BEING WHO I AM

by Eric Elder
The Ranch

I was having dinner with a friend when the conversation became awkward. We were talking about a subject we hadn’t talked discussed in a long time, and we didn’t know where each other stood.

I could tell I was holding back from saying what I wanted to say, and my friend could tell the same. To ease the tension, my friend said, “Eric, how about this: why don’t you just be who you are, and I’ll be who I am. Then we’ll take it from there.”

Whoosh! In an instant, all of the tension left my body.

Rather than worrying about how my words might be perceived, I felt I had the permission to just “be who I am”–in this case to speak freely–thereby advancing our conversation by leaps and bounds.

A few days later I was flying out west to meet with some people I had never met before. I was nervous about the meeting, and I was afraid I might feel “very small” in the presence of people who were rightly considered by many to be “very big.”

As I was praying about the meeting, asking God to use our meeting to bear fruit for His kingdom in whatever way He wanted, I began worrying about what I should or shouldn’t bring up during our meeting. In answer to my question, I felt like God said: “Be yourself, Eric. Be who you are. And I’ll be who I AM!”

Whoosh! In an instant, all of the tension left my body.

Rather than worrying about how my words might be perceived, I felt I had the permission to just “be who I am”–in this case to relax and enjoy the time of meeting new people–knowing that God would be who He IS: the great “I AM.”

Over the next few days, as I met with person after person during the meeting, I was able to truly be myself and enjoy the moments as they came. I laid down any agenda I might have had and often just thought, “What would I do if I were to just be who I am?” When I saw one of the “very big” people walking towards me carrying a stack of chairs to the meeting room, rather than thinking of what I should say or how I should say it, I thought, “What would I do if I were to just be who I am?” I answered, “I’d offer to help carry the chairs!” I offered, he accepted, so I began making trips back and forth with him carrying chairs.

It was so simple! I knew I could trust that if God had something more for me to say or do, He would prompt me to do or say it. But in the absence of His prompting otherwise, it was easy to know what to do next: just be who I was! And in so doing, not only was I blessed, but so were those around me, even if it was in the most simple ways.

This isn’t to say that “being who I am” isn’t without risk. There’s always some risk in letting down our walls–and some walls are good and right for the protection of ourselves and of others. Even my friend warned me during our dinner conversation that dropping walls doesn’t always end well. Life is messy. People are messy. But what a blessing to be able to share what was truly on my heart that night. And as my friend said later, “I know you, Eric, and I had to trust that no matter where our conversation went, something good would come of it.”

I’m still experimenting. I’m still exploring. But I’m enjoying the process, asking not only what God wants me to do, or what Jesus would do–which are both terrific questions–but also “What would Eric do?” What would I do, given the way God has created me, gifted me, and wired me? Then doing it, just being who I am, letting others be who they are, and letting God be who He is: the great “I AM.”

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