by Eric Elder
I’d like to tell you about something that happened to me with my wife Lana last Monday.
For those of you who have followed my story through my writings here or in my book Fifty Shades of Grace (under the pen name Nicholas Deere), you’ll know that Lana and I shared a truly intimate relationship–a relationship that has lasted, I feel, even since she has passed “through the veil” as they say between heaven and earth. That’s been almost four years now this November.
A few weeks ago, I was prompted to ask her, as unusual as it may sound, if she would release me for a new relationship at some point if God would have that in mind for me. I wasn’t quite sure what I meant by that, actually, as I felt she had already released me for such a relationship while she was still here with me, just a few weeks before she died. But I felt this was something I should do now at this point in time.
It wasn’t quite as simple as I thought, though, both for what it might mean to her or to me. But after wrestling with the idea for a bit, I went ahead asked. Nothing particular happened, and I didn’t really know what I expected would happen, so I just let my question be what it was. I also knew that I couldn’t just expect her to say, “Okay, sure, you’re released!” I didn’t think it would be quite that simple. In a way, it was a very big “ask.”
That was a few weeks ago. Then on Monday morning of this week, just before I woke up–and while I was still in that in-between state where I was not quite awake, but not quite asleep either–Lana showed up! She was about a foot away from me, and we were both standing there in my bedroom. (I was actually lying down on my bed, but I saw her through my own eyes as if we were both standing.) She was still about a foot away from me when she leaned forward, ever-so-slightly, and gave me a kiss on the lips. Her lips were still wet, like she had just licked them. Our kiss lasted for only a second or two, but it was delightful.
And while our kiss was sweet in and of itself, the extra-amazing part of it for me was that when we kissed, Lana was still about a foot away from me! It was as if we had both closed our eyes and leaned towards each other to kiss, but there was something like a glass wall between us that kept us about a foot apart. We shouldn’t have been able to kiss, but somehow we did! And when I opened my eyes again after our kiss, she was still about a foot away from me.
I was especially surprised by how far away she was because I felt her lips on mine–and they were clearly wet! That couldn’t have happened if there was a glass wall between us. I would have never felt her lips on mine. I was so amazed by it that I asked her, “How did you do that? Can we do that again?!?”
She leaned towards me again–and again, we kissed! And again, it was just for about a second or two, but I felt her wet lips on mine, even though we were still a foot apart! I felt them!
And then I woke up fully.
I thought about that kiss for a time, wondering if it was real or not, and then went on with my day. Later in the day, however, I suddenly remembered that dream. I wondered, “Was that Lana’s release? Was that the release I had asked her about a few weeks ago?”
And in that moment, I realized that if she really was just a foot away from me–which seemed like such a huge distance for giving each other a kiss–that was actually incredibly close! It was as if she had finally made her decision and had come to me from wherever she was in heaven! And to come within a foot of me and lean in and give me a kiss–twice–and with her lips wet to the point that I could actually feel them…Wow! That was really close!
I decided right then to ask her: “Lana, was that you releasing me?”
She knew that I wasn’t sure why I had even asked her for a release, and she knew that I didn’t know who, if anyone, God might have in mind for me for the future. But she also knew that I felt prompted to ask the question, and she was glad to respond.
She said, “Eric, I don’t know who might be in your future. That depends on you and whoever that person may be. What I do know is that I’m no longer there to give you the pleasure I wish I could. I can–through heaven’s veil–but I want more for you there than what I can give you from here.”
As she spoke, I realized that it was not glass between us, but the veil of heaven, which must have been so utterly thin at that moment that I could even feel her wet lips on mine. I also remembered, in that moment, that when Adam was in the Garden of Eden, he had access to God in heaven, yes. But God saw that Adam also needed–wanted, longed for–more. Adam wanted someone who was right there with him. And God provided that “more,” a true peer, one who could walk intimately with Adam while he lived his life here on earth.
Lana said, “I want more for you, too, Eric, right there–with you–in the garden. I want that for you very much. And as much as I have loved you, and still love you, I want to release you, now, so you can experience and enjoy even more love, right there, right where you are. I love you, Eric. And I give you my full release to enjoy the blessings of MORE. I give it to you gladly, freely, willingly–and with deep, deep pleasure.”
In bed that night, with Lana’s words still on my mind and with a smile on my face, I fell asleep. When I woke up on Tuesday morning, it was a new day. A whole new day.
I know this story may sound unusual to some people. It’s unusual to me. But for those who have loved someone deeply, and with whom they have shared an intimate relationship here on earth and the mutual bond of a relationship with Christ, those we love are never really far from us–even though we may be separated by death.
There’s a veil between heaven and earth, but sometimes it is so thin that people throughout the ages, as recorded in the Bible, have been able to see through it and enjoy an ongoing fellowship with those who have gone ahead–our relationship with Jesus in heaven being preeminent of all.
Put your hope and faith in Him again today. He’s closer than you might think.