GOING FOR WHAT’S IN YOUR HEART
by Eric Elder
I’ve been challenged recently to go for what’s in my heart. By that I mean searching for that which is deepest in my heart and going for it. I only have so many heartbeats in life, and I want to make each one count.
A few months ago, I was praying about several things I was considering doing, but for various reasons I wasn’t sure if I should do them or if I could do them or how things might turn out if I did do them. I’m a thinker by nature, and I usually pray about, think about, and analyze every decision, weighing the pros and cons fairly thoroughly before coming to a conclusion. While this trait is helpful at times–and has spared me from some disastrous results–it has also lead to some serious “analysis paralysis,” whereby I’ve been unable to come to any conclusions at all.
So a few months ago, while writing in my journal, I listed out the various decisions I was trying to make. As I asked God about each of these decisions, I felt like He asked me: “What’s in your heart, Eric?”
The question was like a jolt to my system.
Really? I thought. What’s in my heart?
The answers came instantly, and I wrote down each one:
– I’d like to…
– I’d like to…
– I’d like to…
– I’d like to…
– I’d like to…
As I looked at each answer, I thought, Yeah, I guess I really could do each one of those things. Some of them were risky, expensive, and not likely to pan out for various reasons, but none of them were sinful or unbiblical. In fact, some of them were very honoring to God and to others. When I found out what was deepest in my heart for each decision, the answers were clear–much clearer than I realized before–and I was surprised at how quickly those answers came.
After a little more time in prayer, I decided to go for what was in my heart in each of the situations and see where they led.
In one case, I wanted to take my family on what has been a many-year tradition of snow skiing for a day, and there was a particular day that stuck out in my mind when we should go. It would be the very last possible day of skiing, however, as we hadn’t been able to go until that time. The ten-day weather forecast looked terrible though… hot, actually! I couldn’t imagine there would be any snow left. But that date and the details seemed so clear to me that I felt we should go ahead and plan the trip. Even up until the day before our scheduled trip, the weather reports still looked like it would be impossible for us to ski the next day! While my head said, “No,” my heart said, “Yes.” We went, there was plenty of snow, and the day turned out to be amazingly beautiful! We had never had such a unique day of “spring skiing” like that before.
In another decision, I wanted to send a gift and a blessing to someone who I felt had wronged me in the past. I didn’t know how this person might take it, and I didn’t want to bring up old wounds. Yet he was embarking on a new season in his life, and I wanted to offer my genuine blessing–and honest forgiveness–as he headed into the future. While my head said, “No,” my heart said, “Yes.” I sent the gift as a blessing, along with a letter explaining why I had sent it. He received it gladly and sent me a note of appreciation. While it may not have resolved everything related to our past hurts, it was a good start, and it was good for my heart–and hopefully his.
I’m still working on and waiting to see how some of the other decisions will come out. But I can say that I’ve felt good about the decisions I’ve made. Even with the very real risks and costs involved, I feel like I’ve chosen a path which makes for a richer, more abundant life, no matter what.
As I thought about each of these decisions, I thought about some other decisions I’ve made in the past year when I went with what was in my heart, in spite of where my fears might have taken me.
I wanted to take my two youngest kids to Israel this past Easter, but was warned by the tour agency that the trip would be more expensive and the sites would be packed during Holy Week. As time went on, I still felt I should do it, but I was concerned that the issues raised by the tour agency were very real and very valid. The company even cancelled the trip at one point because of these things, so I looked into going on my own. While I found some good rates at various hotels and sites, I was still worried about the crowds.
A few days before I needed to make a final decision, I decided to call the tour agency again to see if they had reconsidered. Not only had they reconsidered, but they now had 35 people signed up to go and the trip turned out to be less expensive than any other trip! They just hadn’t gotten back to me to let me know. So I signed up. The company wrote back to ask if I would be willing to be the spiritual leader for the group, doing the daily devotionals at each of the historic sites and baptizing those who wanted to be baptized in the Jordan River, both of which I was already planning to do with my own kids. I said, “Yes,” we went, and my kids and I–and the group of 35–were all abundantly blessed. Instead of clamoring crowds, we found ourselves first in line at many of the sites for a variety of reasons. While the travel agency was right to bring up their concerns, I was glad I kept going for that which was in my heart.
One last story:
I met with a group a few months ago who, for the past several years, has sent our ministry some gracious donations each month. This group stepped up a few years ago to help out when things were extremely tight for our ministry, even though our type of ministry was outside the scope of activities they would normally help to fund. I appreciated their help at the time, as it was a compassionate response to a genuine need. With their help and the help of others who have stepped in, our funding has since gotten much stronger. As this group was recently re-evaluating their annual giving, they let me know that since we were in a better position ourselves, they were going to cut back their support in the months ahead, and phase it out completely within a year. I told them I was very thankful for all the help they had given us, and we set up a meeting to talk about the details of their plan for my own budgeting purposes.
Before the meeting, however, I felt like God asked again, “What’s in your heart, Eric?” I was honest with God and said, “I’m very thankful for all the support they’ve given us to date, Father. It’s really helped to get us through a time when things were very tight. But,” I added, “if I were to be fully honest, I would hope that after all this time of partnering together, they would double what they’re sending us each month to help us go further than ever before, rather than scaling back and eventually phasing out their support–even if they could just send us $1 a month, if only for the sake of feeling like they were ‘cheering us on’ in our ministry.”
When I met with the group to discuss the phase-out details, they asked at the end of our conversation how I felt about everything. “For the record,” I said, “my ‘official’ answer is that I’m very thankful for all the help you’ve given us. It’s really made a difference for our ministry over the past several years, and for that I’m truly thankful.”
“And what’s your ‘unofficial’ answer?” one of them asked. “That’s the one we really want to hear.”
“‘Unofficially,'” I said, “my answer is still that I’m very thankful for all you’ve done so far. But after all this time of partnering together, what I would really love is if you could double your monthly giving and keep supporting us for as long as you can.”
They thanked me for my candor and said they would meet and talk and pray some more about it all. A few weeks later, I got a call from the group. Rather than cutting back their monthly donations and phasing them out, they had decided to continue helping with their monthly support–although not at the quite the same level–but at a higher level than their phase-out plan. And furthermore, they had no plans to phase out our support at all, but rather would now consider us one of their ongoing, regularly supported ministries. In a follow-up letter they gave me with all of the details, I was struck by one phrase in particular that said, “We are here to cheer you on…” I had never mentioned that phrase to them at all! But that’s what I was wanting most. It felt like God Himself had given me the answer to that which was deepest on my heart.
Once again, I had taken a risk–in this case of appearing ungrateful and hurting the feelings of people who had become dear friends over the years. But once again, I’m so glad I went for what was in my heart. And in so doing, not only have I been blessed, but thousands of others will benefit from this group’s ongoing generosity. Thank You, Lord, for giving me the courage to go for that which is deepest in my heart!