situation like this, where death could happen at any time, I have no worries for myself if that happens. I’ve spent so much time with Jesus already that it’ll be like going home to see my friend.

I love to take walks in the country and many times I’ll listen to some worship songs or contemporary Christian music or podcasts. During these times, I’m often overwhelmed with how much God loves me. I’ve been memorizing Scripture and listening to great worship songs for over 25 years.  The words to these songs and so many scriptures are embedded deep in my heart. So when cancer came, I didn’t question God’s love for me. I already knew He loved me to pieces, just like I know He loves you to pieces.

But lately I’ve been wondering what people will think if I were to die from this cancer. I wonder if people would lose their faith in God or lose their faith in His ability to heal people miraculously. I would be so sad and disappointed if anyone lost their faith, or part of their faith, if I’m not healed.

I pray often for my children and others reading this that their faith would not be shaken if I were to die, but that they would know that God is in control and is always looking out for what’s best in each person’s life. I am quite confident that He who began a good work in me will carry it on until completion.

My faith isn’t dependent on whether I’m healed or not. My faith is dependent upon the fact that Jesus died for my sins so I could spend eternity with Him in heaven and I know God loves me and will work all things for good in the end.

I’m sure the early disciples, who were martyred for their faith, prayed that God would deliver them. And many times, God did deliver them. But other times God had a plan to use their suffering and death to bring about the salvation of many people. God really does have a will for each of our lives that is unique and purposeful.

I have great hope that God can heal me, but my hope is in Him completely no matter what. I know I can’t go wrong by putting my hope in Him. As Psalm 25:3 says:

“No one whose hope is in You
    
     will ever be put to shame…”

Having said all of that, I’m still praying that God would heal me completely, and I’d love for you to continue praying for my healing, too. My appointment yesterday showed my blood levels were too low to receive any chemo. So I will be having a blood transfusion tomorrow (Saturday) afternoon at 3:00 pm. Please pray that my platelets will also come up. Right now they are at 30,000 but they need to at least double or triple before they can continue with any treatments. And lastly and most importantly (at least for my body) please pray for my bones because they seem to be giving me the most pain. Some new pain medications have helped but the pain is still there. BTW, I’m starting to get feeling in my left thumb and left foot again, since switching to this new chemo. Praise God and thanks for your prayers! They are a little numb but I can tell they are on the way to recovery.

Before I close, I wanted to share a link with you to a new video Eric recently did for a film project called Nouvelle Vie (New Life) to give hope to families facing cancer. This video was filmed a few months ago when Eric was in Dallas, but we just found out you can watch it online. I was surprised when I saw the title they gave it. It’s called “Eric’s Hope.” I had no idea what they were going to call it when I first started writing this note to you and titled it “Lana’s Hope.” It’s like God had it all planned out, to share a message of hope with you today from both of us! Here’s the link to the video (just to warn you, you may want to get a Kleenex first!)

Click here to watch “Eric’s Hope”

As you can tell from the video, my life has been so blessed to be married to Eric. It’s like being married to Jesus (I’m not kidding!) He’s the rock in our family and he’s been a super caretaker these last few months. He’s kind, tender-hearted, and just a great godly man.

There’s so much I have to be thankful for in life, from my great husband and my wonderful kids, to the friends and family like you all that have been so gracious in your care for me and in your prayers.

I love you all!
Lana

P.S. from Eric: Starting next week, I’ll begin sharing with you the book Lana and I finished writing just prior to her passing from this life to the next. It’s called St. Nicholas: The Believer, and I believe it will help you get the most out of the upcoming holiday season, reminding you to keep putting your hope in the One who gives us unending HOPE.